I have no idea why I messed up the title of the episode. Oops.
I have been sitting on my thoughts about this episode. I feel like I will need to ruminate and process even more to truly wrap my mind around it. It definitely was... Intense. To summarize my thoughts without spoilers, I really enjoyed what I saw, but can't help but feel... Disappointed? No, that's way too strong of a word. More... conflicted about certain plot points, that I'm not sure is fair to be conflicted about. Still, a beautifully animated episode of television that thrilled me from start to finish. If you are at all invested in Steven Universe, I not only recommend it but recommend going in as blindly as you can.
Now, for my thoughts that require a bit more detail, and with it, spoilers.
THIS IS YOUR SPOILER WARNING. SERIOUSLY, IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT THAT YOU JUST WATCH THE EPISODE SPOILER FREE. I DON'T NORMALLY SAY THAT, SO KNOW THAT I'M SERIOUS.
"It's over, isn't it?
Isn't it?
Isn't it over?"
This episode feels like a series finale. In all likelihood, it isn't. There is a movie confirmed for release sometime in the fall, and I think there was confirmation of a sixth season, though I can't find it. Yet, it still feels like a finale, not just to season five, but the show as a whole. The Diamonds are beginning to heal as a family unit, and become more open-minded about those who are different. Steven has finally accepted that he is not Rose Quartz the rebel, nor Pink Diamond the dictator. He is, truly, Steven. Just Seven. We even have the corrupted gems of Earth, the greatest regret of Rose Quartz, finally healed. There are a few open spots in our understanding of the universe, but as far as the story of Steven Universe, the artistic point of the series, every single plotline is closed. Where could we possibly go from here?
I have been stewing on this episode for a while. As much happened throughout that merits discussion, such as the exploration of a broken family through the Diamonds, or the dangers of perfectionism shown through White Diamond, or just how slick the new gem designs are, (My favorite is Lapis. Love the Atlantian, Greco-roman thing she has now) There is one moment that I just can't get past, and have been ruminating on this whole time.
"You won and she chose you,
And she loved you and she's gone."
Pink Diamond is dead. Rose Quartz is dead. The personality that once inhabited the pink diamond gemstone is completely overwritten by that of Steven. In the climax of the episode, White Diamond pulled out the gemstone from Steven's body, demanding Pink Diamond re-form and stop lying about who she is. Yet, when the construct emerges from the diamond, it is not in the shape of Pink Diamond. It is not in the shape of Rose Quartz. Instead, we see Steven. The first shot is a split-screen perspective, showing White Diamond's room from human!Steven's eyes. He is weak and drained. He can't even stand, with all the energy taken from him. He may even be dying. Eventually, from the other side of the screen, which has been blurry and grey for now, is from the eyes of the pink projection from the gemstone. Here, it cannot be more clear. Steven and his gem are two halves of the whole system. If you were to describe him as a fusion, then it is a fusion in the same way the various cells in your body have fused together to make the organism that is you. Yet, just in case the audience had any lingering doubt, White Diamond insists that Pink stops messing around and turn back into her proper form, the way she should look. And what does gem!Steven say in response?
SHE'S GONE!
My mind reeled at this. Throughout the series, we had little hints that Rose was inside the gemstone, sleeping perhaps, protecting Steven subconsciously, but there. Dreams that were more than simple memories, but packed with symbolism and warning. There were moments you could practically hear her voice alongside Steven's as if she spoke, if not through him, then at least alongside him. Like the recursive Pearl's deep within her psyche, I thought that, if Steven were to dig deep enough, he might finally have that long-awaited conversation with his mother. He might, for once, get answers from the source. Perhaps, just share a hug. I never wanted Rose or Pink back for real, not a permanent character or anything, but to simply know that she's there. For the chance at that mother-son heart to heart, I've wanted for so long.
"SHE'S GONE!"
There is no more Pink Diamond. At most, all that's left are fragments of memories. Tiny bits of what once was, but truly is no more. If we are to use a hard drive as a metaphor, the gemstone that stored Pink Diamond the person was reconfigured, wiped clean for the new Steven. There may be lingering pieces of code, but nothing concrete, nothing that you could call a full file. To say I was taken aback is an understatement. In a world with this much magic, with the ability for the dead to walk again, with whole different persons within persons, to have Steven's mother be actually, truly, for real gone, with no possibility of ever re-surfacing... It hit me like a ton of bricks. I staggered back just as White Diamond did.
Thinking more on it, I don't know what I expected. The show has said this much the entire time. "Steven, we can't both exist. I'm going to become half of you. And I need you to know that every moment you love being yourself, that's me, loving you and loving being you. Because you're going to be something extraordinary. You're going to be a human being."
Yet, with all of the little hints of a person inside him, to have all that storytelling potential just gone? I felt robbed. Yet, in a way, isn't that what losing a parent is like? Why death hurts so much? Everybody has further stories they can tell. Everybody has questions that only they can answer. Yet, one day, they will be gone. And there's no amount of meditation, or seances, or wishing, or begging, or pleading that's going to bring them back. You want to go back and talk to them one last time. You try to see the little pieces of them inside their descendants. You want to have just one last moment. One last time to say, "I love you."
But you can't.
She's gone.
Forever.
And you have to learn to deal with that.
I have more thoughts on this episode, and I look forward to discussing them with you all. This is a heavy episode with a lot of meaning crammed into it. I chose to interpret this sequence as the final nail in Pink Diamond's coffin. Others have interpreted this as a metaphor for a trans individual confronting their past and abusive, close-minded family. But for now, that's all I have to say.
If I could begin to be, Half of what you think of me, I could do about anything, I could even learn how to love...