Subject: Well, it happens again …
Author:
Posted on: 2021-05-14 11:37:59 UTC
Dance until you feet give out and then...
Shouldn’t this be "your feet"?
I’m infamous for being a sentient spell checker who can’t not see these things.
HG
I wrote this a couple of years ago and posted it on Ao3 very recently, when I realised I could like... post things I've written instead of letting them stay on my computer forever, and it sounds like a thing that would fit this community very well! (Was I inspired by the PPC when I wrote it? ...Well, maybe a little. That and Terry Pratchett. But it is entirely its own thing, I think.)
Presenting The Usual Ten! (Hosted on Ao3)
Cassie Gherardi is just your average ballerina with everything figured out. Dance until your feet give out and then... Well, she tries not to think so much about that. But suddenly Ben appears from nowhere, and everyone in the opera house starts acting really weird... Why is everyone talking about the Opera Ghost as if that has ever been a thing? Who is giving her friend Rose song lessons? And what is that SMELL?
The arc is entirely completed and the next chapter is currently being written, but it will be another story retold. And you don't need to be super well-versed in Phantom of the Opera to get it either, you'll do just fine even if all you did was see that terrible 2004 movie version. Anyway, hope you like it!
/ Ekwy
(Fun enough to distract me from actually starting work this morning... ^_~)
I liked it a lot, partly because the inspirations and resonances were all well within my wheelhouse. A little bit Pratchett, a little bit Jurisfiction, a touch of Doctor Who, and of course the PPC its own self.
(Typo-wise, two that might or might not be deliberate: you have "corpse de ballet", which I remember Pterry using as a pune on "corps de ballet", and later on you have "rapported" instead of "reported".)
hS
Both for catching those, and for reading. =) Never heard of Jurisfiction, might be something I should check out!
/Ekwy
Dance until you feet give out and then...
Shouldn’t this be "your feet"?
I’m infamous for being a sentient spell checker who can’t not see these things.
HG
But suddenly everyone, Gabe included, acted as if Ben has been there for years
Should be "had" (past perfect).
"It is starting again!" hissed a Sasha.
Are there more than one?
… but the coffee shop across the street were used to dancers
I’m not sure about this. The plural may be justified (or even required?) in referring to the shop’s staff and patrons rather than the shop itself.
… refusing to say what the hell’s she so scared of
Shouldn’t this be "what the hell she’s so scared of"?
An ice-cold hand punched Cassie it the gut.
Should be "in the gut".
A little dancer will come rushing in an explain it in detail.
Should be "and".
… but her disappearance’d had some unforeseen consequences.
Is this meant to be a contracted "disappearance had had"? If so, it’s technically correct, but still looks weird to me.
Essentially, she was making herself extremely impopular with everyone.
Is "impopular" a valid synonym of "unpopular"? I don’t know, I’m not a native speaker; but MS Word spell check says it isn’t.
The Opera Ghost got to him.
Although "had got" or "had gotten" doesn’t flow as nicely, in the context this should be past perfect.
His story couldn’tend here.
Missing space.
… and the Ghost would have no reason to elliminate him.
Should be "eliminate".
She left Blue’s dressing room to change
Who is Blue? From context, this might be Henry Callot’s dressing room?
… lying on its own at a velvet pillow
I guess you actually mean "on (top of) a velvet pillow", not "at (the side of) a velvet pillow".
… covered most of in in fact
Should be "it".
Cassie searched around it to find what she just assumed ould have to be there.
Do you mean "would have to be there"?
She rejoined them half an hour later, just as the door spung open.
Do you mean "sprung"?
On a dusty throne laid the cape of the Phantom
Should be "lay"; the tenses of "to lay" (active) and "to lie" (passive) are confusing.
"But I was was hoping... "
Cassie may be stuttering here, but I don’t think this is intentional.
Despite not being a Phantom of the Opera fan, I enjoyed the read, and writing up what caught my eye didn’t feel like work.
HG
This was never beta'd, being a Christmas present originally, so I'm not surprised typos are plentiful. =D Thank you so much! All your corrections are now in the story, and it is better for it. I am not a native speaker either, but I checked. You're right, 'impopular' is not a word in English as far as I could tell. It is however the word used in Swedish, so my brain went with it. XD And 'lay' is forever the bane of my existance...
Glad you enjoyed the story even though it's not a fandom you're part of! Would you mind if I mentioned you in the notes as "Catcher of Typos"?
/Ekwy
I’d like to be acknowledged.
HG
I read, I enjoyed, and I will certainly be going back for more when the next part is done. If you are at all intrigued by the phrase "uncontrollable chaos farts," you should read this story. ^_^
~Neshomeh is (still) very mature.