Subject: Terri's reviews & concrit
Author:
Posted on: 2012-05-09 02:35:00 UTC
Stories Two-Four
(She hasn't received a copy of Story One because I was part of writing it, and that wouldn't be fair)
hS (with the aid of T. Ryan, Dept. of Personnel)
*embarrassed coughing, since had too many tabs open and got them mixed up previously*
Aaaanyways!
With a slight delay, I present to you the All-HQ Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich League website, which has the opening round of recruitment stories up!
I am also allowing for a last second set of recruitment. Stories for new teams- that are not present on the website- will be accepted until this Friday ends (at midnight EST).
Please refer to this thread before asking questions here.
Additionally, I am sure all the teams and writers would love comments and concrit on their recruitment stories.
I volunteer Agents Mundar, Lola, and Skelter for the cause.
... to seeing Blast Hardcheese go up against BOTB. I imagine Derik and Laura getting into a competition of who can bark orders the best.
Meanwhile, of course, their teams completely ignore them and chaos reigns. ^_^
~Neshomeh
Team Nevermind- I like this type of team up, a bunch of people who go into something with no (or in some cases, BAD) ideas of what they are doing. Makes for a good read/watch in stuff.
I liked how the piece began, the random agents mulling about in the halls, looking at a posting board, and the different departments. Really sets the scene for the PPC being a big social hub, which is an idea I immensely like.
Story Four- D:D:D:D:D SLENDERMAN!?!? D:D:D:D:
... Anyway, the bar is a very good place to meet, especially for a rowdy type of group. It's good to see Gall again, and Suicide too! The team that slays together, stays together, right? I'm sure their victory celebrations will be quite a party!
Story One- Agent!July is, as she usually is, amusing to read. No messing around with sneaking or theatrics, just good ol' strongarming into playing a violent sport! It's definently fun to see all the new and old faces.
One team has no idea what they signed up for, one was mostly corraled against their will, another is a band of rowdy warrior types, and the last is one is 60% over eager, and 40% along for the ride. Quite the difference is recruitment methods and types of teams. I can't wait for it to start! :D
I love that all four stories take very different paths to reach the point of six (or seven) united characters.
I was a little skeptical of what this would be like at first, but now I'm glad I decided to participate. This is going to be awesome! And I'm looking forward to facing down each and every one of my opponents!
Stories Two-Four
(She hasn't received a copy of Story One because I was part of writing it, and that wouldn't be fair)
hS (with the aid of T. Ryan, Dept. of Personnel)
For the record, my involvement in the Team Nevermind story was actually pretty minimal. I nudged some of Ilraen's and Nume's lines a bit, but beyond that it's all Phobos' writing.
I was thoroughly involved with Team Blast Hardcheese, and yeah, that is the name—I'm told it's a reference to an MST3K episode, and is reputedly the most stereotypically manly name possible in the English language. Not my first choice, but it's grown on me. It fits the group of characters pretty well. *g*
We all basically came up with the framework for the story together, and the idea was for everyone to fill in bits for their characters and I'd smooth it out and give it an editing polish. It mostly went to plan, but I came up against the deadline and didn't have as much to work with for Noir and Saline, and PoorCynic helped me stop panicking and we put together the ending at the last minute. So, that's why some folks got more screen time than others. Given a bajillion more hours and no scheduling conflicts, I'd have liked to get all the characters interacting with each other, but so it goes.
Thanks for the feedback!
~Neshomeh
I admit that much of my writing in this story was rushed. That may be the reason for the lack of emotion in the lines. This is especially prevalent in the section where Barid, Brightbeard, and Kur'nak join. I didn't have the time or energy to devote to fleshing it out, if I was to get it in before the deadline.
I am, at least, glad that the characters come through. I devoted as much work to Ilraen as was humanly possible, being that I am borrowing him. I could say the same about Earwig but, honestly, he is my character, and usually being borrowed by Nesh.
I will have to go over this again at some point in the future to make it better. It will take more time than I have at the moment, but it will get done eventually.
Thank you, hS and Ms Ryan, for your time.
It does tend to go turn and turnabout - as she said, Earwig was brilliant at first but fell flat towards the end (that 'Oh by the way random people please join' line in particular), while the last section was sparkling in places, and the weaker places were masked by the non-human nature of it. I definitely liked Ilraen and Kur'nak best - they felt like people, not instruments of writing.
(Interesting - when I write in a hurry I tend to go overboard with the adjectives and random character-revealing lines, and lose track of the plot. Interesting that you apparently do the opposite. Them's the way the world's made, I s'perose)
hS, this time without Terri