Let's get started.
Ix nipped at her lower lip, smiling. “A beach,” she said. “Somewhere isolated, where it’ll be just the two of us…”
Guess that would be the moment the IO began to ruin their honeymoon.
Ix yelped and fell off the sofa, landing with a whump. She tripped over her skirts as she stood, then hiked them up as she hurried to silence the console. Her face contorted. “We were supposed to get time off, not a mission!”
The Flowers, once again deomnstrating why every single one of them except Captain Dandelion and its Weeds are waste of... Well, everything
“Oh, fun.” Charlotte came to join her at the console, resting a hand on the small of her back. “Guess we’ll be spending our honeymoon in Middle-earth, huh?”
To be fair, it has beautiful cities and beaches. Far less polluted you.
“Guess we should get changed,” Charlotte finally said, looking down at her own gown. “Unless you want to go Sue-slaying in our wedding dresses.”
But I'm sure covering this robes with glittery blood would launch a whole new mode. Try it, please?
“You’re not going to comment on the fox ears or the three tails?” Ix asked dryly.
Signs of burnout, and how much you needed these vacations. And the aroma of carbonized Flowers now.
Three years ago when Evelina had turned sixteen she'd come into her creature inheritance which just so happened to be a Kitsune like her dad. However, unlike her dad she had copper red ears and tail as she had not only gotten her eye colour from her mother but also her hair colour, whereas her dad had black ears and tail to match his hair, though her creature inheritance wasn't the only thing she'd gotten from her dad as she gotten her wide almond shaped eyes, high cheek bones and a dimple in her right cheek when she smiled.
Euuuuh, hate bearking it to you, buuuuut–
“Holy wall of description, Batman,” Ix said, wrinkling her nose. “I’m failing to see how this Evelina Sue is supposed to be a female Harry. She doesn’t really resemble him… at all.”
Yeah, this. Thanks Ix.
Ix’s ears went pink and she smiled. “You were much more beautiful,” she said, nuzzling Charlotte’s neck. “But then again, you always look beautiful.”
I think your wife might have a different opinion. Just a random wild crazy shot in the dark.
She wasn't the only one to have come into a creature inheritance. Luna did too. She was an elf like her mother but because her dad was only a human she's only half elf whilst the rest of her genetic makeup was half human.
Uh uh. Sure you don't want to explain the word unique while you're at it? I mean, you're clearly taking the Ready Player One school of 'explaining to poor dumb little readers everything', so run with it all the way.
“Damn, and here I left my creaturefic Bingo cards at home,” Charlotte sighed.
Wait, you're telling me I'm messing a BadBingo Card for my collection? Where can I find one?
“Honestly, I can’t really look at fics that involve mates the same way anymore,” she said. “It just…” She wrapped her arms around herself. “Uncomfortable.”
I recommend shooting the groins of the glitterbags impplied in the mess. Highly therapeuthic.
“Hecate?” Ix sputtered. “Ritual chanting? Hecate? Did this become a Percy Jackson crossover when I wasn’t looking?”
"Are you [BLEEEP]ing me? Just how inept about the use of mag–"
Marina is ecstatic.
Charlotte opened her mouth to answer, but a pure silver light engulfed the Sue, Neville, and Luna—and both agents.
It better not be doing anything 'funny' to Ix's ability to use magic.
[Elroy. Male elf Elf Elf elf elf. Elf. Male elf. Noncanon. Bit character.]
No mention of borderli– blatant plagiat? That thing is broken.
[Larien (“Mile girl”, “ear girl”, “fat girl”, “flat girl”). Female elf. Noncanon. Bit character.]
Okay, maybe not.
“At least we know her name could… potentially work?” Ix said faintly. “Though I doubt ‘mile girl’ or ‘fat girl’...”
Eh, don't throw away the second one so fast. With all these kings getting nicknamed 'The Fat', no one can really tell...
“I’m sorry, did she just say Valinor?” Charlotte sputtered.
Joy, that's Uber-Kewl Land, the nicest but most boring place of Arda, where you can heroically flee and ignore everything happening in Midle Earth. Still might make for a quiet honeymoon location, though.
“Happily ever after,” Ix murmured, kissing her.
Offering black-hole coffee to everyone having a sugar overload from this adorably cute exchange.
Charlotte sighed and rolled her eyes. “Of course he is,” she muttered. “Because why not?” She held up her remote. “It’s a two month time skip ahead… unless you want to spend our honeymoon in Valinor for two months?”
Nice but boring, and you're missing out on most of the places known in the Lord Of The Rings. Not really recommended. (And very begrudgingly giving smallest possible duck to the Suethor for acutally thinking about the language thing. that's more than many, many do. Only make the rest worst when you can bebothered to make even that small effort though.)
“Oh, one arrow, that will come in handy, I’m sure,” Ix said sarcastically, and Charlotte grinned.
Pfft, real Archers don't need any. Only the ability to copy blades of legends and turn them into arrows. Or gunfire.
Ix shrugged. “Wouldn’t be the first time,” she said. “The real question, though—why do they still need their wands if they can do wandless magic? Sentiment? I mean, I’d keep mine, but… probably somewhere safer than my arm.”
Eh, if they offer a place to blow them up, never complain.
“I mean… it’s not exactly English wizardry, but African wizards never use wands,” she said. “I, er.” Her ears pinked slightly. “I might have picked up some of Uagadou’s course books to look at. It’s quite fascinating.”
"What? Your magic wasn't broken enough? That's–"
Marina is very happy for all Potterverse magicians.
Ix held up her hands for Charlotte to see. There, rising up from her palms, so faint as to be almost imperceptible, was a wisp of smoke. “It’s no handful of fire, that’s for sure,” she said in embarrassment. “It’s taken me nearly a month to get this far.”
"Finally some acknowledgemnt magic is long hard work!"
((Smelling some Eau de Chekov here...))
“Screw the mission,” Charlotte said. “It’s interfering with our bloody honeymoon. Which we got approved time off for,” she added sourly.
Pretty sure you'd prefer screwing your companion.
“This just in,” Charlotte whispered as she and Ix crouched behind a clump of bushes, “Bree is now Mordor.”
“I’ll say,” Ix said, looking up at the gates with trepidation before glancing around. “Where’s our Sue gotten off to?”
Probably that weird game with Aragorn as protagonist with a name I can't remember, where Bree is infested with bandits wanting to kill hobbits... Still better than the adventures of Gerald the Half-Nazgûl in Mordor...
“I can taste the urple,” Ix said as the narration launched into a description of just how handsome Aragorn was. “And… he’s Sue Imprint Number One, isn’t he?”
I have more black-hole coffee, a shame it's for therapeuthic use this time.
(She wasn’t wrong, either.)
Euh, Fourth Wall intervention, or not? Also, you're married now, with a whole romance leading to it, Ix. Random wild crazy shot in the dark, but I think she finds you beautiful.
"My name is Neville Frank Longbottom, only son of Lord Frank and Lady Alice Longbottom, and this is my sister in all but blood; Evelina Wynter Lillian Potter-Black, only daughter of Lord James and Lady Lily Potter and adopted daughter of Lord Sirius Black who resides in Rohan."
Wait, they have Sirius in Rohan? How?
“That’s a lot to unpack,” Ix said after a moment of staring. “So… we’ve got something scarily similar to ABO fics with the dominant/submissive mates. Then, you know, mates in general. And did she just get called more powerful than the bloody Maiar?”
Can't be outdone by a mere semi-divine being after all... The Sar-plasm is up to anybody wanting it.
“Who else do you want to bet she has picked out for mates?” Charlotte said. “Legolas and Boromir?”
Naaah, she can't be that shallow and vapid and everything... What? I wanted to make sure everyone could get their share of Sar-plasm.
“One does not simply walk into Bree,” Ix quipped as they made their way deeper into the village. Once they found the Prancing Pony, they pushed the door open, looking around.
Well, if you've got a siege engine or a spy opening the gates, you can... Oh right, not Divide and Conquer...
“Lottie, you barely remember the Victorian period,” Ix said, threading through the patrons.
“And I’m very glad for that, too.”
Pretty surre getting to be old enough to think 'good old times' without remembering the bad stuff actually happening back then is cheating...
“Yes, when you kissed her!”
More points for Direct Approach! Take notes people... And remember to properly build it up first. Or you're a creep.
“It’s easier if you chop instead of stab,” she said, and Charlotte nodded, readjusting her grip on the hilt.
But, but, recreating the scene! How could let you base pragmatism ruin that possibility?
Ix tugged the straps a little tighter over her shoulders and smiled. “You did suggest we head off to Pern as soon as we were finished,” she said. She held out a hand.
Smart thing to do.
“Thanks, Livvy.” Charlotte took Ix’s hand, and Ix tugged her closer. “What do you say, hon? Shall we get out of here?”
She squealed when Ix opened a portal and swept her off her feet into a bridal carry.
“Let’s get out of here,” Ix whispered.
Just avoid the spots where weird threads fall from the sky...
Please don't interrupt that honeymoon again, Iximaz. No matter how good the mission will be.
(Getting the feeling it will be soon time to bid farewell to Three. Shame, I liked her.)