Subject: Sorry, but permission denied.
Posted on: 2020-05-16 04:19:16 UTC

Long story short, I don't trust you with the PPC universe yet. I think your writing is decent mechanically, but... I don't know if there's some cultural dissonance in play or what, but something just bugs me about your characters, and did in the last bit of your writing I reviewed, too.

The biggest "nope" moment I had here was in the first prompt. You've got Vanille, who is described as being the size of a child, who mutters to her daddy in her sleep, having been cuddled "like I was your baby" by her partner... and then she turns around and starts acting seductive. My eyebrows literally went up and the only thought in my head was a horrified "What." Thank goodness Bert doesn't seem to reciprocate at all, because that would be SUPER creepy rather than just plain creepy. You've coded Vanille very heavily as a child in this piece. Doing that AND trying to portray her as sexy squicks me right out, and I don't condone it.

That's not the only issue—Nova raised several good questions, too—but it's the one that cemented my decision.

I'm not really sure what advice to give you about this. Maybe you're a young person and you need a) more world experience to gain a better understanding of how people work, and b) more reading experience to gain a better understanding of what makes a good character. Maybe you should try writing some normal World One human characters for a while; figure out how to do that in a way that feels natural before you tackle the extra complications of writing anthros. Maybe all of the above.

Whatever you do, keep working on it.


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