Gunboat Diplomat

Subject: Gunboat Diplomat
Author: Desdendelle
Posted on: 2014-09-07 05:42:00 UTC

Des pretty much ignored the Guardsman and his argument with Naya, paying attention to Terabyte instead.
“I'm using a Border Axe,” he answered. “Basically, an axe from the Torchlight II continuum that has an electrified blade as well as some sort of space-time anomaly around its head. I also have a cupboard full of E.ψ.Ǝ: Divine Cybermancy guns – I raided a Jian Shang Di armoury with Anebrin, once – but I didn't have a chance to use them. The reason is, mostly, that I come from this weird alternate universe where guns don't exist.”

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What is the Answer and Why? by Desdendelle on 2014-09-06 01:55:00 UTC Reply

“Aye,” said Des, lifting his cup of tea. “A toast to the PPC, where meeting masked aliens is perfectly normal.” He grinned widely and sipped. Blinking, he looked around. “Say, you guy were from which Department again...?”

"The one with no flash patches," said the Guardsman. by SeaTurtle on 2014-09-06 02:49:00 UTC Reply

Naya glared at him under her visor. "Give people straight answers when they ask questions!"

"We are Special Response Officers from the Department of Internal Affairs," said Terabyte. "We agreed that our combat skills would better serve the PPC if we were to defend Headquarters directly. Our knowledge of canon was fairly limited and covered only our home continuum. External Security had no openings so we chose to serve in the DIA."

The Guardsman swallowed half of his cheeseburger and added: "Since we're not in the Patrol Division we don't get out as much but when we do get a call..."

"Things have gone very, very wrong in someone's mission," finished Naya. "We can be called in as extra muscle for taking down tougher-than-usual Suvians or to rescue Agents who may have been incapacitated."

The Time Lord, having finished his burger in the time it took Naya to finish her sentence, took a large gulp of water. "Speaking of rescue missions, remember that Sphinx officer? The one that went berserk and nearly killed her partner? Yeah, I head she's a Floater now and she's saddled with a metal bird."

"A Skarmory, I believe," said Terabyte. Its hologram looked at Des. "Have you heard of her?"

Grey Area by Desdendelle on 2014-09-06 03:07:00 UTC Reply

Des scratched his goatee. “A sphinx? No, don't tell me, I think I know something...” he muttered. For a few moments he mumbled to himself. “Giza? I think I've heard something from a friend of a friend in Medical about a sphinx... something something Giza, wasn't it? Didn't know she got transferred to Floaters, though.”
He put his elbows on the table and leaned his chin on his entwined fingers. “You know, my last partner was this close to going flamethrower-crazy, and he was just an Elf with a magic sword. I shudder at the thought of a Sphinx going batshit insane.”

"I could take her." by SeaTurtle on 2014-09-07 02:22:00 UTC Reply

Naya and Terabyte whipped around to look at the Guardsman, currently digging into his cheesecake. "What?" he said. "It's easy. All you need is a staser pistol set to stun and a steady hand. If you keep your wits about you as she charges, you can easily knock out the target from a safe distance."

"She nearly shredded her partner to death with a psychic energy attack. I don't know about you, but I don't think regeneration can fix being piledriven into the ground by an all-powerful psiwave," said Naya.

The Guardsman considered this piece of information for a few seconds, then shrugged. "Call Taldaris," he said. "He and his partner can deal with it."

"So brave," said Naya, rolling her eyes even though the opaque visor made this a pointless gesture. "How did you survive the Time War?"

"Most of the time I didn't!" beamed the Guardsman. "Thank goodness for time travel. My timeline is just a bunch of our guys coming from the future to cover an angle or to pull me out of the line of fire. I hate to think what happened to my unit in all of the other timelines that prompted all of the time travel in the first place. Ooh! I still got my helmet-cam footage! I should really get around to watching that. Maybe I'll find out what happened to poor Yannogarsil. Y'see, we couldn't find him anywhere after the Nightmare Child emerged from its--"

"That's quite enough, thank you," sighed Naya. "Maybe you can talk about your military career some other time. Like when you're not having dinner with someone else, for example."

"You brought it up," said the Guardsman as he turned back to his dessert.

Sensing that it would be a good time to change subject, Terabyte ventured a question: "Agent Desdendelle: query. What weapons are you qualified to wield? I am gathering statistics among the few people I meet. Interestingly, there appears to be a noticeable bias towards mêlée weapons as opposed to firearms. Unless I have only interacted with agents assigned to low-technology continua, I cannot understand why PPC action personnel do not arm themselves with more efficient weapons."

Gunboat Diplomat by Desdendelle on 2014-09-07 05:42:00 UTC Reply

Des pretty much ignored the Guardsman and his argument with Naya, paying attention to Terabyte instead.
“I'm using a Border Axe,” he answered. “Basically, an axe from the Torchlight II continuum that has an electrified blade as well as some sort of space-time anomaly around its head. I also have a cupboard full of E.ψ.Ǝ: Divine Cybermancy guns – I raided a Jian Shang Di armoury with Anebrin, once – but I didn't have a chance to use them. The reason is, mostly, that I come from this weird alternate universe where guns don't exist.”

"Kinetic firearms, correct? by SeaTurtle on 2014-09-08 03:45:00 UTC Reply

Terabyte's hologram nodded sagely. "Kinetic firearms generally superior to directed-energy weapons. Mechanism usually easier to clean, maintain, and repair. Statistics report fewer misfires in kinetic weapons than laser weapons. A good weapon for a Floater or Assassin. Mêlée weapon choice original. Query: how does the space-time anomaly affect weapon performance?"

Naya leaned towards Terabyte's holographic representation. "I know what you're thinking. No, you may not have a sword or a mace. Stick to your shotgun and SMG: your platform sustains enough damage as it is with our close-quarters strategies. No need to put you one step closer to the Sue, right? Remember: if you get your core punched out, I might not get to your platform in time to pull you out before the batteries die."

The geth's camera-eyes focused on different parts of Naya's visor. "Suggestion acknowledged," said the sentient AI. Apparently, it wasn't going to give up on the idea anytime soon.

The Ends of Invention by Desdendelle on 2014-09-08 14:09:00 UTC Reply

“Quite right,” Des answered. “Those are indeed kinetic weapons. There's actually quite a story behind them.” He smiled. “You see, the E.ψ.Ǝ-verse is set in the typical dystopic sci-fi far future. The human race used to use lasers and sumsuch, but suddenly those monsters called the Metastreumonic Force appeared – lore says they're basically manifestations of the planets whose ecologies the humans ruined – and they were completely immune to CREWs. So the Feds, the looters, and even the Secreta Secretorum started using weapons from the “Dark Ages” again. Nasty things; I have this sniper rifle there that can down an Interceptor-class gunship in two shots.”
He drank from his cup and sighed. “Didn't actually use that, though; I suspect the recoil would kinda pulverise my arm. Anyway. Uhm.”
Des looked at his axe. “You asked about the anomaly. Well, you see, in the Torchlight-verse you can put those little magical gems called Ember into weapons and armour. There are lots of different types of them, and my axe has two slotted; one is responsible for the electricity, and the other – a Chaos Ember shard – makes it move faster than expected. The benefits are twofold: one, you can hit things faster, and two, it's confusing for your opponents.”
Another pause, where the human rubbed his goatee. “From what Naya said I assume you're a ranged fighter, Terabyte?”

My combat software... by SeaTurtle on 2014-09-08 16:33:00 UTC Reply

"...is optimized for CQC encounters, hence my use of a SMG and a shotgun in combat. Emiranlanoamar is a skilled rifleman and Naya functions as our mini-unit's designated marksman. Seeing as my platform is simply a shell of metal that I control, I can afford to take damage and risks that an organic may not. In other words, my body is expendable. Combined with a kinetic barrier generator to stop bullets and machine reflexes, I can neutralize most threats in an efficient matter."

The Guardsman laughed though his mouthful of cheesecake, spraying dessert in front of him. "Ha! Oh, whoops. Sorry 'bout that. Lemme wipe that... Right. What TB means to say is 'I like to play hero all the time'. Seriously TB: stop doing that. Naya and I have to repair your platform on a nearly daily basis! You're gonna have to face the facts: if it's not half-dead and face-down on the floor, it's safer to plug a few bullets in that Sue's brain than try to take it alive for DMSER. You wielding a sword isn't going to make your captures safer or more efficient. You're just exposing yourself to more damage."

The Guardman looked at Des. "Ever had a partner like this?"

Use Psychology by Desdendelle on 2014-09-08 18:50:00 UTC Reply

“No, not really,” Des replied. “Anebrin was pretty cautious, right up until the end when he snapped.”
He made a face, his mouth forming a diagonal line. “Anyway, the Librarian is not a fighter. I was once partnered with a... urm, what's the word, Drider? I think? And, well, being a giant-spider-cum-Drow hybrid, she was suitably... disgusting. Ate human meat and stuff.” He rubbed his goatee. “You know, Terabyte, I'm surprised you don't have self-preservation routines or something similar. Your partners might not be able to transfer your code to another body if the current one goes to the birds.”

"What you're looking at..." by SeaTurtle on 2014-09-09 03:09:00 UTC Reply

"...is actually a perfect example of geth combat doctrine!" said Naya. "When a geth army takes to the field, they bring thousands and thousands of spare combat platforms with them. With the proper wireless setup, the geth can flash-upload themselves back into a computer and into a new body if their original platform is destroyed. The geth can then simply swarm an opponent to death without 'losing' a single unit. TB here," she patted her Omni-tool, "still hasn't grown out of the habit just yet. I guess it's a part of learning how to adapt to working with organics: we don't have the same mentality when peeking a corner or storming a room. What counts as suicide for us organics is simply a temporary setback for a synthetic. It just so happens that this synthetic has to learn how to act organic. Isn't that right, Terabyte?"

The geth's hologram actually managed to look sheepish by avoiding her look. "You are correct."

Meanwhile, the Guardsman frowned and mouthed "Drider" to himself as Des talked. Realization flitted across his features only to be quickly replaced by disgust. "Ye gods! I think I saw one of them-- not sure if it was her-- a earlier today out in the corridors. Note to self: never end up in the same room as one of them. They sound positively horrifying."

Fate Amenable to Change by Desdendelle on 2014-09-09 17:53:00 UTC Reply

“Oh, she was a nice enough person,” Des said. “But, again, eating human flesh. Ew. Thankfully, she was a Drowtales Drider; I don't want to know how that mission would have ended if she was a Forgotten Realms one – those are about as Always Chaotic Evil as a race can get aside from Demons. Brr.”
He took another sip from his tea. “That's an interesting idea, replaceable bodies like that,” he said. “Sounds kinda similar to what the Culture does. There are, of course, differences.”

Terabyte's camera-eyes dimmed... by SeaTurtle on 2014-09-10 03:32:00 UTC Reply

...as it appeared to be deep in thought. "Error: no context-relevant matches for search terms 'Culture', 'replaceable body'. Please expand," said the VI.

Meanwhile, the Guardsman was muttering a tirade to himself. "...and depravities such as eating flesh. Can someone tell me why the PPC hires weird things like Daleks and talking animals and spider-people? No, Naya, I know about the short-staffing issue but maybe the Organization can at least have some minimum recruiting standards? As in: 'don't be a chaotic evil monster' or 'if people are on your menu, go away' or even 'if it looks like you don't belong in a normal setting, stay at home'?"

"I'll be sure to tell Taldaris and Fire Flash that you think they shouldn't be in the PPC," whispered back Naya.

"Hey, don't be like that. Taldaris is the coolest alien around-- no exceptions-- and Fire Flash is probably the only DIA agent that can use cartoon physics to get away with being smashed though five walls without anything more than a messy mane and grey smudges on her armour. They got their uses!"

Naya, obviously having had this conversation many times before, rolled her eyes and mmhed as she tried to reconnect her drink's straw back into her helmet port without a mirror to guide her fingers.

Subtle Shift in Emphasis by Desdendelle on 2014-09-10 14:05:00 UTC Reply

“Just a moment, if you will, Terabyte,” Des said. He gave the Guardsman a “you're spewing nonsense” look. “Look, Guardsman, aside from the ew-iness Riaa'lzhor is an OK person, and, besides, who's supposed to judge what a normal setting is? I have a feeling that a mongol that is used to eat horses would be just as terrifying for a Pony, or a human eating crabs to an Oct. Do not judge hastily, my friend, for this is the cause of many a woe.”
He turned back to Terabyte. “To put it succinctly, The Culture is a continuum of books by the late Iain M. Banks. Its, um, protagonist culture – The Culture – is extremely high-tech; way more sophisticated than the Time Lords. They have the technology to read the mind of a being and store a copy somewhere; combined with the ability to create new bodies from blueprints, some Culturniks back up their minds before doing something dangerous. That's what I meant by replaceable bodies. It raises interesting philosophical questions, too...”

The Guardsman opened his mouth... by SeaTurtle on 2014-09-11 01:52:00 UTC Reply

...to object but instead let out a small yelp of pain. As he bent down to rub his now-aching shin, Naya leaned back and smirked behind her visor. "What's wrong, Time Lord? Is your leg acting up again? The doctors did tell you to avoid doing foolish things for a day or two. If you keep this up, your leg won't heal properly!"

The Guardsman grumbled something that could be interpreted as an apology to Des and continued to rub his shin.

Meanwhile, Terabyte paid close attention to Des' words. Its holographic head perked up at the mention of philosophical questions. "Ship of Theseus paradox! Is something that has had all of its components replaced the same entity? Dualism! Are the mind and body truly separate? Subject already difficult for organics to figure out, even more so when applied to synthetic life forms! Example: my consciousness is made of machine language. Where is the 'soul' in the binary bits? My 'body' is whatever computer is executing my runtimes. Replace it by any other machine and it will still be me. Example..."

"Aw, you've gone and made him passionate!" said Naya as her partner nattered on. "It's so cute when it does that. I can tell TB is really going to enjoy having a more permanent body when we upgrade its power cell unit."

The quarian shifted her legs a bit (making the Guardsman flinch away) and looked back at Des. "Also: I apologize for my partner's rude behaviour. Believe it or not, he was actually worse when he first saw us non-Time Lords! But you're working on it, aren't you, Emiran?"

"Yes, miss," said the Guardsman grudgingly, arms crossed and sporting a frown.

"That's the spirit."

- - -

((This RP has actually given me a really good handle on my DIA trio. I just have to actually post something that involves them :P))

It's Character-Forming by Desdendelle on 2014-09-11 08:42:00 UTC Reply

Des looked from Naya to the Guardsman before focusing on Terabyte again. “There is that, yes,” he said. “Chew on this, though: suppose a guy gets his mind-state saved in the Hub of the Orbital where he lives, then proceeds to go and do something stupid enough to get him killed – pretty hard in a Culture Orbital, BTW, with the Hub's constant monitoring. They resurrect his back-up in an identical body. Is that the same person? I'm not so sure... first of all, it's a copy, there is no continuity between it and the original; and second, its memories are different.”

Terabyte answered almost instantaneously. by SeaTurtle on 2014-09-12 04:35:00 UTC Reply

"That is difficult to say. Let us assume that every sentient thing has a 'soul' inside it. I am not using 'soul' in the religious way: I define it as the quality that living beings have that bind their thoughts and memories into something more than just thoughts and memories. After all, memories and thoughts by themselves are just data and lines of code respectively.

"If a clone of the deceased is brought back to life, is the 'soul' still there? If yes, then it is the same person, minus the memories of the experience that caused their life. If not, it is a machine that dreams of life, a mere ghost in a organic shell."

"That's very poetic, TB," said Naya, "but what about you? You back up your data on a regular basis. If something were to happen to you and we were to reactivate that iteration of yourself and stick it back into your platform, would it still be you?"

Terabyte paused. "Yes?" the geth ventured. "It would still be me, albeit in a new body. I simply wouldn't have been there for the catastrophic event.

"Precisely. It wouldn't be the you that got snuffed," said the Guardsman from his brooding corner. "That unique you would be destroyed. Gone. Instead, we'd have a TB that knew it was a backup and acted as a replacement for a TB that was destroyed. I'm siding with Desdendelle here."

"So am I," said Naya.

Terabyte tilted its head to the side as it reflected on its partners' input.

Just the Washing Instructions Chip in Life's Rich Tapestry by Desdendelle on 2014-09-12 10:27:00 UTC Reply

“Let me ask you something more complicated, then,” Des said. “Imagine that the mind-state of someone is read, and then sent as a holographic message of sorts – no body involved – while the original continues with their life. The mind-state changes as a result of its mission. Is it still the same person?”

"That's easy," said the geth. by SeaTurtle on 2014-09-13 04:01:00 UTC Reply

"The computerized mind-state is still the same person-- it will act like the original in any given situation. If something happens to the Virtual person that does not happen to the Organic, then the Virtual person can be said to be some sort of 'AU' of the other; same in every respect save for one thing."

Terabyte, satisfied with its answer, watched Des for his reaction.

Experiencing a Significant Gravitas Shortfall by Desdendelle on 2014-09-13 14:58:00 UTC Reply

“I'm not so sure,” Des said. “Suppose the mind-state finished its mission and is sent back to where its originator lives and they meet each other. They will not be identical, for they had different experiences by that time; that suggests that, while they are very similar, they are actually different people right now.”
He drank the last drops of tea from his cup and poured himself another shot of Cointreau.

Well... by Desdendelle on 2014-09-14 23:27:00 UTC Reply

It seems like this is it for this thread. SeaTurtle, please send me a mail (my address is up there in this post) so I'll be able to send you the GDerp once I finish transcribing what we have here into it.

Email away! by SeaTurtle on 2014-09-15 02:46:00 UTC Reply

And thanks for RPing with me!