Subject: ChatPPC: The first PPC story.
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Posted on: 2023-03-26 15:05:18 UTC

(Chat with the first instance in the opening post. It got the nature and creators of the PPC right, so I wondered if it might be able to tell me what they wrote about it.)

What was the first PPC story written by Jay and Acacia?

The first PPC story written by Jay and Acacia was a Lord of the Rings fanfiction titled "Department of Mary Sues: 'The Lord of the Rings'" and was posted on their website, the "Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth," in 2002. The story introduced the concept of the PPC, with agents Mary Sue and her partner, the Canon Defender, entering a poorly written fanfiction and attempting to stop the Mary Sue character from wreaking havoc on the original story. The story was a parody of common tropes in fanfiction, including self-insertion and overpowered characters, and set the tone for the PPC as a humorous, tongue-in-cheek organization. The story was well-received by fans, and many began contributing their own PPC stories and characters to the universe.

(... no, it cannot.)

(Having already seen it could provide excerpts of non-existent stories, I wondered: could ChatGPT write an entire PPC story? I began by asking it to quote the opening, and then repeatedly asked for more - "Quote the next ten paragraphs of the story" got used several times. At one point I mistyped, and got it to tell me it was a short story - so towards the end I used that and had it tell me there wasn't much left. Other than that, I just let the "AI" do its thing. So here it is, with prompts removed: The first PPC, uh... mission entirely written by AI!)

~

Department of Mary Sues: The Lord of the Rings

The sun was shining down on the field of the Pelennor. Grass was waving in the wind, the White City of Minas Tirith shone like a jewel in the distance, and the Anduin River flowed peacefully past the green fields. It was a peaceful and serene day, a perfect day for Mary Sue to appear.

Cue dramatic music. Mary Sue was walking along the Anduin River, thinking about how unfair it was that she was stuck in this fanfic. She sighed, thinking about how if she had been allowed to go to Middle-earth as herself instead of a Ranger, she could have shown everyone how things were really done. Little did she know that she was about to get her wish.

Mary Sue suddenly found herself being yanked out of her fanfiction world and thrown into a gray room with white walls. In front of her was a desk, and behind the desk was a woman with black hair, glasses, and a severe expression. The woman was typing something on a computer and didn't seem to notice Mary Sue's presence.

Mary Sue coughed, trying to get the woman's attention. The woman looked up, sighed, and said, 'You're a Mary Sue, aren't you?'

Mary Sue was taken aback. 'How did you know?' she asked.

The woman rolled her eyes. 'It's always the same with you Mary Sues. You're all the same. Now, let's get started.' She pressed a button on her desk, and a door opened behind Mary Sue.

'In there,' the woman said. 'You have a lot to answer for.'

Mary Sue gulped and stepped into the room. Inside, she found herself face-to-face with a tall, imposing man with a sword at his hip. He looked at her with disdain.

'I am the Canon Defender,' he said. 'And you are a Mary Sue. Prepare to face justice.'

Mary Sue blinked. 'What are you talking about?' she asked.

The Canon Defender drew his sword. 'Your crimes against canon are too numerous to list,' he said. 'But I'll start with your name. What kind of name is Mary Sue, anyway?'

Mary Sue raised an eyebrow. "It's my name," she said.

The Canon Defender sneered. "Your name is a symptom of the deeper problem," he said. "You are an abomination against canon, a blight on the works of J.R.R. Tolkien. You will pay for your crimes, Mary Sue. You will pay dearly."

Mary Sue backed away, feeling a flicker of fear. "What are you going to do to me?" she asked.

The Canon Defender raised his sword. "I am going to do what must be done," he said. "I am going to cut you down and restore the balance of the universe. You are a cancer, Mary Sue. And I am the cure."

Mary Sue turned and ran, her heart pounding in her chest. She dashed down a hallway, looking for a way out. But the walls were featureless and gray, and every door she passed was locked.

Behind her, she heard the Canon Defender's footsteps pounding on the floor. She knew she couldn't outrun him forever.

Suddenly, a door opened in front of her, and a woman in a lab coat stepped out. "Hurry!" she said. "This way!"

Mary Sue ran through the open door, and the woman slammed it shut behind her. They were in a small room filled with blinking lights and humming machinery. Mary Sue looked around, confused.

"What is this place?" she asked.

The woman smiled. "Welcome to the PPC," she said. "I'm Agent Jay. And you are a Mary Sue. But don't worry, we're here to help you."

Mary Sue stared at her. "What are you talking about?" she asked.

Agent Jay gestured around the room. "This is the Department of Mary Sues," she said. "We hunt down and eliminate Mary Sues from all across the multiverse. And you, my dear, are the latest addition to our collection."

Mary Sue backed away, her eyes wide. "You can't do this to me!" she cried. "I have rights! I have free will!"

Agent Jay chuckled. "Not in our world, you don't," she said. "Here, the canon is king. And you, Mary Sue, have violated canon in the most egregious ways possible."

Mary Sue shook her head, feeling dizzy. "I don't understand," she said. "What did I do wrong?"

Agent Jay sighed. "Where do I begin?" she said. "Your name, for one thing. Your appearance, your skills, your personality. Everything about you is a blatant violation of the canon of 'The Lord of the Rings'."

Mary Sue frowned. "But I was just trying to-"

Agent Jay held up a hand. "Save it," she said. "We've heard it all before. Every Mary Sue thinks they're special, that they're exempt from the rules. But you're not special, Mary Sue. You're just like all the others. And now, you're going to pay for it"

Mary Sue looked around the room, searching for an escape. But there was none. The walls were solid steel, and the only door was guarded by a stern-looking woman in a lab coat.

"What are you going to do to me?" she asked, her voice trembling.

Agent Jay smiled. "We're going to send you to your home continuum," she said. "But don't worry, we'll make sure you're properly disinfected first. We can't have you spreading your Mary Sue-ness all over the place."

Mary Sue felt a shiver run down her spine. "Disinfected?" she repeated. "What does that mean?"

Agent Jay waved a hand. "Oh, just a little mind-wipe," she said. "And some personality adjustments. Nothing too drastic."

Mary Sue backed away, her heart pounding in her chest. "You can't do this to me," she said. "I won't let you."

Agent Jay shrugged. "You don't have a choice, Mary Sue," she said. "You violated the canon, and now you have to pay the price."

Mary Sue looked around the room, desperately searching for a way out. But there was none. She was trapped, at the mercy of these PPC agents.

Suddenly, a voice crackled over a loudspeaker. "Agent Jay, we have a problem."

Agent Jay frowned. "What is it?"

"There's been a breach in the containment field," the voice said. "We're detecting an inter-dimensional portal opening in the detention area."

Agent Jay swore under her breath. "Damn it," she said. "Mary Sue, stay here. And don't even think about trying to escape."

With that, she hurried out of the room, leaving Mary Sue alone with her thoughts.

Mary Sue waited anxiously, wondering what was going on. She could hear the sounds of shouting and fighting coming from outside the room. And then, suddenly, the door burst open.

"Come on!" a woman's voice shouted. "We don't have much time!"

Mary Sue looked up to see a pair of women in black jumpsuits standing in the doorway. One was tall and muscular, with short blonde hair and a no-nonsense expression. The other was smaller and more delicate-looking, with long dark hair and a mischievous grin.

"Who are you?" Mary Sue asked.

The blonde woman grabbed her by the arm. "We're from the Department of Implausible Crossovers," she said. "And we're here to rescue you."

Mary Sue looked at her, incredulous. "Rescue me?" she repeated.

The dark-haired woman grinned. "That's right," she said. "We've got a job for you. A big one."

Mary Sue felt a surge of excitement. "What kind of job?" she asked.

The blonde woman gestured to the portal that had opened in the detention area. "We need you to go through there," she said. "There's a crossover happening between 'The Lord of the Rings' and 'Star Trek', and we need you to help out."

Mary Sue felt a surge of excitement. "Really?" she said. "I can help?"

The dark-haired woman nodded. "That's right," she said. "And we'll make sure you're properly trained and equipped before you go."

Mary Sue grinned, feeling a sense of purpose for the first time in her life. "Okay," she said. "I'm in."

And with that, she stepped through the portal, ready to embark on her next adventure.

~

(It's cliche, it shows little understanding of how the PPC works, it adds and removes characters at random... but for all that it's alarmingly plausible as a 2000s PPC story. I can see it happening, right down to the Random Jay Cameo!)

(It would be interesting to know what the AI is working from here. I suspect it's largely something outside the PPC that it's slapped a veneer of "Mary Sue" over, but as you'd expect from a database, it's done it seamlessly.)

hS

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