As I am too busy dealing with the awesome awesomeness that is awesome, I'll keep this short.

1) Read the links above. They will grant you infinite knowledge and wisdom for a very finite amount of time.

2) Don't be sane. Don't be too insane either, but definitely don't be sane.

3) Have fun.

4) Watch your grammar. Even If you think you're golden, there are always mistakes to be made.

5) Don't blink.

6) Take this rainbow generator and make the world a better place.

Welcome to our little family! We're the good kind of crazy, I promise!

Hullo, Arenal! Read The Original Series by Jay and Acacia if you haven't already, it is the canon of which the PPC is fic and hilarious to boot. Find badfic and report it. Hang around for at least a month so we know your name. Then get Permission to write stories set in the PPC and fire away!

-pats hair down- Don't mind me, I've been tackling a horrific Bionicle badfic alongside Riese and Kitty. Here, have a pass to Onua's Lovecave of Uncanonical Boners. Blame KittyNoodles.

Welcome aboard the PPC! Seein' as you arrrgh sea-worthy enough to sail the seven seas of fanfiction, accept this swash-bucklin' belt buckle. It doesn't do anything in particular, but it'll make you a first-rate sailor, mate!

^Pirate Speak. I don't usually talk like this. :)

Welcome aboard! As a welcome gift, have this suit of Extra Shiny Armour. (I'm still working on the scratch-proofing, though, so take care not to scratch it!)

Welcome to the PPC! Have some of my hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Whatever you do, don't shake it like th-

[WE ARE CURRENTLY EXPECTING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE STAND BY AS WE REBOOT THE INFINITY DOLPHINS]

Hi, have some fudge!

Why don't you take this perfectly harmless blob that will do absolutely nothing to hurt you. It's a lovely pet called an awake. Just feed it a lot of espresso and it makes a wonderful companion. Don't stop giving it coffee. Ever.
ByehaveanicedayI'llbegoingnowkaythanks!

Well hello there newbie! I see you have a fondness of the word "awesomeness". I'm still not sure if it's a real word, but it brings to mind all the Hetalia goodfic I read. Ahh goodfic... *drifts of to happy place*. You should tell me what fandoms you're interested in, maybe I could recommend some goodfic to you.
Since you managed to make it here, your prize is a wizard's hat*! It's conveniently labeled "Wizzard", and is so unfashionable that it goes with every outfit.
*Warning: Wizard's hat does not allow you to perform magic. Do not attempt to perform a levitating spell while jumping off a cliff. Dry clean only.

Hey there, have a fountain pen, a half-eaten bag of M&M's (Sharing size!) and three random legos.

-tosses graduated cylinder- You can measure things in that!

Greetings, young Paladin. It's been a while since I saw one of your kind- Oh, wait, sorry. Wrong introduction speech. *clears throat* Welcome to the PPC! Glad you could join us, I look forward to seeing more of you. Here, have a dwarf sparrow - cute, but be careful not to misplace it!
Oh, and if anyone wondered, the OTHER speech is from Diablo II.

Have a telescope. Since there's no outdoors to HQ, it's mostly useless... I made myself sad.

Have you read the Original Series yet?

You joined. :P

Anyone who posts on the Board expressing interest in what we do is pretty much automatically considered a part of our community, and is therefore welcome to hang around contributing to the awesomeness. Make sure to read the Constitution, a link to which can be found at the top of the Board.

If you're looking to write missions and such, do check out the Wiki page on Permission. It'll tell you what you need to know. So take a look around, settle in - we're glad to have you. :D

*presents you with a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object*

Oh, yes, what are your favourite fandoms? Anything in particular you love about them?

And, most importantly, would you like a cookie? *offers plateful*

- Cassie, who is happily welcoming newbies

Hello! I'm KittyNoodles, and I'm not much less of a newbie than you! Here, have some Bleepolate as a gift - all the brain-bleaching effects of Bleeprin, minus the hangover that comes with it!

Tell us about your fandoms and the like.
As a Newbie gift have a can of CAFfeine. Guarenteed to contain only the most nauseating of Cute Animal Friends.
Warning: Side effects may include pointed teeth and attacks of squeeing.