Does it?

Subject: Does it?
Author: Phobos
Posted on: 2012-07-10 21:46:00 UTC

See, the Flowers generally pair a raw recruit with a veteran. Sending a bunch of untrained recruits is a good way to not get the job done, and to lose a bunch of recruits in the process.

There is a method to the madness. The Flowers are sometimes cruel, but they are never stupid. They do things the way they do to keep agents active for as long as possible.

On another note, you don't have to jump into the deep end before two of the three of you even have permission to be in the pool. As Neshomeh said to Sgt Sporky, tackling something huge right out of the gate is a terrible idea, for several reasons. Wait, get some mission writing experience, and then, if you really want to, go ahead with it. It isn't going anywhere.

-Phobos

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Struggles to posting board, bleeding profusely. by StarShadow on 2012-07-10 19:04:00 UTC Reply

HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN?

ALL YOUR BLEEPRIN ARE BELONG TO US!

No, please. I need bleeprin.

Found this masterpiece on the pit. Features Harry/Draco with no explanation, Snape/Sirius, Evil!Dumbledore, and Lots of Mpreg.

Oh, and Snape and Sirius are Harry's parents.

Here is the link *faints*.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6209068/1/Raven

Yeow. by Lilac Lielac on 2012-07-10 19:48:00 UTC Reply

I'm scribbling a charge list already. Hmmm... author's notes unseparated from the text, no gaps between paragraphs that will probably give the unfortunate Agents sent into this thing Glodawful headaches, oh and how does Snape know about the Marauder's Map, painful (lack of) dialogue punctuation, Sirius... calling... Snape... Sev..., making Harry the buttbaby of Sirius Black and Severus Snape and changing his name... I suspect the Sirius and Snape may be replacements, but I'm not sure about Harry yet because there's so far no proof of Harry being this Raven kid but the babblings of Sirius and Snape, so it could be the probably!replacements pulling one over on him.

Oh, and -tosses a bottle of Bleeprin over- Here ya go.

This is gonna suck... by StarShadow on 2012-07-10 20:34:00 UTC Reply

1) Yes, harry is this raven kid they are talking about.

2) This will be a wholesale slaughter of replacement!sues. Yes, sues. They are:

Harry
Draco
Snape
Sirius
Evil! Dumbledore
Framed! Voldemort
Lucius

and many more.

3) Dumbledore is evil and framed Tom Riddle. Plus, he was only bribing Ron and Hermione to be is fried.

4) Every male in the cast is put into a slash paring, with mpreg.

This may be a new bleepfic.

P.S. Thanks for the bleeprin. It helped. Some.

I completely forgot about the Dumbledore one! by Lilac Lielac on 2012-07-10 20:42:00 UTC Reply

Welp. Looks like a Replacement!Stu, then.

I noticed the Manipulative!Evil!Dumbledore, but it didn't even register beyond the obligatory eyeroll because it's so aggravatingly common.

Framed!... Vol... de... m- Oh come ON! How in the world do they even manage to logic that one?

Ugh, bribing Ron and Hermione. I am so, so sick of these tropes. Weasley bashing (especially in Harry/Hermione, which I do like when I'm not in a canon pairings mood), Hermione bashing (which I've avoided by virtue of going for H/Hr), Dumbledore bashing (in. Everything. Or it seems like it.)... why. What is even the point, that's my question.

Re: Yeow. by desdendelle on 2012-07-10 20:25:00 UTC Reply

You can add:
1) Run-on sentences. Lots and lots of 'em.
2) Lack of capitalisation (not sure if this is a mini though).
3) Using Merlin as a God-replacement ('Severus asked whilst inside he was praying to Merlin that the boy in front of him could somehow be his baby boy.')
4) You already have this, but: Snape is so OOC that he can't touch the canon with a ten-foot pole.
5) Harry is at the very least very, very OOC. If not, as you stated, he's outright replaced.
6) Confusing Snape's office for the Gryffindor club room -- ie, saying that it is accessed via a passage behind a portrait, a la the Fat Lady.
7) Mini Aragogs -- 'Dray' for, I think, 'Draco'.
8) Making Malfoy Snape's godson. Not sure how implausible that is, though.
9) Misused greengrocer's apostrophe. ('Night's' instead of 'nights'.)

That's what I've been able to find in the first three chapters. This thing has 37. Youch.

Anyway, I think I'll go and watch some Ikkitousen to forget about this...

Ergh. by Lilac Lielac on 2012-07-10 20:44:00 UTC Reply

Mine were all from the first chapter, which I didn't even finish, so I can't say much on whether Harry's OOC enough to be a replacement. Snape and Sirius were... a bit more blatant.

1) Owie.
2) I think minis are just if the name is misspelled, and lack of capitalization is a charge for bad SPaG without the S.
3) I don't think I've seen that thing before!
4) He was crying when he thought Sirius was lying about Harry being Raven. I have a sneaking suspicion that that is not something Severus Snape would do.
7) Hmmm. That'd be an uncanon nickname, which I think wouldn't create a mini-Aragog but would be a charge.
8) That's a pretty common thing in HP fanfic, actually, I don't know if it's canon but it's pretty much accepted fanon.
9) -twitchtwitchtwitch-
Re: Yeow. by StarShadow on 2012-07-10 20:40:00 UTC Reply

As I said, cannon rape, lots of replacements, bad SPaG, and, as you said, almost no one could touch cannon with an adventures’ standard ten-for pole.

This will require the extermination of lots of replacements.
Is there such a thing as a nuclear version of the cannon bomb? If so, then…

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.

Volunteering Agents Skelter and Lola to help kill this thing by AnnaBee on 2012-07-10 20:51:00 UTC Reply

If you want. It looks like this fic is going to need a LOT of killing.

Your mission by StarShadow on 2012-07-10 21:11:00 UTC Reply

Thank you. This is probably going to take a conceted effort by several agent teams with this many sues. Or stus. We should see if we can find a vetren DBS team. I haven't gotten premission yet, so I will not be able to help kill this. Plus, most of my ideas for agents are half-formed, so I don't think I will be on this run.

Agents by desdendelle on 2012-07-10 21:15:00 UTC Reply

I don't have Permission either, but I do think Agent!des would be a suitable victim. After all, what better introduction into the PPC than a horrible Harry Potter badfic?

Re: Agents by StarShadow on 2012-07-10 21:25:00 UTC Reply

Oh yes, sending a bunch of fresh recruits to kill this seems just like something the flowers would do…

Does it? by Phobos on 2012-07-10 21:46:00 UTC Reply

See, the Flowers generally pair a raw recruit with a veteran. Sending a bunch of untrained recruits is a good way to not get the job done, and to lose a bunch of recruits in the process.

There is a method to the madness. The Flowers are sometimes cruel, but they are never stupid. They do things the way they do to keep agents active for as long as possible.

On another note, you don't have to jump into the deep end before two of the three of you even have permission to be in the pool. As Neshomeh said to Sgt Sporky, tackling something huge right out of the gate is a terrible idea, for several reasons. Wait, get some mission writing experience, and then, if you really want to, go ahead with it. It isn't going anywhere.

-Phobos

On the other hand... by Huinesoron on 2012-07-12 10:44:00 UTC Reply

... sending two of the PPC's most magically volatile agents into a newly-opened continuum one of them has past connections with for the stated purpose of supervising a less experienced agent is a really bad idea, but they did it anyway (and as I recall two of the three ended up unconscious and the whole thing got blown up with fire by the end). Because, er, the PPC is about being funny. And 'Team Raw Recruits vs the Terrible Badfic' sounds hilarous.

(On a side note: I'm actually not that convinced that Brown DragonRider is funny to read, but it was brilliant to write. And we're here because we enjoy writing, neh?)

hS

That's true. by Neshomeh on 2012-07-12 15:36:00 UTC Reply

'Course, three of the three of us had some clue what were were doing on that one, and had all been around a while, even if my actual PPC writing experience was close to non-existent at the time (a few false starts not really counting for much). And it still dragged on for... what, years, wasn't it? And never got finished properly, nor edited much. It's really kind of a terrible mess, if we're being honest. Totally fun to do, those times when actual writing was happening, but pretty messy all the way through. (I wouldn't mind going back and fixing that at some point, actually. I have a draft I'd started cleaning up back when it was still in progress, somewhere.)

Erm. Ahem. Anyway.

Point is, I don't want to misrepresent how easy it is to pull off things like this even with experienced writers on board, since given the history of other such group projects, it's a feat that we even got as far as we did with "Brown DragonRider." I agree it's important to remember the Rule of Funny, and that Team Newbie vs. Terrible Badfic could be done well (because anything can be done well), but that doesn't mean it's a good idea for these writers right now. "Wait until you have some experience first" is good advice, and "Wait until all of you have Permission" is even better.

(In the meantime, for a really good example of Team Tryhard vs. Stacked Odds of Doom, try Andy and Saphie's "Suedom." It is unfinished, alas, but worth reading anyway.)

~Neshomeh

Quite true. by Huinesoron on 2012-07-13 09:47:00 UTC Reply

And the ending of Brown DragonRider is something I slapped on that goes 'Oh, yeah, then we killed them and now I'm tired', so you're right there.

I just don't want people drawing the conclusion (which I kind of did) that they're being told humour in the PPC must be subordinate to the Established Order Of Things - when in fact it's the other way round. And it's lots of fun to try and retcon things into making sense ("The Flowers wouldn't do something like that... unless it was actually part of a plan!")

hS

It's my approach too. by Sergio Turbo on 2012-07-11 20:05:00 UTC Reply

Both as a writer and both for my characters. I started off with rather "bland" badfics, using moderately experienced Agents (one was supposed to have been in the PPC for about one year, the other had some months), and the only recruit I have now is being paired up with an Agent with a couple years experience (my fourth mission, "A Very Awkward Exorcism", is probably a good example of newbye shakedown)

In the past years, there were some examples of complete newbyes sent into missions with so support - they survived by pure luck. Besides, every Agent that trained a recruit and got attached to him/her (Agent!Sergio Turbo, Keily Shinra and Laura Dukes + Danny Richardson are some of the best examples) would probably want to have a talk with the Marquis if they discover that a newbye duo was slaughtered during their first mission.

Well, Sergio would.
Re: Does it? by StarShadow on 2012-07-10 22:15:00 UTC Reply

Wise as always, Phobos.

BTW by StarShadow on 2012-07-10 19:08:00 UTC Reply

Its NSFW and maybe NSFB, too.