Can't find the new post for this, so....

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8956830/3/Alice-Black-and-the-Prisoner-of-Azkaban

Name: Alice Black and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Rating: Teen. I don't see anything that would require me to place an NSFW or NSFB on it. Just a simple badfic.

Fandom: HP, obviously

Offenses: For a badfic, this really isn't that horrifying. Alissa or "Alice" is a Mary Sue, but she doesn't seem as far gone as others I've seen. Not borderline, just....not quite that bad. She does have a Sue-fluence, but it's weaker than I've seen before (still somewhat strong, though). She, however, is also rich (though according to her, not privileged). I skipped quite a lot of it, but she doesn't seem to have a "tortured past". She knows about her father being Sirius Black and gets bullied for it, however she learns about her mother's violent fate (without that much detail) around the same time Harry learns Sirius is his godfather. The Golden Trio are her only friends at Hogwarts, but she has a friend on the outside, as well as family members and Professor Lupin.

Mainly, it needs a beta. Choppy handling of pacing, though that's not an official offense....is it? Grammar is passable if you ignore the comma offenses that everyone seems to make (and my pet peeve. I don't even want to write a mission, I just want to copy and paste it into my word program and rewrite the stupid thing). Also, multiple minis (Hermior and Rom, anyone?)

Final Rating: On a scale of one - five, four. Not horrifying, but not good either. Alissa is a Mary Sue who has a lot of Sue traits, but compared to Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven/Tara Way (or other LoTR sues I've seen from various missions), she isn't the most horrible thing I've ever seen (though she speaks fluent Russian, which is so evident throughout the story you have to wonder if the author is Russian/has Russian relatives, or if she thought it was cool. Also, who is worse than Ebony ........). The story is rather badly written- while it has passable grammar, the few metaphors are horrible, and the story flows so badly that even the portions rewritten from canon seem choppy. While JKR, I'll admit, is no William Shakespeare, I don't remember the books being choppy. Comma neglect is extremely apparent, and several minis can be spotted, such as 'Rom' and 'Hermior'. This is completely safe for the brain, and actually slightly boring but irritating.