Subject: Thoughts
Author:
Posted on: 2022-01-31 02:51:32 UTC
No, Paye, don't set off the Ironic Overpower!!
Poor David, with the glasses and all.
I think there's something off gramatically about how you wrote the charge list?
Overall, that was a nice intro mission and I like your agents' chemistry - looking forward to more!
Mission 1 for David Null and Paye! (warning for cursing and body horror-ish)
I chose Dreamwidth for this pair because I wanted to try something different and I wanted the pair to have a hub to themselves. It'll probably be crossposted to AO3 come tomorrow (it's getting late for me).
gardian is mine. Terror Fiends are at least one type of mini in this canon. I was thinking maybe regular Fiends for monsters and Terror variant for important, named characters (Dark Lord, Guardian Spirit, etc.).
The fic sporked it called "saving miitopia."
I hope you enjoy!
-kA
No, Paye, don't set off the Ironic Overpower!!
Poor David, with the glasses and all.
I think there's something off gramatically about how you wrote the charge list?
Overall, that was a nice intro mission and I like your agents' chemistry - looking forward to more!
Hey, a new canon! The Mii properties deserve more love, I think.
The agents seem fun. I don't know anything about Dream Girlfriend, so I hope to learn more about Paye's history in the future. I like the concept behind Null quite a bit; a non-aggressive vampire in a middle-aged body is quite funny! (And I love that he got the vampire costume as a disguise.) I am concerned that he seems to be in the PPC against his will, though; that's not something the Flowers do. I'd like if future installments show that he is still able to see his family at will.
You did a good job of explaining all the ways the Word World was fuzzy and undescribed, but you also left the agents' RC very undescribed in the opening scene. I know most RCs are pretty interchangeable, especially before the agents have properly moved in, but as it is, it's hard to get a sense of where the agents are in relation to the rest of the room there.
Some minor errors:
There are a couple lines of dialogue that are missing the ending quotation marks:
"He's a mischievous little one.
"or we could let them integrate with the canon.
And this here is a run-on sentence:
Paye couldn't have figured it out herself without looking at the Words, no matter whose POV it was, the world was just as generic (and in the same way) as before.
To me, the most logical fix would be switching the comma after "Words" to a period, and letting "no" start a new sentence, but there are probably a few different ways it could be changed.
—doctorlit was going to point out a comma substituted for a period too, but when he scrolled back to find it, the comma turned out to be a crumb on his computer screen
Glad that there were only three grammatical errors lol. All fixed.
I'm definetly planning on an interlude where he sees his family again. That's been planned since I started this mission. I also plan on moving his family from where they live to New Caledonia so that David can see them more often. Those will probably happen after I finish the second mission, but it is definetly planned that David will see his family again.
It's funny how I can plan for PPC missions in advance but never the weekly stories I have to write.
-kA
Good luck and skill on those weekly stories!
—doctorlit
this mission was amazing. Also my name? in a fanfiction? personal record :D
Also, that was a funny mission and the badfic was hilarious XD
I'm currently on mobile and it likes to mess up the formating on anything when I source edit, so thank you.
Also, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
-kA, who is learning how to edit the pages in the rich format just to avoid the source edit problem.
The current page says:
The regular variant appear if the fic misspells the name(s) of monsters, while the terror variant appears if a main character's name or role is misspelled.In that case, which mini form would misspellings of things like supporting/minor characters, terminology and locations generate?
while locations and terminology would be Fiends. I misstyped when I put "main," epesically since I gave Dominic the dragon as an wxample. He is not a main character, he is an important character.
I apologize. I was tired. I'll fix it as soon as I can.
-kA
However, since I know squat about this canon, the page is really incomplete for now.