Subject: "IT'S SAUROMAN!"
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Posted on: 2017-08-08 10:31:00 UTC

My imagination went immediately to a superhero in a dinosaur costume, or being an actual anthropomorphic dinosaur, haunting the mountains until the word world realizes that he is supposed to be Saruman and at Orthanc. I’m not fond of the inflationary spawning of minis at any opportunity, and the mini manifesting at Moria when Gandalf spoke its name at Caradhras is I bit too convenient for my taste. The need to catch the mini (and then watch Sauroman the raptor instead) might have been a reason to follow the fellowship, or to quickly portal there and back again. But then, Dawn and Zeb had more important stuff to do.

The agents trailed after the Fellowship until they came to a stop at a short staircase. The Lady of Light appeared in front of them.
...
"Why did they bring the horse up so many stairs? ... "
What’s going on here? In the book, the fellowship climbed a long staircase to meet Galadriel and Celeborn. Since I don’t remember what was shown in the movie, the fanfic’s short staircase may actually be accurate to movieverse. But then, I don’t know much about horses, and even this might be too many steps. But then, it’s not even clear whether The Lady of Light appeared upstairs or downstairs. (Hey, it’s the Department of Inaccuracies trying to break through; don’t blame me.) Unfortunately, I didn’t take notes of a previous occurrence where Dawn appeared to base a comment on her memory of canon rather than on what had been told in the fanfic, and now I don’t find it again. Anyway, I’m snickering about the canon expert not actually paying attention to the boring fanfic, but I’m not sure whether I’m supposed to. Zeb wondering what "many stairs" Dawn is talking about might have helped to clarify that this is intentional – if it is.

Also, some typos:

The Sue stumbled to her little feet and promptly fell over, tripped by her the giant green dress ...
You need either "her" or "the", but not both.

Zeb hesitated, them gingerly picked her up, unsure if he was supposed to cradle her or hold her at arm’s length.
"them" should be "then".

The child thought about it, leaning her head against Dawn arm and frowning.
"Dawn" should be "Dawn’s".

Overall, this was a fun read. The end of the mission was unexpected but sweet, and I liked Dawn and Zeb’s pre- and post-mission interactions with the Aviator.

HG

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