Welcome to the Board! Have some chocolate, won't you?

Welcome! Welcome! To the greatest show on earth! Here, we have no meaning for sanity, and all our dictionaries are severely hitting people! (who said words never hurt anybody?) So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride...

Hello there young dwarf star! Welcome to our community of psychos and writers, and please note that some of us belong in both of the previous categories. Let's see... *rummages around in large sack* I have a top hat with your name on it! No really, it actually has your name on it, right here under the brim. See? "SiriusA" right there in gold lettering. I wonder how that got there... *scratches head in confusion*

Here, have a totally harmless Awake. It gives your insomnia just the boost it needs. Also it multiplies if you don't feed it on time.

Have a graduated cylinder and welcome to the insanity!

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Do not look directly at substance unless you want to cause a reality-bending paradox.

Welcome a-Board newbie! Your name reminds me of this wonderful webcomic of which I am a fan. To give some context, it's like Hetalia (an anime/manga about personified countries) but for planets. For you I have a radish gun, capable of shooting radishes up to 200 feet or your money back*. Enjoy!

~ThatOne (or TO if you wish)


*Money not refundable if gun is given as a gift, purchased from any country but Monaco, or stolen. Warranty does not cover exploding guns.

Here, take this plank and this constitution. You'll need them.

Have a Laceration Telescope and a Decoding Transmitter-Radio! I haven't any idea what either of these does, but I'm almost sure that they do not explode. Without warning, anyway.

Hmmm... digging in my pockets for your gifts produces two litmus strips, half a roll of twine, a mandarin orange, and a calculator chip. I suppose you can have the scented marker too.

Welcome to the community! Don't be afraid - we don't bite! We even give you presents! (The presents might bite, though.)

As a newbie present, have the total contents of my pockets at this moment! (Thirteen cents, a hall pass, a pencil stub, a piece of string, and far too much lint.) I'm sure you'll find some use for it.

Have a thing. I built it in my sleep. There is a button on top, but I'm afraid to press it.

Have some cans of CAFfeine. The wake you up drink made only from the most sickening Cute Animal Friends.

Side effects may include a hightened Cuteness Proximity Reaction and growth of claws.

Hi, have some fudge!

Welcome aboard! Have a pile of chocolate to celebrate!

Good to meet you. Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

Hi and welcome!
First of all, you should read The Constitution. The Original Series is also a recommended reading. The PPC also has a Wiki and an IRC channel and you're more than welcome to browse the former and join the chitchat in the latter.

Last but not least, have a gift of Camelia Sinsesis Carnivorae: a bag of the finest carnivorous tea leaves there are. Just don't let them eat you.

Welcome to the family! Here, have this sentient bucket KittyNoodles accidentally made a few weeks ago. It needs a good home.

Welcome a-Board! Here is a near-infinite Bag of Holding; trust me, you'll need it.

Here, nibble on this rainbow-chip cookie and tell us your favorite fandoms and such, yes?