Subject: "Departments? Certainly, sir."
Author:
Posted on: 2014-12-02 02:59:00 UTC

Gaspard cleared his throat. "There are three types of departments in this place: action, infrastructure, or security. Action departments are the ones that venture into the multiverse to fix problems. For example agents of the DMS-- Department of Mary Sues-- document how a Suvian creature disrupts the world, charge it, and assassinate it. DIC-- Implausible Crossovers-- untangle universes that have been mashed together. DBS-- Bad Slash-- go after badly-written slash stories and exorcise participants, who are possessed by Sue Wraiths. DF-- Floaters-- is an in-between department for agents who have yet to specialize in one particular area.

"Infrastructure departments make sure that Headquarters works. There are loads of them: DoSAT-- Sufficiently Advanced technology-- designs, manufactures, and maintains all of the tech that we use. Operations keeps HQ and all of its inhabitants fed, clothed, and housed. Medical, Finance, Postal-- well, they're all pretty self-explanatory. We also have a psychological support department-- FicPsych. DoI-- Intelligence-- researches fanfics for potential targets.

"Finally, the two security departments handle threats that come from both within and without. Internal Affairs is HQ's police-cum-SWAT force. External Security is a Flowers-only force that keeps HQ's exits secure."

Marianne looked over her shoulder at Ashley. "Ah, yes. At this point I feel obliged to point out that our bosses are actually giant sentient flowers. They came from some doomed planet from some corner of the multiverse and built HQ using their technology. We're taking you to the Marquis de Sod, the daisy in charge of the Department of Personnel."

"Any more questions, sir?" asked Gaspard. "Another protip: like we said, HQ is spread over multiple dimensions and one of them has to do with consciousness. Essentially, the chance of arriving at where you want to go is inversely proportional to how much you think about it. It pays to be distracted here."

Reply Return to messages