Guilt-free spork fodder! (And general badfic thread!)

Subject: Guilt-free spork fodder! (And general badfic thread!)
Author: Neshomeh
Posted on: 2019-07-03 05:13:00 UTC

Backstory: I'm trawling through the Harry Potter section of Fanfiction.net circa 2004, because I'm working on this FicPsych prequel story, and I need fodder for a passage I really want to keep but which my timeline doesn't allow for in the latest revision. (Was originally going to be post-release of the PoA film and the advent of the werechihuahua, but that doesn't work.) I guess I could just make up a reason for Remus Lupin to be having a hairy conniption in FicPsych, but if I can find an actual fic from about the right time that fits the bill, so much the better for verisimilitude.

Reason for this post: I found a couple of obvious badfic parodies by Remmysoneand-only, and they're ALMOST understated enough to pass for the real thing, but... well, have a look.

"Lexi's Two Loves" - rated T
Lexis in love but with who? Snape's after her and she has to get away but does that mean leaving her love?

The end of this might make it cruel enough to serve my purpose if it were serious, which it isn't.

"Harry Potter and the Dragons of Chimbiwia" - rated M
try to guess why its that title! the story is about harry and his girlfriend and their adventures with voldermort and everything else

The true crime here is that (spoiler!) there are no dragons in this fic. I never thought I would be this disappointed NOT to see absurdly named, out of place dragons in a fic. {X D

So, if you're looking for something short and stupid to torture your agents with, there you go, a couple of super-old trollfics you may spork to your heart's content with absolutely zero qualms. ^_^

~Neshomeh

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Guilt-free spork fodder! (And general badfic thread!) by Neshomeh on 2019-07-03 05:13:00 UTC

Re: Guilt-free spork fodder! (And general badfic thread!) by Cicada on 2019-07-04 05:17:00 UTC Reply

https://www.wattpad.com/553880786-female-harry-potter-ninja-in-the-making-october
One of my favorites- female!Harry, soulbonded with an underage Hermione, heir to every magical house that exists and showered with gold. Oh and it's a Naruto crossover.
The spelling and grammar are terrible- the author claims to be Dutch.
What really pushes it over the edge is the fact that in this fic, Lily and James survive Voldemort's attack for reasons that have never explained, and proceed to be mustache-twirling evil, favoring the Sue's twin, Alex, then forgetting the Sue's existence and assuming she's a Death Eater.
I'd have claimed it myself, but I don't know anything about Naruto. I hope you all enjoy!
some stinkers by Crazy Minh on 2019-07-03 11:23:00 UTC Reply

XSGCOM: Mirror Image by Hotpoint

A crossover between Stargate SG1 and X-COM: UFO Defence (i.e, the 1990 game). It features a xenophobic "Gary-Stumanity" version of X-COM coexisting in the same universe as the SGC. Oh, and they take over the SGC. Also, they make them pay for new guns. Oh, and they tell Hammond that if he doesn't do as they tell him, they'll dissect Teal'c. Oh, and all the X-COM operatives are gung-ho macho morons who are hyped up on experimental stimulants, and act extremely incompetent along the way. Let's not forget that X-COM pilfers all the best Stargate characters outside of SG1 for themselves. Somehow this got a massive following on Space Battles, and a lot of people call it a goodfic. I call it a piece of shit that is really disrespectful to Stargate. At least the author did their research for the most part.

Trapped in 40k by Eclipse Pheniox

This is the rewrite of one of the most infamous fanfics over at Library of the Dammed. It's not much better either. It features a Gary-stu self-insert who basically has sex with every single kind of life form in the Warhammer 40k universe, while also worming his way into being a frakking Inquisitor of all things, as well as a noble, as well as being the commander of a army; before also fighting off a Ork attack, and being the Emperor's chosen one or something...it's really bad. As the rotten cherry on top of the mount of chocolate-flavoured mound of shizzle, the story also trivialises sexual assault and rape, trivialises slavery, breaks canon so badly that I swear that I started seeing red; and has atrocious pacing, terrible SPaG, and a plot that barely exists outside of sex scenes.

HOLD IT! by Neo Skater on 2019-07-03 14:28:00 UTC Reply

Minh, did you just swear again?

I thought that using fictional swear words was OK? by Crazy Minh on 2019-07-04 01:38:00 UTC Reply

...as in, I interpreted the wiki's article on fictional swear words as indicating they were acceptable? I apologise if that isn't the case, as I was under the impression that people reminding me about language was meant to be comical or something?

Apologies again. I've been having a rough time lately IRL.

The problem is twofold. by Neshomeh on 2019-07-04 05:45:00 UTC Reply

First, we want to keep the Board family-friendly, because we do sometimes get younger teens here and we don't want to scare them or their parents. That means the Words You Can't Say On TV are right out.

Second and even more important, there's a difference between critiquing a work and insulting it. We encourage the former, because critical thinking and literary analysis are at the heart of what we do here. We do not care for the latter, which is what you're doing when you call something a piece of crap or refer to a group of people as entitled morons. In fact, this is expressly prohibited by our Constitution, which I suggest you reread. See especially Section Two, but read the whole thing.

Listen: It's okay to not like things, but it's not okay to fling insults at anything you don't like, regardless of whether the words you use are considered "bad words" or not. It's ESPECIALLY not okay when the insults are directed at people. If you want to talk about something you're not a fan of, that's fine, but if you can't express your opinion about it without resorting to insults, please don't bring it up.

~Neshomeh
Oops again... by Crazy Minh on 2019-07-04 01:41:00 UTC Reply

I didn't even notice that I wrote the 's' word in there. Apologies again again.

Oops, guess URL= doesn't work... by Crazy Minh on 2019-07-03 11:25:00 UTC Reply

Sorry, here's the links

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3631062/1/XSGCOM-Mirror-Image

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12486706/1/Trapped-in-40K

Update: I think I've got my scene fodder. by Neshomeh on 2019-07-03 05:40:00 UTC Reply

"Pain and Regrets, Power and Battle" - rated K+
The Dark Lord has risen, Lupin and Harry taken by him. Shawna and Rebecca are the only ones to help. But their help is not all that's needed. The shattered, crimson lives of innocent people are needed to bring Voldemort to his downfall....

It's bad, its latest update as of April 2004 fits my timeline to a T, and what Remus ends up doing in the last chapter would definitely upset him quite a lot once he came to his senses. Poor guy. {= (

Anyone want a historical sporking target? {= D

~Neshomeh

Umm. When does it need to take place? by Huinesoron on 2019-07-04 19:59:00 UTC Reply

And is there any possible grounds for sending DOGA in?

hS has agents active in 2004...

To be clear, it's also not that big a deal. by Neshomeh on 2019-07-05 02:01:00 UTC Reply

Don't want to overhype this scene as being really big or involved or anything, it just lets me establish a bit more about who Jenni Robinson was back then. If an actual mission gets written, too, that's a fun interconnectivity bonus, but it's not necessary for anyone to go out of their way to make it happen. {= )

~Neshomeh
It's hair-thin grounds, but... by Neshomeh on 2019-07-04 20:41:00 UTC Reply

In chapter 5, there's a big paragraph about a bunch of people moving to different houses (sometimes in different countries) because a bunch of other people are randomly bumped off. Plus a magical doo-dad that reveals everywhere Voldemort has previously been and everyone he's interacted with. Might be of interest to an agent with a shiny fixation. {; )

Also, Voldemort is discovered to be using the Shrieking Shack as a base of operations in the last chapter. It's not a geographical aberration, per se, but it makes absolutely no logical sense and the problem relates to a physical location in the universe, so...?

As for when, I just need Remus in FicPsych in April 2004, during or after the first PPC Badfic Game, which apparently happened at this time.

(According to chapter 3, Wormtail's Animagus form is a mouse. That's fun. {X D )

~Neshomeh

P.S. Speaking of missions, "Draconic Supremacy" at some point, maybe? I have a MUCH better grasp of my characters since the last time we worked on it; might make things easier!

Okay, this is... plausible. by Huinesoron on 2019-07-05 10:10:00 UTC Reply

It falls in the period when Dafydd was hiding from Selene for, uh, three months, because timelines are things that happen after the fact. It would actually come between the two halves of Al and Death, so... maybe Dafydd was actually semi-transferred to work with Vemi while Penny was recovering from Selene's hissy fit? With the usual mission time-lapse effect, that would make sense.

Checking the stories around it, Penny is kind of passive during the Badfic Game (which I have a precise timeline fix of April 16th for, by the way), so that fits with her still being injured.

Yeah, I think this could actually work. I'll take a run at it and see if I can get Vemi in character.

hS

PS: ugggggh muuuuuum i don' wanna tidy my room... yeah, maybe. ;)

I'm currently looking at just after the Badfic Game. by Huinesoron on 2019-07-05 10:22:00 UTC Reply

That lets me reference the events of Agent Dafydd + The Gurl, so I get to play continuity games of my own. If you need Remus to be present immediately after the game, though, let me know and I'll tweak it.

hS

After is fine. Yay. ^. ^ (nm) by Neshomeh on 2019-07-05 15:58:00 UTC Reply

I couldn't take it even if I had Permission. by Neo Skater on 2019-07-03 14:29:00 UTC Reply

My agents didn't even exist in any form back in 2004.

Re: I couldn't take it even if I had Permission. by Cicada on 2019-07-04 05:19:00 UTC Reply

Isn't it possible to take one and just say no one's gotten to it yet, as long as it hasn't been missioned?

Usually, yes, but not for this. by Neshomeh on 2019-07-04 06:20:00 UTC Reply

In this instance, I'm creating the premise that this fic was missioned back in April 2004, so someone claiming it and saying it hasn't been missioned yet would defeat the purpose. {= )

~Neshomeh

Re: Usually, yes, but not for this. by Cicada on 2019-07-04 17:23:00 UTC Reply

Ah, makes sense. Sounds interesting!