Subject: Cross my chest approximately where my heart is...
Author:
Posted on: 2012-08-20 23:37:00 UTC
Hope to perish none too terribly. Stick some chocolate-flavored eyedroppers in my eyebobbles.
I promise, in other words.
So, as of today, the 20th of August, I’ve been a part of the PPC for five years now.
That is a nice, even number, which is why I am officially quitting as of today.
For those of you wondering why I have chosen to quit, or are wanting to ask me to stay, I've been feeling this way for months now, even after the events of last year and the mass of bullying 'ended'. This is because it never really did, it just went quiet until people thought it was forgotten about and could attack me for various reasons to satiate their various grudges.
I’ve become disliked by many people, repeatedly, and am often at the center of many attacks just because I made a good target. That, if anything, is an excellent reason to leave. To make it explicit: I haven’t felt safe here for nearly two years now.
Beyond that, the PPC has a glaring lack of competent writers, and has many people who call themselves PPCers being disrespectful of writers- this is, given the intended fundamental nature of the PPC, a large problem. There's a huge, constant stream of disrespect at people in and out of the community that's constantly ongoing, and it only happens when the people who will call it out aren't around to slam down on it.
There are many people who don’t bother reading, and become disgruntled when they’re told they should read. This goes hand in hand with the above- a community centered around writing and reading becomes hypocritical when the community itself insults writers but cannot write, and will not read.
Other reasons are just the fact that the PPC's just decayed so much. We should never've been in a position where we had people going 'homophobia is acceptable on the board because we can't tell someone that opinion is bad', or with someone spamming up the board to demand to know what was going on because they wouldn't bother to read.
Beyond that, 'creepy' has seeped into the PPC. I will never associate myself willingly with people who apologize for rape, accept pedophilia, condone bestiality, much less practice or fantasize about any of those things. Those things do not fall under 'Your Kink Is Not My Kink'. This is one of the reasons I am leaving.
It's bunch of stuff that's not changing, and has only been getting worse.
While I love what the PPC was, and the underlying ideas of it, I hate the community and what it's become, and what it has been doing to me, and don't want to associate myself with it anymore.
To that end, I'm officially retiring most of my agents; I am leaving Agent Library in Makari's good hands for a few more missions, and am leaving Building Maintenance to Huinesoron if he'd like use of them.
The wiki is in good hands; Neshomeh's, and Doctorlit's.
Finally, I would like Cassie to take on the role of Permission Giver.
If anyone has anything to ask me, or anything they'd like to say, they are welcome to do so; I will reply to things for the next day or so.
I think that's everything for now.
So, so long, and thanks for all the fish.
-JulyFlame
It's been... interesting, to say the least. Not gonna lie, I am not exactly distraught over you leaving. You made people I care for vary deeply feel uncomfortable, and bullied. On the other hand, you've also been there for me, and people I care about, so some part of me will miss you. You're a good friend to those you call friends, usually, and for that I respect you, and am grateful.
For whatever it's worth, I never held a grudge against you. Any time we disagreed, I focused purely on the matter at hand, or at least tried to. Well, except for that last time, but I got over that relatively quickly, and never really did more than make the one rather unsubtle comment.
Anyway, I'm starting to ramble just a bit, and I'm sure this is not what you want to hear, from someone you probably don't want to hear from, so I'm gonna end this here.
I'm afraid I can't say I've known you very well during my time here, but I can definitely say that I will miss you.
Your comments about the decay in the community concerns me greatly. Is there anything we can to to combat this and improve?
Happy trails to you, and I wish you the best of luck in all of your future endeavours.
I have to admit, I didn't expect this. That being said, farewell, and I hope your luck is brilliant and your life fulfilling and successful beyond here.
AV
For all of our differences, you were still an awesome person. I was really hoping that one day I could earn your respect.
All I can really say is that I'll try to do my part in improving the community.
Goodbye.
Acknowledging your failures and where you didn't rise up to the bar helps.
From there, working on improving yourself takes you the rest of the way.
Just because I'm leaving doesn't mean you're allowed to fall back into the pattern of doing what you like and remaining there because there's no one else to you that you shouldn't.
You can't tune out the world and ignore what it tells you, just because there's an easy route to take that is filled with insincere compliments, and back pats.
You know better.
It will serve you far better in the long run to listen, learn, and think.
I'm not sure what to say, really, other than that I'll miss you and your presence here. You're a great person and an example of what a PPCer should be. You've always been helpful and given thorough concrit when it was needed. I'm sad to see you leave and I wish you good luck in whatever ventures you may undertake.
- Tomash, who is also bad at these kinds of posts
I'll miss you in the chat (even though I rarely go there). I saw that you posted your email, so I hope we can continue to stay in touch!
I actually ended up dropping the chat first, since it's the main host to a lot of the severe issues that directly hit me, and fairly vocal about the creepy aspects.
I rather regret starting the chatroom in the first place. It's just been terrible since its formulation.
Yeah, I still check LJ frequently. I have a DW account, but I just use it to back up my LJ posts.
I wish things were better around here, and I hope those of us staying will be able to turn things around. I hope, someday (soon), the PPC will feel safe enough for you to return.
I'm going to miss you. I think you're a good person, and I wish we could have been better friends than we were. But I hope you know that I do consider you a friend.
I hope you can find a new hobby you can enjoy safely, and that we'll see each other around the net once in a while.
—doctorlit, who is bad at these posts
That said, I rather doubt that it'll be able to be turned around. The PPC as a whole passed that point months ago, if not years.
I consider you a friend as well, Doc, and definitely someone who can and should be trusted, even though I don't always agree on your personal outlook at things. Your jokes and jabs at yourself really don't serve you well, considering that you've always been a considerate and competent person here.
It means a lot to me to know that you think so.
You've been a great friend and more for as long as I've been on the Board, and I'm not quite sure how it's going to be without you. It's a shame you don't feel able to stay, but I do respect your decision to leave and the reasons behind it, and I hope we won't lose contact altogether.
*lots of hugs* Take care.
...Um.
You want me to become a Permission Giver?
Seriously? o_O
Well, um, I can't honestly say I expected that... but if nobody else has objections, I will. Thank you so much. :)
- Cassie, who isn't quite sure what to say
I have you added on Gtalk after all, no? And you're welcome to poke me about things, not just me poking you to talk.
Cassie, you've put a lot of enthusiasm into the community, and it has served to make you a lot of friends here, and people you can rely on. You say you don't like piping up because other more important people have said it already, or will, and you don't want to hurt feelings, but Cassie, what you say is important. Earnestness goes a long way. Speaking out and being true to yourself is important, and I know you can do that, even if sometimes you feel like it's too hard, or people will ignore you.
People do listen to you. Use your words, use your voice.
I have very little self-esteem, as you guys well know. That's part of my issues. The rest is the things already said.
But reading things like this, knowing that I'm appreciated like this, hell, that people think I'm important enough to become a PG...
Guys, I'm crying because I am just so damn happy. And it's amazing. I think the best way to sum it up is some lyrics from A Very Potter Sequel (which if you like Harry Potter you should all go watch).
"I've finally found it, a place where I'm wanted...
This must be how it feels to have a home."
It's a very nice Provisional PG Hat. It's just like a normal PG hat, except, see that cord there? If you pull that it activates the self-destruct. You probably don't want to be wearing it when you pull it.
hS
(Please note that accidental activation of self-destruct mechanism accounts for approximately 50% of PPGHat-related injuries exercise appropriate caution do not eat this product does not affect your universal human rights)
OMG I HAVE A HAT THAT CAN EXPLODE. =D =D =D
I will not eat it. Unless a situation comes up where I have vowed to eat my hat if [implausible thing] occurs, or some such.
... make sure you spangle the runcitor before doing so. Only by 0.3 gigaperns, of course, you don't want to break the tardenator.
(But seriously - (provisionally) welcome to the team. I vaguely thought you were a PG already; you've certainly been around long enough)
hS
Aww, and to think I was going to give her some salt in case she had to eat it...
It wouldn't be the same anymore with you gone. :( Shame that there are still serious problems and there's not enough activity. I haven't produced any form of writing here at the PPC. It felt like I haven't made a difference.
I don't like you. You snipe at people and say a lot of hurtful things, constantly, and harass people, even when they tell you to leave them alone.
You get into arguments with people and play innocent while you attack them; when you come into the channel in the middle of a civilized debate, you pick seemingly at random someone and start attacking them for 'fighting' and being mean, and shout at them in private messages.
You're a hypocritical jerk.
You're one of the reasons I don't feel safe here.
You've been here ever since I joined back in May and I feel that when you're gone, the Board will be a different place.
You were a driving force, a constant in a sea of change, and I will be sorry to see you go. I had hoped that you would stay long enough to see me apply for Permission (which I am working on at the moment, I just keep getting distracted) and that you would give me the concrit I needed to make it worthy.
I'm sorry that you haven't felt safe here and I'm also sorry that I cannot see everything that is wrong, because the Board has been this way since I've joined. I hope that you will not hold a grudge against us and if you find it in your heart to come back, we will welcome you with open arms.
I do not know Cassie all that well but from what I have seen she is a very intelligent and kind person. I support your decision, even if my opinion doesn't have much weight.
I don't know how to end this post; I really don't want to have to because if I do that means I'm accepting you're gone. After all this, I think that the only thing I can say is... arrivederci.
There used to be respect. You wouldn't see people calling writers 'bitches' for not being able to write.
There used to be writing. People used to post their non-PPC stuff to the board to plug all the time- and people'd even comment on it instead of ignoring it.
There used to be good writing. While no one's writing was perfect, the idea of having multiple people continuously step up with writing samples that were worse than the badfic we would write missions for used to be laughable because the idea of the PPC getting to that point was ridiculously impossible. Yet, here we are.
There also used to be fairly frequent long, thorough discussions without drama attached, or caused by drama, or causing drama. There's hardly any of that now.
If you want concrit for your writing sample, just email me about it. I'll be glad to give it, and am willing to give advice or answers for anything else, as ever.
It's a shame, but if you feel you must go, then I'll leave you to it.
Though I haven't been around much, and haven't seen how things are going bad... Hm, kinda puts my own plans for putting up missions in perspective... dang.
Anyway, good luck to you and your future endeavors.
Time shows the changes. It is easy to ignore them when they are so gradual.
I really don't know what to say. Nothing I can think of can even begin to do this goodbye justice.
For as long as I've been here, it always seemed that you were the one that kept things running. You told people what they couldn't do and why they couldn't do it. You weren't afraid to tell people the cold, hard truth about their writing. I would love to be able to convince you to stay, but you seem to be set in your decision, as you always are. So goodbye July. Go out and share your talents with others. Become an editor, it seems like the perfect job for you. But always remember that if you ever decide to come back there will be people here to welcome you.
Sorry to see you going and wishing you all the best for your future endeavours whether in fandom or elsewhere.
I hope the PPC can learn from this and change back to what we used to be, to the point where you might feel not averse to coming back one day.
Thanks indeed for all the fish, and may the wind always be at your back.
Elcalion, sorrowful
I'm not really that good with goodbyes, but ... thanks for everything you've done for me July. You, with your brutally honest comments about me did sort of help me get more used to the PPC, and helped me tone down my annoyingness on the Internet ... I hope.
It'll be sad to see you go, but I hope you can continue to be a brilliant critic wherever you may end up.
Maybe one day I'll run into you again, but for now, farewell.
I haven't really been here long, especially not compared to some people, but it was nice to know you during that time. I think, the only times I really remember speaking to you would be when you were telling me to stop accidentally spamming the board, but it was nice to know you, and I was grateful for the help in pointing out things like that, and, um...
...I have no clue what I'm supposed to say. Damn my awkward.
But yeah, um, goodbye.
Godspeed. Perhaps we'll see you again.
hS
I do have one question for you.
Why don't you eat cheese? I have wondered this for years.
The taste is nasty and the texture is nasty. I also have a mild allergy to milk, but generally, it's just vile stuff.
You'll be glad to know Kaitlyn's persuaded me onto pizza, though. 'Too hot for any of that to register' is a useful principle.
hS
As the Board's resident Italian, not liking pizza would be an heresy to my ears.
... I support Cassie as a Permission Giver. Do we need an election, or are we assuming the old rule (as used by Jay and Miss Cam) that a departing PG can appoint their own replacement?
hS
I approve of the choice. I think the replacement appointing is fine, as long as Cassie accepts it.
Farewell, wherever you fare, until your eyrie receives you at your journey's end. And may the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks. And don't die.
All I can say is this, July: wherever you go from here, no matter where you end up, keep sporking. Keep giving concrit to authors who need it. And, most importantly of all, never forget what it use to be. Maybe some day your internet wanderings or simple nostalgia will take you back here. And when that day comes, hold out hope that things will be better. Many of us are new: that won't stop us from calling people out on being jerks. I don't care how long someone has been around; if they're being unpleasant, I'll kick their flank into next Wednesday. The decent person may be a dying breed, but we're not done yet, you hear me?
Good luck, Flame. Good luck.
I may not have been here long, but even in that brief period I've come to know you as a force for good writing. While you may not be staying here, I know that you'll spread good concrit wherever you go. Thanks for the character advice, too.
Be well and best of luck to you, JulyFlame! *Bows*
Your writing sample showed a lot of promise, and I'm sure you're going to do well.
As I've been on the PPC only in the last two years, I can't say anything about the difference between now and before, but I can say for sure that there are unresolved issues around here. And I'll stop here, to avoid another uncivil discussion to spring up.
I'm sad to see that you are leaving. But if you aren't feeling safe here, I guess it can't be helped. I hope you'll find other communities in which you can stay enjoying every moment without worries.
Farewell, July. I hope to see you again somewhere in the Web.
I definitely can say that there've been differences.
With you, for example, your grasp on English has improved dramatically from when you first started posting, and it'll no doubt get better and better as you continue writing.
I thought about putting about half a page of text here, but then I realized it might be simpler to use one word.
Farewell.
To me, it means what it says. Fare well. Have a nice time after the PPC. Good luck.
I may not have known you well, but I hope you have better luck in the future.
-Ivan
Thanks.
I know I'm new, and I know I never had the chance to meet you or get to know you, but I'm sad (and angry) to hear that the community has become bad enough that you feel it's time to leave. Hopefully the PPC can come together - newbies and old bones alike - and get back to what we're here for.
I hope whatever your next adventure is, it will be just as crazy and exciting as the PPC used to be. Good fortune to you. -bows-
Try and keep it that way.
Stay interesting and intelligent.
Be well thought out and resolute.
Mean what you say, and when you have an opinion, do not keep it to yourself.
Do not give in to the easiest path.
Hope to perish none too terribly. Stick some chocolate-flavored eyedroppers in my eyebobbles.
I promise, in other words.
...are BEYOND creepy and just plain wrong. I refuse to apologize for that belief, and bravo to you for standing up for yours.)
I'm now going to bludgeon the voice in my head trying to apologize on behalf of everyone, because it's not my fault you've felt unsafe for nearly two years and so it's not my place to attempt apologies. As someone who cares for your mental well-being, I say this is a very good move on your point.
You've been a force for good writing here, and I'm glad of it. I'm probably going to attempt to follow in your footsteps in that regard, wherever they might lead.
Now, a question: as one of your Little Sibs, I feel the need to ask what's going to happen with us. ThatOne and loomCAT and I could use your sage advice: how are we doing? Are we productive members of society yet? :P
My email address is accessible through my username. Failing that, just append '@gmail.com' to it. You can also find it through the information I have on my user page on the wiki. I will not be removing my contact information in case anyone wants to get in contact with me if anyone wants to stay in contact, or has questions- especially you three.
It's good to know for sure you're only cutting off from the PPC at large, not every single person you ever met there. (Though I knew that already. Really I did. :P)