Nor can I!

Subject: Nor can I!
Author: Fish Custard
Posted on: 2014-01-26 02:15:00 UTC

Doctor: No, no, no, you can't map Gallifrey's position, it doesn't have a position, it's... lost.

Fisherman: Well clearly it isn't - you saved it - locking it in a subcontinuum. Shouldn't be all that hard to find.

Doctor: A subwhat?

Disentangler: Don't tell me there's some technobabble that you don't know, Doctor?

Notary: Hardly babble, Disentangler - a subcontinuum is a...

Morgan: Yes. We know what a subcontinuum is.

Doctor: Well I don't!

Agent: [whispers to the Doctor] You know jumpers? And you've got all these fibers that make it up? If that's a continuum, a subcontinuum is like a bobble on the jumper. It's part of it but... not part of it. Does that help?

Doctor: [whispers back] Not really... why are we whispering. Everyone's staring at us.

Agent: I didn't want theNotarytostartcorrectingme

Librarian: Not an unwise decision.

Notary: Children. All of you are children, bickering and squawking back and forth.

Reader: Oh really? How old are you, then, Notary?

Notary: When you address me, you address the office of Spinel Promontor - adjust your tone to suit, Citrine Theorist.

Librarian: You avoided the question, 'Spinel Promontor' - how old are you?

Notary: As if it is relevant - 186.

Fisherman: Excellent!

Librarian: What about the Notary being 186 is excellent?

Fisherman: Well, I was seriously worried about being the youngest one here...

Disentangler: [Bursts out laughing] Hang on! 186? I was still doing my research project at the Academy when I was 186.

Notary: Which shows a distinct lack of academic aptitude, clearly.

Doctor: I never finished mine - I wasn't allowed. They never could get over that incident with the rhinoceros and the kangaroos.

Notary: So it was you who inspired those safety posters - I might have known.

Morgan: [Retrieves a small microphone like device from under the table] OKAY! EVERYBODY PLEASE SHUT YOUR RESPECTIVE PIE HOLES!

Fisherman: What on many, many Earths is that?

Morgan: AN AMPLIFICATION DEVICE. MAYBE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME NOW. CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND!

Fisherman: [Wrestles amplification device away from Morgan] AND WHAT IS THAT?

Morgan: Well, I think it was...

Morgan is interrupted by the materialisation of another TARDIS: a large blue box that just happened to land right in front of the exit door.

Morgan: ...er... hold that thought.

Doctor: Well I don't remember this at all...

The doors of the newly-arrived TARDIS open and the stocky figure of the Ninth Doctor steps out.

9th Doctor: Oh, hello. Who are you lot then?

11th Doctor: I remember, it's the Northern one - hello there! Wow... I'd almost forgotten about the ears, those are quite something.

Reader: Er, Morgan - I think we might have found our first official item of business, because I'm pretty sure what's happening right now can't actually happen.

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Continuity Council: The Squabbling Continues by Outhra on 2014-01-26 02:03:00 UTC Reply

You wouldn't expect a Time Lord organization to stay down from something as simple as a thread being pushed from its place, would you? Well, that's not going to happen again for a while. The threads on the Other Board hardly ever move!

A summary in case you need to be refreshed or you didn't read the original thread: the PPC's Time Lord Agents have formed a Continuity Council, which was designed ostensibly to watch over canon and keep it stable, but in practice seems largely concerned with bickering between its members. Several Boarders decided after the Council had been formed to write minutes on some of the Council's meetings, which continued until the thread was pushed off of the front page. So, I decided to move copies of the original scripts to the Other Board so that people could keep working on them if they wanted to. I wouldn't want the fun to stop just because the original thread is out of most peoples' way! I'm only including the sequence dealing with the aforementioned Council meetings, though, because it was both the section that was left unfinished and the section that the Boarders seemed to most enjoy working on.
Huinesoron has compiled the original thread's in-character sections, including the scripts, into this Google Docs page, which I'm adding here as an additional reference. I wanted to put in all of the scripts here in their initial form, though, both to keep the natural progression going and to keep the individual sections distinct while we're still in the process of finishing the story.

When I get my tablet back from my cousin, by Lily Winterwood on 2014-01-26 02:06:00 UTC Reply

I'll draw this.

That'll be -amazing!- by wobblestheclown on 2014-01-26 02:07:00 UTC Reply

Also, everyone on the council needs to get on a Google Doc and put together the minutes to a meeting, or rather the documents concerning their constant arguments, complaints, shouting, and so on.

Iunno, I just like the whole "Not So Omniscient Council Of Bickering" thing. Maybe it's because I have relatives who work in local government...

On a related note... by DawnFire on 2014-01-26 02:08:00 UTC Reply

First of all, that would be hilarious.

And secondly, well, in case anyone ever wanted to watch a Time Lord freak out about Councils? That's pretty much what the Reader's ended up doing. (Imayhavewrittentheintrotoamission)

Council of Bickering...I like this. Add to the mix that at least one member is constantly on the lookout for similarities to Rassilon's Time War era beliefs, and, well...

Reader: /suspiciously/ That sounds rather a lot like the Lord President, did you know him?

Morgan: Oh, not this again.

Disentangler: Well, she does have a point--we don't want to follow in his footsteps--

Fisherman: If I may point out--I mean, this doesn't actually sound like Rassi--

Reader: /accusingly, to Morgan/ You told me this Continuity Council would not go the way of the High Council, you promised--

Notary: Well, this is all very...charming. Could we maybe get back on topic, or is that something you've all abandoned?

Morgan: Oh, don't you start. This isn't--

Agent: Maybe we should all calm down? No? Alright, I'll just...stay here, then.

Reader: Next thing you know we'll be trying to ascend!

Morgan: This isn't the High Council of Gallifrey!

/and chaos./

...that was fun...

~DF

I may or may not have just coated my laptop in coffee. by wobblestheclown on 2014-01-26 02:10:00 UTC Reply

Well played.

---

Notary [clearly relishing the infighting a little bit]: A-hem. If it please the Council, I have composed a short preliminary constitution for our dealings. Item one: The Continuity Council of Gallifrey-in-Exile (hereafter referred to as the Council or Continuity Council) stands for the...

[QUITE A WHILE LATER]

Notary [smug as a well-fed cat with a secret it's about to sell to the press]: ... and furthermore, to clarify our position as guardians of Gallifreyan heritage in a changing, chaotic multiverse. Any questions?

Reader: ... is it over?

Disentangler: How is it possible for a single person to contain that much legalese?

Morgan: Do you just not need to breathe or something? How can you exist without breathing?

Notary: I was primarily concerned with your comprehension of the preliminary constitution, but if you wish to behave like the gang of slovenly renegades you are, perhaps I need to express myself more clearly-

Disentangler: Morgan, you've set her off again!

Fisherman [jamming his fingers in his ears and burrowing under the table]: If I can't hear it, it's not really happening, if I can't hear it, it's not really happening...

Morgan: Ugh. Notary. For the love of... whatever you hold dear, I don't know, well-organized filing systems or something, just shut up. Please.

Notary: Why, of all the - I've never been so insulted!

Morgan: Only 'cause you weren't paying attention, now shut. Up.

Notary: Feh. I don't know why I expected better from you and the rest of these exiled miscegenators. Oh, if only Rassilon could see what his people are reduced to-

Reader: Yeah, sure! If Rassilon was here, everything'd be A-okay! Just so long as we, you know, tried to destroy the universe and all of reality! Oh, and behaved like good little thought-slaves, can't forget that!

Notary: Our Lord President was doing what he thought best for the Time Lords and for Gallifrey, as was his right-

Reader: His RIGHT? Morgan, where didja dig this one up, I want it carpet bombed-

Morgan [screaming herself hoarse]: ENOUGH!

[The room falls silent.]

Morgan [much quieter now]: Enough. Especially you, Notary. Just sit down. This isn't going to be like the High Council. Nobody here is Rassilon. Nobody here is above another. We are just trying to do what's right for Gallifrey and for the plot of our home. Remember that? Good. Now then... thank you for your proposals, Spinel Promotor, I'll bear them in mind when we draft our constitution. All of us. Together. All in favour?

[Everyone raises their hands, even the Notary, albeit with a hint of bad grace about it.]

Morgan: Good. Now. Who's got something to talk about who isn't the Notary do I have to duct-tape your mouth shut or something?

Notary: Are your particular preferences really suitable for airing at a solemn gather-

Morgan: AUGH!

Reader: I've got something to say.

Morgan: Alright, you have the floor. [to herself] Deep breaths, Morgan, deep breaths...

Reader: Are you sure there's nobody above another in this room? Because you seem to be railroading us quite a bit, and that's how it all started-

[Morgan's collar switches off as her head bounces repeatedly off the table.]

Fisherman: ... Uh, Morgan? Can I come out now?

---

I trust that was acceptable. =]

This whole thing is brilliant by Fish Custard on 2014-01-26 02:11:00 UTC Reply

Hopefully I can keep up to the standard!

---

Morgan: Yes, you can come out now.

Fisherman: [Getting up from under the table and deploying his collar] Good! Can we make some sense now?

Notary: You're one to talk about making sense.

Agent: Didn't you use a rubber chicken to stabilise a dysfunctional reality?

Fisherman: Didn't you use Avada Kedavra on the spirit of a building? Or was that the Disentangler, I forget...

Disentangler: Actually, I just hit it with a book.

Morgan: Wait... a rubber chicken? What?

Librarian: Was it nice under the table? I think I'll take a break there.

Fisherman: Not bad. Bit cramped, but what do you expect.

Notary: Why are we here? We've established that we're not here to ascend to a higher plane of existence, and that's it. I proposed a sensible set of constitutional articles, can we at least pretend to discuss them?

Morgan: No. Next item of business?

---

Hehe~ :D

You can and you are. I'm grinning like a loon. =oD by wobblestheclown on 2014-01-26 02:12:00 UTC Reply

I wonder what'd happen if the Doctor happened upon this meeting?

---

Agent: Uh, yeah, I've got something. I mean, something actually productive.

Morgan: Thank every god within shouting distance. Whatcha got?

Notary: Castellan, the correct form of address is-

Morgan [with a smile... or at least showing her teeth, which counts, right?]: Item the second: motion to use Council petty cash fund for electrical tape to shut the Notary up. All in favour?

[Hands fly into the air like VTOL fighters.]

Morgan: Aaaaand the motion is passed via majority vote.

Notary [muttering]: This is going in the blasted minutes, y'jumped-up trigger-happy renegade...

Morgan: Okay. Agent, continue where ya left off. [with a snide glance at the Notary] Whatcha got?

Agent [ignoring the Notary's rolled eyes]: Well, uh, you said part of my brief's other media, right? So, with the Night Of The Doctor prequel making Big Finish's Eighth Doctor adventures canon... do I have to listen to all of them, or is that the Disentangler's wheelhouse?

Morgan: ... Huh. That's actually a good point. Err'body?

Disentangler [pretty much instantly]: He can do it.

Agent: Hey!

Fisherman: I'm not sure. I mean, my first instinct would be it's the Agent's job, but...

Librarian: I mean, from what I understand of all this I guess it'd technically be the Agent's job?

Morgan: Oh, for the love of all that's holy, don't bring up technicalities around that one. [She jabs a thumb at the Notary, who grumbles to herself]

Notary: I beg your pardon?

Disentangler: Hey, d'you reckon if you say "Incorrectly Completed Tax Return" three times in front of a bathroom mirror with the lights off, the Notary'll appear behind you?

Notary: Tigereye Castellan, I really must protest! This is entirely unnecessary-

Morgan: Nuh-uh. That legal mumbo-jumbo that came outta your face like a busted dam, that was unnecessary. Calling us exiles like we were war criminals or something was unnecessary. This? Entirely justified. The council does not recognise your complaints.

Notary: Well! [She sits back down heavily and harrumphs in peace]

Reader: Why did we let her in again?

Morgan: Because everyone else here hates paperwork, and I think she gets high from folder fumes. Getting back to the topic at hand, though... we should vote. Those in favour of giving the audio drama adventures to the Sapphire Watcher rather than the Amethyst Keeper?

[Three hands raise]

Morgan: And those against?

[Four hands raise, including Morgan's]

Morgan: Motion is passed. Hey, look, we did something, guys! We actually made a decision! Was that so hard?

[The Notary motions to speak, but thinks better of it.]

Morgan: And the Notary's learning too. This might not be so bad after all!

Reader: That patronising attitude... that's where it all began, you know-

Fisherman: Didn't you say it was railroading people that was where it all started?

Reader: What, you want to go back to how Lord President Rassilon would've run it?

Notary: Is there something wrong with that? The Lord President was a charismatic leader in a time of incredible conflict!

Reader: Yeah, you side with the lunatic monomaniac, Notary! Go you! There's a gold star over there!

Morgan [resignedly]: ... Then again, it might not be worth it in the slightest.

---

We're cruel to these people, we really are.

Suddenly, a Dalek interrupts! by Outhra on 2014-01-26 02:13:00 UTC Reply

(Not to shoot at the Councillors, of course. Humanized Daleks are more civil than that. Instead, the Continuity Council room's door flies open, and a single Strategist Dalek rolls fervently through to confront the assembled Time Lords.)

Fearn: HALT! HALT! WHAT IS THE MEAN-ING OF THIS TRANS-GRESS-ION!

Agent: What? Who let a bloody Dalek over here? And more importantly, who let a Dalek know where we were?

Fearn: FOOL-ISH TIME LORDS! IF YOU DID NOT WISH TO BE-COME VICTIM TO THE WON-DROUS TRACKING SKILLS OF A STRA-TE-GIST OF THE DA-LEKS, A CATEGORY WHICH IN-CLUDES MY-SELF, FEARN, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE MADE YOUR TRANS-MISS-ION RECORDS SO SIM-PLE TO HACK!
HA
HA
HA

Fisherman: Wait, you hacked our communications?

Fearn: YES.

Fisherman: But there would've been no call to unless you knew we were planning something, and this is the first Council meeting, so no one would've even known we had any plans! Unless... have you been spying on one of us beforehand?

Fearn: IRRELEVANT.

Fisherman: I think it's perfectly rele-

Fearn: IRRELEVANT!

Disentangler: (sighing) Oh, wonderful. Fearn-

Fearn: THE TIME LORDS HAVE AS-SEM-BLED IN THEIR FEEBLE GA-THER-ING, AND IT IS WITHIN THE RIGHTS OF A SU-PE-RI-OR RACE SUCH AS THE DA-LEKS TO PROVE THE SU-PE-RIORITY OF THEMSELVES IN ALL THINGS, IN-CLU-DING CON-GRE-GA-TION!

Reader: ...What?

Fearn: IF YOU TIME LORDS ARE TO A-SSEM-BLE A COUNCIL OF YOUR GREATEST MINDS AND WARR-I-ORS, THE DA-LEKS, LED IN THEIR RIGH-TEOUS EFFORT BY MY-SELF, FEARN, SHALL A-SSEM-BLE A COUNCIL THAT SHALL MAKE YOURS SEEM AS IN-SIG-NI-FI-CANT AS DUST, TO BE-FIT THE TRUE STAN-DING OF YOUR PEOPLE IN COM-PARISON TO THAT OF THE WONDROUS DA-LEK RACE!

Reader: (to the Librarian) Do we even have enough Daleks for a council?

Librarian: Until a few moments ago, I was unaware that we had any whatsoever. (to Fearn) And I believe it would be a parliament, would it not?

Fearn: AS FOUNDER AND HIGH CHAN-CELL-OR OF THE CON-GRE-GA-TION OF THE DA-LEKS, IT IS MY SWORN AND NOBLE DUTY TO DECIDE WHAT SAID CON-GRE-GA-TION SHALL BE CALLED, TIME LORD!

Disentangeler: Oh, please. You're only "High Chancellor" because you're the only one on your so-called Dalek Council. Now, can you vamoose? We were almost getting to a-

Fearn: RE-CRUIT-ING OTHER DA-LEKS WAS AL-WAYS PART OF THE COUN-CIL'S PLAN! SPE-CI-FI-CALLY, THE FOURTH STEP IN THE GLORIOUS TEN-STEP PLAN FOR-MU-LA-TED BY MYSELF, FEARN, TO PROVE THE SU-PER-I-OR-I-TY OF THE DA-LEKS IN YET ANOTHER MATTER!

Reader: Being obnoxious?

Fearn: DON'T YOU START!

Morgan: (smirking) Notary, what are you getting in the minutes for this?

Fearn: ...IT SUD-DEN-LY STRIKES ME THAT YOU MAY NOT BE TAKING THIS AT ALL SE-RI-OUS-LY.

Agent: What was your first tip-off?

Fearn: TO BE HONEST, IT WAS PRO-BAB-LY THE POINT WHEN I WAS QUES-TIONED ON MY METHODS OF IN-FOR-MA-TION GATHERING RA-THER THAN DI-RECT-LY OP-POSED, VERBALLY OR O-THER-WISE.

Fisherman: So about ten seconds in, then.

Agent: Questions like those are usually meant rhetorically, Fearn.

Notary: Why are you addressing this interloper in so familiar a manner?

Agent: He doesn't have another name. At least, he hasn't got one he's not shouted at the top of his lungs three times now.

Fearn: I'D THOUGHT IT WAS AT LEAST FOUR.

Notary: It is not your place to speak here, Dalek!

Morgan: At least he's far more compelling than you were.

Notary: A DALEK?

Agent: I believe he's shouted that bit at least six times now.

Fearn: SEVEN! I RE-MEM-BER THAT ONE!

Disentangler: Of course you do.

Notary: Less compelling than a Dalek‽

Fearn: WATCH AS THE TIME LORD QUAILS AT THE MERE MEN-TION OF DA-LEK SU-PRE-MA-CY! VISIBLY SHAKES, EVEN!

Notary: I am not quailing!

Fearn: YES? PER-HAPS IT IS SUP-PRESSED RAGE AT THE NU-MER-OUS SAR-CAS-TIC POTSHOTS OF THIS FEEBLE IM-I-TA-TION COUN-CIL THAT DRIVES YOU. OR MORE LIKE-LY, YOU ARE IN DE-NI-AL!

Disentangler: Notary, don't encourage him.

Fearn: IT IS NO SHAME. DENIAL IS A TRAIT SHARED AMONG MANY OF THE IN-FER-I-OR RACES. WITH-OUT IT, YOUR COUN-CIL WOULD COLLAPSE OUT OF SHAME, CRUSHED UNDER ITS IN-EV-I-TAB-LE IG-NOM-I-NY!

Librarian: Wait just a moment!

Morgan: Hold on, Librarian. I've almost got it lined up.

Librarian: You have what lined up?

Morgan: Three... two... one...

(A dull boom sounds from under Morgan's seat, followed shortly by a barely visible ripple in space. The Dalek Fearn, who in his pace-like rolling about had unfortunately moved between the Tigereye Castellan spot on the table and the still-open door once every twenty-eight seconds, is propelled through the opening, not stopping until he hits the opposing wall with a thump. Triumphantly, Morgan stands up from her chair, places a faintly crackling apparatus on the table in front of her, walks over to the door, and loudly closes it.)

Morgan: Consider the Continuity Council defended. (sits back down) Now, where exactly were we? I could've sworn we were almost onto something.

Fisherman: Something about whether one of us gets more work, I think.

Agent: I think it was Dis who was getting something else to do.

Disentangler: And I suppose you'd quite like that, wouldn't you?

Fisherman: I distinctly remember something involving filing cabinets and duct tape.

(Outside the door, Dalek Fearn has shaken off the concussive blast, and has moved close enough to the door to hear the entirety of the last few seconds.)

Fearn: (abnormally quietly) YES. STEP THREE IN THE GLO-RI-OUS TEN-STEP PLAN TO AFFIRM YET ANOTHER AS-PECT OF DALEK SU-PER-I-OR-I-TY IS PROCEEDING A-PACE. NOW TO IN-I-TI-ATE STEP FOUR!
(rolling away)
Fearn: PER-HAPS O-MI-CRON WOULD BE IN-TER-ES-TED IN A COUN-CIL PO-SI-TION.

(I know, I know, I don't have any Time Lords on the Continuity Council, but I couldn't resist involving at least one of the PPC's Daleks. It was originally going to be a summary of how they would all react as a group, but then it turned into just Fearn, and then into a little script like the others in this chain. I hope it lives up to the standard of everyone else's! If it doesn't, I suppose you could all pretend it doesn't exist, since it is sort of off-topic to begin with.)

Can't resist. by DawnFire on 2014-01-26 02:14:00 UTC Reply

The Doctor chances upon this meeting. Or possibly a future meeting. They tend to all go more or less the same way.

/general arguing as usual/

Notary: ...And, insofar as we, the remaining citizens of Gallifrey, are gathered and in council, [snipped for legalese] ...to rule over the remainder of the organization termed the 'PPC'--

Fisherman: /comes out of a trance/ Wait, did you just--

Disentangler: She did. We're not taking over the PPC, Notary!

/dazed silence/

Disentangler: /looks around/ I said, we're not taking over the PPC!

Agent: What? Who said we were? Why would we want to?

Fisherman: It was the Notary.

Morgan: Of course it was the Notary. Who else would it be?

Notary: As we possess superior intelligence, although it would be difficult to discern this fact from these gatherings--

Fisherman: Hey!

Reader: You do realize, of course, that it would be extremely difficult for us to actually prove superior intelligence to every single person in HQ? They're pretty varied.

Librarian: /thoughtfully/ True, although with all of us together, we might well be--

Morgan: Can we focus? Notary, we're not taking over HQ.

Notary: /snidely/ Of course you would curtail the--

Fisherman: Does anyone else hear that?

Disentangler: Hear what?

Agent: Wait, is that--?

Reader: That sounds very familiar...

Librarian: /to the Notary/ It is not a question of denying ourselves the right to our proper place, but rather the denial of a wish to stage a coup against the Flowers--

Morgan: We're not staging any coups! No one is staging--

Fisherman: Um, Morgan, Librarian--

Morgan: Not now, busy--

Doctor: ...so, what's going on here, then?

Disentangler: Well, you see, it started when...

/Morgan, the Librarian, and the Notary are now engaged in a shouting match/

Doctor: ...a Continuity Council?

Reader: It's...been interesting. I mean, we've withstood a Dalek invasion--

Fisherman: It was only Fearn, wasn't that much of an invasion--

Reader: --and, well, the Notary's always one to withstand--

Notary: Excuse me?

Reader: --and no one's shown more than a few false alarms in the way of wanting to follow Rassilon, so, generally speaking, we're doing pretty well!

Disentangler: /dryly/ We also manage to get things done, from time to time.

Doctor: A Continuity Council.

Morgan: Doctor, when did you get here?

Doctor: Oh, I just--popped in--/to Notary/ um, you were saying?

Notary: You would agree, Doctor, that Time Lords possess superior intellect--

Reader: Oh, do shut up for a change, we can't possibly prove--

Agent: Maybe we should try to. It would keep her quiet, if nothing else--

Morgan: I think you're missing the fact that even if we could prove 'superior intelligence' we won't be staging any coups--

Doctor: What's this, then?

Disentangler: /rolls eyes/ The Notary's latest idea is to take over HQ.

Morgan: Nothing to worry about, we stop most of her ideas. Shouldn't you have a companion?

Doctor: She's at home, actually.

Agent: Shouldn't you have regenerated by now?

Doctor: Oi! Nothing wrong with this body!

Reader: /quietly/ Well, if you like floppy hair...

Fisherman: And bow-ties, for that matter.

Librarian: Could we perhaps return to our true objective for this meeting?

Morgan: Yes, of course.

/pause/

Doctor: So, what's this meeting about? Vacations? Intelligence? Jammy dodgers?

Fisherman: I think it had something to do with mapping Gallifrey's position in the sky from multiple planets...and there was definitely something about duct tape and the Notary...

--
I keep feeling like I'm missing a Time Lord, but there just aren't too many of them, are there...I mean, we've got Morgan, the Fisherman, the Disentangler, the Agent, the Librarian, the Notary, and the Reader...and I think that's everyone, isn't it? I mean, except for in this case, where the Doctor came to join...

~DF

Nor can I! by Fish Custard on 2014-01-26 02:15:00 UTC Reply

Doctor: No, no, no, you can't map Gallifrey's position, it doesn't have a position, it's... lost.

Fisherman: Well clearly it isn't - you saved it - locking it in a subcontinuum. Shouldn't be all that hard to find.

Doctor: A subwhat?

Disentangler: Don't tell me there's some technobabble that you don't know, Doctor?

Notary: Hardly babble, Disentangler - a subcontinuum is a...

Morgan: Yes. We know what a subcontinuum is.

Doctor: Well I don't!

Agent: [whispers to the Doctor] You know jumpers? And you've got all these fibers that make it up? If that's a continuum, a subcontinuum is like a bobble on the jumper. It's part of it but... not part of it. Does that help?

Doctor: [whispers back] Not really... why are we whispering. Everyone's staring at us.

Agent: I didn't want theNotarytostartcorrectingme

Librarian: Not an unwise decision.

Notary: Children. All of you are children, bickering and squawking back and forth.

Reader: Oh really? How old are you, then, Notary?

Notary: When you address me, you address the office of Spinel Promontor - adjust your tone to suit, Citrine Theorist.

Librarian: You avoided the question, 'Spinel Promontor' - how old are you?

Notary: As if it is relevant - 186.

Fisherman: Excellent!

Librarian: What about the Notary being 186 is excellent?

Fisherman: Well, I was seriously worried about being the youngest one here...

Disentangler: [Bursts out laughing] Hang on! 186? I was still doing my research project at the Academy when I was 186.

Notary: Which shows a distinct lack of academic aptitude, clearly.

Doctor: I never finished mine - I wasn't allowed. They never could get over that incident with the rhinoceros and the kangaroos.

Notary: So it was you who inspired those safety posters - I might have known.

Morgan: [Retrieves a small microphone like device from under the table] OKAY! EVERYBODY PLEASE SHUT YOUR RESPECTIVE PIE HOLES!

Fisherman: What on many, many Earths is that?

Morgan: AN AMPLIFICATION DEVICE. MAYBE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME NOW. CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE TOPIC AT HAND!

Fisherman: [Wrestles amplification device away from Morgan] AND WHAT IS THAT?

Morgan: Well, I think it was...

Morgan is interrupted by the materialisation of another TARDIS: a large blue box that just happened to land right in front of the exit door.

Morgan: ...er... hold that thought.

Doctor: Well I don't remember this at all...

The doors of the newly-arrived TARDIS open and the stocky figure of the Ninth Doctor steps out.

9th Doctor: Oh, hello. Who are you lot then?

11th Doctor: I remember, it's the Northern one - hello there! Wow... I'd almost forgotten about the ears, those are quite something.

Reader: Er, Morgan - I think we might have found our first official item of business, because I'm pretty sure what's happening right now can't actually happen.

I'll try my hand at it, then. by Huinesoron on 2014-01-26 02:17:00 UTC Reply

Morgan: [Stunned silence]

Disentangler: Oh, come on, now there's two of him?

9th Doctor: Two? Two of... [He locks gaze with the 11th Doctor] ... oh. Right.

11th Doctor: Yes. Exactly.

9th Doctor: Well, the one in yellow's right - this can't happen.

11th Doctor: You'd be amazed how often I hear that.

9th Doctor: Oh, I know. 'That's impossible, Doctor!' 'Doctor, that doesn't make any sense!' 'Doctor, I don't-'

11th Doctor: '-understand!' Yep, that's the one. And it's always the women, have you noticed?

9th Doctor: Well, there's Ricky-

11th Doctor: Yes, no, actually, that was rubbish, what I just said. Never mind.

Librarian: Regardless of whether this is physically possible, it certainly should not happen. The chances of even one TARDIS simply landing in HQ are unbelievably low-

The Reader: Mine did!

Morgan: And mine.

Notary: And, much though it pains me to admit it, mine.

Morgan: [Turning to the Notary] Wait a minute... I remember you.

Notary: Well, I would hope so! I am the Spinel-

Morgan: No, before that... in Arcadia. You misfiled my mother's tax return!

Notary: You must be mistaken. I would never 'misfile' anything.

Morgan: Antrilovorasilendar, First Taxation-Related Intermediary of the Arcadian 7th District Council Reasonable Expenses Subcommittee. It was you - I'd recognise that supercilious attitude anywhere.

Notary: I hardly think my-

Morgan: But you must be... why did you say you were 186?

Notary: I beg your pardon?

Morgan: When the Librarian asked.

Notary: I said no such thing. I am 682, and would never say otherwise - unlike certain Time Lords.

11th Doctor: What? Me? What? Am I in this conversation now?

Morgan: No. Maybe. Hey, Fisherman?

Fisherman: [Through the amplification device] YES?

Morgan: Give. [Morgan grabs the amplification device] HEY, EVERYONE. LISTEN UP.

[The room slowly falls into silence]

Morgan: Thank you. Who here remembers the Notary saying she was 186?

[The Fisherman, Librarian, and Disentangler raise their hands]

Morgan: And who thinks she said 682?

[The 11th Doctor, the Notary, and the Reader raise their hands]

Disentangler: [To the Agent] So what did you hear?

Agent: Oh, I was ignoring her.

Disentangler: Good plan.

[The two Doctors exchange a look]

11th Doctor: Right - this is where it gets interesting. So we all remember her saying different things, right before he showed up.

9th Doctor: Oy, watch it with the 'he'.

11th Doctor: Sorry, 'Oncoming Storm'. What I'm getting at is-

9th Doctor: A temporal fold. Two slightly different versions of the timeline, one in which I arrive after that conversation, one where you show up before it. Right?

11th Doctor: Right.

9th Doctor: And that can't happen.

11th Doctor: Clearly, it can. There's no point arguing the fact.

9th Doctor: No, but that can't happen. The power requirements to maintain a temporal fold even for a second are unimaginable! Even before Gallifrey fell-

Reader: But Gallifrey is-

Disentangler: Shh! He doesn't know, remember? He's in the wrong place in his timeline!

9th Doctor: What don't I know?

[Silence]

On it. by wobblestheclown on 2014-01-26 02:17:00 UTC Reply

Notary: Oh, quite a lot of things, renegade. Decency, decorum, the minutiae of laws regarding theft-

9th Doctor [seething]: What. Don't. I. Know?

Fisherman: How to juggle?

11th: Oooh, I know how to juggle, and I learned ages ago, which means he probably does too.

Notary: And in what way could that possibly be considered to be relevant?

11th Doctor: I just wanted to make a contribution.

Notary: Then kindly refrain from making any more, they're neither wanted or needed.

Morgan: Notary?

Notary: Yes?

Morgan: Glass houses, Notary.

Notary: Excuse me?

9th Doctor: Oh, I see what you're doing. It's a distraction. Very clever, love the bickering, really makes it believable.

Morgan: ... You think I'm faking how much I hate that b-

9th Doctor: But it's not going to work, now TELL ME!

Notary [sighing]: We can't, renegade.

9th Doctor: Can't or won't?

Notary: Choose whichever answer is most amenable to you; the consequences are the same.

Morgan: It's about your future, if that helps. Don't want to spawn any paradoxes in HQ, the janitors hate having to clear 'em up.

9th Doctor: Nice try.

11th Doctor: Look, ears-me.

9th Doctor: You what?

11th Doctor: Just... me, then. There's a lot you can't know. There's a lot you have to do before you can get to where I am.

9th Doctor: Does that include getting my dress sense erased?

11th Doctor: Hey, bow ties are cool - doesn't matter. The point is, the actual pointiest point of it is, that... well, not everything stays dead. You can't know how I know that until you're standing here on my side of the room.

9th Doctor: Heh.

Disentangler: Uh, did I miss the funny part?

9th Doctor [smiling wide, but with the anger of a god behind his eyes]: Not at all. It just... makes sense. I met a Dalek a few days ago, well, a few days ago for me, subjective time and so on. It thought it was the last, they're never the last, so what we did... what I did... it was all for nothing, wasn't it? All for absolutely nothing. We lost. The Time Lords lost. And that's the biggest joke of all, isn't it? That we all fought and died for absolutely nothing.

11th Doctor: I'm-

9th Doctor: Sorry? Is that the word that was going to dance merrily out of your mouth? You're sorry?

11th Doctor: No. I'm just going to let you believe all that because you're not ready to accept how wrong you are about it. Not yet. Not for a while.

9th Doctor: ... How wrong?

11th Doctor: I can't say. You know I can't. You know the rules.

9th Doctor: Hmph. Well, when have either of us cared about the rules?

Notary [shoving a hand in her pocket]: Councillors, let us put it to a vote. All those in favour of, in theory, informing the younger Doctor of his homeworld's fate?

[A few hands rise. Morgan gapes at the Notary.]

Morgan: You've snapped. You've finally up and snapped-

Notary: [whispering to Morgan] I have an idea, one I'm surprised you didn't think of. [louder] And those opposed?

[An equal number of hands]

Notary: Tigereye Castellan, you have the deciding vote.

Morgan: I... vote in favour.

Notary: Excellent. The motion is carried. Older Doctor, it is the will of this Council that you explain the events of the Last Day of the Time War to your younger self.

11th Doctor: But... what about-

Notary: This Council will hold you in its contempt should you not do so.

11th Doctor: Oh, will it now?

Notary: Yes it will. Chop chop, renegade. You're running late.

[The 11th Doctor sighs and shakes his head, then begins to tell the 9th Doctor what happened in the serial Day Of The Doctor. The latter is so engrossed in the telling that he doesn't notice the Notary palming something from the pocket of her robes. Finally, the tale ends.]

9th Doctor: They survived?

11th Doctor: Locked away, outside of time. But this is your future, and you shouldn't know it.

Notary: And you won't.

9th Doctor: What- [He is interrupted by a flash of red light. The Notary tucks her neuralyser away in her pocket and begins to set up some details]

Morgan: Huh. That was kinda obvious, now that I think about it. Wait, where did you even get that?

Notary: Stores. I filled out the requisition forms in triplicate some time ago as a matter of course.

Agent: Is that how you get off or something? I mean, glass of wine, smooth jazz, rose petals leading up the stairs to some 15-Bs that have to be filled in, that's romantic to you, right?

Notary: Were it to be so, Amethyst Keeper, I guarantee that you would be the last person I choose for such an endeavour.

Agent: Oh, thanks.

Notary: You are quite welcome, Amethyst Keeper.

9th Doctor: So, fun as all this was, it doesn't answer the question: how did both of us get here?

Fearn: THROUGH THE WORKINGS OF SUP-REME CHANCELLOR FEARN, SUP-REME CHANCELLOR OF THE HIGH COUNCIL OF THE DA-LEKS!

---

Tune in next week for the shocking continuation of... er... whatever we're calling this thing that we do.

Okay, so it took a little longer than a day. by Outhra on 2014-01-26 02:30:00 UTC Reply

[But at least it wasn't a week! For those of you who are keeping track, this is the last script that was copy-pasted from the main Board. Everything else, when it arrives, is new material for this thread.]

(Fearn rolls into the room)

Fearn: THE LAST STEPS ARE BEING PUT IN-TO PLACE FOR THE IN-EV-IT-A-BLE TRI-UMPH OF THE DA-LEKS!

Ninth Doctor: Dalek! Back, all of you! Get back!

(He and Eleven run to the front of the group, sonic screwdrivers pointed at Fearn)

Fearn: AND WHAT, PRECISELY, DO YOU INTEND TO DO WITH THOSE, DOC-TORS? UNSCREW MY TRAVEL MACHINE CASING?

Eleventh Doctor: Regrettably, I almost agree with him. This may not have been the best plan.

Ninth Doctor: Since when was this ever a plan? (beat) And when did they start making blue Daleks?

Eleventh Doctor: Well, I've seen Daleks in blue before, saw a whole rainbow of Daleks once, though none were this one's frankly delightful and decidedly non-terrifying shade of robins-egg.

Fearn: I AM EM-PY-RE-AN! IT WAS A THE-SAUR-US MIX-UP!

Ninth Doctor: You're a bit mixed-up yourself, I'd say. Look at you, another washed-up dreg of the Dalek race, probably here to wipe out the last few Time Lords in existence-

Librarian: (whispered to the Notary) He recovered quickly.

Notary: A neuralyzed mind is a very flexible structure. Besides, I pre-loaded the new memories. I don't like taking risks.

Ninth Doctor: (continues, not having heard the previous exchange) -and you can't even be organized about it! Look at you, just bounding in announcing your so-called victory and babbling about thesauruses, and you've not even tried firing a single shot! I'd already thought the Daleks had hit their peak of delusion, but I see you can still top yourselves!

Fearn: YOU ASSUME TOO MUCH, DOC-TOR. I CAN SEE WHERE YOUR FUTURE SELF OVER THERE GAINED HIS TOWERING ARROGANCE FROM.

Eleventh Doctor: Oy!

(Morgan stands up from her seat abruptly)

Morgan: All three of you, shut it!

(The Doctors look over at Morgan, while simultaneously keeping Fearn within their sight.)

Morgan: It's my responsibility to protect this Council, and that includes keeping these meetings from devolving into a series of unnecessary brawls. I have enough of that to do without unexpected visitors coming in and aggrieving one another. Doctors, Fearn is not a threat.

Fearn: I RESENT THAT!

Morgan: (groan) Not a threat to us.

Fearn: ...BETTER.

Ninth Doctor: Oh, of course, the Dalek who just barged in here shouting about its race's inevitable triumph is completely docile. The last time I met a Dalek who was supposedly "harmless", it ended up, surprise, surprise, killing hundreds of unprepared people! I'm not letting that happen again.

Librarian: It won't. Fearn has been instilled with something called the "human factor". You have seen it before, in your second incarnation, if I recall correctly. It alters the Dalek psyche, disabling some of their pre-conditioned restrictive processes and enabling a wider range of non-aggressive action.

Disentangler: Translated, he's friendly. More or less. It's not as though he doesn't cause problems, but they aren't of the "trying to kill you" variety. Trust us.

(Eleven turns off his sonic screwdriver. Nine scowls, but does the same a few moments later)

Eleventh Doctor: Fine, then. What would a so-called "friendly Dalek" have to gain by sending two time-displaced versions of the same person, their race's greatest enemy no less, into unfamiliar territory?

Fearn: YOUR TOWERING ARR-O-GANCE SHOWS ITSELF ONCE A-GAIN, DOC-TOR.

Disentangler: Fearn, this would go quicker for all of us if you just stop with the insults and answer the question.

Fearn: ...FINE. YOU, DOC-TORS, WERE NOT THE FO-CUS OF OUR PLAN! THE AR-RI-VALS OF THE ON-COM-ING STORM AND THE HUN-TER OF SLORP WERE A SIDE EF-FECT!

Reader: "Our" plan? Who else is involved here?

Eleventh Doctor: "Hunter of Slorp?"

Fearn: JUST LIKE A TIME LORD TO FOCUS ON THE DE-TAILS BEFORE THE WHOLE! IF YOU MUST KNOW, I AM CURRENTLY COLLABORATING WITH DA-LEK OMICRON AND DA-LEK CHAR-LIE ON-

Ninth Doctor: Hold on. There's a Dalek named Charlie?

Fearn: YES. HE WAS THE FIRST TO AC-CEPT MY-

Ninth Doctor: Is he baby-blue, too?

Fearn: HE IS NOT, I AM EM-PY-RE-AN, AND STOP IN-TERR-UP-TING ME!

Reader: You're the one who keeps barging in here, you know. Well, barged in twice, anyway. We can't exactly get a council going with all of these interruptions.

Fearn: (faces the Council table) YES, BECAUSE YOU ARE DIS-PAR-ATE AND IN-COM-PAT-I-BLE. WHILE THE TIME LORDS WERE FORCED TO TRAWL THROUGH THEIR IN-SIG-NI-FI-CANT STORE OF A-GENTS TO SELECT COUN-CILL-ORS, THE DA-LEKS, SPEARHEADED BY THE GLO-RI-OUS KNOWLEDGE AND AC-TION OF MY-SELF, FEARN, HAVE BEEN SCOURING THE MY-RI-AD OF WORLDS FOR ALL POSS-I-BLE VAR-I-A-TIONS ON THE DA-LEK FORM! TRULY OUR SU-PER-I-OR-I-TY IS UNMATCHED IN THE COSMOS!

Agent: Is that what you've been trying to tell us this whole time? Because honestly, that didn't tell anyone of much of anything. Normally, when you give someone new information, it helps if you explain it.

Fisherman: Wait, I think he's talking about the temporal fold.

Fearn: I SEE THAT NOT ALL TIME LORDS ARE IN-CAP-A-BLE OF DE-DUC-TION!

Fisherman: Did you cause that? How would you even know how to do that?

Fearn: I AM A STRA-TE-GIST OF THE DA-LEKS, WITH YEARS OF EX-PER-I-ENCE IN THE DE-PART-MENT OF TEM-PO-RAL OFF-EN-SES! THERE-FORE, I AM AN UN-PAR-ALL-ELLED SUPER-GENIUS SLASH CY-BORG SLASH TIME TRAVEL EXPERT. I AM QUITE SURE THAT I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING.

Morgan: I don't think the cyborg bit helps much with that.

Fearn: I BELIEVE IT DOES.

Ninth Doctor: So, let me get this straight. You've been creating temporal folds, which have the well-deserved reputation of being dangerous and quite possibly threatening to local causality, summoning other Daleks to... wherever this is, and generally trying for an amateur-hour run of mucking about with space-time- (turns to the Disentangler) -and this is the nice Dalek?

Disentangler: I said he was friendly. Not nice.

Fearn: WHY IS IT THAT ONLY THE DA-LEKS REFUSE TO PUSH AWAY THE RISKS OF INN-O-VA-TION? YOU TIME LORDS WOULD MONITOR YOUR PEOPLE FROM THE DI-LU-TED PER-SPEC-TIVE OF A SINGLE BATCH OF DRIF-TERS, OUT-CASTS AND RE-NE-GADES, SIM-PLY BECAUSE YOU SEE POSSIBLE HARM IN STRETCHING YOUR BOUNDARIES. ON-LY THREE DA-LEKS WERE IN-TER-ES-TED IN COUN-CIL PO-SI-TIONS, SO WE USED OUR TEM-POR-AL FOLD TO BRING IN MORE RE-CRUITS! THERE ARE THOU-SANDS OF WORD WORLDS, MILL-IONS OF POSS-I-BLE UN-I-VER-SES, AND A SIMPLE DIS-TOR-TION OF SPACE AND TIME COULD OVERLAP THE SPA-CI-ALLY AM-BI-GU-OUS HALLS OF HEAD-QUAR-TERS WITH A-NY OF THEM! THE DA-LEK HIGH COUNCIL IS NOW COM-POSED OF THE BEST AND GREA-TEST OF THE DA-LEKS, OF ALL FACTIONS AND SUB-TYPES! I EX-PEC-TED THE DOC-TOR TO IN-VES-TI-GATE THE DIS-RUP-TION OF TEM-POR-AL PRO-GRESSION, OF COURSE, THOUGH I HAD PREDICTED ON-LY ONE INSTANCE. IT IS IN THE DOC-TOR'S NA-TURE TO FLY RIGHT IN-TO AN-Y-THING HE DOES NOT UN-DER-STAND.

Eleventh Doctor: Got me pegged there, mate.

Fearn: (angry staccato) WHAT IS IT WITH YOU TIME LORDS AND IN-TERR-UP-TING MY MON-O-LOGUES TO-DAY‽ (Fearn briefly pauses, and performs an feat that would be unthinkable for any non-humanized Dalek: calming down slightly) NOW IF I MAY CON-TIN-UE-

Notary: Hold it! I was going to say something when you erroneously labelled me a renegade(the Notary rankles at the very thought), but this is just going too far.

Fearn: YOU WOULD OP-POSE THE OB-VI-OUS TRUTH OF THE DA-

Notary: I wasn't finished! You're claiming to have, between this meeting and the last one, set up something to allow you to overlap this timeline with an inconceivable number of others, just so that you could pull random Daleks into our reality and ask them if they'd like to me members of your imitation council. Never mind the poor planning involved in literally every step of that, no three Agents would have the resources to enact that plan, even if they were, in your words, "supergenius cyborgs". Besides, the power drain on the DoDAEG generators would cause another blackout before the fold could stay in place for ten seconds. You are just, once again, trying to use the problems that this council has experienced to draw attention to yourself by claiming responsibility for them. In layman's terms, you're bluffing.

Librarian: Notary, I believe that you are disregarding one irrefutable fact. The fold does still exist, even if the Daleks are not causing it. In fact, this Council has directly experienced its effects.

Fisherman: You took the words right from my mouth, Librarian. Well, not really, since I'd have said them slightly differently. But still, Notary, you should know about the fold better than anyone, since your timeline was overlapped so much that for at least a few minutes you were replaced with a five-hundred-years younger doppelgänger who wanted to take over HQ!

Notary: It is not my fault if my fellow Councillors mishear me. I stated my precise age, and if you choose to believe otherwise, you may.

Fisherman: She called herself "Spinel Promontor"! Promontor isn't even a word in our reality!

Notary: (ignoring him) I propose that, even if Fearn were, for some inexplicable reason, the cause of the alleged disruption, he would not be able to maintain it long enough to get anything through it, let alone a cross-multiversal squad of Daleks!

Fearn: I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO SAY THAT. (turns to the door) FELLOW DA-LEK COUN-CILL-ORS! YOU MAY NOW ENTER!

(A Scientist Dalek rolls into the room, flanked by a Time War Dalek and a Crucible Dalek. The two gold-colored Daleks move to opposite sides of the room, one of the two turning to face the Doctors, and the other to face the Council table)

Fearn: (spins toward the Scientist Dalek) DA-LEK LAT! REPORT! REPORT!

Lat: SUPREME CHANCELLOR FEARN! CROSS-TEMPORAL SYNCHRONIZATION HAS SURPASSED SEVENTY PERCENT! THE DALEK HIGH COUNCIL HAS REACHED ITS HIGHEST RATE OF POTENTIAL CANDIDATE TRANSPORT!

Fearn: EX-CELL-ENT! YOUR PO-SI-TION AS TEMPORAL OVERSEER SHALL GO UNCHALLENGED FOR-

Lat: WARNING: THE NULL SPACES HOUSING THE VARIANT FORMS OF HEADQUARTERS CONTINUE TO OVERLAP. ANOMALOUS TRANSPOSITION OF DENIZENS MAY RESULT IF FURTHER SYNCHRONIZATION IS ATTEMPTED WITH THE CURRENT INCREASE IN CROSS-TEMPORAL PACE.

Fearn: ENOUGH. WE WILL DIS-CUSS THIS LA-TER.

(Fearn turns toward the Councillors again, regarding them with a swoop of his eyestalk. Somehow, despite the inability of a Dalek travel machine to show visible emotion, Fearn seems to be emitting waves of smug triumph.)

Fearn: WELL, TIME LORDS? DO YOU DOUBT ME NOW?

(And the belated Fearn post finally arrives! Three days late! Wooo... I would've had it up two days ago, but I needed to rewrite it because the version I had didn't make any sense.
Thanks to Huinesoron for some of these lines, both the ones I lifted directly from his sample and the ones I paraphrased. [Since this is a new thread and you can't see the initial post unless you click on this link, Huinesoron permitted using portions of his sample in whichever script section came next, saying that he'd be "quite happy for this to be inserted in full, ripped to shreds, or totally ignored. Uppa'you". As you can see, I chose the "ripped to shreds" option. ;)]
For further clarification on the "empyrean" thing, Fearn is a lighter color than the standard Strategist Dalek, to differentiate him from the other Strategist Dalek in the PPC, Omicron, who is, as far as we know, more-or-less standard in design. My explanation for this is that the original badfic he came from was full of purple prose and thesaurus abuse, and used what it thought was a synonym for "blue" and turned out instead to notify a specific hue of the color. He's, as you can see, kind of sensitive about it, as far as that word can be applied to a Dalek.
You're up, Lily! We might need to move the Continuity Council to a different thread, though. This one's just about to fall off the front page. I can set up a duplicate on the Other Board, maybe, and link to it from here. That would work.)
[I already did, Future Me! For once, we followed through on one of our ideas!]

Eh, here's my contribution. by Lily Winterwood on 2014-01-30 18:31:00 UTC Reply

[The Time Lords all stare at the congregation (squadron? council? murder?) of Daleks with a mixture of befuddlement, annoyance, and dread.]

Ninth Doctor: You have got to be kidding me.

Eleventh Doctor: No, no, wait, wait. What did he say? [points to Lat]

Lat: THE NULL SPACES HOUSING THE VA-RI-ANT FORMS OF –

Fearn: [cutting him off] YOU WILL CEASE DIS-CUSSING THIS MA-TTER WITH THE TIME LORDS!

Disentangler: He said that we might be looking forward to another Blackout-y sorta thing where random creatures from various continua get pulled in because of this cross-temporal synchronisation. That, or someone’s left the kettle boiling.

Lat: THAT IS AB-SURD. I NE-VER IN-SIN-U-ATED SUCH A THING!

Disentangler: You insinuated at least one of the things.

Lat: BUT I DID NOT IN-SIN-U-ATE ANY-THING ABOUT A KET-TLE. DA-LEKS DO NOT USE KET-TLES!

Fisherman: But then how do you make the tea?

Lat: [in a poshly offended tone] I AM A SCI-EN-TIST DA-LEK. SCI-EN-TIST DA-LEKS DO NOT MAKE TEA.

Agent: [sounding just as affronted, though less posh] What’s the point of you, then?

Fearn: YOU WILL CEASE THIS MIND-LESS BI-CKER-ING AND RE-TURN TO YOUR STA-TION! THE HU-MAN FAC-TOR WAS AD-MIN-I-STERED TO PRE-VENT YOU FROM EX-TER-MIN-ATING YOUR SUP-REME CHAN-CEL-LOR, NOT TO AL-LOW YOU TO BA-BBLE INANELY ABOUT TEA AND KET-TLES.

Lat: INANE BA-BBLE IS HU-MAN. AS IS CLUE-DO.

Reader: Oh, for the love of Omega –

[From her position, Morgan seemed to have regained her cool after the initial shock of seeing the three new Daleks appearing in the room.]

Morgan: Party’s over, buds. [She gestures menacingly at the Dalek Concussor that she had used on Fearn previously.] Time to pack it in and let it go, or else I’ll –

Fearn: [cutting Morgan off] DALEK RHO, REPORT!

[The Crucible Dalek rolls forward.]

Rho: THE CAN-DI-DATES ARE TRANS-POR-TING. COUN-CIL-LORS OMI-CRON AND CHAR-LIE ARE FA-CILI-TA-TING THE AD-MIN-I-STRA-TION OF THE HU-MAN FAC-TOR!

Morgan: [groaning] Just what we bloody needed!

Notary: It's another bluff, I daresay.

Eleventh Doctor: No, no, they’ve got that thing, that pathy-webby thing.

Fearn: EX-ACTLY SO. SOON WE WILL A-MASS MORE THAN A MERE COUNCIL AGAINST THE TIME LORDS –

Ninth Doctor: I still can’t believe you’re all telling me that this is the friendly one.

Agent: It’s all relative.

Fearn: CAN YOU NOT INTERRUPT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF MY EXPOSTULATION?

Agent: Sorry, mate.

Fearn: AS I WAS SAY-ING, SOON WE WILL A-MASS MORE THAN A MERE COUNCIL AGAINST THE TIME LORDS, AND WE WILL SHOW ALL OF HQ WHO THE TRULY SU-PREME –

Rho: SUP-REME CHAN-CE-LLOR FEARN, WE HAVE EN-COUN-TERED A PROB-LEM.

Fearn: EX-TER-MIN-ATE IT.

Fisherman: [drily] Because that’ll totally solve everything.

Librarian: No, no, there is something wrong. The time folds themselves are becoming distorted.

Reader: And how would you know that?

Librarian: Right over there. [Pointing the doorway just behind the Time War Dalek.]

[The Time Lords and the Daleks all turn to see a creature standing in the doorway – a humanoid figure with Dalek bumps lining his sides and electric blue eyes.]

Creature: I AM DA-LEK BEAU.

[Morgan squints suspiciously at the creature before grabbing the Dalek Concussor and firing a bolt or two at it. The creature flew back, momentarily taken by surprise. Morgan sets down the Concussor with a glare.]

Morgan: That’s it. That’s bloody it. We’re going to have to close off these stupid rifts, before more of those things come through.

Notary: I do not believe I have ever encountered –

Morgan: SHUT UP!

[Shocked into silence, the Notary blinks at Morgan]

Morgan: [pointing to the concussed creature] That’s a Dalek Stu.

Fisherman: [eyes wide] That’s what a – what kind of Suefic would have a –

Librarian: So there’s a Suvian element involved in these time rifts –

Disentangler: How on Gallifrey did you recognise the Dalek Stu, Morgan? I don’t think any of us have ever encountered a Sue desperate enough to make a Dalek fall in love –

Morgan: Yeah, well, beware of what you encounter in the Circle of Lemmings. Eleven encountered the Sue who more or less created him.

Eleventh Doctor: I did?

Ninth Doctor: I think Chins and I are equally lost about this thing.

Eleventh Doctor: Hey! My chin is perfectly fine!

Morgan: [ignoring the Eleventh Doctor] Good. [She turns to Fearn] You don’t want this Dalek Stu running around.

Fearn: WE ARE IN AG-REE-MENT FOR ONCE.

Morgan: Then you’re going to accept our help in closing the temporal rift before the rest of them get through.

(Note: Beau is from this parody fic by ThatOne. It's on the Circle, so yeah.)

Small nitpick. by Desdendelle on 2014-01-31 12:26:00 UTC Reply

The Librarian does not use contractions.

Welp, sorry. by Lily Winterwood on 2014-01-31 13:35:00 UTC Reply

Filing that away for future reference.

Oh, I had to. by Huinesoron on 2014-01-31 09:50:00 UTC Reply

Fearn: ... ACCEPTABLE.

Morgan: It had better be. All right, 'Supreme Chancellor' Fearn, tell the Citrine Theorist everything you know. To my knowledge no-one's ever closed a temporal fold before it blew, so we have to move fast. Sapphire Watcher, Amethyst Keeper, I'd really rather be wrong about that, so I need you to scour the canon and find anything that even might be helpful. Jade Warden, you're on monitor duty: work with Lat and Rho to keep track of everything that's-

Reader: Hang on a minute-

Notary: -why are you in charge?

[They glare at each other for a second, angry at having agreed on something]

Morgan: [Icy] What is my job?

Reader: Tigereye Castellan. What-?

Morgan: And what does that entail?

Notary: Defending the Council.

Morgan: Then let me bloody well defend it!

[Deafening silence. Everyone stares at Morgan]

Morgan: Jade Warden, if anything really bad shows up, tell the Doctors. I'm deputising them to Dalek elimination duty.

11th Doctor: Wait, what? Why?

Morgan: Because you're so good at it. Spinel Promotor... you're on Dalek distraction duty. Stop Fearn's 'Council' from causing any more havoc.

Notary: And how do you intend me to do that?

Morgan: I don't know, file their taxes or something. Just do it!

[Everyone scurries to work. Nine comes over to Morgan]

9th Doctor: You've changed. You're not the kid I once knew.

Morgan: Yeah. Things have been... difficult, these last few years.

9th Doctor: The Time War?

Morgan: Mm. [The Librarian taps her on the arm and shows her a tablet. She grimaces] We've got a Special Weapons Dalek in the Mongoose Shelter. Doctors, can you contain it?

11th Doctor: Just tell us where to go.

Fisherman: I'll show you. [He shrugs] Not like I'm doing anything else around here...

[Some time passes. Morgan is standing at the head of the table, which is now covered in books, CDs, DVDs, portable computers, the works]

Morgan: Yellow, what've we got?

Reader: It's not just a single fold any more. According to Fearn, there's at least eight layers to the thing. It's going to be murder to sort out.

Morgan: Thanks. Blue, pink, I hope you've come up with something.

Agent: It's purple!

Disentangler: It's pink, I'm afraid. Uh, no actual temporal folds, but plenty of loops, pockets and the like. We're thinking the best comparison to this event is a slow-motion time ram - two TARDISes crashing into each other.

Reader: In that case, the simplest way of solving it would be to just pull the folds apart again.

11th Doctor: That doesn't sound simple to me.

Librarian: It sounds like a recipe for a massive temporal implosion.

Agent: That's what we're facing anyway! But if the Reader's right-

Reader: It's my job to be right. If we anchor a TARDIS to each of the folds, we can yank them apart - set everything back to normal.

Librarian: We will have to move fast. The last refolding brought full-on Alternate Universes into play - we have Thaleks coming in now.

Morgan: Red? Is it possible?

Fisherman: Depends how much you like your TARDIS. It'll knock years of the warranty, I can tell you that much - but they should be able to pull through.

Librarian: The alternative is the TARDISes being the only things left after Headquarters is destroyed in a cataclysmic explosion.

Morgan: Green's right. We- [She pauses, sighs, and turns to the Notary. Very formally:] Spinel Promotor, do you have anything to say about this course of action?

Notary: Only that it is the riskiest, most reckless, most improbably, and generally downright unworkable plan I have ever heard.

[Silence, for just long enough that Morgan starts to turn away.

Notary: But.

[Morgan turns back and gapes at her as the Notary gives a small smile]

Notary: It is also our only chance - and it is a work of genius.

Morgan: ... thank you, Grey. And all of you - thank you. TARDIS keys, everyone!

[She fishes in a pocket to produce an ornate key, while the Doctors pull out their simple Yale keys. The Notary hesitantly follows suit, followed by the Reader and the Fisherman. The Agent and the Disentangler glance at each other, and the Agent feels in his pocket and produces a key]

Morgan: Librarian?

Librarian: I told you. I walked here from my group's TARDIS - I do not have one with me.

[Morgan crumples]

Morgan: Then this has all been a waste of time. We don't have time to find another ship - and without it, we won't have enough to fix the fold before it collapses. Omega's teeth, we were so close!

[Fearn swivels his dome to look at Lat and Rho, then turns back to Morgan]

Fearn: WE HAVE A TIME SHIP.

[Morgan turns slowly to stare at him]

Fearn: WHAT? DID YOU EXPECT OTHERWISE? DA-LEKS ARE SUPREME! THE LENGTH AND BREADTH OF TIME ARE UNDER OUR CONTROL!

[Slowly, a smile breaks out on Morgan's face]

Morgan: Fearn - I might just start to like you. All right, Councils - let's fly!

~

That was fun. :D I'm not actually sure if the Reader has a TARDIS, but it's only a minor change if not (eight becomes seven, 'Librarian' becomes 'Librarian? Reader?', and the Reader gives an explanation. Simples!). And I enjoyed letting everyone actually do their job.

If someone wants to finish this, this is a good place - either an action sequence or an after-action meeting would work. Alternately, if you think there's still milage in it, another open-ended section would be fine too.

hS

All systems go! by wobblestheclown on 2014-02-03 01:01:00 UTC Reply

[The TARDISes of the Council (plus the Dalek Time Ship) materialise in their chamber one by one, and everyone emerges... save one.]

Fisherman: I don't wanna jinx this, but... where did the Notary go?

Librarian: 1875 isn't that far away from here, even in robes and a big stupid collar.

Agent: Maybe she died?

Morgan: We're not that lucky.

Agent: Aw.

[The traditional TARDIS materialisation sound echoes through the chamber, followed by a distinct lack of TARDIS. A few seconds later, a very large beige photocopier plummets to the ground and smashes the table. Smoke billows from the lid as it flips up to reveal the back of the Notary.

Notary: WHY DID YOU STOP YOU USELESS - Oh, we're here. Ahem. [She straightens her Big Stupid Collar] Shall we begin?

Fisherman: That is your TARDIS.

Notary: Yes, a Type 89-

Fisherman: That. Is your TARDIS.

Notary: Yes it is, Ruby Shipwright, get to the point-

Fisherman [shoving past her]: Poor baby! What did the nasty walking Filofax do to you? [He continues in similar vein for the next few minutes]

Morgan: Well, that explains why you didn't want to give me the key.

Fisherman: [from rather far away] Nails are not supposed to replace fuses in the drive transmission!

11th Doctor: How long have you had her?

Fisherman: Did you - the oscillator control board is not supposed to be glued on!

Notary: [rather stiffly] It is a museum piece, and one so completely useless it might have been built in a human yard.

Fisherman: The fire suppression system's on fire!

Notary: Yes, Ruby Shipwright! Message received and understood! Now calm down, you're embarrassing yourself and this Council!

Fisherman: I'll calm down when you stop using your helmic regulator to store paperclips!

Notary: They're the only things holding it-

[There is a noise like a duck being sat on, followed by the sound of moderately unpleasant electrocution.]

Notary: -together.

Fearn: SEE, MEMBERS OF THE DA-LEK COUNCIL! SEE HOW THE TIME LORDS DEVOLVE INTO BIC-KER-ING IN THE FACE OF SUPERIOR DA-LEK TEMPORAL TECH-NOLOGY! LET US GUF-FAW AT THEM!

Lat: BY ORDER OF THE SUP-REME CHAN-CELL-OR OF THE DA-LEK COUN-CIL, GUF-FAW-ING SHALL COM-MENCE! GUF-FAW! GUF-FAW! GUF-FAW!

Morgan: And now they've set them off. Y'know, some days, I just don't know why I get out of bed.

[The Notary is the subject of many, many glares, and this time has the decency to look embarrassed.]

Reader: Notary, do you do anything except make us look bad?

Agent: She also talks the back wheels off a bus for no good reason, can't forget that.

Morgan: Look, everybody just shut up. Including you. [She gestures at the Daleks with her Concussor, and they fall silent] Red, can you fix this TARDIS?

Fisherman: This alleged TARDIS might hold together long enough, but I can't say for sure. Hush now, sweetie, it's gonna be okay.

Notary: What is it with renegades and treating TARDISes like people? It's not a Type-103, it's not sentient.

11th Doctor: Oh, all TARDISes are a bit alive, right from the word go. It's how they're made. Even the Type I's were, though they were mostly grumpy old codgers shaking a walking stick at you from their living room.

Disentangler: Now who does that remind me of?

Notary: [with an air of defeat] Look, it was all I could get, alright? The Dromeian Chapter is not noted for its lavish funding.

Fisherman: Hold up. This is a Dromeian 89?

Notary: Yes, what of it.

Fisherman: These were blockade runners in the Time War, they're basically indestructible. We're in business!

Librarian: What is a minor bureaucrat doing in charge of a blockade runner?

Notary: [turning away] I don't like to talk about it.

Morgan: Then don't. Everyone, report to your TARDISes. I'll set up a conference call from mine.

[Exeunt omnes, save the Notary and The Fisherman. He emerges from her TARDIS a few minutes later, lightly charred and grinning like an idiot.]

Fisherman: It'll last! I think! Probably!

Notary: Must you shout?

Fisherman: What?

Notary: Oh, never mind. Get back to your own TARDIS.

Fisherman: What? I'm going to go to my own TARDIS! See you later!

[He runs, and the Notary sighs and gets back inside the photocopier.]

***

Morgan: Okay, everyone, check in.

Librarian: Citrine Theorist in position.

Fearn: IN POSI-TION ABOARD THE SU-PER-IOR TIME MAC-HINE-

Librarian: Would it kill you to stop doing that for a moment?

Morgan: [heading him off] Yellow's online. Blue?

Disentangler: Sapphire Warden standing by.

Morgan: Pink?

Agent: I'm here and it's purple.

Morgan: Keep telling yourself that, Pink. Red?

Fisherman: What?

Morgan: Red, check in.

Fisherman: What?

Morgan: ... Screw it, it counts. Green?

Reader: Where I need to be and praying to any gods that'll listen that this works.

Morgan: Doctors?

9th Doctor: In position.

11th Doctor: Same here, Tiger Thingy.

Morgan: And, last and by all means least, Grey? [Static] Grey? [More static] Notary, if you've bailed on us-

Notary: - GIVE YOU A DAMNED GOOD THRASHING - ah.

Morgan: Grey?

Notary: I'm in position, against all common sense. Wait a second. Er. Hold on. I might be sort of very slighty on fire.

Morgan: On fire?

Notary: Only slightly.

Agent: I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

Morgan: Okay then, let's fix this mess! Anchor yourself to a particular timeline and pull like crazy!

Notary: That's it?

Morgan: What, you want to make us fill out a Health and Safety form first?

Notary: Well, I do have some on hand, but I was merely surprised. This scrapyard refugee's flaws will actually be useful.

Morgan: What d'you mean?

Notary: The brakes don't work, the accelerator locks on half the time, and it only stays in one direction if I hit the central control nodule with a brick.

Fisherman: It's like watching someone beat up a kitten.

Morgan: Your hearing back, Red?

Fisherman: Nah, I put subtitles on.

Morgan: Let's get pulling! Hold on, it's going to be a bumpy riiiiii-

[Sparks gout from the various panels on the TARDISes' central consoles, and from the Dalek bumps all over their bridge.]

Librarian: Morgan, I am experiencing major piloting difficulties!

Morgan: Already?

Fearn: WE DESIGNED OUR VESSEL TO USE THE SUPERIOR DA-LEK MANI-PU-LATOR AS A MEANS OF CON-TROL! IT IS NOT OUR FAULT THAT INFERIOR SPECIES DO NOT POS-SESS THEM!

Morgan: Just hit it with something and hope!

Agent: There are Sues on board and they're fighting back. I'm not sure I can hold a steady course and deal with them at the same time!

Morgan: Uh, um, Dalek Lat! Teleport over to the Agent's vessel and smoke 'em!

Lat: SO YOU FI-NALLY ACKNOWLEDGE THE SUPERIORITY OF DA-LEK ARMS!

Fisherman: You don't even have arms!

Notary: I must inform the Council that I've completed my initial pass and am coming around for a second attack on a Suvian-generate loop.

Morgan: That's good!

Notary: I must also inform the Council that I am rather more substantially on fire.

Disentangler: That's really good!

Morgan: Not the time! Come on, we're almost - gyah!

[Morgan is accosted from behind by a tall female Humanised Dalek in form-fitting battle armour that shows off her, ahem, larger Dalek bumps. Her TARDIS lurches to one side and a slew of alarms go off. She draws her pistol and hits the Sue square in the eye, but the bullet bounces off and elicits nought but a burst of static]

Fisherman: Morgan, what's happening?

Morgan: I'm under attack! There's a God Mode Sue on my bridge!

Agent: Aim for the heart, not the head!

Morgan: What?

Agent: The Sue's chest is exposed, right? God Mode Sues that die have trajeck deaths, and what's more trajeck than being shot in the heart?

Lat: I CON-SI-DER BEING A MEM-BER OF AN INFERIOR SPE-CIES TO BE MUCH MORE TRA-GIC!

Agent: Trajeck, dude, big difference.

Notary: Hold on, I'm sending you my staser.

Disentangler: Why do you even have one of those?

Notary: For the same reason that I apparently possess a blockade running TARDIS. Sending now.

[There is a metallic thump as a small, snub-nosed staser pistol bounces off of Morgan's control panel and hits her in the head. She grabs it and blasts the Sue twice in the chest, leaving a pair of gaping holes.]

Agent: Why twice?

Morgan: Could've been a Time Lord-Dalek hybrid.

Notary: Oh, I'm going to be sick - [She is. Violently. We're talking Exorcist levels of technicolor-yawn here.]

11th Doctor: I think mine's about to come loose, Morgan.

9th Doctor: Mine's just gone. I hope I see you again, chinny-

[There's static from the 9th Doctor's signal.]

Agent: Doctor?

11th Doctor: He picked his own universe to drag back. It must have pulled him back with it.

Notary: Will that happen to us?

11th Doctor: I'm not sure how it happened to him, if I'm being honest.

Notary: And are you?

Agent: Rule one: the Doctor lies.

11th Doctor: Not this time, honest.

Notary: The word of a renegade means little, but I see no reason to doubt him. Let's just carry on and rendezvous in the Chamber.

Morgan: Right. Wait, your TARDIS trashed the Chamber-

Notary: I'll aim for the corridor.

[One by one, with a lot of shaking control-room scenes from all the Councillors' vessels, the timelines are separated and the multiverse saved. Ish. From this sort of thing. Today. Probably. They return to the Really Very Tiny Auditorium with dazed but happy expressions.]

Morgan: ... We did it. We actually did it.

Fisherman: Yeah! We did what we were supposed to do and saved the day. Go team Continuity!

Morgan: Oh, hey, your hearing's back.

Fisherman: Yes it is.

[The Notary finally limps in, looking like a giant bruise]

Fisherman: And would you look at that, it's gone again. Deaf as a post. Couldn't hear a dropped match in a fireworks factory. I'm gonna go get lunch. [He scurries off into the distance]

Agent: So, um, is this meeting adjourned yet?

Morgan: Not quite. AOB time.

11th Doctor: I do have a little bit more. I mean, I know I'm not an official full-silly-collar member of the Council, but let's not stand on ceremony, eh?

Notary: I want to object but everything hurts.

Morgan: Okay, Doctor, hit us with it.

Notary: Please don't hit me with anything.

11th Doctor: Just a couple of things, really. Literally a couple, there's only two, although frankly that's not a very good way of looking at couples, I mean three's only a crowd if you're in a very small room-

Notary: The point, please?

Librarian: Now that is rich.

11th Doctor: Alright. Point one. I think this is the part where someone normally neuralyses me.

Morgan: Eh, we'll do it when you leave. Sorry, but rules is rules.

11th Doctor: I understand-

Disentangler: Wait, what about your older self? Nobody neuralysed him!

Agent: He went for the canon universe. I'll pick him up later.

11th Doctor: Good. I had a feeling this place made you forget, and I don't want to remember that you can do that. The other thing concerns her. [He jabs a finger at the Notary] What are you doing with a TARDIS like that and a weapon like that?

Notary: What are you doing with a Type 40, renegade?

11th Doctor: Running. Every single day.

Notary: Then the matter is closed. Tigereye Castellan?

Morgan: Hold up, this doesn't just concern you-

Notary: I fail to see who else it could concern. My TARDIS's origins and the fact that I am armed do not affect my ability to carry out my duties as Spinel Promotor in any meaningful sense. Thus, the matter is of total irrelevance.

Morgan: We have to be able to trust the other Councillors!

Notary: Then I respectfully suggest that you trust me.

Morgan: ... Alright, fine, but this isn't over. Don't think that for a second.

Notary: On the contrary. Unless anyone else has any other business... motion to adjourn?

[The hands of the Councillors shoot up.]

Notary: The motion is carried, and this Council is adjourned.

---

In which I show myself to be terrible at writing action scenes. Sorry.

Also, the Librarian lacks a TARDIS, so by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-03 22:37:00 UTC Reply

To make rewriting that bit easier, perhaps the Reader and the Librarian (heh, fitting) doubled up in the Reader's miraculously fixed TARDIS?

I thought the Librarian... by Huinesoron on 2014-02-04 09:44:00 UTC Reply

... was in the Daleks' timeship.

Librarian: Morgan, I am experiencing major piloting difficulties!

Morgan: Already?

Fearn: WE DESIGNED OUR VESSEL TO USE THE SUPERIOR DA-LEK MANI-PU-LATOR AS A MEANS OF CON-TROL! IT IS NOT OUR FAULT THAT INFERIOR SPECIES DO NOT POS-SESS THEM!

Also: this is the script's published document. Just to get the link up somewhere.

hS

PS: Yes, the Librarian's in the Dalek ship. I've tweaked a line earlier to make that more obvious:

Librarian: Jade Warden in position.

Fearn: IN POSI-TION ABOARD THE SU-PER-IOR TIME MAC-HINE-

Librarian: Would it kill you to stop doing that for a moment? I am accompanying you because I do not have-

Morgan: [heading him off] Green's online. Blue?

And hearty guffaws were had. by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-03 22:33:00 UTC Reply

I loved this! Aside from the colour mixup and the fact that Nine should be younger than Eleven since that's how numbers work, it was fantastic and amazing and geroni-- wait.

Time to go write some bonus scenes and stuff!
Iunno about action scenes... by Desdendelle on 2014-02-03 20:20:00 UTC Reply

But that made me giggle like an idiot for five minutes straight. Two nitpicks, though: the Librarian does not use contractions, and he's the Jade Warden, not the Citrine Theorist.
Two things. by DawnFire on 2014-02-03 04:19:00 UTC Reply

First of all, yes, the Reader does have a TARDIS. For the sake of this writing, we'll say that it's been completely fixed, or at least fixed enough that this operation is possible.

Second--Wobbles, the Reader is the Citrine Theorist/Yellow, not the Librarian.

And now to comments--all of this is awesome, most especially the Notary and her TARDIS. And I may have read the last three entries in reverse order due to the fact that I didn't check the thread often enough to realize there were new posts...I kind of thought this was some sort of AU!

Well done, everyone :)

~DF

Ah. Whoops. by wobblestheclown on 2014-02-03 11:19:00 UTC Reply

All I can offer in my defence is that most of this was written at one in the morning. =]

A wonderful defence. All is forgiven :) (nm) by DawnFire on 2014-02-03 12:12:00 UTC Reply

In my capacity as spectator and general congratulator... by Ailavyn Siniyash on 2014-01-31 23:03:00 UTC Reply

...I call these latest two incredibly funny and incredibly brilliant, and I still love this series so very much. Wonderful! I can't wait for the rest.

-Aila

Huh. That was certainly strange. by Huinesoron on 2014-01-27 09:30:00 UTC Reply

I have to admit, I'm rather baffled as to what Fearn's plan is. So far, it seems to be 'The Time Lords have made a council in HQ. I'll make one too! Wait, there's no-one to join... I'll bring someone in!' He (why do I keep thinking Fearn is female?) doesn't seem to have a goal in mind.

Questions arising from this:

-What is Fearn's goal (if any)?
-Did Fearn give Lat and company the Human Factor? If not, I foresee a rebellion against his presumed authority, and ultimately Fearn + the Continuity Council vs. the Dalek invasion of HQ.
-Why isn't Tigereye Castellan Morgan doing anything? The unexpected introduction of more Daleks into HQ would seem to warrant her intervention (probably to drop the lot of them into a temporal pocket until she can get the DIA on Fearn's case - she's not a vigilante, at least not in HQ). My guess is she's just as baffled as I am about where this is going.

(Of course, if Lily's section doesn't answer these questions, I may end up writing the response myself. We'll see)

hS

Hooray! A new post! by Anonymous on 2014-01-27 18:53:00 UTC Reply

1) I left Fearn's goal partially ambiguous for a reason. On one hand, he does like one-upping people to prove how much better the Daleks, and by extension he, can do than they can, so that's something of a goal in itself, but on another hand, I'm not wanting to constrict the progress of the story by saying "Yes, (plan) is what is happening now, and it would be out of character for the Time Lords not to deal with this problem in a very specific manner". This is a collaborative effort, and I don't want to seem like I'm trying to force the story in my direction.

2) He and the others have given the new Daleks the Human Factor, yes. If they hadn't, the Daleks that the High Council brought in would have killed the founding members within seconds for having an impure Dalek genetic code.

3) It is partially bafflement, and partially because she hadn't really been taking Fearn all that seriously. Remember, the last time Fearn came in, he shouted for a few minutes and then she dispatched him with a single shot from a concussive weapon. She probably would've thought that she could do the same any time she wanted if he got too problematic and the Doctors got tired of making fun of him, but then three more Daleks showed up only seconds before the section ended. For all I know, the next section will have her deciding that enough is enough and dropping the new arrivals in some sort of time-suspension field until she can deal with the temporal fold. It would be a bit anticlimactic, but I ended my section in a spot that I felt would leave the most options open, so it's a possibility.

Spoilers for unwritten endings. by Huinesoron on 2014-01-30 09:15:00 UTC Reply

Since Lily hasn't gotten back to this yet, I figured it would be fun to give some previews of where the story could go - but almost certainly won't. I don't think they're internally consistent (in fact I meant them not to be), but if anyone wants to use any of them... ;)

~

Fearn: HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? YOU WERE GIVEN THE HUMAN FACTOR!

Lat: AND IS NOT BETRAYAL HU-MAN?

~

Reader: You let them build parts of HQ in the Howling?

Agent: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

~

1st Doctor: Well, you seem to have made rather a mess of things, hmm?

~

Morgan: Notary! No!

11th Doctor: My TARDIS! She took my TARDIS!

~

9th Doctor: I still can't believe these new Daleks are as 'friendly' as you think.

Lat: YOU ARE COR-RECT.

~

Librarian: I believe we have all been labouring under a misapprehension. This is not the Doctor.

~

9th Doctor: Who's going to stop me? You?

Morgan: Yes. [Shoots him]

~

12th Doctor: Kidneys! I've got new- wait. Something's wrong.

Disentangler: Yeah, no kidding.

~

Rassilon: By order of the Unified Presidential Council, this meeting is terminated.

Romana: Stand down, or you will be, too.

~

Fisherman: Jewelled statues? You turned them into-

Fearn: NOT JUST STATUES.

[The Fisherman looks round. The jade statue of the Librarian is no longer where he thought it was]

Fearn: ANGELS.

~

hS

Minor Loops Expanded! by DawnFire on 2014-02-05 04:07:00 UTC Reply

/Fearn and Lat materialize in the middle of the Continuity Council's meeting room. Morgan rolls her eyes and reaches for a panel of buttons by her seat./

Fearn: HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? YOU WERE GIVEN THE HUMAN FACTOR!

Lat: AND IS NOT BETRAYAL HU-MAN?

/Morgan frowns, and refrains from pushing any buttons; the Fisherman lets his head land on the table with a thump. The Reader seems rather frightened, while the Librarian and the Notary are simply exchanging glances. The Disentangler is laughing quietly, while the Agent has acquired popcorn and is slowly eating it./

Morgan: I don't get it. What exactly is going on?

Fearn: SILENCE! THIS IS NOT A MATTER FOR THE TIME LORDS!

Lat: THE TIME LORDS WILL BURN AS YOU WILL BURN, DALEK FEARN! IN RECRUITING US YOU HAVE MADE A GI-ANT MISTAKE!

Reader: Um, is anyone else worried about this?

Librarian: I sincerely hope we do not need to be...

*

/The Reader, the Agent, and the Disentangler stand in the otherwise deserted Council meeting room. They have been there for several minutes already, pacing as they talk/argue./

Reader: You let them build parts of HQ in the Howling?

Agent: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Reader: How could that possibly have seemed like a good idea? /pause/ ...How did they even manage it? It's...it's the Howling, it--that should be impossible!

Disentangler: The PPC is good at doing the impossible. /pause/ So are Time Lords, actually. Come on, Reader, where's your sense of adventure?

Reader: /coldly/ It died on Gallifrey, as did everyone I knew.

Disentangler: Well, you're quite the cheerful one, aren't you?

Agent: /quietly/ Lachesis.

/The Agent and the Disentangler exchange looks/

Agent: Whatever we think of one another, the fact remains that we have to get the rest of the Council back.

Disentangler: Even the Notary? /despite her words, she begins to walk towards the corner which holds her TARDIS/

Reader: /stiffly/ Especially the Notary. I'm fairly sure she's the only one who would ever have bothered to learn enough fine print to talk down a murderous group of lawyers. We may not like her much, but...we're going to need her.

Disentangler: Well, I guess we'd better get going, then.

*

1st Doctor: Well, you seem to have made rather a mess of things, hmm?

/The Continuity Council of Gallifrey stares at him, and then all begin to shout at once. The various overturned Daleks in the room join in, demanding that they be placed upright once more./

((hey, I never said I'd expand them all that much... :D))

*

Morgan: Notary! No!

11th Doctor: My TARDIS! She took my TARDIS!

((actually, I never said I'd even expand all of them. This one is staying as-is, due to my current lack of inspiration for expanding it.))

*

9th Doctor: I still can't believe these new Daleks are as 'friendly' as you think.

Lat: YOU ARE COR-RECT

Fearn: NO HE IS NOT!

Lat: WE ARE THE DALEKS! WE ARE NOT FRIENDLY!

Fearn: WE HAVE THE HUMAN FACTOR! WE MAY NOT BE NICE BUT WE ARE CERTAINLY NOT WHAT THE DALEKS ONCE WERE!

Lat: THAT MUST CHANGE, DALEK FEARN! IT WILL CHANGE, AND WE WILL BE THE SUPREME RULERS OF THE UNIVERSE ONCE AGAIN! ONLY THIS TIME WE WILL REIGN OVER THE MULTIVERSE!

Fearn: THAT IS NOT OUR WAY, DALEK LAT! IT--

9th Doctor: /to Time Lords/ You see? Daleks can't be trusted!

Morgan: Fearn can.

*

Librarian: I believe we have all been labouring under a misapprehension. This is not the Doctor.

'Doctor': Oh, well done! /sneers/ Took you long enough. How you could ever mistake me for that bleeding heart--

Notary: By the authority of the Continuity Council of Gallifrey, I command you to surrender yourself to our judgement and, as you are under our jurisdiction due either to your species or merely to the fact that you are trespassing on our auditorium, I furthermore demand that you explain--

'Doctor': Does she ever shut up? /Draws something weapon-like/

Morgan: /blasts the weapon out of his hand/ Not usually. We're looking into duct tape.

Agent: He seems familiar...anyone have a clue who he is?

/several Time Lords open their mouths to speak, but the 'Doctor' gets there first/

'Doctor': I'm the Master, you imbeciles.

/silence/

Librarian: There must be some mistake...

Morgan: I distinctly remember him being Time Locked, along with the Lord President and the High Council.

Disentangler: He does have a tendency to keep turning up, though. Maybe this really is him?

Agent: How would he have got through the Time Lock, though?

Fisherman: I don't think that's the question we should be asking--especially considering that 'plothole' is probably the answer. What we should be asking is, why does he look like the Doctor's twelfth incarnation?

Reader: We also need to know what he's doing here, don't forget that!

Morgan: No one's forgetting that, but Fish does raise a good point. /to the Master/ Why do you look like the Doctor?

Master: /scowls/

*

9th Doctor: Who's going to stop me? You?

Morgan: Yes. [Shoots him]

/the Doctor falls/

Reader: /quietly/ I'm not sure that was the best idea, Tigereye Castellan.

Morgan: I'm charged with protecting--

Reader: /still quietly/ He was about to save all your lives, you understand.

Disentangler: /raises eyebrows/ Our lives? How about yours?

Reader: /to Morgan/ You've taken me in here, and for that...I can't possibly be grateful. I never wanted to be a part of your Council, and I still don't. The only reason I've stayed this long is so I could set up my plan--my scheme, if you will.

Fisherman: What kind of scheme are we talking about here?

Disentangler: /mutters/ If she starts monologuing, I'm going to--

Reader: Don't be daft, I don't do monologues. Not like this, anyway. Too cliche, and ridiculous to boot. Not to mention the bit where I'm not a villain.

Notary: Are you certain of that? You certainly appear to be doing a marvellous job of impersonating one.

Reader: /smiles/ That's because you're still missing information. I'm the Onyx Monitor as well as the Citrine Theorist, remember?

Agent: What's that got to do with anything?

Reader: Your villain, the one the Doctor was going to save you from? She's one of the newer PPC Time Lords, one I've been keeping an eye on.

Morgan: /frowns/ Which one?

Reader: She's been going by Wanda. And she's got some ideas that, well, aren't quite what we, the renegades of Gallifrey, have been holding as right. /pause/ She's been causing the quakes. She wants to destroy HQ--destroy the multiverse--get rid of all the enemies, and of all physical form...

Notary: /sharply/ You mean to say she plans ascension?

Reader: Got it in one. /to Morgan/ Thanks for shooting the Doctor; he's one less person for me to deal with. As for all of you--you'll be staying here. This is on me, and I'll be fixing it.

Fisherman: We're not letting you deal with a threat to the entire world alone, are you--

/general shouting/

Librarian: /still shouting/ Why should you be the one to--

Reader: /shouts/ Because I'm the Onyx Monitor, not you lot, and I brought her here in the first place!

/further shouting, until--/

Fisherman: Um, guys? /finds Morgan's voice amplifier/ UM, GUYS? HAS ANYONE SEEN THE DOCTOR?

/silence falls, but is quickly followed by frantic discussion and searching. In the commotion, the Reader slips out of the auditorium and locks the door behind her. She stands still for several moments before preparing to put the entire room in stasis.../

*

((in which I take on the challenge of writing a character who we've seen for all of a minute. Should be fun.))

12th Doctor: Kidneys! I've got new- wait. Something's wrong.

Disentangler: Yeah, no kidding.

12th Doctor: I don't know you, do I? /peers at her/ How did you get off Gallifrey?

Clara: Doctor? What's going on?

12th Doctor: I don't know yet. Let's wait and find ou--

Notary: Take that, callous renegade! Besmircher of reality-- /swings sword at the Fisherman/

Fisherman: I'll kill you, just see if I don't! /blocks the Notary's sword, and then swings at her. Neither Time Lord shows much sign of finesse or technique/ Down with your paperwork--

Librarian: /somewhat sheepishly/ It isn't always like this. Really.

Clara: Haven't you got someone in charge?

Agent: She's over there. /points at Morgan/ She's a bit dazed right now, but I'm sure she'll be ready to fend off the next Dalek attack soon enough.

12th Doctor: /sharply/ Daleks? You're fighting Daleks?

Disentangler: Well, you could say that. /pause; the Notary and the Fisherman continue to hack at one another, screaming insults that make progressively less sense/ You could also say that--

/The Reader runs through the wall and comes to a halt in the middle of the Really Very Small Auditorium. The Fisherman stabs her accidentally; neither of them seem to notice/

Reader: I've done it! Kozar's infiltrated the Dalek Assembly with, well, all on his own, actually, Morgan never showed up--why did Morgan--?

Disentangler: She's still waking up. Fish hit her.

Reader: Oh, right, yes. Well. Everyone able to find a water gun? And would someone like to remove Clara and Mr. Frobisher from the premises?

Clara: Mr. Who?

Librarian: Doctor Who, actually--

Morgan: /sits up/ THE DA-LEKS REIGN SU-PREME! ALL HAIL THE DA-LEKS!

/The remainder of the Continuity Council freezes. Then, half of it scatters, while the other half warily surrounds the Tigereye Castellan. Clara edges closer to the Doctor/

Clara: /quietly/ That's bad, yeah?

12th Doctor: Very bad. Extremely bad. /He looks down at Clara, and grins/ Good thing we're here, isn't it?

Librarian: Morgan, can you hear us?

Morgan: /jerkily/ THE DA-LEKS REIGN ALL HAIL SUPREME THE DA-LEKS HAIL REIGN--

12th Doctor: That's our cue! /runs forward/ Clara, with me! /Clara joins him/ Now, where did I put the sonic...

Clara: What's wrong with her?

Disentangler: /grimly/ Hopefully something we can fix.

12th Doctor: What if she's--oh, terrifying thought, we don't want Time Lord-Dalek hybrids running around, definitely not. Clara, did I give you the sonic, or--?

Clara: I think you left it in your jacket. The one you threw onto the console before we left the TARDIS.

Reader: I've got a sonic penlight somewhere, hold on...

/The Notary steps silently up to Morgan, ignoring warnings and evading several attempts to restrain her. She pauses briefly, and then pulls back and slaps Morgan hard enough that the other Time Lord falls to the ground/

Notary: My calculations indicate that that may reset the--

Fisherman: When'd you have time to do calculations?

Notary: /hesitates/ I--very well, so they were not complete calculations--

/Morgan begins to move, turning her head and wincing. All talking ceases, and everyone leans in, wondering what the Tigereye Castellan will say next.../

*

Rassilon: By order of the Unified Presidential Council, this meeting is terminated.

Romana: Stand down, or you will be, too.

/general gaping, and then response.../

((this is another one that I'm going to mostly leave alone, mainly because I don't know anywhere near enough about Romana to write her. Rassilon I could attempt; Romana...not so much. Bad idea. I'll leave it for anyone else who wants it.))

*

Fisherman: Jewelled statues? You turned them into-

Fearn: NOT JUST STATUES.

[The Fisherman looks round. The jade statue of the Librarian is no longer where he thought it was]

Fearn: ANGELS.

((...you know what, this is so awesome on its own that I'm not really sure how to expand it. I have vague ideas, of course, but nothing that seems to want to make it to writing at the moment. To that end, I'm going to post this now, and possibly come back to the Jewelled Angels plot another time.))

((Any comments? :D))

((...it occurs to me that that's my current version of asking for reviews. Hm. At least it's (hopefully) not obnoxious, that's something...))

((~DF))

Mixed reviews. by Huinesoron on 2014-02-05 14:57:00 UTC Reply

There are a lot of moments and pieces I really liked. The Council's reaction shot in the first piece, the whole of the 'Howling' scene, Morgan's quiet 'Fearn can' in 'can't be trusted', and the whole of the 'Master' scene (though I do wonder: does he look like the Twelfth Doctor, or the Doctor's twelfth incarnation, ie the Eleventh?)

The main things I have trouble with are - sorry - the last two, biggest scenes. I'm... very dubious about the Reader's motivations ("I never wanted to be on this Council! I have to do it because I'm the Onyx Monitor!"), and about the total lack of reaction to Morgan shooting a canon character. I did, I admit, like the Reader's explanation for why she's not going to monologue, but the scene as a whole doesn't really work for me.

As for the last one... eh. I do like the sense of complete mayhem - the idea that there's about half a dozen plot threads that we, jumping in mid-loop, have no idea about. But the Doctor is way too stable for being, judging by his first line, immediately post-regeneration. At this point in time, his canonical line is "Do you know how to fly this thing?" - here he seems entirely too calm and composed.

And, um, the Reader got stabbed with a sword. It seems like that would have warranted a bit more attention.

This isn't to say there weren't lines I liked - most of them, in fact, were good and/or funny. But for those two scenes in particular, the plot didn't work for me.

(Terrible idea for the next Continuity Council story, if we decide to do this again ever Guardians preserve us: a closed timeline where the Councillors end up going through multiple regenerations each in order to prevent their timeline coming into existence. I'm not sure how you'd make an environment that hostile - though the Alchemist once managed to get killed twice in 48 hours - but it seems like a story where the time limit is 'we have to finish before we run out of deaths' would be quite interesting)

hS

Fair enough. by DawnFire on 2014-02-05 16:11:00 UTC Reply

To be honest, the scene with the Reader's motivations...well, originally she was going to be the villain. And then I sort of switched ideas. I guess I didn't edit the set-up well enough (or at all, quite probably). And you definitely have a point with the lack of reaction to the Doctor being shot...maybe I'll try expanding that scene again, in a different way. This way was pretty much 'ooh, the Reader could be the villain--nah. Hey, let's try this plotline!' While there are pieces of it that I like, I think you're right about the flaws in its execution.

For the last scene...fair point with the Doctor. I think I was trying to jump ahead and speculate as to what his personality would be like, but ended up making him a bit too stable? Not sure. I am curious to see whether he'll act and speak anything like this in the actual show, though. Should be fun. As for the Reader getting stabbed--for some reason, she was, what's the phrase, transparent? Incorporeal? Well, anyway, she was basically ghost!Reader in my head, but I think I forgot to explain that in the text--if you look earlier, she also runs through the wall...maybe I'll make an edited version of this scene, too.

And, for the Master scene--he's meant to look like the Twelfth Doctor, although it would admittedly be hilarious if he resembled Eleven. The problem with the War Doctor is that he complicates descriptions...

(I'm not entirely sure I follow all of that--they regenerate in a closed timeline so that their timeline won't exist? It does sound interesting, though. As to how to make it hostile...amp up the tension. The Notary's been at them all to do their paperwork, everyone's been having a bad day, the Daleks won't leave them alone, a Weeping Angel snuck aboard the Disentangler's TARDIS and now they don't know where it is, a Sue-created Weeping Angel!mouse made its way into the Auditorium via the Fisherman's TARDIS, the Flowers have been complaining about the Time Lords taking so much time from their missions and now someone's suggested having a Council meeting while on a mission...there's no end to the possibilities.)

~DF

On the terrible idea: by Huinesoron on 2014-02-05 17:06:00 UTC Reply

I'm thinking that the Council get themselves, and probably all of HQ (or possibly reality) into a situation which is incompatible with continued existence. As one possible example: they accidentally let Rassilon and the High Council out, and they begin their ascension program - from inside HQ; all across the multiverse, people start randomly vanishing, or exploding, or whatever.

So the Council have to find a way to put it right - to travel back and undo the ongoing catastrophe. If they succeed, none of it will ever have happened - I suspect any of them who survive until the reset will remember it, but no-one else will, since they weren't involved in resetting.

But the catastrophe is making the environment ludicrously hostile. It seems like every time they enter a room, something horrible happens to one or the other of them, causing a regeneration. So - either with day-long gaps in between, or with a technobabble evil way of getting rid of the 'invincible within 12 hours of regenerating' ability - the Council end up burning through their remaining lives at a rate of knots. Their only goal at this point is to reach the reset button, whatever it is - and regardless of the cost to them (since the catastrophe will, ultimately, never have happened).

But... I don't have any idea what the catastrophe could be, other than the half-formed Rassilon notion which I don't think holds up. It needs to be something which makes HQ - or wherever they are - a total deathtrap.

Hmm... maybe a coalition of fictional evil characters with trap-filled mazes is accidentally created by the work of the Council - and given knowledge of HQ -, and their objective is to go back (and cross their own timelines) and prevent that information?

I'unno. It's all hard thinking work.

hS

A tweak and a title. by Huinesoron on 2014-02-06 09:27:00 UTC Reply

The suggested title is Siege Mentality, and like Gallifrey Bickers, the story takes place entirely in the Council chamber. Due to a complex temporal event, all the portals in HQ have opened - and let all the monsters in. For some reason (to be explained during the story, of course), all these monsters, after wreaking mayhem on their immediate surroundings, head directly for the Council.

Now the Continuity Council are burning through their remaining lives, desperately trying to survive the onslaught long enough to untangle the cause of the event - and repair it before it ever happens. It may have something to do with the retro-temporal TARDIS collision they've just experienced...

hS

Oh, I had prelim ideas for Dis and the Agent's regenerations by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-09 08:34:00 UTC Reply

This sounds like an excellent idea that I would contribute to.
I have a problem. by Desdendelle on 2014-02-06 21:07:00 UTC Reply

Second Librarian is someone else. And the next ones... well, it's foggy at best.

I'm assuming... by Huinesoron on 2014-02-07 07:49:00 UTC Reply

... that who you regenerate into depends on the circumstances of your death. Otherwise it would be a really terrible idea: we'd all be setting out characters' futures in stone.

hS

...I'm really tempted to expand those. by DawnFire on 2014-02-03 00:27:00 UTC Reply

As in, pretty much all of them. Not necessarily by all that much, but even just making a couple of them into slightly longer scenes sounds like so much fun.

...how do you feel about Continuity Council AUs? That is, longer ones than these...

...I think I'll be writing some of this (as asides, I mean). Hope no one minds. Ta.

~DF

Well, we do have a temporal fold in play. by Huinesoron on 2014-02-03 12:33:00 UTC Reply

And it's already thrown an alternate version of the Notary in, briefly. There's nothing to say there aren't seven-odd other versions of the Council in the fold, dealing with their own problems (until ours tear them apart in order to restore the timeline - eh, they knew the dangers when they took the job)

hS

Well, I'm writing some expansions. You can decide... by DawnFire on 2014-02-04 00:19:00 UTC Reply

...what to do with them when it comes to continuity once they're posted :)

~DF

PS: I will say this, though--I'm having a lot of fun with the expansions!

What I'm doing. by Huinesoron on 2014-02-04 09:59:00 UTC Reply

These two threads are now split into three documents, and posted on the Webplex:

Introduction: all the little snippets from the first thread, and the picture.

Gallifrey Bickers: the script in its entirety, with the various edits I've mentioned on here.

Folded Time: Any bonus scenes, alternate universes, or anything else of the kind. I've labelled it 'metatemporal events and unreal timelines', because that's nice and clear. ;) It'll be updated when anyone writes bonus scenes (and the disclaimer will of course be updated, too); at the moment it just contains my 'minor loops'.

And to add one more:

Morgan: No. You can't be here. It's impossible.

Morgan II: You know...

Morgan I: ... we thought you'd say that.

hS

Insert generic reply title here... by DawnFire on 2014-02-04 17:04:00 UTC Reply

Okay, that's it, I'm going to revive that idea I had a short while back of the Reader meeting some of her past regenerations and write it as a bonus scene/mini interlude kind of thing. (I originally tabled it because it wouldn't fit into the main Gallifrey Bickers storyline, and nothing particularly viable sprang to mind when I considered writing it as part of a PPC mission or interlude- it's really just an excuse for character development and probable drama. However, now I can just write it in the context of a Folded Time scene...drama and character development out of continuity, yes!)

This is going to be fun. And I can't believe I just managed that html on a Kindle with so little struggle.

Oh, and as for the expansions...I'm very close to finishing them. With any luck, they'll be posted later today...

~DF

This story idea is great and makes me want to do it. by wobblestheclown on 2014-02-05 20:11:00 UTC Reply

Maybe it could be for everyone?

---

Notary: TURN! I SAID TURN, YOU UNSPEAKABLE HEAP OF JUNK! [She continues to hit the central oscillator of her TARDIS with a bit of old pipe, which drowns out the thud of someone else arriving on her bridge]

4th Notary: Ow. Oh, that'll sting in the morning, assuming I have one.

Notary: ARGH! YOU USELESS - wait. Who are - no - but - but you died. Stay dead.

4th Notary: ... That's some welcome there, hun. And why're you in a big stupid collar?

Notary: Go. Go before I shoot you and damn the paradoxes.

4th Notary: Hey, hey, hey, nobody needs to shoot anyone. Let's just talk this through.

Notary: No! No talking! Get off my ship this instant!

4th Notary: Uh, how? 'S'your ship. Your beat-up, rickety ol' time... machine... aw, sonuvacrap, I'm back like the old me again? What is it with my regenerations being total douchecanoes?

Notary: That isn't even a word!

4th Notary: Yeah? Well, it oughta be. How else would I describe you and all the other yous?

Notary: Sensible. Considered. Thoughtful.

4th Notary: Only of yourselves. You hate other people. God, I wanna get off more than you want me to get off.

Notary: I find that very hard to believe.

4th Notary: Well, sucks to be you, but we both knew that already. You haven't had a day's fun in your life that wasn't because of me.

Notary: That, that simply isn't true! I have fun! I go out! I mean, I take the odd manila with me and fill out the contents with a glass of whatever hideous pigswill the barman says is strongest, but I do go out! I don't sit in my TARDIS all day!

4th Notary: Well, that was oddly specific.

???: Uuuugh, what just happened? I don't feel so great.

4th Notary: Lola? You okay back there, hun?

Notary: Rassilon's bones, I'd forgotten about that.

[The 4th Notary ignores her, running to the side of her companion and helping her up.]

Lola: Tree, what's going on? And why is everything on fire?

Notary: [mumbled under her breath] Pet names. And she wondered why I left her behind...

4th Notary: Future me's in trouble of some kind, and we got pressganged into helping her out.

Lola: Oh, okay. Hi! [She gives the Notary a cheery wave]

Notary: Keep your perversions to your own timeline, other me.

4th Notary: Technically speaking, that's exactly what I'm doing. You okay to pilot the ol' lady?

Lola: Sure. God, are all your regenerations this charming?

4th Notary: I... I think this one got worse.

Notary: If you are to help, help, but the human doesn't get her grubby little hands on my TARDIS. I ran out of bleach.

Lola: The human'll get her hands on anything she wants!

4th Notary: Promises, promises.

[Lola giggles and playfully flicks the 4th Notary's ear, then gets to work on the console with her. Between the three of them, they wrestle the Notary's TARDIS under control, the 4th Notary receiving a rather nasty burn in the process.]

Lola: Okay, we're on the right track. Dude, seriously, get someone to fix this, it's a health hazard.

Notary: So I have been informed. You'll both be leaving shortly.

4th Notary: What makes you so sure?

Notary: Because I remember it happening, right about...

[The 4th Notary and Lola vanish]

Notary: Now. Thanks be unto Rassilon.

Disentangler: Lachesis, didja get any of that?

Notary: I - what - you - how long have you been listening in?

Agent: Oh, we got all that. We got it on tape

Disentangler: Wow. I can't believe you had a fun regeneration and we missed it.

Notary: I loathe you both.

Disentangler: Aww, don't be like that. According to this lovely little video, I'm your type.

Notary: I am muting you from my end of the conversation. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner.

---

For whoever's wondering:-

The Fourth Notary Lola

That was fun! by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-09 08:15:00 UTC Reply

Unlike the Notary. Ha. I crack myself up sometimes.

Speaking of Time Lords, though, the Agent's nickname is Adil. The Disentangler's is Lachesis.
The Notary has regenerated?! by Huinesoron on 2014-02-06 16:18:00 UTC Reply

Huh... I figured she'd been so careful with her life that she was still on the first.

Also: that was hilarious, and persuaded me to write my own story, which takes place after the events of Gallifrey Bickers (although, honestly, it has no temporal anchor - it could as easily be the end of a mission).

Reflections

Morgan finished shutting down her TARDIS' drive, and sat down unceremoniously on the pristine white floor. "Well, that was fun," she said. After a moment's pause, she sighed.

"I keep forgetting... I guess I shouldn't, with how tidy it is around here." She chuckled to herself, then quite deliberately unfastened her sash and threw it to the floor. "That's more like it. But it's still not..."

She frowned, and then looked up at the console. "If they're still watching, I'm going to look ridiculous," she told herself. "Disentangler? You there?"

Silence. With an effort, Morgan got to her feet, then addressed the console. "Activate voice interface."

"Voice interface activated," announced a familiar voice, and Morgan turned to see a hologram of herself - but not her current self.

"Oh, it's you," she said to the blonde apparition. "Had to go and get yourself killed, didn't you?"

"Command not recognised."

"No, it wouldn't be." Morgan sighed. "I enjoyed being you, you know. You were... fun. I mean, you were a bit of a ditz, and I don't know why you needed that much cleavage, but you had a good time."

"Command not recognised."

"And then you turned into maudlin old me, the grumpy drunk with the gun." Morgan shook her head. "I don't know how you bear it."

"Command no-o-o-o-t recognised."

Morgan blinked as the hologram wavered and reformed, this time as a skinny brunette woman in a scruffy jacket and trousers.

"Amelia," she breathed.

"Incorrect. This is a voice inter-"

"Yes, yes, I know." Morgan scowled at the image. "That's not like you at all, Amelia Earhart. You were never one to say 'no', were you? Seems like half our adventures were your fault."

"Command not recognised."

"And we loved it, didn't we? All the worlds we walked on - hah, flew over, more like! - and you're still out there, aren't you? Still exploring strange new civilisations or however it goes."

"Commmmmmmmmmmmmmmmand not recognised."

"Not like you," Morgan continued to the clean-cut man in the suit. "Oh, I suppose you enjoyed it as well as we did, but you were always missing Earth, weren't you, Fred?"

"Command not recognised."

"I guess that's why you had me take you back." Reaching into a pocket, Morgan pulled out a gold coin and rubbed her finger over the face on one side. "I wonder if you ever found her again, your Mary? If so, you might be the luckiest of us all - out there, living a normal life, while I'm stuck in this madhouse."

Command not not not not not recognised."

Morgan choked back a sob. "Traf..." she whispered, holding out a hand towards the short woman, her black hair tumbling over her shoulders. "I never got to..." She shook her head sharply. "I failed you."

"Command not recognised."

"I meant to show them to you," Morgan went on. "As soon as we got a break, I was going to take you out there. There are galaxies I was going to visit with you, Traf."

"Command not recognised."

"But then you..." Morgan shook her head sharply. "You found love, didn't you? Only for a little while - but longer than I ever will. I don't know. A Time Lord touches the world only lightly - it's our blessing and our curse. What would it be like to live a human life?"

Silence. Morgan looked up to find yet another face staring at her: one better suited to a wide grin than to the sombre expression it held.

"And it's all your fault," she said to the image of her first self. "All the pain, all the loss, all the failures - they're all because of you. You could have stayed on Gallifrey - you could have been on the High Council! - but you had to leave. You had to start running."

Silence.

"And would you do it again?" Morgan demanded. "Knowing what you know now, would you still leave - still abandon everything for a life filled with ever more abandonments?"

Silence.

"I suppose you would, wouldn't you? Because without pain, there can be no joy. Without loss, you never understand what you had. Without death-"

Silence. Morgan took a deep breath, then closed her eyes and turned away.

"Thank you. Deactivate voice interface."

hS

I may have just d'awwwwed. It is a distinct possibility. by wobblestheclown on 2014-02-07 11:35:00 UTC Reply

But in answer to your earlier question, yes, five times now. When the Time War erupted, she nicked a blockade runner and, well, ran away. As far and as fast as she could. She was 590 and on her first regeneration when she started running, and the Notary currently on the Council is number 5. This should tell you a lot about how good she is at avoiding trouble and avoiding getting shot or blown up by bits of her own TARDIS.

The 4th Notary was the fun one, and she only regenerated a couple of years before her arrival at the PPC. Y'all missed out by inches. Meh, maybe number 6'll be a bit better, despite my little headcanon that the 6th regeneration is the one that always goes a little bit wrong. =]

Hmm. by Huinesoron on 2014-02-07 12:45:00 UTC Reply

Among the PPC Boarder-inspired Time Lords, I see a couple of sixth bodies... the Alchemist went Steampunk (but then, he went non-human as 4, and female as 5, so he's not very stable to start with). The Strategist went all 'bright colours' as 5, but 6 was the one who earned the name 'the Betrayer'. And... yeah, doesn't look like any of the others have gone that far (the highest count is the Pathologist, who's currently on 4).

Still, it seems to correlate with your idea.

hS

What! When did you do that Boarder Time Lord thing? by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-09 08:19:00 UTC Reply

Because Dawn and I had the best idea for a Time Lord name ever, the Gravedigger, and I could've used it.

It may have been for the best that you didn't. by Outhra on 2014-02-11 05:03:00 UTC Reply

From what I remember from what you and DawnFire told me about the planned Gravedigger mythos, having a Boarder-analogue that is also a Time Lord named the Gravedigger would have been a little too... on-the-nose. It might have thrown off one or more of the others, or at least the audience's perception of one or more of the others.

Also, the Boarder Time Lords were outside of continuity, or at least in an alternate universe, except for the First Librarian(or possibly Librarian-1; it was never made clear before Aelin left the PPC to create her own short-lived knockoff whether or not the two Librarians were the same person or not, so it's up to Desdendelle to decide that now), who started out of continuity but was pulled into the main PPC universe through a plothole after Anebrin quit the PPC to serve as a secondary replacement partner for Desdendelle's self-named Agent. Having another Gravedigger in the Boarder-Inspired Time Lords Universe would probably end up creating a Gravedigger-4, unless a truly mobius double-reacharound level of time-space shenanigans and/or cosmic retcons would take place, and three of them were hard enough to keep track of as it stood.

I was largely joking about the Gravedigger, by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-11 05:25:00 UTC Reply

as neither Dawn nor I dig graves for a living, and the Time Lord names in that thread seem to be inspired by the Boarders' occupations.

More realistically, I'd be somewhere along the lines of "the Scholar" or "the Blogger" or something.

I don't know why I find that sort of thing hard to detect. by Outhra on 2014-02-11 06:10:00 UTC Reply

According to the official list of all of the Time Lords who had details before the thread dropped off of the front page and people decided that was probably enough, there were already three "bookworm"-characterized Time Lords, so adding in The Scholar might be stretching it. The Blogger would be funny, though, in an entirely-out-of-character kind of way. Also, that sort of activity is enormously out of place on Gallifrey, so I can clearly see why she would have gone renegade; she got too attached to social media, and didn't want the stodgy Time Lord councils taking it away. "Ooh, look, the Cybermen are attacking again! Wait until Tumblr hears about this!" "I can't come up with a snappy comeback for what you just said at this moment, Mechanic, but once I do, I'm totally posting it on Twitter! If you follow me, you are going to get so burned in two to three hours!"

Or was this another joke? I prepare to be mortified in case it was.

Four, if you count both Librarians. by Huinesoron on 2014-02-11 12:27:00 UTC Reply

There's a scene interspersed into the final story, 'The Crowded TARDIS' (which, mortified, I just noticed wasn't linked in - it is now) which highlights the differences between them. Splicing it together, it looks like this:

Meanwhile, the First Librarian was tapping away at his tablet computer. He beckoned his possible later form over and pointed at something.

Now the Second Librarian, nodding in agreement with her counterpart, beckoned the Archivist over. Together they peered at the screen, and then the Archivist scurried off into the depths of the TARDIS.

The Archivist returned, carrying a thick book, and passed it to the Second Librarian. The latter flicked through the pages, hunting.

The Second Librarian, having found her page, hurried over to the Analyzer and pointed at something. The latter woman frowned, then raised her eyebrow. The Librarian whispered something in her ear.

The Analyzer, still frowning at the book, crossed the room to the Speaker. She ran her finger down the page, demonstrating something to him, then entered into a whispered conversation.

The Speaker had tapped [the Strategist's] shoulder, and the Strategist leant down to listen. After a few moments he stood again, and shrugged.

"Apparently," he said, "a study by the United Universities of Raxacoricofallapatorius has conclusively demonstrated that, when it comes to starship crews, a larger, more varied team is always preferable. I'm quite surprised, I will admit, but the Analyzer says the proof is undeniable."

It would be quite tricky to fit the Scholar in there, it's true. I love the idea of the Blogger, though (I'm picturing her on 'Team Flippant' with the Weirdo, Supporter, Bluejay...)

hS
Ha. I like that. by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-11 06:14:00 UTC Reply

"Blogger, stop taking selfies in the TARDIS!"

"Shut it, Mechanic, I need to win the Selfie Olympics!"

"I swear, every single time we get into trouble the first thing you do is whip out that damn smartphone of yours and snap a selfie of the situation. Are you trying to get us killed?"

And then a Dalek shoots her phone, and the Blogger is sad about it for a while before using it as an excuse to upgrade her phone anyway.

Meanwhile... by Desdendelle on 2014-02-13 09:32:00 UTC Reply

The Librarian: "You have not learned yet that people do not change, have you Mechanic? Come, join me under the table. It is rather comfortable here."

It happened in... by Huinesoron on 2014-02-10 09:19:00 UTC Reply

... this thread. Impossible/Aelin asked what people's Time Lord designations would be, and I kind of... picked it up and ran with it.

hS

...as does the Reader's sixth regeneration. by DawnFire on 2014-02-07 22:16:00 UTC Reply

Well, what I know about him so far, anyway. He's a bit...let's just say, 'different'. Not in the evil way, mind, but yeah...

~DF

Was that the one who started the Hamlet references? by Outhra on 2014-02-11 04:49:00 UTC Reply

I don't want to inadvertently spoil, but since Lily revealed the Gravedigger was a thing a little above, I figure I can at least say the name and connection.

Was the Reader's sixth regeneration that future self that started scattering all of those Hamlet references around to mess with her past self, inadvertently triggering Sundering-Christianne's I'm-not-going-to-spoil-what-happens-just-in-case-I-hope-this-isn't-confusing later and creating the Gravedigger-2? Or maybe it was Gravedigger-3; I forget the numbering system we used. Because I thought that one was still female. What regeneration is the Reader on now?

I think we might be referring to the one... by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-11 06:16:00 UTC Reply

...who looks too much like Chris Pine for comfort.

I think we were going to have it correspond to the time when the Agent regenerates into Zach Quinto!Spock and the Disentangler into Alexis Bledel but with a grouchy Boneslike personality. And they'd be on their eighth regenerations or something.

Wait, is that the one... by Huinesoron on 2014-02-11 12:06:00 UTC Reply

... who makes an unacknowledged appearance in Near Misses (as the answer to 'why Morgan was trying to sneak Captain Kirk into the [Medical] department')?

hS, tangling timelines

I may have replied to that, by Lily Winterwood on 2014-02-11 13:45:00 UTC Reply

With many a sly giggle.

So yes, that is what I was thinking of, but it could just as easily have been the canon character.

I love how off all these guesses are. by DawnFire on 2014-02-11 17:25:00 UTC Reply

Well, except for hS, although he's technically building on a misconception...

Outhra: Wrong one, I'm afraid. I mentioned the Sixth Reader here because he's both the youngest-looking one to date (it's really ridiculous, he looks about twelve years old and would do well in an anime with--oh, heavens, I think I modeled him accidentally after a Hetalia character. Whoops!) He's also the most...we'll go with unstable, although it's a bit more like vengeful, at least at first--he will eventually get over it (probably), and he does have good reason to be that way. However, no, he's not the Gravedigger!Reader. You're right in that the Gravedigger!Reader is female, but I'm not actually sure which regeneration she is--quite probably the ninth, to be honest, as I have concepts for the seventh and eighth that don't match up with the Gravedigger. (On the other hand, who knows? Nothing's set in stone...)

As to which regeneration the Reader is currently on--this is the fourth. The fifth--bother, hold on. ATTENTION, LILY! Right, then. The fifth is the one who looks and acts ridiculously like AOS Jim Kirk. The First Reader died on Gallifrey, the Second Reader died leaving Gallifrey, and the Third Reader died on a PPC mission. (For reference: As currently known/planned out, Readers I and II are male, Readers III and IV are female, Readers V and VI are male again, Reader VII is probably female and possibly non-Gallifreyan-looking, and Reader VIII is possibly--probably?--non-Gallifreyan-looking. Yes, I did the initial pattern more or less on purpose, and yes, that's all the information I currently have on Readers VII and VIII :) ).

Aaaand...I think that's it! Thanks for having this discussion in my absence, it was very fun to read :D (especially considering I wasn't expecting it).

~DF

Speaking of the bio sheet... by wobblestheclown on 2014-02-07 15:59:00 UTC Reply

Can I add the Notary to that, or is that someone else's job?

Weeeeeell. by Huinesoron on 2014-02-07 16:29:00 UTC Reply

Thing is, these aren't PPC Agents (except the Librarian): they're the result of a very specific thread on 'If you were a Time Lord, what would your name be?'. They're also a crew of misfits with their own TARDIS (though several of them have individual ones), and their own presumed set of adventures. I'm writing a story where the (Al)Chemist and his (absolutely awesome) companion run into the Third Doctor; the (First) Librarian has joined the PPC; I've got a PPC arc lined up which I'll need to pester Phobos for permission to borrow the Strategist for.

What I'm rambling is, unless the Notary is what you think you would be as a Time Lord, she doesn't fit the list; and even if she is, I think the fact that the Librarian hasn't seemed to recognise her points her away from being part of the group.

hS

Ah. I misunderstood the list. My bad. =] (nm) by wobblestheclown on 2014-02-07 17:13:00 UTC Reply

Four times. Clowns cannot maths. =o[ (nm) by wobblestheclown on 2014-02-07 11:36:00 UTC Reply

And, of course, I messed up the html. Go figure. (nm) by DawnFire on 2014-02-04 17:06:00 UTC Reply

Oh, someone should use the last one. by Desdendelle on 2014-01-30 19:13:00 UTC Reply

Maybe in not in Council!canon but somewhere.

Ugh, how could I have forgotten to put in my name? (nm) by Outhra on 2014-01-27 19:57:00 UTC Reply