I really like the new details you've put in, like Zenzile having trouble with the doorknob, and that little misunderstanding when Frederick accidentally insulted her by mentioning changing into a different species. Their relationship is looking tense right now, but it just makes me excited to see them function in the mission and come out better for it.

Therefore, I'm pleased to say Permission Granted! I would like to give a glance over your first mission before you post it, though; please reach me at lilywinterwood at gmail when you're ready. :)

Congratulations and happy writing!

I just want to say that I started taking a look (and now have to stop/pause for scheduling reasons), and so far the character profiles are interesting...and, the bit that made me write this comment: I'm very entertained by "Zenzile was looking for Response Center 240. She was annoyed at the layout of Headquarters, and who could blame her when she passed RCs 9755, 6.21, and 90-Musical-Chairs in a row?"

RC 90-Musical-Chairs! I know it's just a setting detail, but it definitely got a chuckle, especially combined with the rest of the sentence. Well done.

I do see a semi-colon that I'm pretty sure should be a colon ("She was grumpy, so other agents had best look out; a grumpy gryphon could shred valuable furniture or clothing into coleslaw.") but otherwise the little bit I read looks pretty good. I did only read a little and not very thoroughly, though.

In that little bit I do think you've got both entertainment and some PPC flavor, if that makes sense (I'm writing in a bit of a hurry). So well done, and good luck! If the rest is similar and I haven't missed/not yet encountered something glaring, I expect you've got a good chance of getting Permission this time round.

~Z