Subject: It was years ago.
Author:
Posted on: 2018-10-23 14:06:00 UTC
Like, seven and a half years. That's almost a quarter of my life. Worse - it's nearly half the life of the PPC so far, and it is half of the time I've been here on the Board (almost precisely, actually!).
... I feel old now.
Or were you talking about the squishy one in the onesie? ;)
hS
Well, I just got back from a weekend at Universal Studios in Orlando, and it's definitely given me a fun idea!
So... imagine that somehow, we have the rights and the resources to build a theme park themed around the PPC universe. What would we put in it, in terms of rides, shops and dining, shows, other attractions, and events?
Currently, I have a ride idea that I've grown rather fond of. It would function rather similar to the Universal ride "Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey", with the riders being moved about on seats attached to the ends of hiddden robotic arms and with much of the needed graphics being a projection that creates the illusion of motion. "Plot" wise, it's based on my recent plan for a self-insert agent in the DoSAT, who mainly prototypes new PPC devices and some personal passion projects, with the premise of the ride being that you have volunteered to test a flying machine she has created. I'm currently working out the plot from there. Also like the Harry Potter ride it's inspired by, some degree of exposition is given by projections of characters while the riders wait in line.
Alright, that's my idea, now what flights of fancy do you guys have to offer?
-Twistey
I think a "Multiversal Tour" ride would be pretty cool. Either as a slowish dark ride, or an outdoor tram ride. And it takes the riders through a series of physical sets built to represent locations and scenes from the PPC's main canons. Say, just as example, maybe Aglarond, a TARDIS interior (possibly flying around during a battle in the Time War?), the Department of Mysteries, [an obligatory something to represent anime/manga/Ghibli films, I don't really follow the genre well enough to say], an off-shore kraken attack on the Black Pearl, something out of Shakespeare (a simple speech, perhaps?), the midst of a firefight out of Halo. The exact contents might vary depending on whether it's an indoor or outdoor ride, but I do want it as actual sets, not just video on a screen.
Also, never mind the food shops, let's talk merchandising! We've got to rip off Disney's pin trading thing. We can have department and division flashpatches, chibi agents, all the minis, OFU crests . . .
Oh, and how about a poster shop themed around Bjam? It could have the sorts of banners she makes in canon, plus classy-looking posters of OFU crests and flashpatches, and maybe group portraits of some of the smaller departments' and divisions' staffs, or group portraits of characters by individual authors.
Oh, and around Halloween, we can do scary mazes! Except play it completely straight: no blood or anything, all the Mary Sues in the maze are portrayed as glittery and bright and friendly, and it's just the behavior of the cast members playing the mind-controlled canons that makes it unsettling . . .
I had more thoughts about this than I realized before I started typing! I'll keep thinking over it . . .
—doctorlit has friends who discuss those Disney pins like they're crack cocaine: "I know a guy who's coming down from Michigan next week, and he's bringing some good stuff!"
Allow me to share a fairly off-topic but tangentially connected story.
I was a kid. I'd just learned about Figment the Dragon, and thought he was pretty cool. I'd somehow gotten a particular pin that, I think, was just his head. It wasn't the one I wanted; I wanted a full-body one. (Unless it was the other way around; I forget.) I just liked the other one better. The adults around me discouraged me from exchanging the one I had because it was rare and more valuable. I did not care about this at all; I just wanted the one I liked better. Finally, at the last possible opportunity, I found someone who was willing and probably happy to trade with me and finally got the thing I wanted. I was not taken advantage of; the person I traded with very kindly made sure to explain things, I knew exactly what I was doing, and I did not care about the monetary value. Nonetheless, everyone was very upset that I'd done it. All the enjoyment was sucked right out of it. {= /
For the record, my family was mostly very supportive of me. This incident sticks out in my memory precisely because of how weird it was. It's not like anybody was a serious collector of Disney pins or anything, either.
Moral of the story: They're just bits of metal and lacquer. They're for fun. Chill out, people.
~Neshomeh
I still have . . . not all, but many of my Beanie Babies. Mostly the ones that are animals I've now worked with in real life. The rest went to . . . my niece, maybe? I don't recall.
And I do have some of those pins, too, but I only buy them when I go to actual Disney parks. That's what makes them special!
—doctorlit will find a Kingdom Hearts pin someday, maybe
but Ix got there first. I definitely like the sound of some of these things, though.
Food: everything delicious from every canon: lembas, Every-Flavour Beans... *stomach rumbles*
...unless our theme park was part of either Universal theme park.
That sounds plausible, given that the long of the premise I came up with behind the theme park was that this was an alternate of World One in which criticism is treated much less like the proverbial haters who are going to hate and more like a necessary part of growing as a writer/artist/person. Then we wouldn't have to be so hidden, and then we'd get famous, and then people would ask for movie rights, and I think I might be fantasizing again, oh no.
-Twistey
The best idea I got is a "Hall of Agents" where all the great agents of the past are honored like Jay and Acacia (natch)... does anyone else have any suggestions?
Maybe it could be incorporated into either a shop/restaurant or the line for a ride, because most theme-park-goers, being the way they are, would skip over it otherwise.
-Twistey
A ride through Rina/Ave's missions, with the steepness of the track at any given moment determined by how much angst and/or drama is found in that mission. The Little Miss Mary drop is the tallest in the country.
(The country is probably New Caledonia, which as far as I can tell doesn't actually have any theme parks. So I'm technically correct, which is the best kind of correct!)
As for shops: in the style of the Build-a-Bear chain, how about Adopt-a-Mini? You look through the catalogue and select one of the many, many types of mini, which is brought to you to stuff and dress as you please. You choose a name for it - which has to be a plausible misspelling from its canon, of course! - and get a lovely adoption certificate (and a voucher for a half-price bacon/fried egg sandwich at the Cafeteria, naturally).
For the kids, I propose one of those rides where individual cars move at a steady low speed around a flat, twisting track, through a landscape of plants, statues, and anamatronics (there's one at Legoland Windsor which is full of Lego dinosaurs). Obviously it would be the story of a mission, perhaps a classic Jay and Acacia tale?
(I hope anyone who still plays Rollercoaster Tycoon or its relatives is paying attention here!)
hS
It would be so popular and people would love it. I would love it. Enough said.
The Aviator rollercoaster seems a bit problematic, since in order to have the tall drop, it couldn't be indoors, but make it an outdoor ride and you're pretty limited in terms of any story you can tell. Any idea how to solve this conundrum?
For the kids... I don't see any kids' section in this theme park, because the subject of bad fanfiction is pretty nuanced and I would hate to kids glomming on to a super-simplified but wholly wrong version of it that they came up with in their little brains. There's a reason we only allow folks 13 and up on the Board. But then again, there could be a Nursery-themed section, with a focus on the PPC as a universe and little to no mention of Mary Sues, let alone killing them. Or we could, purely for the purpose of the park, come up with some "PPC Jr." sub-universe that presents simple, non-aggressive writing advice for children.
-Twistey
Fanfiction sites do for legal reasons, but those reasons don't apply to us. Except when we're doing the Census, because we're collecting information, but even then no one is breathing down our necks to impose a limit. It's just to cover our butts against the wild off-hand chance that there's a problem, which there never has been.
Point being, we've had younger members in the past. Ella Darcy is the one that springs to mind—IIRC, she joined at age 11—but there have probably been others. The only requirement we have is that you can follow the Constitution. If you're under 13 and you can do that, great! You're welcome here.
And that is why we do have language restrictions on the Board.
Also, hS wrote a PPC children's book for his kids. I'll let him share that with you. {= )
~Neshomeh
I still argue for restrictions on who gets exposed to Sue-killing in the theme park, as most kids aren't as mature as Ella Darcy and we also don't want to be accused of brainwashing our kids to doubt themselves and their unique potential to be the special brave individual they truly are~...
Wait a sec, I remember I said earlier that in order for this theme park to even exist, it'd have to be an alternate universe where that mentality is rare, if existent at all. Never mind then! All systems go for "The PPC Story"!
-Twistey
I don't think it's even on my website... should do something about that.
Here is the PDF of Jay and Acacia, my children's book about... well, you can figure out that part. Featuring high-quality CG illustrations! Sorta.
Here is a possibly-delightful video of me reading it to a small child (he would've been less than a year old at that point).
And here is a sincere apology for the grievous error made during the book and video. I think it was prompted by Neshomeh, actually.
Hmm... so if there was to be a second PPC kids' book, who would it be about? Who is child-friendly enough to use?
(Kiiiinda tempted to do a Dafydd & Selene one. So much fire!)
hS
Why do you look so young in that video??? I am Baffled by your cuteness!!! >:|
(Ahem.)
Like, seven and a half years. That's almost a quarter of my life. Worse - it's nearly half the life of the PPC so far, and it is half of the time I've been here on the Board (almost precisely, actually!).
... I feel old now.
Or were you talking about the squishy one in the onesie? ;)
hS
Though I might have been too distracted by the story to pay much attention to the little one. |D
Which I get why people don't post their faces online, but for the ones who do, it's still nice to put a face to a username. :)
-Twistey
*hides face*
I really love the Adopt-A-Mini idea, though! Would special variants also include povs?
Of course, there would be a Rudi's Pub and a Cafeteria for food courts at the theme park...
For another ride, what about the Sue Safari? It'd be like that Men in Black ride where you get into a vehicle and you race past aliens shooting at them, except this time you're taking out Sue targets. Instead of a big red button at the end saying "Do Not Push", you have the option blow up a CAD for a bonus round of points.
Would the Sues shoot back like the aliens do?
(Wait, I had the best idea! The gift shops for the rides themed around a certain department, and only that specific ride, could sell flash patches for that department. Like this one could sell DMS patches and/or shirts with the flash patch already printed on the sleeve. That'd be so cool!)
-Twistey
I was trying to come up with a DOGA ride, but I've just got Dafydd in my head listing off different ways we could play with fire for it, so yeah, no.
hS
Theme parks do do those—Celestina Warbeck performances at Universal, lightsaber demonstrations at Disney, etc. It could be a fire-eating demonstration with lots and lots and lots of pyrotechnics. :P
... a PPC Training Session, with agents from different departments coming in to demonstrate crucial techniques, all leavened with a healthy dose of humour. Some possibilities:
-As you say, DOGA's Agent Dafydd demonstrates the use of a flamethrower. He's supposed to demonstrate the safe use of a flamethrower, but, well... Dafydd.
-A Slasher demonstrates an exorcism, with a bit of smoke-and-mirrors tech to show the wraith.
-An Assassin or two show off hunting a Suvian in a pantomime-style section. "She's behind you!"
-An Untangler attempts to demonstrate use of a portal to return canons to their own worlds... but the canon characters are mischievous and the Remote Activator plays up. I'm seeing glowing blue doors on both sides of the stage, with identically made-up actors popping in and out of them.
-A demonstration from the Department of Redundancy Department gets interrupted by the Repetitive Department of Repetition. A verbal battle ensues, which has to be broken up by a DIA team.
-A DoSAT tech demonstrates some PPC tech. She calls in various other agents to find the Suvian the CAD is detecting in the crowd.
-A hapless FicPsych nurse attempts to teach the audience meditation and calming exercises - while some of the agents from earlier muck about behind her. (I suspect Dafydd.)
-A recurring gag where the OOC Hobbits agents keep thinking its their turn to do a section now, only for someone else to be announced. Because why not pick on DOOCH?
hS