Aight, so, first off, Novastorme has given some real good critiques up there and it's all good stuff that's worth looking at, though I don't necessarily agree with all of it (I don't think the PPC regulates its employees to such an extent that folk who like plants wouldn't be hired into DoGA, and I don't think you necessarily need to note the theoretical agents who adopted Kit, though, of course more specifics in a backstory are always good.)

Second off, I do also know who you are! I've seen you about, posting stuff, mostly in the Discord and all. G'day!

The central issue here, I feel, is that I really don't have a very good sense of your characters. They have their central emotional states (enthusiastic versus sane/calm) and they have their hobbies, likes and dislikes. These are all very good things to have--small details like this are essential to rounding out a character, and I'm fond of Kit's vanity and the almost irony of a vampire, in DoGa, being a gardener--but they don't feel like they have a central character to tie to, as it were. Why do they actually have those hobbies? What central characterisation are those hobbies an extension of, as it were? For what reason is Quantum interested in gardening and 'chemistry'? Why is she so constantly distracted, and what would make her go into 'the zone'--and why?

I'm especially curious about Kit's relationship with Kyubi--the scene of her tiredly facepalming at witnessing another shipfic was a real highlight of the story and one of the moments where she really shone. I'd be interested in seeing that refined!

Right now it seems that the only real distinguishing features between them is that of one being enthusiastic and one being sane except, I admit, I can't really tell them apart very well in the stories, either! They both speak in the exact same vernacular, using the exact same terms and types of sentences.
This, on top of your lack of dialogue tags and description during scenes of dialogue (as Novastorme pointed out very well) means that there are long stretches of samey dialogue pinging back and forth in a vague and undescribed landscape. It's quite confusing--those bits feel like weird grey spots in the middle of your stories!

I was very confused within the prompts, especially the control prompt. I feel like everything before 'Elsewhere, Kit...' was unnecessary--while I get that it's establishing Quantum's character, and all, it feels like the story has two separate introductions! I'm not, er, sure what Quantum is really doing, also, so far from her RC, in a hallway, just mixing stuff.
You do have a bit of a spark for funny descriptive work: 'The ceiling looked all the same whether her vision was blurred or not, but as her eyes finally decided to start working again she could finally tell what she had been hit in the head with' could be cleaned up a little, but it got a grin out of me.
The sentence 'Kit... was being dragged along at speeds she did not realise were possible' completely lost me. Who's dragging her? Quantum? Why? When? Is Quantum just really excited to show her the RC? You should probably give a couple sentences to clarify this.

What you really, really need to work on is your characters, and your moments of dialogue. While I like the details and hobbies you have for them, I feel like I can only ever consistently tell them apart when you mention those very specific hobbies! I just can't really figure out any central core to their characters--the whys for what they do, their motives, ambitions, fears, and so on.

As I mentioned earlier--you need more description within your segments of dialogue, and you need to distinguish the way your characters speak more--ideally in accordance to their backstories and central characters, so on.
I actually recall this test I tried doing, myself, a while ago--you had to write a whole short story using only dialogue, without tags. You had to be able to tell the characters apart only through their dialogue, alone. After all, the way somebody speaks says a lot about them--where they're from, how seriously they're taking the situation, how educated they might be, so on! Maybe it ought to be worth trying out, yourself? It's fun, anyhow.

I won't be giving you permission right now, sorry man. You made a good effort, though, popped this up on the Board and all! Keep working at it, hey? You've got a lotta good stuff going on in these stories, and you just need to keep working at it to dig them out, as it were. This is a real good step for you, keep at it mate!

But here are my thoughts on this.

Do I know you? Yep, I've seen you interacting around the community for a little while, so that one is ticked off the list.

Your characters:

Let's start with Quantum. First up, can I ask why the use of code/alternate names instead of her just being Agent Melody Smith (or even just Agent Melody)? This applies to both your characters, and isn't really given a reason why in either case.

Secondly, I believe the actual continuum is called Memoirs of a Neurotic Zombie, for those of you looking for it without success, but I feel like this is a minor detail overall. Thirdly, I've given it a 5 minute google search and the only thing I can find about Memoir of a Neurotic Zombie's (Henceforth MoaNZ which is a funny acronym now that I think about it) Vampire's is that Corina, one of the main characters is one. Given I can't really find anything about her race I can't really judge whether 135 is too old or young, whether her personality fits in with a typical member of her race at that age (or the age at which she was turned, assuming even that she was turned) etc. Which makes it harder (for me) to get a good feel for and judge the character. Can I ask how she fell through a plothole into the PPC HQ, was she an unnamed background character from canon? From a badfic? From a fic that just got cancelled? Where is she from? I think it would help just to flesh out her backstory that bit more. Can I also just check what you mean by "Vampires from her continuum are not too powerful, as their only abilities are flight and super strength." Because to me, Super Strength and Flight makes you pretty powerful. The only other thing I want to draw attention to is Quantum's drinking (and interacting) with Sue Blood. This is from the PPC Wiki article for Sue Blood: "Being exposed to Sue blood may lead to an agent being Sued," and you're saying that your agent likes drinking this stuff? While this could lead to a comedic moment later down the line, part of me just feels uncomfortable with this.

Having read Quantum's bio I would of put her down more for DMFF than DoGA, especially with her loving of collecting plant cuttings from different continuum and the fact that she just doesn't have that fiery touch I would expect with a DoGA Agent (but that just may be me).

Kit: Once again a codename I don't understand the use of. Not that this is a complaint, but perhaps explain why she's not using her name? The PPC isn't MiB there's normally a reason if an Agent isn't called by their given name. Can I ask if you can clarify who exactly her father is from the 'fic? (I'm assuming it's a badfic that was missioned by some Random Team? I haven't read the full 'fic so I don't know if it is missionable or not). Also, warning to anyone who does click on the 'fic link. The author's name is NSFW. You mention her father several times, but seem to not give us any more details on who (or even what) he is meaning we have to read through various bits about Yo-Kai Watch to get an idea about Kit's father and hence some of her personality that you say she gets from him, which is OK if we have the time and inclination to read through this, but I feel like perhaps it would be better if you explained it either in the bio or made one of the prompts about explaining where/who Kit comes from.

I'm once again left unsure if you understand all of the kit in the PPC's armory as the closest I can find to an Embryo Extractor is the Embryo Extraction Kit, but this doesn't really work in the way you imply that it worked for Agent Kit. This is from the start of the Wiki page for the EEK: "The Embryo Extraction Kit or EEK, colloquially known as the debugger, is used by the Department of Improbabilities, Department of Bad Slash, and any other needy departments to correct male pregnancies." Cosidering what I can gather from the 'fic the pregnancy that resulted in Kit came about from a male and a female rather than two males, so why the use of the EEK? And why then straight into the nursery without any mention of Agents who adopted her.

The Prompts: It's a bit confusing, a bit all over the place in terms of writing, and there isn't really any warning between time and scene shifts. Quantum seems to be focusing on getting to her RC when she runs into Kit which works counteractive to the way physics work in the HQ (you need to not think about something to get there). If Quantum flying at top speed is enough to knock someone out when they collide and not cause any damage to Quantum I'm now even more wary of Quantum's power levels as that implies some level of super speed on top of the flight (even though I am aware of the comedic effect that could be used with it). The Janitor that makes an appearance feels a bit OOC to me from what I've read and expected from the Janitoiral Division. I suspect they would be more interested in tidying up the mess and moving on rather than chasing an Agent for over a day to get them to clean the mess up for them. Moving on, RC of Pi + a half. When you describe the room you neither a) mention anywhere that could be construde as a 'room' that's set up for Kit, nor do you mention the crack in the ceiling which is the entrance to Quantum's room (or even the ladder that Quantum grabs to lead up to it). Where does Kit's Bed come from? Or the armchair? It's mentioned nowhere before and is suddenly slammed into the scene at the Agent's convenience. I believe Quantum says at one point "Anyways, what brings you to DOGA? Are you a pyro too?" And yet I can't see anywhere in Quantum's profile that indicates she's a pyro (and by that I assume you mean pyromaniac and not a Team Fortress 2 character).

Prompt 2: The conversation seems to just hang about in grey space until the description comes along as a bit of an info dump and paints a picture of what on earth is happening (see my note on speech writing at the end for a way to potentially improve/avoid that). I've got to question why Quantum couldn't of got out of her situation by just using her super strength, especially seeing as it isn't specified that she has been disguised as anything that would take that ability away and then she can get a hand free to call HQ but couldn't use that to help free herself. I get why you've put links in when mentioning various characters, because this is a rare fandom however clicking on and reading those links to get an idea of who on earth the characters are, detracts from the prompt I feel. We're having to go away, look at something come back, to get to another point and then repeat, or we just read through it and not quite understand some parts of the prompt/mission. The charge list is good, and mixes funny with getting the point across well enough and I like Kit and how she is in this prompt, just getting on with the Mission and trying to figure out just what is going on. When you get Permission I'd be interested to see you expanding this mission so that it has a proper end, the current one for the prompt feels a bit sudden and unfinished. Sure you've got Quantum out of the tree, but what's happened to the Mission in the meantime? Has the efforts to free Quantum effected what's happening in the Mission?
I'm a bit confused about the random ESAS/Floater agents that pop in and help. Are they someone else's agents (in which case give them a mention at some point at the beginning or end of the prompt)? Are they a second team you have the idea for? They just feel a bit... random really.

Comments from both prompts: I noticed a couple of grammitical errors, but I wasn't looking for them too hard. Capitilization seems to be a weak point (Medical Department instead of medical department from the first prompt and Springdale and HQ instead of springdale and hq from the second) and there were a couple of spelling mistakes sprinkled throughout (it's beeline instead of b-line and I think there was a perfer instead of prefer in Quantum's Bio). But both of those things should be picked up by maybe having a second Beta as well go through things as well. I'm not saying anything against Skarm, but I think that having a second beta is always a good idea.

Your speech writing. I find it very hard to understand who is talking when, and there aren't any descriptors to tell me how each line is being said. It could be a covnersation between two characters or it could be a computer talking to itself in a very monologue manner. Taking from your second prompt for example, instead of:
"“Heeelp!”

“Huh? Where are you?”

“Up here!”

“How did that even happen?!""
Perhaps:
"“Heeelp!” Screamed Quantum desperately, finding herself suddenly unable to move her arms or legs.

“Huh?" Kit questioned. "Where are you?” She looked around, not being able to see where her partner had gone.

Quantum grunted as she tried to pull herself free from the tree she'd figured out she was stuck in. “Up here!” She cried.

“How did that even happen?!” Kit asked, surprised as she began to look around for a way to free her partner, cursing the disguise she'd chosen as it's weak arms wouldn't be able to help Quantum escape."

This also then helps break up the info dump that you put in after the speech in the original prompt.

In my opinion I'd recommend the PG's to not give Permission yet, but it is definitely achievable.

I aplogise if some of what I have said comes accross as too harsh without any constructive criticism.

Novastorme