Subject: Re: mission / interlude combo!
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Posted on: 2020-07-08 02:53:03 UTC

Nice! I’m really enjoying these mission + interlude pairs. It’s fun getting a feel for what normally off-screen characters continue doing during the “main action.” (Not that either story feels less “main” than the other.) Urge to plagiarize . . . rising

I feel so bad for poor Wallis and Steven! At least hair and fur grow back eventually. And I suppose it would be worth it to remove all that goop, though Wallis doesn’t seem to have agreed. As a zookeeper, I appreciate that you portrayed the cute little fluffball wreaking havoc. Too many people equate “cute” with “friendly.” I also like that the first thing you put the creepy monster lady through is getting her a check-up with doctors. Just goes to show how accepting and accommodating HQ is to any creature under the sun(s)!

Nice job showing a dead canon getting dropped off from the nurses’ perspective, for once. It’s too easy to forget the work that goes on in Medical when we mostly just see characters getting shoved through one portal and coming out another later. And having a well-known character like Legolas just collapse in as a corpse really drives home the stressful situations the nurses must have dropped on them with no notice throughout their shifts. Rebecca was right not to be amused by Steven’s crack about not noticing how hectic her day was.

Speaking of whom, I assume Rebecca is related to Monty in some way? I don’t recall Monty having family, but maybe I’ve just forgotten. I also like seeing the Sprouts making a comeback! Yay!

I was amused by the gag where Shawn used the TARDIS to meet back up with Sasha. I was getting a little concerned about Sasha’s radio silence, so I’m glad the fic provided a way for Shawn to keep monitoring the canons and still check up on her. (I guess the static interference was due to two Shawns being active at the same time, and their doubled equipment getting confused?)

Ready for typos?

Both stories have a sentence that mentions Shawn being “wide eyed.” But when used as an adjective like this, it needs to get a hyphen in the middle to become a single word: “wide-eyed”

There are also a few instances of “FicPsyche” across both stories, but the abbreviation is “FicPsych.”

One line in “Cleaning Avoidance” seems to be missing something, and feels like a run-on:
“’Who knows it may prove useful, although I doubt it.’”
I’m not sure if you were intending more of a “Who knows? It may prove useful . . .” or a “Who knows if it may prove useful . . .” But I’ll leave that up to you.

Also in “Cleaning Avoidance,” I noticed it never mentions Steven leaving the call, so it feels like he’s just left hanging on the line while Sasha and Shawn get ready for the mission. “50 Ways” reveals that Sasha hung up on him, but that doesn’t come across in “Cleaning” at all.

—doctorlit also liked the term “Things-That-Go-Bing”

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