Subject: She's never read the books
Author:
Posted on: 2012-08-27 14:50:00 UTC
Which means that it's movieverse, at least nominally. (I've read the first chapter and it really looks like she's trying to retell the whole movie with a princess...) I see you've finished the Sherlock sue (Brrr...) so good luck with whatever else is in the pipes!
I went sue-hunting today, and I want to know if a particular fic (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6833080/1/Jurassic_Park) is bad enough in your opinion to merit a sporking.
In it, the sixteen year old daughter of Dr. Alan Grant (who she at one point refers to in the first person narration as such... ) is her Daddy's favorite little helper and pretty much goes through the movie as a main character.
Now, the writing style starts out not too bad, and the sue charges appear to be pretty light (Isn't it refreshing to have an OC who isn't over-described in terms of appearance and ability?) but it's the consistently bad tense problems that are bugging me most, as of finishing chapter one. The author switches from normal past tense to present tense to some odd present-past, exemplified by phrases such as "we're stood." I've seen people write "I was sat" before, so it could be a colloquialism, albeit presented far differently from anything I've ever seen. And there appear to be a lot of lines directly from the movie (I watched the movie last about four years ago, so I'm not one hundred percent sure,) and an established relationship between Dr. Grant and Dr. Ellie Sattler, which I don't seem to remember from the movie.
Oh, and if the answer to the sporkability question is a yes, I think I have just the agents for this. Pending permission, of course.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8455933/1/NeverTrusta_ShapeShifter
She's the one-and-only Shape-Shifter (and occasionally a Shift-Shafter, apparently), kicks rear in combat, has stolen the Golden Claw and run off toward Riften with it (so it isn't in the barrow where it should be, which I would call a canon beach). She hasn't met the Dragonborn yet, but still... Oh, and a few technical errors to boot, especially with tenses.
To spork or not to spork, that is the question... What do you all reckon?
Shift-Shafter? I know nothing about Skyrim, but I found a logical problem in the first three paragraphs: if the guard looked at her after she spoke, why would she think he might be deaf? Unless, of course, she's dumber than a brick.
Oh, and there might be a charge for using the phrase "short circuit" in a supposedly medieval setting. Also, thinking that she could take out a whole army? Is that anything close to normal for people with powers in this setting?
Other than that, though, it scores above the 50th percentile on the "my ability to actually read a fanfic" grading scale.
Except for this line:
"My power goes over my head and sometimes I feel like if I am a god."
That makes me want to break out the sporks.
Oh, Agent Eagrus Khan would have a LOT to say about short-circuiting magic (not being a fan of tech).
As for taking out entire armies - maybe if she were a) Alduin or b) the Dragonborn, outside, with a fully powered Storm Call shout - but she isn't, so NO.
What a lovely canon beach you've set up here. Any particular canon?
...trying to catch the 'r' that escaped! Whoops!
First up, Twenty first century Narnia Sue with bonus Edmund replacment, plus possible Suvian colour described as soft yellow and soft mixture of green and blue almost making it look light green (personally I like the name Soft Bleen). http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8405685/1/BadBoy
Second, another Narnia Sue, notable for putting links to pictures rather than describing her clothes, plus creation of a centar. <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8455211/1/AworldofAdventure">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8455211/1/AworldofAdventure
Third, a Potterverse Sue, metamorphmagus with mood ring hair. Don't be fooled by the title, she's incredibly mean, but everyone likes her. <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8391552/1/KamiliaTheFriendlyChameleon">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8391552/1/KamiliaTheFriendlyChameleon
Finally, an incredibly noncanonical species turns up in Lord of the Rings and yup, she's after Legolas. <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8464645/1/TheElfandTheAngel">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8464645/1/TheElfandThe_Angel
"The Prince's Sister" http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8458939/1/ThePrincesSister
Essentially, the noncannonical sister of Caspian, (Her stupid name is Naya, which wouldn't be bad outside of Narnia,) goes through most of the same things as Prince Caspian. At some point she creates a mini: Reechiceep. (Seriously, what's the mini for that continuum? I'd love for it to be a mini marshwiggle, but I'm sure someone's already declared something.)
Oh, and she's being set up with Edmund.
Is it movieverse? I haven't seen Dawn Treader nor have I brushed up on the Narnia books in a long while. If I did, I probably would claim this.
But oh well, my work's cut out for me elsewhere.
Which means that it's movieverse, at least nominally. (I've read the first chapter and it really looks like she's trying to retell the whole movie with a princess...) I see you've finished the Sherlock sue (Brrr...) so good luck with whatever else is in the pipes!
This one seems to be setting herself up for competing with Commander Shepard.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8465257/1/TheCyborgvsTheRenegade
In short: she's snatched from the Real World, given a beautiful, powerful new body by the Protheans and sent to go and help stop the Reapers. The only thing is it stops before it gets beyond 'four years prior to Mass Effect 1'. However, there is also a certain lack of commas, a mini ('Shepherd') and it contains tense shifts.
I don't know how much is exactly "enough" to justify a mission, though. Better talk to someone less shiny green than me about that. :)
As the PPC wiki notes, you can't kill the Sue for bad spelling and grammar unless she has enough charges to kill her for being a Sue alone.
...that is, if you want your agents to be in the Department of Mary Sues.
The Department of Technical Errors, on the other hand...
Sounds intriguing. :) I'd thought I'd go a traditional route and let these two be Floaters so I could cover a lot of scifi and action continua, but I suppose that as one is fairly classically educated (he comes from a fairly steam punk continua and was well educated - he's also a velociraptor, but that's just Dinotopia for you,) it makes sense that they might get loaned to the Technical Errors people for a bit.
There's nine chapters. I may have enough charges by then anyway, though. :)
Posted again to add that I've been to the author's page now. She has several characters named after her penname. Oh, and this:
"I would also like to add a little note here. I've had a few reviews/messages about my stories complaining that they are mostly word-for-word than the movies, tv shows or whatever. But yes they will be like that because that is how I have always loved to do my stories. The original character is mostly based on myself and on what it would be like for me as well as my original character. Since I could not be in the movies, tv shows etc, I like to do this so that it gives me a new world to come too when my own is too much.
If some of you people don't like this then I suggest not continuing to read my stories because I WILL be sticking to the original scripts, but also when I can, I will be adding my own things to it obviously.
I just thought I'd add this so that I could warn people before continuing the read."
~ Quoted directly from the author (Sophia Kaiba)'s profile, here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1298151/Sophia_Kaiba
Looks like I was right about the dialogue being suspiciously similar.