by Cressida Cowell. The novels, that is. Not the movies. From everything I’ve heard, the movies are vastly superior to the novels in just about every way. But what can I say; I’m a paperback boy, so I’ve never seen them movies. (And when it comes to movies, I’m a Disney boy, so I don’t do Dreamworks junk.)

Spoiler warning for How to Train Your Dragon and How to Be a Pirate. Since I’m sure you’re all going to jump on the doctorlit bandwagon and start reading really rudimentary children’s literature because of this review.

I know I’ve read children’s literature multiple times before, but this series more than any of those other novels really wears its age demographic on its sleeve. There’s really not much here for me to appreciate directly, though I do like a couple aspects of the series that I’ll get into in a bit. Both novels have been full of the kind of humor an adult woman author might assume young boys are into: slimy descriptions, random underwear appearances, fart jokes, over-the-top fantasy violence. And maybe she’s right about that, but it certainly isn’t how I remember my youngest years.

What I do like is that after pulling in the intended-target-audience-of-very-much-mostly-boys, Cressida uses the novels to show that the old-timey might-is-right mentality that the Viking society of Berk espouses is not the best way to approach problems, and that it has a propensity to lead to bullying behavior. Hiccup, despite being so young, does his best to guide the rest of his society through thinking skills and non-violent problem-solving, which are usually ridiculed and shot down at first, but are proved right in the end. How to Be a Pirate also had a similar message about greed, with a rather quiet and sad ending that points out that we still aren’t ready to have wealth and power, any more than these ancient Vikings were.

I also like the stupidly over-the-top design of a lot of the dragons, even though it gets a bit much sometimes. So many fantasy dragons are the sleek, scaled massive kind, it’s nice to see some fat and slimy and small ones for a change. HtBaP introduced two that I especially liked for their uniqueness: an eyeless, earless wingless one with a mostly-mouth head, which I pictured having a movement style somewhere between a canine and a crocodilian; and a massive blob of dragon/snake/octopus/scorpion/cave fish horror that’s degenerated so much from living underground that its tentacles function independently of the central nervous system. Most continua probably wouldn’t have counted them as dragons, so I like the open-endedness of this world to include such creatures among the dragon roster.

So yeah. I’m ultimately reading way outside the intended age bracket, but I still managed to enjoy some things about these stories.

—doctorlit, not on the Dreamworks bandwagon

“’This is the second time the Gods have sent me a spoiler.’” “’This is the second time the Gods have sent me a spoiler.’” “’This is the second time the Gods have sent me a spoiler.’”

In 1993, a game was released upon an unsuspecting public that would change the vourse of gaming for the rest of the decade. It was a demonstration of impressive technology and craftsmanship, and it immediately shot to the top of the sales charts. Loved by some for its elegance and artistic nature, reviled by others who see it as obtuse and difficult to navigate, it remains a classic that was, for thousands of people, their first computer game.

And that game wasn't Doom. It was Myst.

Myst is a method of convincing people to buy expensive CD-ROM drives first-person point-and-click adventure game developed by Cyan Worlds, a company which is still alive and kicking today. If you were around in the 90s, you may remember it. For the rest of you, the game starts when you touch a book that transports you onto the island of Myst, where you find a note from a man named Atrus to his wife. Apparently, something terrible has happened and it in some way involves his sons. Said sons you will soon discover in the library, where they are apparently trapped inside books which have had their pages scattered through not only the island but all the various worlds contained within books there. Unfortunately, all the books containing worlds have been hidden away by Atrus—well, all the ones that weren't mysteriously burnt during whatever happened. To further complicate things, you need to figure out which son to trust, because each says the other was responsible for what happened.

Myst looks incredibly primitive by modern standards: the pre-renders are grainy and low-resolution, and I don't have the Masterpiece Edition, which upgraded the visuals quite a lot. However, the world still drew me in because the designs were creative and everything just felt so... surreal. At the same time, if you've read the journals in the library (and honestly, you need to because they contain clues, so do that), you know all about what happened in all of these worlds in the further past, and you can see that history in front of you as you go through these worlds. Even though the two brothers don't talk to you that much, you still get a sense of their personalities as you come across their lodgings in various worlds. And the three endings... well, I won't spoil them.

A lot of people have said this game is obtuse, but I think they may have confused it with 7th Guest, a considerably worse game. I'm terrible at adventure games and was all prepared to go through the walkthrough for this one, but I found myself solving 90% of the game unaided, because... well, it just wasn't that hard.

However, there are a few annoyances. Firstly, there's a lot of walking very long distances between places. Thankfully, you can move extremely fast, especially if you adjust your transition speed. The "zip mode" that lets you move more quickly through places you've already been also helps with this. It's not perfect, but it works. Still, if only the game would let you carry more than one page at a time.

Another annoyance is not knowing where ypu can go. There were a few puzzles that I wasn't able to solve simply because I didn't realize that there was a path somewhere so that I could go there. Had I been able to realize this, the actual puzzle would have been easy.

And finally, there are two puzzles in particular that are just flat-out bad: the railcar in the sound age (if you play the game, you'll know the one) and the compass in the Stoneship age are the primary offenders. The railcar might have been good, but there are lengthy prerendered animations of travelling that make it painful to be wrong. The compass, by contrast, is one of the few puzzles in Myst that makes no logical sense, something the game usually avoids quite well. Feel no shame in looking something up.

Some tips:

-Check everything

-Look for secret passages if you don't know where the pages are. Remember, each is hidden in a manner linked to the brother it pertains to.

-Pay close attention to your surroundings.

-Read everything. Take notes. When I played, I had a collection of pictures I took of drawings from notebooks on screen. This isn't required, but it does help.

Riven, Myst's sequel, is arguably an even better game. If Myst's worlds had a sense of atmosphere and history, Riven is practically drenched in the stuff. Even if you don't read the associated novel (I haven't). It delves into the history of the world, explaining how you got the Myst book and came to the island in the first place, even as you explore the decaying age belonging to Atrus's (allegedly) mad father, Gehn, and learn not only of him, his past, and the culture where the ability to make these magical books originated, but also of the native inhabitants of Riven and their history.

There are less puzzles this time around. Way less. Like, there are two puzzles total? Everything else is just getting to the point where you have enough information to solve them. And oh boy, what a doozy that is. You'll have to observe things carefully at the right angles to uncover secret codes hidden by factions, read through journals written by strange people. You'll need to learn about other numerical systems, about symbols and cultural associations, about how Gehn's mechanisms operate... and that's just the start! They're hard, yes, feel no shame looking up help, but they're also very fair and satisfying. I never felt like the puzzles didn't make sense.

However, some of the annoyances from Myst prevail. The world is bigger, and walking everywhere is still an issue. And the problem of not noticing a key switch or not realizing a path that is essential to your progress exists is still a real issue. Click everything. If you can't see a device to do something you know you need to do, you might have missed it. Click off the beaten path, too. And I mean that literally. Most of the tips for Myst still apply here, although there is less reading this time around. A little bit.

Overall, Myst and Riven make me want to play more Myst games. Even the ones that Cyan contracted out in the late 90s and early 2000s. Because even if they're not as good, I'll still learn more about this fascinating, incredibly absorbing world. And I want to. I want to hear more about the D'ni, see more ages, and learn more about the history of these worlds. I guess that's why they made tie-in books.

Myst is also a great series for writing fanfic. I wonder if there are any good ones....

Both Myst: Masterpiece Edition (the version I suggest, as it's availble onlinr and doesn't look like a Youtube video played at 144p) and Riven are available from Steam or GoG, at your leasure. Until recently, they were rather a pain to get running, being 90s windows games. However, for Myst's recent 25th Anniversary, Cyan updated every Myst game so that it runs properly on even the very latest Mac and Windows systems (Linux folks, go grab ScummVM for Myst and Riven and point it at your install directories for each. ResidueVM covers Myst 3, Wine for the rest). They're about $6 each if you're interested.

This concludes my review.

The extended pilot/first episode and eps two and three, anyway. I noticed it's on Netflix, so I started watching. I figure I owe it to Nume to check it out so he can have a properly informed negative opinion. {= )

I, however, think it's fine so far! The only thing I really hate is the opening theme, so I'll get that out of the way up front.

"Where My Heart Will Take Me" doesn't sound like Star Trek at all. It sounds like they wanted to be the first to do what Firefly did really well the following year with "The Ballad of Serenity," but instead of using a cool, original steel-guitar folk ballad of defiance, they used a preexisting song that goes on about "faith of the heart" and reminds me of the blandest, safest, most boring type of Christian pop rock. (I'm not slamming ALL Christian pop rock here, please note.) I want a soaring, majestic trumpet fanfare in a Trek theme, and not only is this not that, it's not even an original song. BLAH.

... If I were a pessimist, I'd say that probably sets the tone for the show. See, I could forgive them if it seemed like they were really trying to set a tone that makes them stand apart from the preexisting Trek series, but they're really, really not. They're playing it very safe so far, and all the other music and effects sound like what you'd expect. Therefore, I will continue to hate the theme song with a passion and be extremely glad Netflix lets me skip it.

But, again, I'm actually enjoying the show so far! I like that it feels like Star Trek; I consider this a good thing, especially for the earliest eps. It has room to grow into its own identity down the road. For now, I'm cool with it following a lot of the same beats.

I even think they're doing a good job with the adventure-of-the-week formula. They're really leaning into the scientific exploration thing in ways that I dig, such as having one of the main characters be an exolinguist. ENT is set before TOS, so a lot of the tech we're familiar with is relatively new and untested here, including the Universal Translator. That means it doesn't always work, and sometimes the intuition of another living, feeling being is better than machine logic. I do raise my eyebrows at how quickly Ensign Hoshi seems to pick up a new language from a very limited sample; even though they acknowledge that she isn't going to get it right, it's a bit of a stretch that she gets it within the time shown at all. But, I make allowances for the limitations of the medium, and I think it's pretty cool that they build a conflict around a language barrier at all. I give it a thumbs-up.

The only problem is that, so far, they've kind of depended on Captain Archer being an excitable idiot to get the plots rolling in the first place. I want to like how keen Archer is on getting out there and exploring those strange new worlds for the first time, because that IS part of what I'm here for. However, he has a bad habit of ignoring the advice of his Vulcan science officer, T'Pol, basically to spite the entire Vulcan race for telling the Humans they weren't ready for the last hundred years.

I hate to tell ya this, Archer, but you're still not ready. Not if you won't even wait a week to do standard scans of a new planet to make sure it's safe before bopping down there for a camping trip. No, I don't care that it "looks fine." This is your basic responsibility to look after the safety of your crew. There is no excuse for not doing this, you goober.

Ugh. I don't hate Archer—yet. But I might if his character doesn't go through some major growth that involves the show acknowledging when everything that happens is his fault and him learning when to listen to good advice even if he doesn't like it. From what I've heard, I fear I may be disappointed, but please don't tell me. I'll find out on my own.

I like the rest of the cast enough to make up for him, anyway.

T'Pol fills the role of Vulcan science officer. She gets there more or less by accident, but it's a happy accident that (I think) directly leads to the position being standard by Spock's time. T'Pol is a full Vulcan, so she doesn't have Spock's baggage about having the occasional emotion or being uncertain where she fits in. Her deal is that she's here half-unwillingly babysitting these idiot children and trying to keep them from peeing themselves in public, setting themselves on fire, or accidentally starting an interstellar war. Her frustration is palpable, and her patience with their bullshit is admirable. Like a good guardian, she gives her charges the tools they need to succeed, but also gives them room to do things their own way even if it means they'll fail sometimes, and she's there to help if things get too bad. Also, I think she likes exploring more than she wants to let on. I like her.

We've got our Kirk analog and our Spock analog. We also have a Bones analog in Chief Engineer Trip. I'm not sure how I feel about Trip yet. They're leaning a bit hard on this familiar dynamic, right down to the good ol' Southern boy accent, so I'm not too sure who he is besides the token "guy who doesn't like Vulcans very much." He's as keen on getting out and exploring as Archer; he's loyal; he has a more or less level head... but I dunno, I just don't have a strong feel for him. At least they're working on getting him over his issues with T'Pol right away, so I hope to get to know the real Trip better soon.

Dr. Phlox is the other resident alien on the Enterprise (which they insist on referring to simply as Enterprise, again anticipating something Firefly pulls off but somehow making it weird).

Er, right, Chief Medical Officer Phlox. He's fun. I haven't caught what his species is, but the few hints we've gotten about his backstory is that his people are more restrained than Humans—no talking allowed during mealtimes being the main example. He's very cheerful, very interested in everything new, occasionally to the point of being a little inappropriate for Human mores. "I think they're preparing to mate! ... Do you think they'd let me watch?" Uh, no, Doc. No. ^_^; But he takes his job seriously. He's passionate about it and he's good at it. I like him.

Let's see, I talked about Hoshi, so... the other two main characters are Chief Engineer Reed and... Mayweather. Who I think is the main helmsman? I dunno, they're more or less O'Brien and LaForge redux. They're both fine. Mayweather is a "Boomer," meaning he grew up in space flying around on starships at low warp, which is cool. He tells a good ghost story.

Ooh, we met an entomologist in episode three. She didn't really have anything to do besides collect bugs and I don't remember her name, but it was nice to have her and the other low-ranking away-team members treated as more than just cannon fodder. I hope we see her and the other guy again.

Final point on my mind: I don't think the Prime Directive is a thing yet? If it were, I don't think they'd have let Hoshi pick up a slug-critter from one planet and let it go on a totally different planet when it wasn't thriving in captivity. If that's not interfering with the development of a pre-spacefaring species, whooo-ee, I don't know what is. I chalk it up as another count of Archer being an irresponsible goober and setting a bad example for his crew, and I hope his butt has a good kicking coming to it.

More on this later if I feel like it!

~Neshomeh

P.S. Archer's pet beagle, Porthos, is pointless, but cute. I prefer Data's pet cat, Spot, though. {= P