Subject: Ah, that's right! ARTIC! We need that basilisk poison...
Author:
Posted on: 2008-08-29 00:52:00 UTC
*cackles eeeeeeevily as she pours liquids from phial to phial, with an eerie glowing blue light coming from the table*
We'll get 'em.... we'll get 'em...
From the Mary Sues LJ community:
Mary Sues: Officially Sanctioned by British TV Writers
Ladies and gentlemen of this fine community, I have harrowing news for us all. The common Mary Sue is now invading the TV. She will soon be broadcast to British television audiences in a brand new series, titled Lost in Austen to be shown on Saturday nights.
And if it's not bad enough, they're messing with a national treasure. One of the greatest books to come out of England's green and pleasant land.
Oh yes, she's about to rape Pride and Prejudice.
The basic premise is: an "ordinary girl", fed up with her life, gets pulled into the world of Pride and Prejudice and starts messing up the world of the canon characters. Unapologetically. Only she is the key to the world of Elizabeth Bennet: there's a hole in her wall that leads right to another world!
*sharpens knives*
*and teeth*
*and toenails*
Whaddaya say we get a mob together?
*sharpens pitchfork*
We're an angry mob though, aren't we? A very angry mob. With pitchforks.
The worst of the damage.
*Agent Isaiah calmly takes up a whetstone*
Even though I'm undergoing the Permission process, I am going to state the following...
*Agent Christianne browses through the poison shop, settling for Ye Olde Poisonous Poison(tm). Meanwhile, Agent Eledhwen hacks up a dummy of Amanda Price (P&P's official Mary Sue) for stress relief*
I couldn't even watch three minutes of that dreck. It needs to die horribly.
*Agent Ansela coats her throwing knifes with poison*
My agents would give her a trip to ANOTHER wonderful universe: Harry Potter! As soon as she walked through the portal, they'd plunk her down in front of the mirror of Erised and watch her waste away.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that we're all longing to escape.
Speak for yourself, darling. I read P&P for its realism and satire as much as its romance. Qualities which seem to be missing from the farce that is "Lost in Austen."
I'm willing to sign my Agents up for the group mission. That is, if you need help. Which you probably won't.
Let's not forget the Mirror of Galadriel. Convince the Lady of Light to will only P&P images to appear before Mary Sue's eyes, and then we shall see what happens if you do touch the water. Hopefully it is not something good. Otherwise, we can try and drown her in the Mirror. *evil grin*
...for the simple reason that death would be much slower, and of the Sue's own making.
See, one of the things I REALLY hate about this TV show is:
a) it makes Pride and Prejudice sound like escapist literature, which it is NOT.
b) it legitimizes escapism without consequences, that is, the Mary Sue sees nothing wrong with escaping into Pride and Prejudice instead of dealing with the consequences of everyday life. That, my friend, is called turning yourself into a victim of circumstance.
One of my favorite passages ever comes from the Neverending Story. It has this to say about Fantastica (the world of human fantasy):
'There are people who can never go to Fantastica,' said Mr. Coriander, 'and others who can, but who stay there forever. And there are just a few who go to Fantastica and come back. Like yuou. And they make both worlds well again.'
That is what fantasy should be. That is what going into another world should be. The character should have enough imagination to go there, enough pragmatism to go back, and enough strength to knit her desires into the fabric of her real life, and make both her dream and day-to-day worlds whole and healthy.
...they never do that, though, do they?
~Araeph
Though I've never read Austen, I'll go tell some fellow PPC fan buddies and we'll get some Sharp Pointy Things (tm).
See my head explode.
I will join this mob with my brother's axe as soon as my head and desk have finished introducing themselves.
Gah, I haven't even read P&P and it still hurts.
As soon as I clean this up, I'm getting my axe. And my gun. And some explosives. And another axe.
WHAT WHAT WHAT WITH A FLYING SIDE OF WHAT IN THE FRAKKING HELL. JUST. WHAT.
Mob? Yes. And can I sew sharpened pennies to the brim of my hat for extra thwappage?
I mean. Just...no. This is sad. Really, really sad.
*brings out the whetstone and a few pennies*
*jams hat on head*
*grins*
*goes on a Bloodwrath-fueled rampage with a Tissue Compression Eliminator*
I've never even read Jane Austen.
But this? This is inexcusable.
I mean, a long, long, time ago, this could almost have been an interesting plot, if done well. Almost.
Unfortunately, uncounted numbers of Sues have henceforth ruined it.
And why should England be the one to suffer? I like England. D:
Joining your mob, preferably 5th Regiment of the Ypur Cavalry.
Oh, and to the writer of this little travesty? Hab SoSlI' Quch!
That sounds like blatant Sue-age.
I'm not a big Pride and Prejudice person myself ~ I read it, but it was quite some time ago ~ but this cannot be tolerated.
And on TV. As in, some sort of official publication.
. . .
Does this mean it's turning into canon somewhere? That's a seriously scary thought. *shudder*
Well, I don't know the fandom that well, but if you need mob volunteers... *waves hand* I'll bring some torches. I don't have any pitchforks, though; someone else will have to bring those.
No, not at all. This isn't canon any more than PJ's movies are canon for LotR. That is the only thing they have in common.
Alex Kingston is doing Mrs. Bennett in this. What a waste of her talent!
*INCOMPREHENSIBLE SCREAM OF CAPSLOCK RAGE*
GLAURUNGING AGAFNDING FRAKKING FLAMING DENETHOR!
*deep breath and suddenly eerie calm*
Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Killing this despicable shatterer of classic literature. I volunteer to join the sporking of this. I agree with MSTing the episodes. And then maybe sending the results off to the producers. Along with a message:
"We don't know or care where you found this Mary Sue. Just get rid of her before we come and do it for you. Oh, and here's something that Austen fans might actually appreciate."
On the other hand, if we do decide to go and mob the BBC headquarters, I volunteer to be part of the mob. Preferably the part waving a torch.
Both my uncle and the father of one of my friends works in the BBC. I could get one of them to take the MSTing in. Maybe.
And I want to help with MSTing as well, as soon as I read Pride and Prejudice.
KILL. KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL. You will NOT muck around with Mr. Darcy, the BEST MALE ROMANTIC CHARACTER IN THE FRAKKING MULTIVERSE. *INCOHERENT SCREAM OF CAPSLOCK RAGE*
*hefts the snaperrifle and some plasma grenades*
They. Will. Pay.
I vote we MST every single forking episode of the stupid thing.
"Wicked" was done well. This is NOT.
But they've been doing it to P&P for years, just not so obviously. There's at least one book out about the lives of Elizabeth and Darcy's four daughters, and I recall another one, faintly - it all sounded like rubbish.
Still, this calls for desperate measures. Makari? WHERE'S THAT ACID? *eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil cackle* Sulphuric, flouric, AND hydrocloric!
I'm not sure I should let you have it...
...okay, never mind, dire circumstances call for much acid. *hands over several beakers of sulphuric*
You may wish to pursue Artic for some of his basilisk poison. : P
*cackles eeeeeeevily as she pours liquids from phial to phial, with an eerie glowing blue light coming from the table*
We'll get 'em.... we'll get 'em...
It is not entirely fit for young ears but it exists. I'm screaming it at the top of my lungs right now. I am trying to restrain myself from throwing my macbook across the room in a fit of rage while this phrase zooms back and forth across my mind.
It rhyme with 'buck toe' and it is all I can say. You just don't mess with Mister Darcy. Oh Gods, I bet she's shipped with him, isn't she?
"Claude" Bennet is going to be the only good thing about this show. But I always loved him, even if he was a bit of a twit, so...
Coming out of ghosting for a moment.
Excuse me.
*SCREAM OF PURE AND UNADULTERATED RAGE. INCOHERENT. AND SHEER AND UTTER FURY.*
*GRABS FIRE FROM ACROSS THE STREET, AND A FEW CRTS, AND SOME POWER DRILLS AND A CHOP SAW AND A TABLE SAW AND PIECES OF WOOD AND STARTS BY CONSTRUCTING A CATAPULT AND STARTS CATAPULTING CRTS AND FIRE AND CRTS ON FIRE INTO THE VERY IDEA.*
...
I actually can do this. There are tools and wood enough for me to.
Excuse me. I'm going to go punch something now.