Subject: "Zeb and I just fell through plotholes."
Author:
Posted on: 2015-04-20 00:23:00 UTC
"Albeit under... different circumstances." Rina offered a cookie to the newcomer. "Look, maybe we can help you understand what's happening if you tell us where you're from."
Zeb, in his human form, helped Rina to spread a slightly moth-eaten blanket on the ground and they sat down, Rina pulling a bunch of napkin-wrapped foodstuffs from her pockets and laying them on the ground.
"So this is a 'picnic', huh?" Zeb asked, sitting down and grabbing a Generic Chicken Leg. "Interesting."
Rina shrugged. "The weather was nice, so I figured, why not?" She looked around and grabbed a hairband from her pocket, tying back her long red hair so it wouldn't drag on the ground and pick up dirt. "Of course, we probably won't be alone for long, with the sun actually being out."
"That's fine by me," Zeb mumbled around a mouthful of meat. "I like meeting new agents."
((... that I've been a rather impolite and irritating roleplayer. With that knowledge, I think I'm going to step away from this RP. You can just say that Gabby and Chakkik left or something; I don't want to do something if I just get on people's nerves.
I'm out. Peace!))
Said Solvig as she entered the courtyard, looking up, her eyes closed and arms outstretched. She was followed by a woman with short blonde hair and green eyes.
The woman sniffed the air and uncomfortably looked at The Notary and Rina. "Yes it is," she said with a Swedish accent, not really paying attention to Solvig, then focusedher gaze on Rina, "Hmm... Interesting..." she muttered. Turning to Solvig said, "Solvig, youn think you will be fine a..." Her voice trailed off whe she realized that Solvig, still standing with her arms outstretched under the sunlight, didn't hear or care what she said.
Darkotas leapt off his bench, still holding his clipboard and flipping to a new piece of paper. He approached the two women with a smile on his face.
"I'm Darkotas, Mage of Azeroth and prospective journalist here for the Multiverse Monitor. I thought I'd come here for some inspiration - would you mind if I asked a few questions about being in the PPC?" he asked with his free hand running through his blondish brown hair. "I understand if either of you are busy or wouldn't feel comfortable... don't worry, this won't be published."
So, the blonde chimed in. "Sorry, do not mind the girl. She has not felt sunlight for over ten years, she will probably be like that for a while. But I am free, I can answer your questions." She sighed and uncomfortably looked around. "It is a shame that it will not get published though, I was quite eager to know how that jävla tabloid would have twisted my words." She made a sheepish-looking smile.
((Sorry I took so long, I was quite sleepy.))
((Hey, no problem! Not in any hurry here. :) ))
The young man beamed when he heard the positive answer, and he flipped to a new page in his notepad. "Alright, so let's get started with...uh..."
His smile faltered, and he suddenly looked quite sheepish. "Actually, I've never gotten this far in the interview process." he admitted in a quiet voice. After a moment, he spoke once more. "Okay. I suppose I should start with the basics. So, what is your name, and what division do you work in?"
"Hmm... My name..." She mused, then spoke mostly to herself, "Well I have been known by many names, in fact, I have forgotten my original name. Probably should say my currently used name for work, yes, it should be." She turned to the mage. "I am called Nurse Corinna Chan, and I work for the Department of Fictional Psychology, Paidopsychiatry Division. Meaning that I am the one who works with the children in The Nursery." Points to a Gardevoir and a female Pikachu arguing in Poké-speak near the entrance to the courtyard. "And they are my companions that help me in that endeavor."
((I think I should take this out of the way right now: The idea I use here, is one of the options for the backstory of this character, and in this option, this is a composite character of many of my RPG characters that are all technically the same, and she strongly smells like the Time Vortex...)
"A pleasure to meet you, Ms. Chan." He smiled before continuing on. "So, you work with children? Sounds like quite a noble endeavor, especially with all the chaos that seems to be everywhere nowadays. Do you have any inspiring stories or favorite moments within your work that you would like to share?" Darkotas' curious nature was difficult to hide at this point - he never ceased to be fascinated by the types of people he would meet.
"'Inspiring', heh? Are you new here?" She chuckled darkly. " As söt it is to see a child smile when patting a Pikachu, or watching this girl,"--points at Solvig--"coming to grips that she can not go back home again, all goes to skit when you see or remember scenes like this." She gestures to the unfolding scene in the other part of the courtyard. "You see, the kids idolize this 'Agents', specially the 'Assassins' from The Department of Mary Sues, they want to emulate them and become like them when they grow up, is just..." She sighed again. "It... it... just breaks my hearts that those children are in the path to become insane psychopaths, like... like..." She closed her eyes and refused to complete that sentence, wading deep inside her memories.
Darkotas took a moment to write down a few words; they were more for his benefit than anything else, as he made a note to follow up on this angle when he had the chance.
"Perhaps... some different questions would be in order." He looked up from his notepad and smiled a bit, though this one was slightly less enthusiastic. "Okay, in the spirit of openness, would you have any questions for me as well? I apologize if I've hit a raw topic; that was not my intent."
"I'm not going, human. You can't make me go. It would be literally impossible to make me go."
"Okay! Say, this tablet's not got any of your work on it-"
"I'M COMING I'M COMING DON'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR THAT!"
---
"I don't like it," grumped the Notary as Wobbles inhaled another quiche.
"Aw, you don't like anything. Or anyone. Have a Generic Sammich."
"... Is that a sandwich?"
"You know? I'm genuinely not sure. Heh, wouldn't that be great? Mini-Sandwiches running around all over the place. What would they even be? Oooh, something nasty, like, uh... mini-Marmite Sandwiches! That makes sense!"
"How?"
Her nostrils flared when Wobbkes and the Notary entered the courtyard, and her face whitened. There was no mistaking that scent.
A moment later, her gaze fell on the other Time Lord.
She wanted desperately to run and hide, but if she did that, she'd look weak. She gritted her teeth and refused to let her gaze fall, furiously trying to suppress a wave of fear.
The Notary dragged herself to her feet to fetch some more Generic Party Food and share out the contents of Wobbles's ghastly hamper. The thing was huge and stuffed to the gunwales with actual party food, all of it so utterly anathema to the Time Lord's sensibilities that she was hesitant to even touch the container, in case she got dirty. In any event, she thought about the other thing her partner had said involving her computer setup and a clog dance when the scent of fear filled her lungs - and Time Lord fear at that.
"Dives," she said, her tone shooting for gracious and ending up in the familiar waters of condescension.
She tried to hold the Notary's stare, but after barely a second, she looked away, knuckles whitening. It was a small mercy Wobbles was there as well, but she didn't know how much the clown would be able to help.
"I was misinformed. I assumed, wrongly, that you had been in your Time Lord form considerably longer than you had. I treated you in a manner unbecoming, and I am... I am ashamed to have done so. Any and all paperwork you require for the Duty, you may consider filled in. They trust me to do so, and perhaps one day I shall find out why."
She gave a curt nod Zeb's way. "Electrical furry thing."
"A manner unbecoming?" Zeb said angrily, brushing off Rina's pinching fingers when she tried to get him to stop talking. "You abandoned her in a stairwell! She still has nightmares about that, do you realize—?!"
"Zeb, shut up!" Rina moaned, grabbing at his arm. "Please just shut up!"
((Also, the Notary makes it a point of principle to know who as many people are, just so she doesn't screw up future plans by holding a grudge against the wrong overgrown ape/lizard/whatever))
---
"It is by no means the worst thing I have done in my life, but it was needless. I know that I cannot do much to help, but what I can do, I will."
Rina didn't know what the Notary was up to, but she was getting nervous. Well, more nervous. "You didn't seem all that fussed before."
"I was introduced to the error of my ways in rather an... in-depth manner."
---
"NO, YOU HEATHEN PRIMITIVE! NOT THE PROJECTED EXPERIMENTAL MATERIALS REQUISITION DATA!"
---
The Notary tried to repress a shudder and failed miserably.
The shudder didn't escape either agent's notice.
"You can leave now," Zeb said cooly. "Rina and I were having a lovely time until you came along."
((Yerp. He's pissed.))
"And yet, here I am, like a bad penny. The clown brought a hamper full of things I believe must technically be considered food. Dives, have some if you want, but you'll be able to taste every single artificial ingredient so I wouldn't recommend it. Zap beast... fill your boots."
Rina shot a dark look at the basket. "Knowing you, you probably poisoned it."
The Notary turned away from the irritatingly chirpy midget and began to glide off. Before she did, though, she spoke. "Whether I would do it is completely irrelevant anyway. My partner would not."
She shuddered when the Nitary finally started to move away. "Zeb," she whispered, "please, if we're ever unlucky enough to run into her again, don't provoke her."
Zeb looked like he was about to argue, but he reluctantly nodded. "I'll just have to think if something else, then," he muttered.
As the mini-Notary dived into Zeb's backpack and tried to refile all the pages in his copy of Eragon by number of vowels.
And bounced up to her, almost as cheerful as Wobbles. "Hi there! I'm Gabby the hobgoblin. Have I mentioned you look really, really great in those robes?"
((Yeah... figure I may as well mention this now.
Gabby is pansexual. So long as you're human-shaped, odds are good she'll find you attractive, regardless of physical sex or gender identity.
And yes, I'm researching pansexuality to better write this. It helps that my IRL best friend is pan.))
"Presumably on the basis that you are not a liar. Find Agent Luxury, if you're sufficiently desperate. I believe the two of you will get along just famously."
---
((Quick tip from someone who's also pan. Pansexual =/= Anything That Moves. Just because you're pan does not mean you're prevented from being discerning, and word of the Notary clearly gets around. I doubt she'd do this, but hey, I might be wrong. It is, as they say, your party. =] ))
"This is actually the first time Chak and I have been out of the RC since we started working here. Anyway, I didn't catch your name. You probably caught mine, though! I'm in the DMS. Just got back from torching a replacement of Smaug."
((I know that pansexual≠AnThMv. I actually have in mind that if she sees Legolas on a mission, she'll decide that he's not her type. That may happen for other canon characters as well, we'll see when we get there.))
The Notary's voice was about as sincere as a vow of fidelity from Casanova. "If you want to find Luxury, just listen for the creak of bedsprings. I suggest you seek her out. Via leaving. Presently."
((If I were ever to do a cowrite with you, it seems that Gabby and Chakkik would get along with the Notary and Wobbles much, much better than Valon and Kala would. Gabby just completely ignores insults, and Chakkik is very good at remaining calm.
Considering that Kala tried to kill the Notary the last time they met, this is presumably for the best.))
If the Notary were to turn, she'd see shimmering, and Chakkik returning to his standard form.
*my partner may not have heard of luxury, but i have. i would rather the two never meet. my partner may be an unintelligent irritant, but i kindly request that you not encourage this course of action. i would sooner give up my magic than enter a mission alone because agent luxury would not release my partner.
The Notary turned a sneer on Chakkik. "Though one does rather wonder what precisely you're doing here. Is hanging around your partner just a way you like to spend the time, or is there a more sordid element to proceedings?" She gave him a more detailed inspection. "I dread to think."
---
((We basically don't interact outside of Showdown and I'm not exactly eager to work with your agents. Either set. You're also on the record as genuinely despising the Notary, so why you want to write for her totally eludes me. Do you just want more people to tell you that you're smart and your agents are lovely characters or something?))
((I tend to just say what's on my mind. Forget I said anything, because my ideas tend to be bad. Derp a durr, I am Voyd and I say contradictory things.))
*you are mistaken, human. i have no interest in the reproduction of mammals, nor does my partner have any interest in myself. i also possess no knowledge of mammalian reproduction, despite my partner's best efforts.* Chakkik turned his attention to Wobbles. *is this your partner, circus performer? is she this hostile at all times, or have her daily proceedings not worked to her benefit?*
((I wonder how insulted the Notary is by the fact that Chakkik called her a human. He doesn't know what Time Lords are, by the way.))
"Huh? Wait, where am I... oh! Hey, mister buggly-person! Uh, can you teleport people? Because I was over there experimenting on mini-sandwiches and, uh... uh-oh... oh dear. I think BP&J just got loose. Bad mini! Don't eat yourself, you'll go blind." Wobbles tore off back in the direction of her and the Notary's picnic spot. She then tore back, gave Chakkik a quick one-armed thankyou hug around the neck (it would have been longer, but she had to jump), and tore off again.
The Notary considered adding a few more barbs, but as she looked at the swarm of shiny wasps billowing from the overgrown Zarbi's translation collar, she decided to go with simply walking away.
Chakkik suddenly found himself without a voice. He frantically tried to work with his translation collar, but obviously it wasn't helping.
"Kr-r-r-r-r! Crrrkkchk!"
He started rapidly clawing at the ground; when the flailing scythe-arms stopped, there were jagged letters carved into it.
WHAT DID THAT CLOWN DO TO MY COLLAR
((Yup, without the collar, Chakkik can't speak at all.))
The Notary called over her shoulder, slightly smug. "Look it up."
The panicking Mantis Ant stopped chattering for a moment when his partner spoke. Gabby was holding an extra translation collar.
"I just figured, if we were on a Mana mission or something, and your collar got busted, having more than one of these would be useful."
Chakkik tore the broken collar from his neck. He knelt in front of Gabby, who put the new one on (Chakkik lacks opposable thumbs, after all).
*i cannot thank you enough, gabby. i did not expect you to possess this level of foresight.*
((Hey, Voyd, if you want to meet everyone in Writing this afternoon at 4, we could wrap up the tournament today.))
((Do I win anything?))
((But AHHH this is exciting! School, y u no end faster?))
A woman with close cropped brown hair walks into the courtyard. A look of confusion clearly on her face. She still had not quite figured out how she had gotten here, or where here even was. The first sight that became clear to her was two people speaking; the first people she had seen since arriving in this unusual place. This was the first time she had actually seen anyone since being here.
She approached the two cautiously, uncertain who was friend or foe, but she needed answers and one way or the other she was going to get them.
"Excuse me," she said, grateful for meticulous preparation. "Can you tell me where exactly I am?". Her standard kit contained a small sonic imprint sensor, useful for on the fly translations. She never left for an operation without it.
((A proper introduction of my agent, pending permission, Cipher-7))
Rina smiled sympathetically at the young woman. "You probably fell through a plothole. Um, you might want to sit down, it's a pretty long story about this pl—"
Zeb swallowed and grinned. "You're in the Protectors of the Plot Continuum Headquarters and we kill bad fanfiction," he said. "Since you asked, I guess you're new?"
For the time being the woman would prefer to stand, at least until she knew more about what exactly was going on. The rigidity of her stance was at least something familiar. It would also allow her to react better if needed.
She looked at the man speaking. "New? Well," she starts, "I suppose that depends on what exactly you mean by new. I have been at my job for about 10 Standard Years. And I have been alive for nearly another 20."
Looking back at the woman, she says, "I think I would prefer a slightly more thorough explanation if you do not mind." She looks back at the man, "Your associate has still left me with a few questions. Like where here actually is. Your planetary skyline is different from where I was."
...pulling up beside the woman. "Technically, you're literally in the middle of nowhere. The Courtyard is this weird dimensional bubble that doesn't belong to any Word World per se. It's not quite a Reality Room either so that makes classification a bit wonky."
"But yeah. This is the PPC," added Buck from beside Meryem. "You're new here, right? Ask us anything-- we can help."
"What planet are we on?" This was clearly not Coruscant.
Chakkik addressed the newcomer. "MY WORLD WAS TECHNICALLY DESTROYED BY A CATASTROPHIC GLITCH ON A SECRET OF MANA GAME CARTRIDGE. ONLY A HIGHLY FORTUITOUS PLOTHOLE FACILITATED MY SURVIVAL."
Buck flattened his ears on his head. "Go easy on the Hyper Voice. You're gonna make our eardrums bleed..."
Meryem rubbed her ears through her hijab and addressed the newcomer: "Oh, so you're a video game refugee? I can't say I've played Secret of Mana before but I'm always up for something new. You're in... DMS, right?" she asked, spotting the potted cactus flash patch. "How are you finding the PPC so far? Any troubles?"
"MAYBE... THIS CAn... that is perfect."
Chakkik addressed Meryem. "i have found little difficulty thus far. i flatter myself that i am rather intelligent, and my partner is far, far stronger than you would believe. i witnessed the glory of a dragon on my most recent mission."
"Was it an easy takedown or did it get messy? And--" Meryem froze. "And you don't really want to turn around right now because the lady behind you pulled a blaster on you. Looks like your partner is doing a good job distracting her, though... Buck, can you creep around and get ready to bite that thing out of her hand if this gets rough?"
"Sure can," said the Skiddo as he slowly moved into position.
"Albeit under... different circumstances." Rina offered a cookie to the newcomer. "Look, maybe we can help you understand what's happening if you tell us where you're from."
The creature seemed to be sentient at the least. There seemed to be even a degree of rationality to it. She was still not going to trust it. She turned down the food, she was not hungry at the time.
She thought about the woman's question carefully. For all she knew this was an elaborate Republic Trick. She slide into one of her covers. "I am a Corellian by birth, but I spend most of my time on Nar Shaddaa or aboard my ship." She began to relax her demeanor a bit.
Chakkik addressed the newcomer. "i have heard that name in passing somewhere. does your home universe feature an order of magical peacekeepers with swords made of light? as an added note, my name is chakkik and i am a mantis ant.
Bria, assumed the one called Chakkik meant the Jedi. She scoffed at the thought. "Peacekeepers? If you mean warriors using their abilities to wage a galaxy wide war, then yes." When she had left her home the Jedi were at the forefront of the Republic's War Effort. Then again the Sith were the drivers behind the Imperial War Effort. Which was shame when she thought about it. The Empire could be great, but for the arbitrary decisions of the Sith.
"your home universe is the subject of a very famous series of films. alas, my partner and i have yet to see them."
Chakkik looked... well, as thoughtful as a giant mantis could. "perhaps you could come by our response center and watch them with us?"
"You mean like a documentary?" She thought for a moment, it could provide a golden opportunity and invaluable for the war effort. "Perhaps I may take you up on that offer." She still would not trust the creature, she still had vivid memories of her crash on Vendaxa, she was not going to go anywhere near that thing without a good blaster by her side.
"but i should inform you, because i see something odd in your eyes. we are not permitted to change what happens in a story. in fact, our organization exists to stamp out poorly-thought-out changes to all of our home universes."
She said innocently. "You aren't accusing little old me of anything are you?" She offers a soft smile. "We've only just met and you're accusing me?" She said playfully, "I'm insulted." She said, before going into a laugh.
"after all, you pulled a weapon on me without provocation. i suspect you would mistrust someone who did the same."
"I have itchy reflexes." After all, one had to in her line of work. "You just reminded me of a creature that has a tendency to eat people." Her voice trails off, a hint of sadness in her voice, "In fact one of those creatures killed and ate my partner right in front of me." It seemed that this persona was working on this creature, a bit more pathos could help her.
((Full disclosure, this character is really a member of Imperial Intelligence from SWTOR, most of what she has been saying is a fabrication in some way shape or form))
"... the protectors of the plot continuum have access to technology that allows us to alter our form. gabby, you have the disguise generator."
Gabby pulled an antique calculator out of her pocket. "Alright then. One human-disguised Mantis Ant, coming right up!"
She pressed a few keys on the calculator, and Chakkik seemed to shimmer. When the flashy visuals ended, a tall man with spiky blond hair stood whers the Mantis Ant had been.
"I thank you, Gabby." Chakkik's voice sounded completely natural now. "My human disguise is based on a canon character native to my home continuum. Specifically, Captain Dyluck of Pandora."
"I imagine it could quite useful." She said, while running through possible applications It might make me obsolete she thought. "Now your friend," she says looking at Gabby. "What exactly is she? She looks kind of like the Zabrak. But not quite."
"She may look rather young, albeit with rather large mammary protrusions, but Gabby is very, very strong. I daresay she may be stronger than myself, even in my natural form."
"That strong you say?" She laughs a bit. "I once saw a man try to wrestle a Wookiee. It did not go well for him. So I'll keep that in mind."
Meryem walked along the tree-lined path, gazing at the trees. "This is a whole lot better than winter. Ugh, I can't stand snow. Or the cold," she said to the Lucario next to her.
"Really?" said Owen. The Aura Pokémon stared at his human colleague, rubbing his chin. "Maybe it's because I'm part Steel type or something. I know Buck hates it, though."
"That's because I'm a pure Grass type," mumbled the Skiddo as he trailed behind the pair. "Give me a nice patch of sunshine any day and I'll be happy. But snow? Not in a million years."
"I feel you, bro," said Meryem, nodding. The DIA trio continued walking until they left the shady path and stepped out into the sunny plain that was most of the PPC Courtyard. To their left bubbled a wide and shallow river that cut the Courtyard in half. To their right stretched the plain, dotted by dense copses of trees like the one the DIA officers had just left.
Buck smiled and shook himself awake when he the sunlight reached him. "Ooh, much better," he said. "I wonder if these guys are enjoying the sun too."
Owen's ears perked up. "Which peop-- oh, I feel them. Three humans, two o'clock."
"Thanks, buddy," said Meryem, turning her attention to the area in question. "Yep. Hey, let's go and say 'hi'. A little positive police interaction is always a good thing here, right?"
"Lead the way, ma'am," said Owen, saluting. Buck simply nodded in agreement.
"Well then, let's go," said Meryem.
When the trio drew near the assembled agents, Owen did a double take. "Whaddya know, it's Zebby-zeb! The man sitting on the ground there. It's the Rookie!"
"Really?" said Buck, squinting. "So that's his human disguise. Meh, not bad."
"Excuse me, I'll just go ahead and talk to him," said Owen, double-timing it to the disguised Luxray. Once he drew close to Zeb, Owen waved. "Ahoy there, Rookie! How's life?"
Meanwhile, Meryem and Buck approached the unknown woman and Rina. "Good afternoon, agents! Out enjoying the weather?" asked the Turkish woman.
"Owen! Hello!" He scooted over to give the Lucario a place to sit if he so desired. "Life's been, ah... Well, it's been interesting, as of late. But how about you?"
"Corridors get a bit hectic every now and then but eh, we manage," said Owen as he kneeled beside Zeb. "Congratulations again on that spectacular Legendary kill, Rookie. I knew you had it in you! You're gonna make a fine Assassin, I can feel it. Speaking of which, there's something the gang and I wanted to give you. We figured that you'd have seen some pretty nasty things so..."
Owen reached down and rummaged in one of the pouches on his tactical vest. He very carefully withdrew a beautiful blue feather and presented to it with both paws to Zeb. "You have no idea how much pain all four of us we went through to pluck this off her body. Even Ben and Meryem don't know about this, so keep it hush-hush. This is a feather from Cresselia, the Lunar Pokémon herself. Hold it when you go to sleep; no nightmares, guaranteed."
No more nightmares? For real? He'd never have to revisit Iron Island in his sleep, never have to relive watching his old teammates die, never see Rina bleeding out on the floor again...
He paused, remembering the last few weeks and how Rina had yet to get a full two hours of sleep because she'd woken up crying.
"I..." Zeb began. "I really appreciate the gift, I do, and I can't thank you enough... but... would you mind terribly if I shared this with Rina? I think she needs it more than I do right now."
"She having bad dreams too?" he whispered. "By all means: go ahead, Rookie. Arceus' mane, you're a real bleeding heart aren't you? You're really too good of a guy to be working here. Ah, Buck. Finally you made it," said Owen as the Skiddo scooted his way to him.
"Yeah, got a little held up by the lady over there," replied the Skiddo, nodding towards the Star Wars native. "You gave him the feather?"
"Yep, but his partner needs it more than him," said Owen, shaking his head. "Look at this guy. He's too nice for the PPC."
"I don't see how that's a problem," said Buck. "Y'know, maybe he and Rina could just, like hold hands and slip the feather in between their fingers and sleep together. Boom. Two Murkrow, one stone."
Owen dope-slapped his partner in response. "Phrasing."
Zeb said, totally oblivious to the double meaning. "Rina and I have bunk beds, see, which are narrow enough to begin with, and we probably wouldn't fit on one together very well." He twirled the feather between his fingers, looking thoughtful. "Though Rina only needs... two hours of sleep now, I think, so she could go first, perhaps, and then let me have it."
He looked at Owen with a solemn expression. "You think it's a bad thing I care about my partner, but I think you're wrong. The Flowers certainly aren't looking out for the agents' well-being, so it's up to us to look out for each other."
"He's just trying to be edgy," said Buck, smiling. "As much as he would like it, he's not the super-independent tough guy he thinks he is. He just wants attention from--"
"Shut your face, Skiddo," growled Owen. "I get enough of attention-- look at me! I evolved because of the bond between Ben and me!"
Buck crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue. "Hurr durr. I'm Owen. Buck is so stupid. People should be distant and rely on themselves some more. Look at me. I'm interest-- ow! Leggo!" The Skiddo shook his head, trying to dislodge Owen's headlock.
"That's the last time you make fun of me, you narcoleptic leafy twit!"
"Don't make me Bulldoze you, Owen! I'm gonna do it!"
"Give me your best shot, scrub!"
There was a rustling sound behind Zeb. A Zorua appeared out of the tall grass, clothed in a tiny vest bearing the DoI's sage frond flash patch. He gazed at Buck and Owen's tussle, then at Zeb. He then shook himself like a wet dog, dislodging a notebook and pencil from his back. With great care, he opened the notebook to a blank page, took the pencil in his mouth and wrote: "Why are they fighting again? I thought they were friends."
"Sorry, rude question. Um, I said something about agents needing to look out for each other and they got into an argument about affection? And then they started teasing each other. I think. That threat of Bulldozing is making me a bit nervous, even if I'm no longer Electric type."
"Born mute. Nothing Medical can do about it. Thanks for answering my question."
He flipped a page. "My name is Tacitus. How do you do?"
Tacitus paused as he watched Owen get thrown into the air by Buck's bucking and land heavily face-first on the ground. As the Skiddo sat down with exhaustion and Owen rolled over to look at the sky Tacitus rolled his eyes and wrote one more note. "I don't know why I'm friends with these two."
Zeb watched with Tacitus as the two fighting Pokémon seemed to give it up. "You know, I'm probably not the best person to ask since I've, you know, only just met you. I suppose you must find something likeable about them."
"They found me wandering HQ and helped me get a job here. I owe them a favour. They seem to fight a lot. It is strange. They have a Trainer, I do not. Maybe that is why they are so odd."
Zeb said defensively. "Trainer-raised Pokémon are no stranger than wild Pokémon."
"You obey orders. A Trainer commands you to act a certain way and you do not question them. You are not free."
He looked up when the Notary approached and his fur stood on end. "Run." he scribbled on his notepad before scooping it off the ground and running into the tall grass.
Meanwhile, Buck and Owen had dragged themselves back to Zeb's picnic spot. "Sorry," mumbled Buck, "I had to take care of a little problem."
"Speak for yourself," groaned Owen, giving Buck a half-hearted punch to the flank. He paused and sniffed the air. "Is Tacitus here? I smell his Aura."
Zeb noticed the Notary and how still his partner had gone. If he'd been in his normal form, electricity would have been crackling in his mane. "I'm sorry, please excuse me for a moment..."
When he came back, he dragged a hand down his face. "She's just as much of a nightmare as Rina said."
"She got known in DIA for trying to report that Time Lord in Special Response for harassment and whatnot. He later sent some sort of video footage direct from his brain as evidence against the accusation and the case was dropped pretty fast once everything had been analyzed," said the Aura Pokémon, "but she's gained some notoriety in our part of HQ."
"I wonder if anyone can be as mean-spirited as that," mumbled Buck. "It doesn't make any--" The Mount Pokémon's ears perked up. Buck looked to the side, where Chakkik's translation collar suddenly erupted into a cloud of wasps. Buck screamed in terror and dashed off into the grass, nearly bowling over a returning Tacitus, who also ran away as soon as he caught sight of the insect cloud.
"Grass types!" laughed Owen, slapping his thigh. "You gotta love 'em. Look at him run. Hilarious."
Zeb stared at the Lucario, who seemed content to laugh at his partners' terror. "It's a good thing they're just regular bugs and not Bug types! They could have been severely hurt otherwise. Or they could have died. And you think their fear is amusing?"
"That's why they've got me," he said, spreading his arms wide. "I take the hits, they mop up the rest. It's a team effort, yeah? ...even if Buck is a massive narcoleptic unevolved fraidy-cat and Tacitus isn't even in DIA. But anyways: like you said. These are just normal little bugs, not the real deal. I'm a big proponent of learning though pain and I see this as a learning experience. Though what is there to learn here?" The Lucario rubbed his chin. "Er... 'Don't play near wasps'? Yeah, that sounds about right."
"Their fear is nothing to laugh at, either," he said through his teeth. "How would you feel if you didn't take something that worried them seriously and they died as a result? What would you do then?! That would be on you for the rest of your life. Not that it would matter, since they'd be dead."
Something splashed onto his bare arm and he realized he was crying. He turned away and wiped his eyes, furious with himself.
Owen offered Zeb a handkerchief from one of his vest's pockets. "It's not okay for a grown-ass adult to have a breakdown in public like this. Keep it together." He cleared his throat. "Besides, nobody on my squad died yet-- nor will they die. Didn't you hear what I said? I'm strong, they are... less so. I am the team's point man; the first line of defence." He pounded his palm with his fist. "And nothing gets past me. Until they get tougher I will be strong for them. It's how it works, see? Yeah, everything is a threat now-- but I can take care of it. I don't need to worry-- I know I can defeat it. I'm always around them, ready to intervene; they're in no danger whatsoever. So toughen up, Luxray. I once said that you had an Aura like a Pyroar-- so friggin' act like it."
- - -
((He's so well-intentioned but full of it. I love this guy.))
Zeb gave Owen a twisted smile, ignoring the offered handkerchief. "You remind me of me, before I joined the PPC. You think you're the toughest guy around, and you've got reason to believe it, too. You've taken hits that would floor others and give as good as you get, am I right? Well, let me tell you something." Zeb laughed bitterly. "One of these days, you're going to find that 'mon who's stronger than you, and it isn't going to end well. I've seen it happen to my old teammates and never once thought it would happen to me until it did. And I was one of the lucky ones— I got a second chance."
He pointed to his torn ear, though the damage wasn't as visible in his human body. "I've got this to remind me that, for whatever reason, it was only thanks to pure chance I didn't stay dead the day I joined the PPC."
Owen's grin widened to a snarl. "Then I'll be able so see what Buck and Max and Victoria can do. They've come so far under Ben's tutelage. I'm sure that they won't fail to impress him. Besides, I'm not completely stupid, Rookie. I'm an Aura reader, remember? Is the word 'precognition' ringing any bells? I know when to fold 'em-- and Ben can do a thing or two with his feeble human hands... like hold a gun, for example."
- - -
((Coo-coo for cocoa puffs.))
After a while, he finally said, "You're completely mad."
Owen barked with laughter. "After all, you have to be crazy to run after creatures which are by definition superior to you in every single aspect. Like, did you hear about Officer Pham? Three days ago? Let me tell you about it: he responded to a call about a warrior!Sue terrorizing DoSAT's main labs. Fifteen minutes later, Pham was literally smeared across the walls and three Special Response teams had to be sent in to contain the situation. I wonder how they buried the Pham-jam. Shoebox? Urn? Makes you wonder."
Zeb looked somber. "My partner's brother is an intern in DoSAT. We're just relieved it wasn't him." He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I only stay here because I have nowhere else to go, and I suppose it's the same for Rina. What about you, though? Why hasn't your trainer left?"
"He's looking to have some experience with patrolling, search-and-rescue, and containing dangerous situations all while working with his Pokémon team. The PPC is a great place to do that. Ben is thinking of giving it another few years before going back home and putting those skills to use."
Owen looked at the assembled agents and grinned. "It sure has allowed us to meet a whole lot of interesting people. What about you? Surely you have to have a plan beyond 'I keep hunting perfect predators until I die on the job' because that's just sad."
Zeb sighed and sat back. "I never really thought about doing anything else, really. I mean, the POC gave me a second chance; I figured I must've been blown through that plothole for a reason. I intend to make the best of that chance."
He looked over at Rina, biting his lip. "And... it's kind of my fault Rina's stuck the way she is. I figure it's my job to stay with her until she figures out what she wants to do with her life, and right now she just wants to hunt Sues. I feel like I owe it to her."
"Bleeding heart. You're such a bleeding heart. You fell though that plothole because of a freak accident, not because of fate or a 'reason' or even being given a second chance. You just lucked out, Rookie! No need to rationalize it."
The Lucario reached into a large pouch hanging off his belt and pulled out a canteen. After taking a swig of water he said: "And seriously-- you don't owe anything to her. If anything, she owes you. You saved her bacon, end of story. If she's got life problems, that's her business, not yours."
A rustling noise in the tall grass made Owen swivel around. He relaxed when a Fletchinder hopped out of the grass, looking around nervously. "Ah, welcome back," said Owen. "There's no way Bug types are going to mess with you now, eh? That's good. If you can cow someone into submission then it's a hundred times better than fighting. The wasps are gone now so you can drop your disguise if you want."
The bird cocked its head to the side and remained silent. It shook itself, producing a familiar pencil and notepad seemingly out of nowhere. It grabbed the pencil in its beak and wrote a note. "I apologize for my brusque departure. I have no interest in meeting the Notary."
—likely to tell Owen something he'd regret— when the Fletchinder appeared.
"Oh, hello again, Tacitus," Zeb said, turning away from Owen. "I can't blame you for not wanting to meet the Notary. I've only seen my partner scared of two things before, and she's one of them." He paused. "And with good reason."
((He really is too nice for his own good, but he's such a sweetheart.))
A short young woman with horns bounced in right next to Zeb.
"Hiya! I'm Gabby, DMS. Whatcha up to?"
"GABBY, DO NOT SURPRISE OUR FELLOW AGENTS." The synthetic voice came from a strange yellow mantis that stood a full two heads taller than Rina would. "I APOLOGIZE IF MY PARTNER STARTLED YOU. MY NAME IS CHAKKIK, OF THE DEPARTMENT OF MARY SUES."
Quickly draws a small holdout blaster and points it at the mantis thing. "A talking Acklay?" Her brow furrows. "It could be worse, at least its only one Acklay. I've been in worse situations." Like the time I had to go into that nest of Gundarks, she thought.
Gabby didn't look pleased when the newcomer pulled her weapon. "He might be a lousy cheating jerk who always wins video games, but he's still my friend!"
"I came face to face with something like that, it was trying to eat me." She said. She was not ready to put down the weapon just yet. A strange place and what she though was a talking Acklay was not conducive to relaxing. "And what do you mean video games? Do you mean Hologames like Dejarik." She looks even more confused now. "Are you telling me that thing plays Dejarik?"
"Nope, League of Legends! I can show you how it works if you're interested."
If the newcomer was good at reading expressions, Gabby seemed very sincere and friendly.
"No thank you." Bria Zend, the cover identity she was using nwo, did not have time for games. She looked over the woman. She seemed, naïve, almost. She looks to the device the woman was using. `"What is that device you are using?"
"I'm guessing you're from a very high-tech world."
"But it appears our technology is more advanced than yours." She looks around, "Have the people here even discovered space travel?"
Gabby looked somewhat sheepish. "Some agents are from worlds with a lot of space travel, Chak and me just aren't."
"There is nothing quite like it." She paused for a second, a bit of pride crept into her voice. "I even managed the Kessel Run in 15 parsecs." She shrugs, "Sure it isn't the best, I once ran it through an Astro Droid, it could theoretically be done in 12, but you would need to be suicidal to try it."
"Okay, I just have to point this out. How do you manage to make a run like that in any number of parsecs unless you took a shortcut? Parsecs measure distance, not time."
She says nonchalantly, "I skirted the Maw Cluster. As I said, and Astro Droid I had with me at the time suggested I could cut the cluster closer, but I did not want to push my luck." She shrugged, "After all a spacer only has so much."
Rina's eyes went huge. "As in, the cluster of black holes near Kessel? And you went right up to them?" She looked rather impressed. "That must have taken some serious piloting skills to not get trapped by the gravitational pull."
She smiled, this was definitely the right identity to use. "It wasn't easy, but when you have bounty hunters after you, you take some risks." She chuckles, "I really did not want to get brought before Nemro and his lackeys."
"I'm guessing you're from the Star Wars universe then? Wait, hold that thought." Rina dug into her pocket, looking for the device that would maybe help confirm her guess and help the woman realize her universe had just gotten a lot bigger.
The C-CAD beeped when Rina turned it on.
[Rina Dives. Human? Time Lord? Human/Time L-]
Rina thumped the C-CAD and pointed it at the woman.
((Also, I'd like to point out RPs are generally in third person, past tense. You keep slipping into present.))
Bria asked, looking at the device. She paused. "Does that thing know your name? How does it do that?" Subconsciously she began to tense up. This could be bad.
((Sorry about the tense. Fell into my Text RPG form which is present tense. And if the CAD will go through the false identity, which I am sure it will, the information you will want is [Serdia Turbash, AKA: Cipher-7, Human, Dromand Kaas] I think that's all the appropriate information.))
"Stands for Combined Content Analysis Device. As for how it knows names and stuff, I'm not really sure." Rina shrugged. "Never really wondered until now, actually. I had a bit of an accident a while back and it's never worked quite right on me, but unless your species changed, it should work fine on you." And with that, she scanned the woman.
[Serdia Turbash, AKA Cipher-7. Star Wars human, Dromand Kaas.]
Rina looked at the readout for a moment, then back at Cipher-7. "Well, that's interesting."
Here demeanor had shifted. A slight coldness had crept into her voice. "I am most definitely human."
((Blasted misreading my own handwriting. Its supposed to be Dromund Kaas. Not Dromand. Quick hide the mini-rancors))
"Are you a spy? That sounds awesome! Spies get to sleep with swimsuit models!"
Chakkik looked curiously at his partner. "I think that James Bond is not what Star Wars spies bear resemblance to."
She looked indignant. "I have no idea what you are talking about." The metaphoric gears turned in her head. Had SIS developed a new toy? Was the 'hobgoblin' some kind of Jedi? "I am a simple Freighter Captain. Nothing more, nothing less." Had that device really blown her cover that easily?
"...I could take a peek into your mind to confirm your story," Rina offered, though her mouth was dry. Not only did it look like this Cipher-7 was, in fact, a spy, she was still unsure about her telepathic abilities. Sure, the Guardsman had been good on his word and shown her some things, but she had yet to try looking into the mind of a non-Time Lord.
Her hand drifted toward her pocket, feeling for a knife just in case.
Cipher-7 dropped her accent and reverted to her native Dromund Kaas accent. "So you are some kind of Jedi then." She looked around. "So this is really a Republic SIS base then. Well you will get nothing from me." She lowered her hand to her own blaster as Rina reached for something. "This is a violation of the Treaty of Coruscant." She said, ignoring the fact that by going after a target on Coruscant, she herself was violating the terms of the treaty.
Cipher-7 had found herself in a now win situation. Even if she were to escape back to Imperial Space, her capture would be seen as a failure and she would be promptly executed. And she refused to betray the Empire. She may not have liked the Sith, but she was loyal to the Empire.
Gabby nodded at her partner's words. "A lot of universes have psychics. Also, what's an Imperial?"
"Typically, the word 'imperial' means 'of or pertaining to an empire,' but-"
"I was asking the sexy spy lady, not you."
How could this particular SIS group have caught her, she wondered. The ruse was just too simplistic. She should have been able to see right through it. "And flattery will get you nothing."
((At this point she legitimately thinks this is some Republic ruse))
"Comrades, I am afraid we cannot convince her of the truth. I am going to ignore our new friend. I suggest all of you do the same."
With that, he sat down on the grass. "Unless you would care to join us for refreshments? I was not expecting a picnic, but Gabby seems to have packed food anyway." He pulled a sandwich out of Gabby's bag and took a bite.
...which he promptly spat out. "Ptah! Gabby, you know I don't like onions, why are they here?"
((Chakkik only uses contractions if he talks without thinking, so the fact that he just did should be rather telling. Namely, that he really does want Cipher to just chill... and that he hates onions.))
"Do you want to walk with me? I don't know who you are or where you come from but I think that you have the wrong idea about this place. I'm part of the law enforcement here so... please let me help you."
Meryem looked at the blaster Cipher-7 was reaching for. "But before that you have to promise me that you're not going to use that thing on us. Please, come walk with me. I'll show you around."
Gabby jumped up. "I had no idea what all those funny words meant. Jedi, or Coruscant, or Kessel. I wanna learn things about the spy lady!"
"It might be better if you didn't. I can expla that stuff if you want later."
She looked Cipher-7 in the eye. "I'm not a Jedi. I'm a Time Lord, and my species has some minor telepathic abilities. It's mostly limited to touch, though. So no Jedi mind tricks from me, promise."
Telepathic Near-Humans, Cipher-7 wondered why the Empire had not heard of these 'Time-Lords', but then again maybe the Sith had, and were keeping it secret just for the heck of it. This only served to further convince Cipher-7 that this had to be some Republic SIS base.
Rina was getting fed up. "Since I doubt there's anything I can say to convince you, after all. Words don't mean anything if you can't back them up. Though if you want to do things the easy way, I can always headbutt you. It would transfer my memoies to you like that." She snapped her fingers.
The mere thought of it enraged her. "I think I will see if this Internal Affairs person can enlighten me. Then perhaps I will come back to you."
But if the one woman who could read minds was a Jedi, she thought she would have a better chance to escape from this so-called law enforcement official and the childlike woman.
"Fine. I'll come with you."
"I think you'd better say here," she said, rubbing the back of her head. "I'd rather have a one-on-one with this lady here."
With that, Meryem started walking along the beaten dirt path, Cipher-7 in tow. "You must have quite a lot of questions. Fortunately, I have a lot of answers. Firstly, I'm Meryem Balbay, a member of the Department of Internal Affairs. Secondly, we are the PPC: a multidimensional organization that protects the aforementioned dimensions from reality-warping parasites. This place-- out headquarters-- is located in the space between these dimensions and within parts of them. All of our agents come from these dimensions; we're diverse like that. Now, you must've fallen out of your home dimension somehow. Don't worry-- we can help you with that. We just need to get you to our Medical Department so that they make sure you're not bringing in any contagious diseases on your person."
Meryem pointed towards a big oak tree on a hilltop. "See that tree? Now, see the free-standing doorframe next to it? The rest of our HQ is right that way. Let's head over there. Now, while we're walking, do you have any questions for me?"
"Alright. First what planet are we on." She figured that was as good a place to start on questions.
"And you said Internal Affairs?" She scoffed. "Did the Senate actually authorize something? Impressive. I thought they were still trying to get the Gree to help repair their infrastructure." She still thought this had to be on Coruscant.
"Like I said, HQ is located in the space between dimensions. Our scientists down at the Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology say that this particular area-- this 'planet' if you will-- isn't actually a planet. It's more like a stable bubble of reality that contains a very big garden. And no-- your Senate has nothing to do here. We exist outside your universe. Our bosses... well, they're giant sentient Flowers. Note the capital 'F'. It must be really hard to believe me without seeing it with your own eyes but bear with me here. We got guys in the past that thought this was an elaborate hoax and didn't even want to hear about our job opportunities."
- - -
((Last post for tonight. See y'all tomorrow, folks.))
"Yay! So, have you ever slept with anyone really sexy?" Genuine curiosity and excitement ws rather obvious. "I want to rub it in Chak's face if you have, because spies totally get the lookers!"
She thought that this was either the strangest interrogation she had ever taken part in, or perhaps this really was not a Republic Base. Even if it was an interrogation, she planned on turning the tables and getting valuable information regardless. At the moment there was no harm in playing along.
"Occasionally." She said, sighing. This had to be handled extremely carefully. "It can be one of the perks of the job. Though sometimes, you get the less than attractive partners." Even non-humans, she thought to herself. But she would do whatever it took to accomplish a mission.
She ran back to her partner. "I was right, spies do get around!"
Chakkik seemed more annoyed than anything else. "I do not know how mammals reproduce, nor do I find any of them appealing. I did not need to know that information, Gabby."
Chakkik spoke to Cipher. "… you will not find enemies here. The CAD tells who you really are, and what your role was in your story. For instance..."
Chakkik retrieved his own CAD, directed it on himself, and showed the results to Cipher.
[Chakkik. Male Mantis Ant. Secret of Mana semi-canon. First boss.]
Gabby leapt up to Rina, her irises turning into star shapes. "You've seen Star Wars!? Is it really that awesome? Also, you're really pretty!"
"Not anywhere well-versed enough to do missions there, so I guess you could say I'm a casual fan, but it is really good." Rina tugged nervously on her ponytail. "And, um, thanks."
"I didn't know what any of those words meant. Maybe if I saw Star Wars, I'd get it."
((She probably still wouldn't get it then. Full disclosure: Gabby's kinda dumb.))
"The Kessel Run is an important shipping lane. Problem is, it goes cluster of black holes. The minimum safe distance is generally 18 parsecs, but a few pioneering captain," she said pointing to herself, "Have managed to do it in fewer. The problem is it gets dangerously close to black holes. The droid may have said it could be done in 12, but no flesh and blood captain would be crazy enough to try it."
Darkotas blinked as his eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight of the courtyard. He scanned his surroundings for a quiet place to sit, then selected a nice stone bench. As he took out a clipboard and some paper, the Mage of Stormwind noticed a familiar-looking girl and a boy who seemed to be about the same age sitting nearby. They appeared to be having a picnic, and he briefly wondered if they were a couple. He looked back down, paused for a moment, and started to write.