Have a brownie with NM&NMs in it! Those are a specific variety of M&Ms unique to headquarters made with Bleepolate; chocolate, brain bleach, and aspirin. I know it sounds gross, but it works and it makes badfic hurt less. Here's a wiki link if you don't believe me: http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Bleeprin

Enjoy your stay in the madhouse!

Aside from one of my own shed feathers, have a replica of Rose Quartz's sword and a working Flask Robonoid!

(Or maybe not Pikachu. Probably a Ghost, Poison, Dark, or Steel type instead. I like that vibe they have.)

Hey there! I'm Twistey, an uberchaotic neutral lightly-used-bie who is pretty good most of the time and then occasionally does something unexpected, shocking, and kinda stupid. Yeah... probably shouldn't put that on my introduction to the newbie. But hey, it's a good warning. My fandoms are very many: when it's got good world-building and/or it's a tad bit offensive in a fun way, or when it's completely worthy of mocking or I have something to MST about it, you can bet I'll have made at least one OC for it.

Interesting news you bring about the My Immortal author! Judging by the post she made, she has definitely cleaned up her act, which I applaud. Maybe somebody should take advantage of that Tumblr account she has to send her the sporking we did of My Immortal - she might find it humorous.

As for your newbie gift, hmm, let's see. Here, have several large pieces of naturally sky-blue metal, only found in and around the Wolfenstein 3D fandom. Do whatever you want with them. Make a cool contraption. Make art. Use your imagination! :D

Anyway, nice to meet you! I hope you find us great and have a good time as a Protector of the Plot Continuum!

-Twistey

Since tomorrow's Aidil Adha. Here, have a replica of Buras pretending it's a Lembas. Be warned, it's made of glutinous rice and wrapped in banana leaves though.

Since you have already chocolates, please have some black-hole coffee.

Have a pile of multi-coloured pens.

Here, have some chocolate-on-chocolate cupcakes!

'Allo, fellow newbie! I am the Mighty Sorcerer Thoth. And by mighty I mean... not mighty. At all. But there's an 85% chance I don't worship the Dark Gods. So that's good. Here, take a Bolter and a flask of Fenrisian Ale.

I too enjoy The Dresden Files, although I haven't read any good fanfic in that universe (got any recommendations?). Anyways, go read goodfic (For PPC stuff, I suggest starting with TOS and Tales From DOGA), and be sure to stop by the Discord. Don't worry: We don't bite. Unless you poke us.

Welcome aBoard! Have this plate of freshly-made SPaGhetti!

If you haven't yet read them, may I point you towards the Original Series and the Constitution? They're pretty much the only required reading around these parts. Another useful resource you might use is

*applies the traditional bumper-sticker of newbie greeting*

Welcome to the Board!

Welcome, welcome! You get a history of my dog's past lives. Treasure it, use it wisely, use it as part of a stepladder, whatever. Just don't let it come into contact with badgers. You've been warned.

What exactly am I here? I mean, everyone seems to be assuming I'm human, but... well, we have a fox and a psandwich. Am I an, an Ohgodwhat?

At any rate, a wandering Calliope appears! She offers you a set of roleplaying dice for your Newbie Gift. She also extends a invitation to a party at some point in the future and... that is an interesting color of ink. Oh, gods, what is it even called? You're pretty sure it's either bled or rue. Or some other unholy cousin of urple.

((The dice are whatever color and pattern you want the to be. What are they?))