The names of Mina’s parents are hilarious; I love that their names make them feel more like concepts than people, aided by their lack of description. As I was first reading that scene, I assumed they weren’t themselves agents, which would explain why they didn’t want Mina to be one. But then, it revealed that they are indeed active agents, which made me wonder over the source of their resistance. Just being overprotective parents? Or worried about her getting exposed to agents prejudiced against Suvians?

Once again, I like the dynamic between Mina and Carlisle. I find it interesting that this time, we see Mina have a break-down of her own, but unlike Carlisle’s usual anger over syntax or other writing errors, Mina is upset over an actual inhumane practice. It further shows the distance between their outlooks, with Mina displaying empathy for people implicitly being hurt, while Carlisle is just offended by abstract rules and regulations being broken. However, that deep philosophical clash also makes it difficult for me to believe that their enmity towards each other was resolved so easily, after Mina revealed her Suvian nature to Carlisle. The resolution was so fast, it was honestly a bit disappointing, as I thought they would have to talk things out for quite a while before finding a way to work together.

Error Zone:
How did her parents be able to prevent her from coming?
This would read a lot more smoothly as, “How could her parents keep her from coming?”

The next chapter began with a helpful note: if ur a prep, DON'T READ THIS STORY. Once again, there was much vocal fry.
I’m assuming the “vocal fry” sentence isn’t supposed to be bolded?

“Ignore her. She's just another stuck-up prep." said another girl next to Eternity.
Conversely, I think this line IS supposed to be bold?

“I’m huuungy!”
Just double-checking here, was the “r” left out intentionally as part of the joke?

Eternity got to go to the front of the line to talk to Draco. She plunged her booted feet onto the stone floor and did so until she was at the front of the line. Disturbingly, the Sue’s boots turned into plungers as she elbowed her way to the front of the line.
Again, some of your narration got bolded like fic text here.

“. . . being used to smile through? I shall charging for this!”
“shall charge” or “shall be charging”

The goths were eating Count Cholcula and drinking wine . . .
“Cholcula”

—doctorlit, racing against the leave-for-work alarm . . . and losing!

• The hunt for breakfast is a very nice starting scene
• I'm liking RC V
• Does the "including;" need that semicolon? Something feels off about it
• Yeah, the Flowers assigning you someone as a partner is a solid reason to be a bit sus. They're definitely trying to create tension
• Haggling over disguises makes sense
• Though meta note: I hope you're not hunting through a particular author for material. That's perhaps a bit much
• (You've got some stray <i> running around in one spot)
• I'm not sure what exactly's going on with “There’s no explanation that would centrally involve me! At all! Whatsoever!” (and also 'centrally' is probably a typo)
• Though I do now also want to know why the Words are blury
• "Sue illogic." sums up a lot of problems, doesn't it?
• Overall, the contrast between Mina and Carlisle works quite well here so far
• Mina, if you keep relying on the SEP field, it will fail you at the worst possible time.
• IHOP is definitely an improvement over the fic
• The CAD not exploding was a nice touch
• This fic is definitely referencing My Immortal a lot
• That's definitely a good combat scene
• You have "So I am" for "So am I" in the climactic bit
• The PPC badfic reveal is interesting. I take it we'll see more eventually.
• Though they did seem to calm down fast. I'm expecting they'll have a longer conversation about this in the future.
• And yeah, I think you grabbed a solid endpoint
• And you did a good bit by foreshadowing the lightsaber - I'd figured that was a gag

Overall, this is definitely a solid bit of PPC writing that exposes a bunch of new worldbuilding hooks (do the Flowers know about all this? How'd Mina's parents get their names? etc etc.) and does a good job playing off the agents' contrasting personalities and the nonsense of the fic off for comedy.