Some LotR badfic for your reading pleasure

Subject: Some LotR badfic for your reading pleasure
Author: the Irish Samurai
Posted on: 2012-10-05 16:41:00 UTC

[Please note, actual levels of pleasure experienced may vary]

While searching for any remaining links to the badfics used for the Original Series, I came across a whole range of LotR badfic. The following are some of the ones that I feel DoI would flag up for special attention.

1) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3307759/1/The-Tale-of-Vearanniel (rated T)

A Sue, possibly even the Sue. Her intro reads like someone looked up a Litmus Test, and then set out to fail it as quickly as possible. To summarise, her name is Vearnniel, and she’s from America, but ends up in Middle Earth after being trans-dimensionally snatched by ‘Gandalff’ so that she can fulfil her part in a prophecy. She has ‘gold hair that falls in a wondrous water fall down to her slim waist’, colour-changing eyes, as well as perfectly tanned and ’beutious’ skin. Both her parents died in plane crashes (one on Christmas, one on her birthday), so she has to live with her ~~wicked stepmother~~ evil stepaunt. She’s the smartest girl in her class, which means she has no friends and is picked on constantly.

Most of that is from the first three paragraphs, and trust me, it gets a lot worse from there.

2) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6432818/1/Emerald-Istar (rated K+)

This is a re-write of ‘Ring Child’.

Yup, despite the best efforts of Ilraen, Supernumerary, Suicide and Diocletian (in a mission I very much enjoyed) Archir the Emerald is back! Archir’s character seems essentially unchanged, although he is slightly older (by which I mean a year or two), and his initial interactions with Gandalf seem slightly creepier to me.

3) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/538447/1/Once-Upon-A-Time (rated T)

This is a sequel to ‘All Souls Night’, otherwise known as Mission 13 from the Original Series. In this, Boromir is still alive and well, having married the Sue from All Souls, and has a sueish daughter. Cue a kidnapping and an excuse for the Fellowship to get back together again.

Featuring a couple of Sues, severely OOC Boromir (sadly, due to the timeline, breathing is out of character behaviour for him), varying levels of illogic, and general nonsense.

4) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8512318/1/A-Dark-and-Terrible-Beauty (rated T)

Did you know that Gandalf had arranged for another... I'm gonna misuse the word ‘person’ here... to follow the Fellowship in secret, to keep them safe and help them out when they were in the most dire need? This is the previously untold (for good reason) story of that character.

Oh yeah, and she’s a shape-changing dragon.

We might need to get Spec Ops or ESAS in on this.

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Bad fanfic alert. by firemagic on 2012-10-04 15:27:00 UTC Reply

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4783500/1/Angelic-Layer-Neogen

Revolutionary changes have been made to the layer, and of course enthusiasts have flocked to them like moths to a light. But not all is as it seems to some. And to some others, all they know, about themselves, and others.. may be a lie. R&R. LongHiatus.

This thing... ugh, this thing. There are quite a few canonical breaks here.

One: There are a bunch of new rules--for one, there's far more 'magical' abilities and weapons, which are completely contradictory. For those who don't know the canon, the Angelic Layer game was originally a way to develop prosthetics--one of the creators couldn't use her legs, and the dolls were originaly designed to prototype and test a way to control artificial limbs with your mind. Unfortunately, funding was cut off, but the inventors decided to market the dolls as a game--that way, they could get data from the people who piloted their dolls, getting a much larger test base, and get more funding.

Weapons break this logic. Before, Angelic Layer was fought almost entirely with 'martial arts', or with players exploiting glitches in the programming. With the physical combat, the researchers get more data on specific movements, but with a weapon like a cannon--that doesn't help. ANd special abilites don't help either. It makes no sense.

Point two: There's a character who, at seven, had her parents killed in front of her. She ran into the woods, and found an abandoned shrine. THis makes a bit of sense--a seven year old is probably not thinking straight. However, she quickly finds a ton of gold in the abandoned shrine, and the next day goes into town, and buys a bunch of volunteers to repair the shrine with the gold. At seven.

No one questions the fact that there's a little girl whose parents were just killed, with a ton of gold, asking to repair the shrine (probably doing more harm than good to a priceless historical treasure) and she just stays there for /years./ Child services? What's that?

Third thing: THe hospital system is terrible. One of the OCs gets the living daylights beaten out of her by the shrine girl (who apparently became the sole master existing of some martial art) and needs to go to the hospital. Apparently the injured OC had to get a personality chip implanted in her /brain/ afterwards. This does not fit in at ALL with the canon, and afterwards she just leaves the hospital. She even seems to have gotten a concussion, and we never see anyone running tests on her, but she feels fine so she can leave. No parents pick her up or anything, the hospital just gets her a cab to a hotel.

Point Four: Sentience. The dolls in Angelic Layer have no sentience--the characters sometimes treat them as such, but they don't. In this, the injured girl's Angel (that's what they call the dolls) gets a personality chip that gives her free will. And apparently this is something that happens. A lot. THis lets the doll move, and speak, and think, but there's no thought given to the larger philosophical ramifications. THey can give toys sentience in a chip, humanity in a bit of silicon. Toys that children use to fight each other. Here's a quote from the story.

Keishin chuckled a little, "Aren't we one to hold a grudge." By now he had adjusted to the whole free will thing.

No. How does this work? THe Angels now have free will, they can move about without being on a Layer. But players can still control them--how? Isn't that controlling a sentient being? What if Angels don't want to fight? Are there Angel activist groups? Can Angels vote? THe story NEVER goes into the huge problem of giving dolls designed to fight and be test subjects free will--are Angels without the chip considered oppressed? Is the desire to fight or personality traits programmed in? Do they truly HAVE free will? How does the economy react to suddenly having basically-immortal robots introduced? All these questions and more... are never answered.

Some Thomas the Tank Engine badfic by saintdane05 on 2012-10-09 01:28:00 UTC Reply

Wanna see your childhood be ripped out from under you? Now's your chance! See Mr. Conductor be able to have sex with normal people (Don't worry, this is Work Safe.) See a blatant Sue! See Mr. Conductor go completely OOC!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7100168/1/The-Magic-of-Gold-Dust

Also: A troll fic.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8530137/1/the-closeing-of-sodor
Phineas and Ferb goodfic, anyone? by Jopalopa on 2012-10-08 21:43:00 UTC Reply

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8331843/1/Profile-Update
Summary: Carl the Intern wears a lot of hats at the OWCA. Naturally some responsibilities are a bit more fun than others. The tedious and sometimes disgusting job of maintaining surveillance on the DEI Building is brightened by one hilarious chore: keeping tabs on updates to Strudelcutie4427's online dating profile.

This is a cute little piece exploring the relationships between Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated the Organization Without a Cool Acronym - Doofenshmirtz and Perry, Perry and Vanessa, Monogram and Carl, Carl and Vanessa, even Carl and Perry - it's all in there. And in true Phineas and Ferb fashion, it's chock full of references to the episodes that highlight Doofenshmirtz's dating life. Well worth reading.

/is all over this. by KittyNoodles on 2012-10-08 23:00:00 UTC Reply

Like chocolate on a strawberry, dude. Thankies for pointing it out - I lahv Phineas and Ferb!
Throw that in Kitty's direction. She'll go nuts. (nm) by SpecstacularSC on 2012-10-08 22:23:00 UTC Reply

HP Goodfic! by SingingTheThunder on 2012-10-05 21:55:00 UTC Reply

Draco Malfoy: Boy Who Lived, might sound like a Stu, but it's actually good.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8538091/1/Draco-Malfoy-the-Boy-Who-Lived
Some LotR badfic for your reading pleasure by the Irish Samurai on 2012-10-05 16:41:00 UTC Reply

[Please note, actual levels of pleasure experienced may vary]

While searching for any remaining links to the badfics used for the Original Series, I came across a whole range of LotR badfic. The following are some of the ones that I feel DoI would flag up for special attention.

1) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3307759/1/The-Tale-of-Vearanniel (rated T)

A Sue, possibly even the Sue. Her intro reads like someone looked up a Litmus Test, and then set out to fail it as quickly as possible. To summarise, her name is Vearnniel, and she’s from America, but ends up in Middle Earth after being trans-dimensionally snatched by ‘Gandalff’ so that she can fulfil her part in a prophecy. She has ‘gold hair that falls in a wondrous water fall down to her slim waist’, colour-changing eyes, as well as perfectly tanned and ’beutious’ skin. Both her parents died in plane crashes (one on Christmas, one on her birthday), so she has to live with her ~~wicked stepmother~~ evil stepaunt. She’s the smartest girl in her class, which means she has no friends and is picked on constantly.

Most of that is from the first three paragraphs, and trust me, it gets a lot worse from there.

2) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6432818/1/Emerald-Istar (rated K+)

This is a re-write of ‘Ring Child’.

Yup, despite the best efforts of Ilraen, Supernumerary, Suicide and Diocletian (in a mission I very much enjoyed) Archir the Emerald is back! Archir’s character seems essentially unchanged, although he is slightly older (by which I mean a year or two), and his initial interactions with Gandalf seem slightly creepier to me.

3) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/538447/1/Once-Upon-A-Time (rated T)

This is a sequel to ‘All Souls Night’, otherwise known as Mission 13 from the Original Series. In this, Boromir is still alive and well, having married the Sue from All Souls, and has a sueish daughter. Cue a kidnapping and an excuse for the Fellowship to get back together again.

Featuring a couple of Sues, severely OOC Boromir (sadly, due to the timeline, breathing is out of character behaviour for him), varying levels of illogic, and general nonsense.

4) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8512318/1/A-Dark-and-Terrible-Beauty (rated T)

Did you know that Gandalf had arranged for another... I'm gonna misuse the word ‘person’ here... to follow the Fellowship in secret, to keep them safe and help them out when they were in the most dire need? This is the previously untold (for good reason) story of that character.

Oh yeah, and she’s a shape-changing dragon.

We might need to get Spec Ops or ESAS in on this.

Isn't Vear-what's her name killed? by Durppie on 2012-10-10 00:51:00 UTC Reply

I think her fic was sporked by someone already.

The Mission's here: http://www.freewebs.com/manxandshadow/missiontwo.htm It's a good read.

My mistake by the Irish Samurai on 2012-10-10 16:47:00 UTC Reply

Yup, you're right, that fic has definitely been sporked already, although I don't see it on the List of Killed Badfic.

I recognize the first one... by KittyNoodles on 2012-10-07 07:50:00 UTC Reply

I stumbled upon it last year, read one chapter, and went into hysterics. I'm up to chapter three, and am giggling madly at "Frodo Sam Pippen".
Pretty sure the first one is a troll. by Lily Winterwood on 2012-10-06 07:54:00 UTC Reply

Or at least I really really really hope it's a troll. I mean seriously? There's no way anyone could write something that awful and be serious about it.

(Of course I could be wrong... curse you Ironic Overpower!)

As for the sequel of All Souls Night: WHY. Just... WHY. I even looked at the reviews for shits and giggles and saw several comments about the PPC. Heh. Wow. She was so well-warned and still...

Anyway if I wasn't so busy deconstructing Sherlock Sues I'd help spork these. Ellie and Chrissy are a little overdue for a return trip to Middle-earth.
Sweet Arceus, there are no words. (nm) by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-10-06 02:54:00 UTC Reply

They even mess with Angelic Layer. by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-10-05 02:16:00 UTC Reply

I usually allow a small margin of error within CLAMP universe fanfiction, as CLAMP does a very good job at wrapping things up and fanfiction authors feel the need to create a new story-line. This story, however, is not okay. Creating an AU that makes sense, or following a logical progression of events is fine. Throwing together things that do not make sense is not.
Most of the problems have already been covered by firemagic. The only gaping wound in the story I haven't seen addressed is the fact that Chobits, another of CLAMP's works, takes place in this universe many years later. Most of this would render that entire work null.

Re: They even mess with Angelic Layer. by Anonymous on 2012-10-05 19:27:00 UTC Reply

I haven't read that far, since I'm not familiar enough with it to tell who's a canon and who's not, but one of the disclaimers did mention Chobits. And no, Angel + personality chip does not equal Persocom.

It's more of the fact that they stated in canon by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-10-05 21:16:00 UTC Reply

That persocoms were the closest things to having personalities. They did not act like actual people, with the only exceptions appearing in the canon as extraordinary.
Ups, that was me. (nm) by Ellipsis Flood on 2012-10-05 20:21:00 UTC Reply

Re: Bad fanfic alert. by desdendelle on 2012-10-04 18:23:00 UTC Reply

It should probably mentioned that this is a 'fic for the Studio CLAMP manga Angelic Layer.
At one point... by firemagic on 2012-10-04 15:35:00 UTC Reply

The Stu calls a sentient Angel a munchkin marrionette. Is that a racial slur? It seems like it should be.

And somehow... by Firemagic on 2012-10-05 21:15:00 UTC Reply

The Angel hacks into the injured girl's 'personality chip' and controls her. Because a person's mind wouldn't have been given any protection programs or anything, it's just their personality and soul after all.

And then the Stu uses his uber leet hacking skills to 'reprogram' a SENTIENT BEING. Instead of, you know, picking the foot-tall doll up off the table. Mind rape works too.

Which raises the question: What about viruses? If an Angel's personality data or whatever is corrupted, does the hacker get punished? Changing fundamental aspects of a sentient being's mind seems like it should be punished rather severely. And how do you argue whether the original personality should be restored, or whether the new one gets to live? What about replacing your Angel if you want to make a new one? Does that count as abandoning a dependent?

More personality-screwing fun! by firemagic on 2012-10-05 22:12:00 UTC Reply

In chapter 12, the Stu sees that his friend is acting weirdly, and thinks that there might be a malfunction. So, being a sane person, he calls up the doctors and lets them know his worries. They don't think there's anything to worry about, but they take the girl in anyways and give her a check-up. Since the Stu did the responsible thing and called the doctors, they were able to catch a problem in the programming and help the girl, who undergoes much more extensive therapy so that she can know the limits of her treatment.

Naah, just kidding. That'd be what'd happen in a sane world. Instead, the Stu THINKS there's something wrong, so he decides to hack into his friend's brain and screw around with her personality, because it's not like you'd need to be a doctor or anything to mess around with the thing keeping your friend alive. And of course he can't get consent from her friend, because she has no idea that she's relying on a personality chip to stay alive, because the trauma of getting some silicon in your head would put her in more danger than her not knowing she needs to stay away from putting magnets in her head or that someone with an internet connection could rewrite her brain. Obviously.

Oh, and some author notes:
Yeah, if anyone thinks that Teramora knocked this person out way too fast.. According to the mechanics I've figured from the upgrades he's received between chapters, he does around 100 HP per hit. As for the incantations, they activate a pre-programmed series of actions in the scenario, making it less strenuous for Keishin to manipulate them. Plus, they're more 'dramatic' lol.

Because those upgrades got the time and description necessary for us to figure out that they're not just some power-ups that make an Angel OP for enough money. Oh wait.

And Keishin-Stu essentially reprograms a portable layer--one that is a white table, essentially, with no terrain features--into a fully-customized city with NPCs, and allows people without Angels to make detailed avatars, essentially redesigning a complex piece of holographic technology to follow a variety of new rules that he seems to make up on the spot... in one night.
And in case you're wondering... by firemagic on 2012-10-05 21:44:00 UTC Reply

Here's an example of one of the new 'magical' attacks.

This time it quickly formed into a clone of Chisora, standing directly behind her. The clone's hands turned into blades and she impaled both the angel's head, and heart, pinning her asU the blades spiked off within the angel's body like the limbs of a tree. In the end, she had what looked like a glass skeleton inside her, fitting her tendons and such perfectly.

The clone vanished as the skeleton remained. It moved and Chisora moved with it. The thing began forcing Chisora to punch herself, until Keishin had thought of a better fate for her. All in all, Aya had no idea what happened when the skeleton exploded, dealing a point of damage for every shard of glass. Even if she found out, it was useless as there were thousands of shards, all of which shot from inside of Chisora, making dodging an impossibility.

An undodgeable, insta-kill attack we've never seen or had been foreshadowed before. How is this sadistic attack supposed to get data for prosthetics? How do we know that Angel didn't have the personality chip, or should we just not care because she was fighting our main character?