I think I need to redo an apology

Subject: I think I need to redo an apology
Author: SomeRandomPersonAccount
Posted on: 2019-12-03 08:07:02 UTC

I think that I should make redo an apology. I feel that the first apology for Iximaz wasn’t good enough. I saw her delete it. I assume that my “English” wasn’t good enough then, or that Iximaz does not like me.

No I don’t mean to insult Iximaz, what I meant is that I should have explained everything and should have been careful with my words. Because if I’m still not careful I will still break the constitution, at again and again and so on.

Edit: the post below I made was out of anger. Please ignore it.

Edited edit: Nevermind. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have over complicated everything and now I don’t know what to do or what to answer. I need help. But then I doubt that anyone would find this. So nevermind. I shouldn’t have even ask in the first place. I’ll just complicate things even further. It’s stupid that I don’t even know anything about the PPC either. It’s infuriating. It makes me feel stupid. I can’t even fit in. It’s ridiculous. I couldn’t even read Harry Potter, I doubt that I would even be allowed to read it back then. My Father just made me read some random British lady called Enid Blyton who re uses the same idea, story and plot for 10 stories in 10 separate books. At least I have read The Outsiders and Fahrenheit 451. But then, I don’t know if other people read those books, or understood the message or when Sodapop threatened to beat the tar out of Ponyboy. Am I trying to defend myself for my actions? I don’t know I haven’t slept last night. I don’t know why. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about the ban. Why am I so ignorant? Maybe I should leave, at least everyone else will be more relieved that I have left. At least I’m still a scout. I just feel so angry. How is a psychologist an anger management person? Who in the right mind would do that? Oh wait, my Father. Then he has to make me see a psychiatrist and I was nearly diagnosed with Autism. Great, just great. Everyone in school was calling me Autis and retard, and I was nearly Autistic. How can Curtis have such a better reputation in school than me? How the heck does he have better grades than me in Math? That’s impossible! Now he has a pet. Did I get a pet I wanted? No! Just because he didn’t care about his tortoise and left it for my Grandmother to look after it doesn’t mean that I’m not responsible to look after a Hamster! How does this make sense? Nothing makes sense! I can’t find any logic at all!

Then, this “Brother” of mine doesn’t even look after his cat, and expects my Father to change Stripe’s litter, and feed her, and ensure that she doesn’t run away... even though... he promised to look after her...

But wait! That’s not all! He makes my Mother clean his room even though that he’s 19 years old and is getting drafted to the army next year, while I sweep my own room. How... Curtis is somehow worse than me, but still manages to look more respectable than me. What the frick. I swear I hate him. When I was 12, I was playing Smash bros on my 3DS, and he told me to play the game in silence or he would break the slider. What a great person right? Older Brother protects younger Brother right? Right? RIGHT? NO THATS A LIE! Why did he do this? It’s for “consideration” and “courtesy”, but in reality it’s because he hates me.

And what did this “gentleman” do right now in the present( as of this random rant)? Why play heavy metal loudly of course! Especially when I’m trying to sleep!

If you managed to read through here, I’m Sorry for taking at least 5 minutes of your time away. I wish that I could figure out how to post blogs on my Wiki page, but I can’t. Sorry.

Can’t wait to get banned for spam.

Jump to this post's position in the thread ↴

Can I ask about my ban status? by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-02 18:22:51 UTC Reply

I was just wondering, am I permanently banned in the discord server? If I am permanently banned, can you block my IP addres?I feel that I will be tempted to join the server again under a different account name.

From the Admin of the PPC Discord by PoorCynic on 2019-12-03 14:07:41 UTC Serious business Reply

There's some confusion going on here. I suppose I should do my best to try and clear this up.

You were never banned from the Discord. Only kicked.

The mod team collectively decided that while your comments about Iximaz were offensive, they were not ban-worthy. So you were kicked from the server--a temporary action. Something you yourself demonstrated when you returned to the Discord shortly after. You then asked if you were banned and then immediately left before anyone could ask or clarify what was going on. I even said in the Discord that you were only kicked, not banned.

It should also be noted that, as the admin, I am the only member of the moderators with ban powers. And I don't take them lightly. People won't be banned just because they ask. And no, I will not block your IP address.

PoorCynic

Sorry PoorCynic by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-03 14:59:39 UTC Edited Reply

I see. Sorry for causing trouble PoorCynic.

I thought I was banned because I saw someone( no I’m not naming that person) typed @Moderator, so I thought that I was banned.

I am going to write a letter of apology to Iximaz.

Additionally comment: How am I supposed to find out whether I’m kicked and not banned if it was only posted in the server? Nevermind, the wiki already stated that Bans are only for the entire community. This entire thread was irrelevant. I am ignorant and stupid.

But then, I don’t which one is more important, learning to be less ignorant or the threads? I guess that not being ignorant is more important.

When can I join the server again? by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-03 16:41:06 UTC Reply

I will wait until I have permission( not the permission giver kind of permission).

You can technically return at any point. by PoorCynic on 2019-12-03 23:56:25 UTC Reply

That said, you should probably take a moment and reflect before you do so.

Do you think you can get along with others in the Discord?

Will you improve your behavior as a result of this incident, or will your pattern of delete-posting resume upon returning?

Will you respect the boundaries of your fellow PPC members when asked?

Consider these questions. If you can't properly answer them, then I would recommend staying away for a bit longer and reflecting on your behavior.

Thanks PoorCynic by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-04 00:04:56 UTC Reply

I have also thought of this and I realize that I really need to stop being anti social and unlikeable.

Thanks PoorCynic for helping me to reflect over my own actions and my hienous acts of stupidity.

Question: by Neshomeh on 2019-12-04 01:35:26 UTC Reply

Is self-castigation a normal Singaporean thing?

I ask because I've realized I know next to nothing about Singapore, such as the fact that English is one of the official languages there. Please allow me to take this opportunity to apologize for my faulty assumption about you: I'm sorry if I offended you. I'll try to educate myself better going forward.

~Neshomeh

Response by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-04 12:49:56 UTC Reply

Self castigation is a poor habit of mine.

Also, I don’t know how to respond to the English part? English is a weird thing here, we have a broken version of English called Singlish, that has some words from Malay, some Hokkien and other languages mixed together. I don’t personally speak Singlish.

I forgive your assumption. It’s a misunderstanding. Sometimes, the librarian in my school thought that I was from America, for not speaking “clear” English. I’m not really offended though.

Thanks. by Neshomeh on 2019-12-05 23:21:21 UTC Reply

This may go without saying, but you don't need to call yourself names. Treating everyone with respect means yourself, too! We won't call you names, either, even when we point out behavior we don't like. As long as you're working on improving, we'll keep working with you. We strive for the PPC to be a place where people can grow and improve themselves if they try.

~Neshomeh
Something that might be helpful? by Zingenmir on 2019-12-04 15:12:27 UTC Reply

I'm sticking it here because it means I can also say the concept of Singlish is fascinating, though it's unconnected. Anyway:

Thinking things over before you post them aside, I think in a lot of cases you've used spoiler tags in discord in places where most of us would generally use strike through (coded ~~ like so ~~ without the spaces on there--it works here, too, hence having to include the spaces in this post). Making that switch might aid communication a bit.

(With apologies if this isn't worded clearly--I've just been working for two hours, talking most of the time, and am now in need of a meal. If anything needs clarification, just ask.)

~Z

The suggestion seems helpful by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-04 16:28:38 UTC Reply

That suggestion seems helpful. Thanks!

But I must warn you about the Singlish. It has broken grammar.

While we're at it... by Neshomeh on 2019-12-02 19:06:55 UTC Reply

What happened, exactly? Clearly it wasn't a big enough deal for anyone to bother carrying the block over to the Board and the wiki, so can we clear this up?

~Neshomeh

To add a bit of detail... by Cicada on 2019-12-02 20:07:46 UTC Reply

SRPA left the Discord voluntarily after realizing that that wasn't ok, then rejoined, requested to be kicked, (I think) and was.

I did? by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-02 20:20:05 UTC Edited Reply

No I am very sure that I was kicked out after asking Delta Juliette to ban me, which was after calling Iximaz a drug abuser...

I am very confused? I swear that I saw people typing @moderator, so I assumed that I was permanently banned.

And then I tried to piece things together by using throw away accounts( and that doesn't really help me at all). But still, am I really permanently banned?

Reply, and my more complete thoughts by Cicada on 2019-12-02 20:29:36 UTC Reply

So you asked to be banned, and then you rejoined- people weren't sure why you had rejoined, and the mods kicked you because you'd asked to be banned. Though it isn't likely you would have stayed if you hadn't asked to be banned, what you said was pretty unacceptable. I don't know whether or not you're permanently banned. Having asked the mods on Discord, there wasn't a specific limit because it was a ban at your own request. Honestly, I'm not sure what to say about all this. You seem genuinely sorry, but you also seem to have a pattern of saying things that you realize are wrong and then apologizing, which worries me. I feel like I'm bracing for whatever thing you're going to say next that's hurtful to me or someone else. I haven't said much because I just don't know what to say, but... here it is.

Thanks, Cicada. So, mods: now what? (nm) by Neshomeh on 2019-12-02 20:53:44 UTC Reply

To be honest, I don't know. by Delta Juliette on 2019-12-03 03:23:44 UTC Reply

This is a new situation on me, and I think on the community at large. SRPA did something objectionable, and then unilaterally asked for a severe punishment (being banned). I was one of the people who granted it, but that was more because they asked for it than because I believed an immediate permaban was the correct response. Before this conversation started, my understanding of their status (and I believe the understanding on the Discord server at large) was that they were banned from the Discord server permanently, per their own request.

So. Now what?

As Cicada has noted, SRPA's kinda got a track record of saying insensitive and hurtful things, to the point where a reasonable number of people are on edge around them. Discussion (per const. article 10) has happened when things are said, but nobody had gone beyond that point until SRPA asked for a permaban. What should have been done / what will be done going forward is a thing I'm open to discussing - I think there is going to have to be some sort of understanding if they come back, that they do need to be trying harder to not, y'know, straight-up call fellow PPCers drug abusers? But I'm not sure at all that they should be permabanned/booted/asked to never return.

I see, thank you Delta Juliette by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-03 14:55:15 UTC Reply

Then I will write a letter of apology to Iximaz.

I don’t want a letter of apology. I want you to stop trying to contact me. by Iximaz on 2019-12-03 15:37:34 UTC Reply

Though I was and am definitely peeved at you for calling me a drug abuser, the real issue I have is the fact you knew it was inappropriate, because

1) You posted it in a spoilered comment, that

2) You then proceeded to delete as soon as you’d posted it, so there was no screenshottable evidence. You have done this numerous other times in the past, most notably when you continued making “jokes” about killing animals to feel powerful. You demonstrated by making those spoilered conments and immediately after deleting them that you knew it wasn’t an appropriate thing to say, and yet you persisted despite multiple others telling you to stop.

I don’t want your apology. I want you to leave me alone.

I understand by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-03 15:56:15 UTC Edited Reply

Hmm. Here's my two cents. by Neshomeh on 2019-12-03 04:12:55 UTC Reply

Based on their interactions on the Board, I'd agree a permaban isn't warranted at this time. There may be components of cultural difference and language barriers in play that we should bear in mind when interacting with SRPA. I think we're very much in the "polite but firm education" phase of things.

To that end, let's not make the mistake of hyper-focusing on this one specific term. The problem isn't with calling someone a drug abuser, per se. The problem is with using loaded words in a tone-deaf/insensitive/offensive manner. I don't know the precise context of this remark, but it seems fair to assume that there was a miscommunication of some sort. They've been corrected and now know better regarding this term. Now we all have to continue learning from the experience and applying what we know to future interactions.

It's SRPA's responsibility to make an effort to understand the connotations of the words they choose, and to think things through before posting anything in any community space. Since they're from a different culture and English isn't their first language (as far as I know), it's our responsibility to understand that English is a really complicated and difficult language, and to cut them some slack if they're struggling with a learning curve.

Of course, it should go without saying that we are not required to show infinite patience. I hear that people are uncomfortable being in conversation with SRPA. If it turns out that they're acting with intent to disrupt, or simply incapable of coexisting harmoniously with the rest of the community, then we can take the appropriate steps as outlined in the Constitution. At this time, though, based on my own observations, I choose to assume they are acting in good faith and doing their best to learn.

~Neshomeh

I think I need to redo an apology by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-03 08:07:02 UTC Edited Reply

I think that I should make redo an apology. I feel that the first apology for Iximaz wasn’t good enough. I saw her delete it. I assume that my “English” wasn’t good enough then, or that Iximaz does not like me.

No I don’t mean to insult Iximaz, what I meant is that I should have explained everything and should have been careful with my words. Because if I’m still not careful I will still break the constitution, at again and again and so on.

The post below I made was out of anger. Please ignore it. Nevermind. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have over complicated everything and now I don’t know what to do or what to answer. I need help. But then I doubt that anyone would find this. So nevermind. I shouldn’t have even ask in the first place. I’ll just complicate things even further.
I’m must be very good at angering people then by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-03 06:40:55 UTC Edited Reply

Well, if I’m here making everyone unhappy and uncomfortable I guess that I shouldn’t have joined the PPC in the first place.

If everyone is uncomfortable when I’m around than I guess that being permanently banned is a good thing for them; they won’t be seeing me typing things anymore. Because what’s the point of joining something if you can’t fit in with everyone else.

No wonder why my brother never liked me in the first place.

The more I think of it, the more its good for everyone else. Also who said that English wasn’t my first language? Just because I typed Chinese characters doesn’t mean that English is my second language! It’s the opposite!

I understand now by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-02 20:42:54 UTC Edited Reply

Thank you Cicada, I should think over my replies and messages even more.

You have helped me understand the consequences of my actions more thoroughly.

A suggestion: by Neshomeh on 2019-12-02 20:52:27 UTC Reply

Preview more, Edit less.

That is, get in the habit of being sure you're saying what you mean before you post so you don't have to go back and correct yourself all the time. Don't be in a hurry to post, either; take your time. Practice that where you can fix mistakes if you have to, and you'll make fewer mistakes in the first place.

(*old person muttering* Back in my day, we didn't have an Edit button. If we screwed up, by golly, we had to live with it. And we liked it! */old person muttering*)

~Neshomeh

Thanks for the suggestion by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-02 21:05:35 UTC Reply

I should really watch over everything I do.
I typed all of the messages on a 3ds touch screen... without a stylus... (nm) by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-02 21:03:41 UTC Reply

When using a mobile device, be extra-careful. (nm) by Neshomeh on 2019-12-03 04:23:28 UTC Reply

Well, by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-02 19:18:32 UTC Edited Reply

I called Iximaz a drug abuser... Now I realize that it was tone death. It was really insensitive.

Surprisingly, you can post messages to the board on a 3ds by SomeRandomPersonAccount on 2019-12-02 18:28:27 UTC Reply

I also can't sleep :(