Subject: That's kind of an interesting idea.
Author:
Posted on: 2018-10-29 01:29:00 UTC

One suggestion I have is that you should probably cut down on the Suvian traits for Destiny, since the story doesn't sound like it's a parody, and also, you really shouldn't refer to anything non-PPC as a "Suvian", because it's terminology exclusive to us, and outsiders would either be confused or look it up and discover us. Unless your story is a parody, the types of people who read it won't be limited to the types of people who we want here/who won't yell at us for existing.

Another suggestion: Perhaps you should expand a bit on what genre this is in, so that you either have a justification for Destiny's strange last name or (if it's urban fantasy), you can change the name. Behindthename.com has a joint site with last names in it, so if you want to, you can start there.

Finally: Expand on what a Focus is. Aside from the band. *BEGINS YODELING* :D

-Twistey
(The yodeling was a reference to this song, which I consider my personal theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV0F_XiR48Q)

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