This is the Sunflower Captain speaking, and if you have any questions, my first Mate, the Matey de Sod, would be more than unhappy to answer them. Barring that, our army of custodial Weeds would probably not provide you too terribly inaccurate directions to where you wanted to go.

Believe it or not, we actually have a discoverable pool this time—considering it’s a staple of cruise ships, it would be criminal to not have at least a couple. There is also, of course, an incredibly well-stocked array of bars.

And please, remember to report all suspicious activity to our security Dandelions. There have been reports of glitter in the hallways and some of the staterooms, and we ask that guests not touch the substance, but call for assistance immediately. And remember, there are absolutely no violent, giggling stowaways with a penchant for glittery substances, and you should really just get on with it and enjoy your stay with Sunflower Cruises...