A second opinion

Subject: A second opinion
Author: the Irish Samurai
Posted on: 2012-09-30 12:21:00 UTC

I don't know a huge amount about Kingdom Hearts myself, but just based on reading the first few chapters I'd say you're probably not overreacting.

First off you've got a Girl Who Falls Into ~~Middle Earth~~ Kingdom Hearts, and while it isn't the classic walk through a plothole to get there, the bodyswap thing is pretty daft, and most of the later explanations of the mechanics of the 'curse' seem to contradict the earlier info.

There's also some extra Artefacts of Power floating around, in the form of the Book and the Rose, one of which the Sue has taken. And then there's the Chosen One-esque title 'Guardian of Dawn', something Liz was apparently destined to become, despite being born in a different dimension. Honestly, the coincidences are really starting to pile up here.

There were a bunch of other little things as well: Ven listening to World One bands is a bit of a stretch, even more so seeing as they all seem to be Liz's favourite bands too, and that bit with Liz's mum and Harry Potter...

I'd say you were dealing with a Sue, Maybe not the worst one out there, but a Sue nonetheless.

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Whimpering at this Doctor Who badfic by SingingTheThunder on 2012-09-24 21:05:00 UTC Reply

Yoo, hoo, Technical Errors, we've got a Stu over here.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8549808/1/Doctor-who-series-5

Here's the first sentence (or what would be if there were full stops anywhere) for those who think it can't too bad:
Danny was 14 at the time he walking and chatting on mobile To friends talking about the weekend head then he bumped into someone "O you what it mate I was walking" said Danny

Thread theft- I need a second opinion. by Stargazing Sketcher on 2012-09-27 17:25:00 UTC Reply

I've been keeping track of this Kingdom Hearts fic for a few weeks: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8453704/1/Start-Game

I've already claimed it, but I kind of want to make sure I'm not overreacting.

Basically, an OC fangirl switches bodies with Ventus, and then both eventually go through the plot of Ven's route of BBS.

The main OC has a few potential Sue flags, but there's also some bits of fanon that make no sense (The most recent chapter makes Eraqus the head of an academy in a flashback.)

A second opinion by the Irish Samurai on 2012-09-30 12:21:00 UTC Reply

I don't know a huge amount about Kingdom Hearts myself, but just based on reading the first few chapters I'd say you're probably not overreacting.

First off you've got a Girl Who Falls Into ~~Middle Earth~~ Kingdom Hearts, and while it isn't the classic walk through a plothole to get there, the bodyswap thing is pretty daft, and most of the later explanations of the mechanics of the 'curse' seem to contradict the earlier info.

There's also some extra Artefacts of Power floating around, in the form of the Book and the Rose, one of which the Sue has taken. And then there's the Chosen One-esque title 'Guardian of Dawn', something Liz was apparently destined to become, despite being born in a different dimension. Honestly, the coincidences are really starting to pile up here.

There were a bunch of other little things as well: Ven listening to World One bands is a bit of a stretch, even more so seeing as they all seem to be Liz's favourite bands too, and that bit with Liz's mum and Harry Potter...

I'd say you were dealing with a Sue, Maybe not the worst one out there, but a Sue nonetheless.

Right. Thanks! (nm) by Anonymous on 2012-10-01 03:13:00 UTC Reply

Forgot to put my name. Whoops. (nm) by Stargazing Sketcher on 2012-10-01 03:14:00 UTC Reply

May I ride your segue? Three more possible badfic. by Sevenswans on 2012-09-26 17:38:00 UTC Reply

Browsing the Just In page of the Harry Potter section of the pit has brought these to my notice.

I'd probably say this one's just on the watch list: the grammar is acceptable and so far I don't think that the OC has racked up any major canon breakages, (other than the title "The Fifth Marauder,") and has somehow become friends with Lilly and Snape, despite being pureblood and two years younger than them both. (The given excuse is that they all live on the same street... or something.)

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8558109/1/The-Fifth-Marauder-Teaser

Also, doesn't the pit of voles have a policy against making separate stories for "teaser" or prologue bits that should go in the actual story? This was posted today, but labeling it a teaser smacks of not having read the rules.

The next one is a grammar-deprived mess. It gives us mention of the mini-Aragog Grodrics Hollow (does he belong to anyone?) as well as baby Harry described as a "lovely angle" and the first chapter consists of dialogue. Actually, most of it is whiplash-inducing pacing and bad dialogue.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6814846/1/Arranged

The third I hope is a parody, because the OC is part demugise. Yes, you read that correctly. This one is also a "Teaser," and I just now checked: it's from the same author as the first OC. The grammar remains acceptable. Roxora appears to only have the charges of being an extracannonical offspring, an unholy demugise hybrid, and interrupting a fight scene to give us her life story. Also, the author appears fond of the name Alexis. Like the first fic, I think this deserves watching, but it only has one chapter right now.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8558082/1/Roxora-Alexis-Lupin-Teaser

I'm letting an s and a comma catch up now. (nm) by Sevenswans on 2012-09-26 17:39:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, teasers aren't allowed. (nm) by Stargazing Sketcher on 2012-09-27 17:31:00 UTC Reply

The author's page has me very concerned. by ThatOne on 2012-09-24 22:10:00 UTC Reply

I'm not completely sure, because I don't recognize all the names mentioned, but it looks like he took a bunch of characters from different fandoms and has created an impossible web and back story for them. Starring in the show would be his OCs, the one named James being the most prominent and definitely the most 'Stu-ish. Some of the lines that concern me would be:

"James is the doctor Adopted brother he is the Master Assassin but he never kills"

"when is family was taken he was taken sort refuge on the planet of Pandora where he lurned the Na'vi ways he lived with a clan called the omaticaya he was well respected in the clan."

"Amy is James best friend when growing up ( lets kill Hitler will explain) but when he moved they lost contacted they went to the same school but thanks to the doctor there friendship as bean lifted once more."

"Joseph song is the doctor son he was born on the planet of sholon through the DNA from his farther and mother. his life starches from the 21st to the 51st century he travels in his own TARDIS and his own companion in the Name of April smith ( Joseph song Adventures part 1 coming soon) he has the madness of his farther and the brains of his mother but can Joesph song become the new doctor ?. After the events of demons run Amy pond is now his grandmother and Rory his grandfather"

The main universe seems to be Doctor who, but as there is Avatar and, looking at other fics, Assassin's Creed, Family Guy, Being Human, Thor, and the Avengers. This being a series, it's probably going to be a big job, not to mention that Floaters will have to take care of it because it contains both 'Stus and crossovers. Either that or it could be a combined mission, as there's certainly enough for everybody.That's just my input though.

~TO, who has found enough people calling her this to make it a sort of signature.

I don't have Permission yet ... by SingingTheThunder on 2012-09-24 22:25:00 UTC Reply

... but I'd be willing to help out on a group mission if that's possible.

I'm in if someone does it. (nm) by Riese on 2012-09-25 01:05:00 UTC Reply

Might do it ... by Crimson Flight on 2012-09-25 05:36:00 UTC Reply

Well, I've been looking for a fic to do a mission for, so I might try sporking this one.

I have an idea for killing one of them. by SingingTheThunder on 2012-09-25 10:13:00 UTC Reply

See there's this Classic Who novel entitled Combat Rock (for very little reason) and there's a very handy species known as Snatchers. In fact most of the things on the island of Papul would kill a Stu or Sue.

*blink* by Riese on 2012-09-24 21:44:00 UTC Reply

What? I literally had to read that about four times to work out what he meant. This is either a preteen or a troll. It has to be.

I reckon preteen by SingingTheThunder on 2012-09-24 21:57:00 UTC Reply

There are fifteen other stories by the same author all with similar grammar.

Seems to be age eleven by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-09-24 22:01:00 UTC Reply

It seems that this is likely the work of a male in fifth grade.

Just for the record... by Phobos on 2012-09-24 23:12:00 UTC Reply

There are young people who write well. There are males who write well. There are, in fact, young males who write well. I will thank you to stop making generalizations about age and gender. There is no way to tell someone's age or gender based on spelling, punctuation, or grammar.

I understand that this is an easy trap to fall into. It is something that our brains do automatically. Just be aware of it in the future and, if you catch yourself doing it, stop yourself.

This reminder goes for everyone.

-Phobos, supporter of Rule 1

I did not mean to cast aspersions on a particular group. by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-09-24 23:44:00 UTC Reply

If it appears that way, I apologise. I was basing my theory off of what I have read of my two younger brother's writing, an that of their and my peers in fifth grade. I have met an eleven year old who has written better fanfiction than I have, so I know there are probably numerous faults with the line of reasoning that would lead to generalisation. On the male portion of my deduction, I was reasoning that in most cases males tend to produce Stus, and females, Sues. In either case I could easily be proven wrong. Again, I meant no offence to any particular age group or gender.

Re: Whimpering at this Doctor Who badfic by Tawaki on 2012-09-24 21:42:00 UTC Reply

The spelling and grammar make me want to send the Stu on a blind date with Maaga.
Oh my. by KittyNoodles on 2012-09-24 21:28:00 UTC Reply

That's not a very promising way to start things off, no sir.

Thunder, do you need some Bleepolate? -offers some-

May I have some? by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-09-24 21:32:00 UTC Reply

I just read the authors bio on the OCs. I need it. I really, really need it.

-tosses a bar of Bleepolate- by KittyNoodles on 2012-09-24 23:32:00 UTC Reply

Does Bleepolate come in bars? Or is it more like Bleepolate Kisses? Bleepolate flamethrowers, mayhap??

I need to stop thinking so much.
*Takes a gulp and passes the still mostly full bottle over.* (nm by SingingTheThunder on 2012-09-24 21:53:00 UTC Reply

Shakes her head and pulls out a flask of bleepka. by SingingTheThunder on 2012-09-24 21:30:00 UTC Reply

'Fraid I'm a bit weird and dislike chocolate. Shocking I know.

More for me! by KittyNoodles on 2012-09-24 23:30:00 UTC Reply

Nah, my Grampa's the same way - he's the weird one, raising a family of chocolate-lovers when he despises it. XD

/hiss by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-09-24 21:23:00 UTC Reply

First we cut him into pieces, then we set him on fire, and then we feed him to a group of Adipose.

Relax man by Crimson Flight on 2012-09-25 00:45:00 UTC Reply

We're not supposed to kill the guy. We're supposed to make fun of his writing. Relax ...

I meant kill the Stu... by IntelligentAirhead on 2012-09-25 01:39:00 UTC Reply

Excuse me as I go sob in a corner because I lack the ability to make myself understood, and come off as a massive jerk as a result.