(Terri's on holiday in, er, looks like some sort of computer game, not sure what that's about, so I'll have to do my own concrit for once)
To start off: your characters are definitely characterised. I couldn't quite tell who was talking without checking the tags, but it came pretty close. It's nice to see characters who aren't interchangeable, neh?
I have to address, though, the remarkable foresight they portrayed. It comes from reading the fic before writing the mission, of course, but: before that line about the Pevensies, they made a lot of comments about the events not matching either canon. Well, no - but it seemed to be intentional, as if the author was creating a sort of collision-universe (like, say, a pretty good fic I once read where the characters and locations from the Discworld were used to play out the plot of Star Wars - it didn't make the blindest bit of sense in either canon, but it wasn't meant to). Obviously she(?) /wasn't/, it was just very bad writing - but it did seem that way.
(Oh, and did you notice the brief Harry Potter crossover? Professor Cedric > Cedric Digory > Digory Kirke? Mini-Aragog and mini-Dragon protection fields erected over this aside as I'm not sure on the spellings and have no way of checking - most of the internet is blocked here)
On the MST thing: it was a /funny/ MST, it has to be said. If you want to make your later missions less MST-y, my advice is to use less direct quotes. I can't access my missions to check (internet, blocked, etc) but I tended to paraphrase the action most of the time, only quoting when some particular turn of phrase warranted it. That way you can slot your agents directly in.
Hypothetical example: fic says, 'I leapt into the tree, my feet barely touching the ground'. You could quote that directly and then write '"She didn't jump very high, then," said Agent One', or you could miss out the quote and write something like this:
The agents watched, bemused, as Marysuewen knelt down, leapt high in the air - then grabbed a branch only just above head-height, leaving her feet about an inch above the grass. "Huh," said Agent One, glancing at the words. "I guess that's what you get for not checking your idioms."
(I enjoy writing, so I pepper my reviews with bizarre examples. Does this surprise anyone?)
I do like the way you integrate PPC locations and tech into your story. The mention of the Canon Library got me smiling (as always), but I liked even more the fact that it didn't have to become A Big Thing: it's just like going to the shops, just one of those things you can do. In a different way, I liked the consistant use of the Fictionary: specifically the fact that you remembered it was there, rather than having your agents default to Just Knowing after half the mission.
So hey. Good job. Fun stuff.
hS