Subject: Baby's First Prank
Author:
Posted on: 2023-04-10 06:20:47 UTC

Derik was used to the occasional strange looks from people in the corridors of Headquarters. Whether it was his resemblance to a canon character or simply his scars in and of themselves, his face was remarkable. He barely noticed the long glances and abashed double-takes.

He was not, however, accustomed to being snickered at from behind his back.

It took him a while to realize something was going on. He had a strict agenda of picking up Gadrik from the Nursery and getting back to RC 1110 with as little side-tracking as possible with the rambunctious four-year-old. Most of his attention was on his son.

Gadrik, however, was acting as well-mannered and obedient as a father could wish for, walking perfectly with his little hand in Derik's. It was unusual. When Derik asked if everything was all right, Gaddie smiled and said it was. Derik believed him insofar as he knew he'd feel it if the boy were ill, particularly with skin-to-skin contact—and he made a point of not using his empathic gift to sound any deeper. It was one thing to know for certain if a crying infant were hungry, cold, or scared; quite another to deliberately rob a growing child of his emotional privacy.

So Derik settled for watching him. He discovered that Gaddie was watching the people around them, and that was when he began to notice the attention he was getting in turn.

He couldn't account for it. He had showered and put on fresh clothes before heading to the Nursery, so he knew there was no stray Sue blood or wilver CAF fur from his last mission on him, and most agents would have found such things too commonplace to be funny, anyway. Nothing strange had happened to him in the Nursery, though he had noticed the children were in particularly high spirits. Simon Robinson had given him a hug for no reason, but Simon was the kind of affectionate lad who'd hug anyone. He didn't scruple to share crayons with a younger boy like Gadrik, either.

Yet there was something going on. And he was certain Gadrik knew what it was.

When he asked, though, the only response was a giggle and an "I dunno!"

"Are you sure?" Derik pressed.

"I dunno!"

"'I don't know'," the harper muttered. If he was to be mocked, let it at least be with proper diction!

But he tried not to be that parent, so he was glad Gaddie didn't seem to hear him.

When the finally made it back to RC 1110, Gadrik slipped his hand free and ran off in a fit of giggles. "Mama! Mama!"

Gall turned from the counter in their little kitchenette and knelt to catch him in a big hug. "Hey, squirt! What's happening?"

"That's what I'd like to know," said Derik. He shoved Fellrazer's snout away when the not-so-Monstrous Nightmare came up to sniff him.

Gadrik giggled some more and pointed at his father. "Mama, look at Dad!"

Gall did as she was told with a smirk. "Like I need an invitation."

With somewhat less grace, Derik held his arms out to either side. "Well? Is there something on my face?"

Gall snorted. "I dunno know how to break this to you..."

"No!" Gaddie tugged on her arm. "Look at his back!"

The grown-ups blinked at each other. Derik turned around.

"What is that?" Gall said.

"What?"

Gaddie screamed with laughter. "April fish!"

"What?" Derik scrabbled at the back of his jacket and came away with a crumpled piece of paper in his hand. Straightening it out, he found he held a cut-out of a crude fish with scales scribbled in every color of the crayon box. He still asked, "What is this?" like an idiot when he turned back to his family.

"Looks like a fish," Gall said ever so helpfully.

"April fish!" Gaddie screamed again.

"Yes, but why is it a fish, and what was it doing on my back?" He shoved Fellrazer's questing nose away again.

"You got pranked, bro." Gall shrugged and offered Gadrik a high-five. "Nice one, kiddo!"

He gave her palm a sharp smack.

"Yow! That nearly took my hand off! You're too strong!" Gall shook her hand out in mock-pain, then caught Gadrik under her arm and mussed his hair in "punishment" for giving her exactly what she wanted. "But seriously, though: why fish?"

"'Cause it's April fish," said Gadrik, red-faced and grinning. "We all colored fishes, and we had to get people with the fishes! It was a secret!"

"Oh!" said Derik. "I see what happened! You and your cheeky little friend!" His sense of betrayal was irrationally deep. He turned away to get a grip and found himself locking eyes with Fellrazer, sitting expectantly on the area rug.

The dragon glanced at the fish, then back to Derik.

Derik tilted his head. "It's not a real fish."

Fellrazer glanced at the fish, then back to Derik.

Derik sighed. "Well, why not?" He held it out.

"Nooo!" Gadrik cannoned into his legs. "Don't let him eat it! It's my fish!"

Rocked off balance, Derik quite unintentionally snatched the fish clear of Fellrazer's snapping jaws. "All right, all right! Let go of my leg!"

"Hang on, I get it!" Gall announced. "It's April first, right? I bet it is." She went to the console to check. "Yup! Off-brand Loki Day! Oh, man, I gotta get someone before it's over!"

"No," said Gadrik, stomping his foot. "It's April fish."

"Gaddie," Derik said gently, "are you very sure you didn't hear 'April first' and think it was 'April fish'?" Even as he said it, he knew it was a stretch. Gadrik's diction wasn't that bad.

"NO!"

"All right, don't yell—"

"It's definitely April fish," Gall piped up from the console. "Turns out it's a World One thing! And it's a heck of a coincidence, considering what we're having for dinner. Leto practically threw this herring at me, but it was all plastic-wrapped, so—ohhhhhh. Son of a biscuit!"

Derik didn't respond because he was too busy keeping Gadrik from snatching the paper fish out of his hand. "Settle down! I promise I won't give it to Fellrazer, but you can't just—"

"It's mine! Gimme it!"

"'Give it to me, please'!"

"Oh, let him have it," Gall said, then quickly revised: "Ooh, no, wait. Let's put it on the fridge!" She beamed.

"Yes, fine." Derik handed her the fish and heaved a sigh of relief when Gadrik ran after her, leaving him be.

"See, Gaddie? We'll put it right there, nice and safe. How's that?"

"Yes!"

"You can even do one of the very special animal butt magnets. Aaaaand stick! Hooray!"

"Hooray," Derik echoed. There was a fish with a panda butt on his mini-fridge. He had to laugh.

"Baby's First Prank," Gall proclaimed. "I'm so proud."

And, Derik realized, he was, too.


Some European countries celebrate "April Fish" on the first of April. Taping paper fish to unsuspecting people's backs and throwing plastic-wrapped fish at people are both real traditions, to the best of my knowledge.

~Neshomeh

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