Subject: Derwin stood between Alleb, Gurgan, and the other agents.
Author:
Posted on: 2015-09-02 23:36:00 UTC
"Okay! I'm going to play mediator!...later on, I might play trains. Anyway, the important thing is helping #*@(!ing Asshat Moron here, at least that's what Gurgan says his name is, to the medical area. Right?"
"Meesa have no idea. One minute, Meesa sleeping in RC with meesa special straight razor beneath meesa pillow, then there bein' a loud "THUMP," then meesa be wakin' up with frog feat'res." He sighed. "And meesa find meesa talkin' like total #@!*!". Again with the not-quite-right cursing.
He found himself stepping in time with Mia, a forced habit with his old days in the army. "Meesa glad meesa not turning into chicken, though. Meesa hate dat."
"So yousa not...normally liken' dis, meesa s'spect?" He jerks his head at the other agents' appearance.
"We swapped," she said by way of explanation.
The two trailed after Mia and Gurgan. While the splint certainly helped matters with Day, Sax was still feeling dizzy and everything was still out of focus.
"I saw that movie, once," Sax said.
then Day and Sax's. She hadn't realized that they had swapped bodies; she had no idea who her mind was currently inhabiting, and she had assumed that they didn't either. She noticed the ex-ghoul stepping in time with her, which was... annoying, to say the least. She changed the rhythm of her gait and shot a question back to the other two. "Have any idea what caused it?"
"Why, yes! Meesa know entirely who did it! Dat's why meesa totally beatin' heem to deat' with hees own shinbone 'stead of sittin' here with yousa." He shook his head. "TINK before yousa be speekin', smoot'skin."
"Weeell, it may have been to do with us."
"Stairs happened," Sax said, cutting Day off before she could elaborate.
Even the possibility of knowing what had happened seemed unimportant in the rush of anger-driven, slightly glittery adrenaline that flooded her body. No one insulted her intelligence like that.
"Do you want to make that remark again, ghoul?" she growled.
"Sure. Think before yousa speak. Anyway, yousa ego aside, and much as Meesa would be lovin' to see you t'row a tantrum, we...wait, hold on a meeniute." He looked over at the others behind him.
"Yousa got two seconds to explain before meesa start to beat sev'n kind of sheet out of yousa." he growled. "Meesa a fookin' FROG. Meesa want to hit something."
Day cut in, this time. "We're in Improbabilities. We got a fic with a bodyswitch device in it. There was a sequel. We brought the thingy back. And then stairs happened on the way to DoSAT."
"Please don't kill us," she added, a second after.
...between smacking the younger agents upside the head with her hand, and smacking Gurgan upside the head with her monkey wrench.
"I wasn't talking to you in the first place, Fish Face," she said, glaring at the former ghoul. "It was very clear to me that you didn't know what had happened; you don't possess the requisite brain cells. I was asking them what happened."
Her eyes suddenly went very wide, and then she spun around, grabbing Day by the shoulders. "Are you telling me that the device is just sitting around in a hallway!?" she yelped.
"Sure yousa weren't," he snorted. "That bein' so not attempt to save'a face." He paused as what the other agents said finally sunk in. "Wait...WHAT?!" he yelped.
"...YOUSA BEIN' #*@((!@*#*%% MORONS! YOUSA BEIN' FULL OF POODOO! MESA DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT POODOO IS BUT YOUSA BEIN' FULL OF IT!" He began to advance on the hapless pair, murder in his froggy eyes. "Mesa gonna rearrange yousa faces!"
Day stared in disbelief as the current-gungan came towards them. She had Sax's dagger strapped to her leg, but using it on a fellow agent even in self defense seemed like an amazingly bad idea. "Hey, Sax? How well are you feeling right now?"
"Still like crap."
"Okay, just checking. RUN!"
Despite being injured and unwell, the two bolted, away from Gurgan.
...dashing after the two younger agents. It took every ounce of self-control she possessed to keep from whacking Gurgan in the head as she passed. "Everything that's happened today, and now this?" she screamed. The IO was having fun with her today!
to trip. "Don't blame mesa! It's THEYSA fault mesa like this! Mesa gonna..."
He paused, and took a deep breathe, realizing that this was getting him nowhere. "MESA GONNA BEAT SEVEN KINDS OF HELL OUT OF THEM IF IT THE LAST THING MESA DO!"
And he would have continued to chase them, had a perky-looking Borg Woman not chosen that moment to enter the scene and give off a cheerful "Hi, Boss!" to the angry Gungan and began running alongside him. "Who are we chasing?"
Gurgan screeched to a halt. "...Derwin?" he gawked. "Yousa...the #*@(!?!"
It was not very long before Sax stopped, and braced along one of the walls for support. Everything was, besides the blurred vision, swimming.
Day only noticed further down the corridor, before she loped back. If nothing else, being temporarily tall had its perks. "Sax?"
"'m really not feeling well."
Gurgan had fallen behind, but there were Sax and Day; he was leaning against the wall, in her body, and she looked concerned, in his body.
Mia leaned over and put her hands on her knees, breathing deeply. "Are you... telling me..." she gasped as she caught her breathe. "That you... two... caused... this?"
She glared at them, and for the barest of moments she wished she had her Suepahpowahs back.
"Hi! Gurgan tells me you're the ones who screwed everything up!" Derwin said to the agent leaning against the wall. "...Why'd you do that? That was dumb."
Gurgan facepalmed, then looked concerned. "Mesa was gonna beat seven kinds of shit out of you, but mesa...yousa okay?" He asked, genuinely concerned. "Yousa want meesa to get-de doctor or medic? Mesa assume at leaste few people are't body-switched."
Day said, exasperatedly. "But yeah, it was kind of our fault. My fault, to be honest. I ran into Sax when we were going down one of those crazy long stairwells, to DoSAT, and we both crashed pretty bad. I have no idea where the body switching machine went."
"And you didn't go back for it!? What sort of agents are you? That machine could switch us all back, and you didn't even try to find it!"
"Okay! I'm going to play mediator!...later on, I might play trains. Anyway, the important thing is helping #*@(!ing Asshat Moron here, at least that's what Gurgan says his name is, to the medical area. Right?"
"I didn't look because I was suddenly in another body with a broken arm and my partner was unconscious," Day said, hotly. "I had no idea it affected other people until you showed up! Or are you saying you'd abandon your partner on a wild goose chase?"
...if it meant fixing this problem!"
Mia growled to herself, shaking her head. She marched past Gurgan, the "mediator," and the two greenies. "I'm going to find the machine," she said. "If you think you can contribute anything at all, please, by all means, come along!"
For the Gungan had indeed gone very still. Upon hearing Mia state that, he slowly rubbed his hand down his chin and looked her up and down, then snorted and rolled his eyes again. "Yousa unfeelin' bibitch, huh?" He said to her as he went over to Sax and offered his shoulder. "If Mesa didn't know better, Mesa would be thinki' yousa bein' "Botch Job."
Derwin looked from Mia to Gurgan. "'Botch Job' is what the boss calls quote-unquote 'Reformed Sues,'" the Ghoul in a borg body supplied helpfully. "He doesn't like them and thinks they are awful."
"Anyway, boss...um, do you have any pills with you? Just a quick question. Because I'm starting to see purple elephants! Happy purple elephants going up and down the daisy chain to gumball land!" Derwin said happily, before starting to twirl in place. He slapped himself in the face with a metal hand. "OW!...Well, that helped, sort of...Think I'll skip along with you, talking garbage truck!" he said to Mia. "
Apparently, he was starting to feel stressed due to all the "Unfriendly Atmospheres" in the area! Derwin was going to CuckooVille! OH TEH NOES!
With a precise, surgical motion, she turned on her heel and stared into the ex-ghoul's eyes. Her own twitched a little. She waited until Derwin finished the crazy spiel, and then growled, "If you knew a little better about anything, you'd realize a few things about being a 'Botch Job.' I was seven when I was recruited. Do you have the guts to kill a seven-year-old, when it looks up at you and begs for safety? My fic was horrid; it said barely anything about me before it embedded a piece of jewelry in my head. Do you realize how hard it is to grow up with an empty gap where your formative years should be? All I know about my childhood was that I was afraid of monsters!"
Mia paused, her breaths labored. The corner of her mouth turned up in a sickening smile as she said, "Funny. I was afraid of monsters, and now I am one."
"Then prove mesa wrong and grab a shoulder, dumbass!" he snarled at Mia. "Mesa can makee "Sues Suck" spiel later, but mesa have rookie who need bighelp now. So shut yousa mouth and help me."
Derwin, meanwhile, was having an animated conversation with a nearby wall. "But of course, Mr. Picklecheese, I would he HAPPY to accept the charges...how IS your wife?"
He was looking thoroughly unconvincing however, leaving against the wall like he was. "Soon as everything comed back into focus and stops spinning I'll be greeeaaat."
Part of her wanted to punch Gurgan in the nose, and another part just wanted to bolt. But there was a much smaller, third part that truly, desperately wanted to prove him wrong.
For a moment, she wavered. The angry part grew steadily, to such an extent that she took a step towards Gurgan.
Then she started listening to Derwin. "But of course, Mr. Picklecheese, I would he HAPPY to accept the charges...how IS your wife?"
Mia looked at the borg, blinking. Her anger dissipated; it was very, very hard to keep while listening to someone call a wall "Mr. Picklecheese."
She looked at Sax, still braced against the wall, and Day, with her broken arm. Mia sighed heavily, walked over to Sax, and took his arm. "I'm still going to find that machine," she said. "And after that, if I ever see you again, Gurgan, I'll break your face."
"Yousa got mesa all shakey. Now shut up and help me take him to de medical ward, okey-day?" He looked over his shoulder to his partner. "You gonna be okay, Derwin?"
Derwin gave a thumbs-up. "Sure thing, Boss! Mr. PIcklecheese and I are going to go find the Pig Candy and maybe eat some Rainbow Sandwiches while dancing on the head of the Waffle Tower!"
Gurgan nodded. "Super."
"You know, I've never been picked up by a girl before." He paused. "You are normally a girl, right?"
Day groaned. "Let's get you fixed before you embarrass me. It's bad enough you do it normally, you don't need to do it in my body." She looked at Gurgan and Mia. "Thanks. We really owe you one."
She nodded at the usually-girl-now-boy and readjusted her grip on the usually-boy-now-girl. This was getting confusing...
"Shall we head to Medical?" she asked.
"Yus. De sooner we get yousa - " he addressed Sax - "To medical, de sooner wesa can be fixin' yousa screwup."
Derwin nodded, even though to him he was currently in a room full of giant british seagulls. "Indeed! Commodore feathertail heartily agrees!...By the way, Garson (sic)," he addressed Miah, "He told me to tell you that the Fishhead Chiblits were to die for."