To Whom It May Concern,

There's something that's been bothering me quite a lot lately, and it's one reason I'm glad for all the attention being given our fine Constitution at the moment. In general, it's a document we should all try to keep in mind when interacting in this community, but sometimes I feel like it gets forgotten, so I'd kind of like to bring a few things to general attention for... er, discussion or thought or whichever.

11. If you have a problem with a fellow PPC Boarder, please try to work it out in private emails. Don’t turn the Board into a free-for-all Flamefest.

I'm sure most of us have at some point or other gone "ARGH, [Person] is driving me crazy!" about someone in our lives, both on and offline. But I'm noticing this tendency, on the IRC especially, that it seems to be considered acceptable to complain openly about personal issues with other PPCers. I'm not singling anyone out here - I know for a fact I've caught myself doing this as well. But I am saying this:

It is never okay to trash-talk a fellow PPCer. Ever. On the 'Board, on the IRC, in the Lounge... it just isn't. Don't do it. Please. Even if they are actually present, rather than go "Hey! You! I have A PROBLEM WITH YOU," pm them. Nicely. It really, really is Not On to go after someone in front of the entire chatroom, no matter what your authority level is. Permission Givers, Designated Arbitrators, and Mods - all of these titles exist for very, very specific purposes, and none of those purposes involve personally calling someone out for past behavior. (Present behavior, yes, but that is limited to "Stop doing that thing which you are doing Right Now At This Moment," and does not include "This thing you're doing that's bothering me, don't do it anymore." It very especially does not include "This Person is doing a thing that bothers me, isn't it annoying, shouldn't they stop?")

This next item is rather more ambiguous in the Constitution, but we're all thinking adults here, and I have faith in everyone's ability to decode this language:

1. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. So be nice! Treat everyone else on the board with respect!

Respect means many things, but one of those things is that if someone is going "Please stop talking about [really disturbing thing], it is making me uncomfortable/triggering me/upsetting me," we really, really need to have enough respect for their boundaries to stop. And then to not continue talking about it. Or if you really must talk about it, to take the conversation into a room where they are not... and this one's important: Do not push them about it. Don't say things like "But why? It's not a big deal!" or "That's a weird thing to be triggered over," or PM them to continue talking about it. Just let it go - respect people's boundaries over sensitive subjects. This isn't censorship, this is asking you to do something like /join #SensitiveSubjectChat and take the conversation there.

Those are the two important things, but there's one more I think could use another airing-out:

14. If someone says something that seems offensive, but you’re not sure exactly what they meant, ASK them first, before jumping down their throats. They probably didn’t mean to offend anyone. (If they DID mean to insult people, go ahead and jump down their throats if you like.)

Communication. It's a really, really nice thing, and we as a species really seem to be doing well when we use it. So use it. Don't assume the other person is being a jerk, don't jump down their throat, don't immediately bite back as hard as you can. If you're that upset, and cannot fathom whatever the person said to not be an insult? There are replies for that, like "That seemed really insulting/offensive. What exactly did you mean by that?" or the like. If you're really, really upset, and can't even muster the calm to do that, it's usually a good idea to step away from the conversation and return when you're no longer utterly furious... and then ask them, via PM if the conversation has waned or you feel this might be an affront to Rule Eleven, what they meant by saying that, whatever 'that' happened to be.

Again, I really don't mean to pick out anyone, and I'd like to make that very clear. I would not be taking the time to write something like this up if one person was setting off these issues, even if it was the same person for all three, or one person for each, or whatever. I'd be talking to them directly, as per Rule Eleven. And, like I said, I've done all of these. Jumped down people's throats, stepped over boundaries, and complained about other people. I've just noticed these behaviors popping up to an uncomfortable extent, and figured we could maybe all use a reminder. So... er, thank you and carry on and all that jazz.