Subject: As Ix said, impressive.
Author:
Posted on: 2019-06-02 21:05:00 UTC
That was...extremely well done. It all flows really well, both lyrically and emotionally.
As for Thoth's reaction, I can't say I didn't predict a Single Manly Tear, but I'm not complaining either :)
I promised, didn't I?
This is set a few months after the last interlude, and some missions and other stuff will have happened in the meanwhile, but those aren't done yet and this is, and I've been sitting on the ballad for ages, so it's getting released out of order:
"Presentation (The Spires of Prospero)"
On Google Docs (view here, on a computer, for best formatting)
On AO3
And also, just "The Spires of Prospero" without the PPC framing device on my dA account.
I'll put the story up on my site and probably put the ballad on Fanfiction.net, too, but I'm all coded out right now. ^_^;
Thanks to Thoth for being my co-writer on the story and to Irish Samurai, Mikelus, and Huinesoron for their feedback. <3
~Neshomeh
I still love that poem, and the story frames it perfectly.
I don't think I'd actually read through to the end before (for those following along at home, I beta'd the first 10 stanzas before my attention wandered too far); I like it. It's interesting that you haven't cast Magnus in too good a light - he's arrogant, he sells his legion's souls, &c &c. Given his status as The Nice One, I'm impressed you avoided the temptation.
The college holding the various versions of the poem, however, is still going to be purged by the Inquisition. There's such a thing as too heretical (and it is: any heretical).
hS
I like Magnus (especially the Text-to-Speech version), and yet I blame him for almost everything that happens to his legion. {= ) He may be The Nice One, but he's still as flawed as everything else in 40k. The theme of the Thousand Sons as I read them isn't "knowledge is power," as they might like to think; it's not even "... and power corrupts." It's "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions." We see it clearly with Magnus, and then Ahzek Ahriman takes up where he leaves off, with bells on. But That's A Story For Another Time.
I want to know how "Spires" gets from the PPC to an Imperial college to then, I assume, in an ironic twist of fate, the PPC's Musée des Univers Perdus. Derik will be very confused. *g*
... Wait. Is the Musée actually the Black Library??? {= O
~Neshomeh
The message of the Sons as you see them. Yes, they have the "knowledge is power" thing going on kind of, and yes, between the arrogance and lack of knowledge and so many other things, the Sons really really failed.
But dammit, they tried, earnestly tried to be better, and it seems most of them kept trying the very last. It's sad, unfortunate, and has caused so many ills and horrors, but there is something really admirable about that.
The mixture of optimism and cynicism in there is great. Even if they are going straight to hell.
Wow. Yeah, I'd love to hear this set to music someday, even though I don't follow Warhammer. I'm impressed with the sheer length of the poem, and all the different rhymes you came up with that still work to tell the story.
I like the description of Derik at the beginning, too. Being in a state of degenerated mental health due to staying up all night to compose music is simultaneously a little pitiful and a lot hilarious. I do have to wonder how I come off when I interact with people towards the end of my Saturday night/Sunday morning scorpion hunting shift, when I don't leave the zoo until two or three am; probably not much better than Derik looked here.
I'm glad for the confirmation that Agent Thoth is still capable of having feelings, as an entirely emotionless character wouldn't be much fun to read over time.
—doctorlit, reading an epic poem while putting the laundry away
Oh man, rhyming. Rhyming that many lines at a time is hard. With all the times I ended up reaching a bit to get a concept across, I've learned to be a lot more forgiving about it. Also, RhymeZone and the OneLook Dictionary Search were extremely helpful.
Scorpion hunting all night sounds like it would rattle anyone. O.o
Thanks!
~Neshomeh
I catch them with tweezers, so there's no real danger there. It's just the hours: my typical Saturday is, wake up at 4 am, zookeeper work from 6:30 am to about 6 pm, eat dinner, fall asleep on the kitchen for a couple hours, then wake up and start the hunt, which usually lasts from about 10 pm Saturday to 1 am Sunday. So, it's about seventeen hours of work with only a couple of hours of sleep towards the end.
—doctorlit, enslaved to his own sense of obligation
That was...extremely well done. It all flows really well, both lyrically and emotionally.
As for Thoth's reaction, I can't say I didn't predict a Single Manly Tear, but I'm not complaining either :)
I wish I knew more about 40K so I could better appreciate the poem. Very nicely done.
Can we now declare Thoth and Derik as having the best bromance in HQ? Anyone? No?
It is really good to see Derik finally starting to work on getting better. Poor guy deserves to be happy after everything he's been through.