A few hours back, Helsinki asked the chat for homebrew D&D spell ideas, and boy did they get them. Some where serious, and some were very much not. There was pretty broad consensus that the spells needed to be collected onto the Board so that people could add more even after the chat moved on (or if someone wasn't in chat much at all).

I'm going to clean up the flow of conversation, but keep everything in one post so as not to clutter the Board too much 9and I'll leave relevant commentary in [brackets]).

eatpaylove: Summon Writing Implement
Does exactly what you think it would, definitely a cantrip because in my experience pencils get lost very easily

GeniusGamer: Prepare Sandwich
For all your eating needs

Granz: Divine Location Of Many Times Peer Reviewed Essays Written By Known Experts and Reports on Experiments Conducted With As Much Rigor As Possible And Which Have Since Been Repeated Many Times And Each Time Had Results In Line With Those Of The Original Experiment That Are Relevant To The Topic I'm Trying To Research Right Now

... Or I suppose in simpler terms, Summon Credible Sources

[eatpraylove: Also I like that both of us just had very specific versions of the standard Summoning Charm from Potterverse, Granz.

Granz: No, no, mine is not a summoning charm, it's a divination charm. Well, that's the intent. Because please please please just give me something I can trust without spending twenty minutes hunting down sources of sources of sources because nothing is reliable on the internet.

eatpraylove: Ooo, how about Detect Credible Sources? Lets you know where the nearest Thing That Can Accurately Support Your Opinion is

scapegrace: [a squeezy bottle of delicious mustard appears in granz's hand] "Oh no! I accidentally prepared Summon Incredible Sauce!"]

GeniusGamer: Wake Up
For all of your not asleep needs

Odysseus Nemo: Armani's Wardrobe
Summons a disguise of your choice. Disguise has to be prepared in advance.

scapegrace: Bigby's Combing Fingers
Summons an invisible force that automatically detangles and brushes your hair.

[eatpraylove: Ooo, I like that! files under Creative and SFW Uses for Mage Hand

scapegrace: I was banned from using mage hand in my 4e game after I kept using it to tie people's shoelaces together or pull their trousers down]

Odysseus Nemo: Moonweaver's Tears
Create a cloud of silvery glitter. Allows you to see invisible creatures.

[scapegrace: nemo that's a magic party popper Nemo: Yes. Your point being? scape: i have none, carry on]

GeniusGamer: Originality
Prevents the usage of basic spells

Tomash: There is one spell and it is FIREBALL

doctorlit: Ballfire
Summon a pile of bouncy rubber balls in the shape of a flame.

[doc: The best part is I started typing that before Tomash mentioned Fireball.]

scapegrace: Lesser Fireball
Summons a large bottle of unidentifiable yet highly poisonous liquid. Rolls to detect poison show that nothing is amiss, but foods doctored with it will incapacitate the consumer and make them taste nothing but an overpowering taste of cinnamon for the next 2d6 weeks

doctorlit: Quickened Plant Growth

Nemo: Summon Greater Void
Makes a 7ft. tall black cat appear.

scapegrace: Summon Greater Voyd
He's just taller than the present one

Kittyauthor: Voidfuzz
Summons a void kitten.

Nemo: Kitten Army of the Four Moons
Roll against going to sleep.
[editor's note: Moons would often jokingly send a kitten army after people to get them to go to bed]

Helsinki: Bad News Bear
Enchant two objects of equal size and value - one provides the wearer luck, the other provides misfortune. The greater luck is used to benefit the wearer of the lucky charm, the greater misfortune will befall the wearer of the unlucky charm. If one of the charms is not being held or used, there are no effects.

Helsinki: Affix - an object becomes near impossible to move. Can be used to affix objects floating in mid-air to support weight, force, what have you.

[Nemo: Hels, that's Immovable Object

Helsinki: Ok what about affixing an object's position relative to another object. You get a sword and a second sword, and you affix one sword to be 5 feet ahead of the first one. You swing your first sword and your second sword swings with 5 feet of extra range]

Tomash: Summon Cursed Meme
Fills the area around the target with strange beeping and wailing and then an extremely unpleasant screeching noise for 1d4 minutes that disorients everyone and maybe deals damage

Components: A (reusable) twisted strand of copper wire and an eldritch incantation

(This is what happens when the Internet gets routed across dimensions and does its best to provide curse - modem noises are involved)

scapegrace: Keen Edge
Enchant any edged melee weapon. Upon a successful hit with the weapon, it deals 1d4 psychic damage to the target of the attack, which may stack. A save equal to the caster's Spell Save will end the effect. However, when this effect triggers, the wielder of the enchanted weapon must make a Wisdom save (DC10) or take 1d4 psychic damage as the weapon starts talking about how life is pain and you should really give Jordan Peterson's books a go

FourMoonsWatching: Quadrilune's Disapproving Glare
One named person feels the weight of their sins on their back

Quadrilune's Gentle Hand
Nullify all emotion-based debuffs on a target for an amount of time depending on the spell level

Tomash: Summon Bad Dragon
No, not Summon Evil Dragon

You probably don't want to know why someone is casting this. Or what it does.

and it's definitely a Bard spell (because stereotypes)

scapegrace: Caitiff's Excoriating Invective
The caster channels their abilities into a stream of curses, aimed solely at demoralizing and destroying the willpower of the target. The target of the spell must be able to hear and understand the caster. On a failed save, the target takes 1d8 psychic damage and gains disadvantage on their next attack roll, saving throw, or skill check. This spell requires concentration and may be kept up for one minute, with the target making a save against the spell at the start of each of your turns. If the target is killed or the person casting the spell is prevented from speaking, the spell ends.

[scape: (caitiff is a synonym for scapegrace, jsyk =] )

Tomash: Sergeants and higher NCOs probably just casually have this]

FourMoonsWatching: Quadrilune's Midnight Madness
Can only be cast when lunar energy is present (at night, in a location sacred to a lunar deity, caster or target is in a lycanthrope form, caster or target is currently menstruating, or something along those lines). Target takes 1 psychic damage and is confused, rambling on and on about things that don't make much sense, until removed from the source of lunar energy.

Components: Seven drops each of mercury and lunar blood, which are consumed but can be just pulled out of a component pouch, and a silver moon pendant worth 25 gp, which is reusable. (yes, those are both well within reasonable for pulling out of a component pouch willy nilly, no one questions the bat guano!)

[doctorlit: Now I'm picturing a charging werewolf halting in mid-leap and asking, "Hey, do you wonder, like, why some seeds are in such hard cases if they can only sprout by coming out of the case? Weird, man."

Moons: ...did I really just compose a spell to make my 3 am brain possess someone]

scapegrace: Colour-Coded Chaos
This ritual may be cast upon a filing system or similar organizational system of the player's choosing. Any person other than the caster or whom the caster includes in the ritual (each additional person increases the cost by 10% of the base spell cost) must pass a Perception check with disadvantage to understand the system or find anything within it. The check has a DC equal to the caster's primary spellcasting stat or 10 + the caster's spellcasting stat modifier + the caster's proficiency bonus, whichever is higher. If a creature fails the check, it takes 2d6 psychic damage and may not make another attempt until a number of days has passed equal to the damage it took, after resistance or vulnerability has been applied.

Components: An array of multicoloured strips of glue-soaked paper, bent pieces of metal, feathers, and inks the total value of which is equal to 500gp (or: post-it notes, quill pens, and paper clips)

Odysseus Nemo: Outis's Sword of the Ocean
Summons a ghost ship.

Odysseus Nemo: Outis's Bureaucratic Prison
The target is banished to the Plane of Order, where they spend time waiting for their turn to be serviced. To leave they need the A38 Permit. For more information they need to find Window no. 1, or maybe upstairs? Records? Archives? They need to ask around before the employer's lunch break. If they manage to do so, they learn that Permit A38 can only be issued upon presentation of Form 202, as specified in Ordinance N60.

[eatpraylove: Nemo that's evil]

scapegrace: Grimaldi's Greater Ripples
The ground in a column up to 20' wide by 80' long writhes like the surface of the sea. Creatures within the area of effect at the start of their turn must make a Strength save equal to the caster's spell save DC or take 2d8 bludgeoning damage and be knocked prone. If they are prone at the start of their turn and try to get up, they must make a Dexterity (Acrobatics) check with a DC equal to the caster's spell attack DC with disadvantage. If they fail this check, they remain prone and take a further 2d8 bludgeoning damage.

Odysseus Nemo: Demons of Denak
The caster selects three points within 40 ft. from himself and makes a spectral demon beast appear in one of them. Any creature that ends their turn in the beast's space must make a Dexterity saving throw or take 2d4 piercing damage. On the caster's turn, they can order the beast to teleport into one of the marked spaces.

[ and then someone posted this goose warning so I tossed in]

Tomash: Summon Goose Does what it says it does. The goose appears about a foot away from the caster, probably behind them. It will remain for [caster's primary spellcasting stat / 2] minutes

Components: A sandwich or other similar trail food and an incantation (which includes something along the lines of "I hope nothing ruins my day on purpose")

Note: The goose will do whatever is the most inconvenient and hilarious and is not loyal to the caster. At all. It does occasionally take suggestions though

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And so there we have it. Some of these might be funny, some might even be a good idea if you fiddle with the numbers.

Please feel free to keep adding magic spells to the list