The shipfest only lasts for so long, and the last story was posted on the twelfth. My reply right now is on the twenty-fifth. For those of you who cannot math, that is nearly two weeks since the last story was posted.

You have well and truly missed the boat for this year, please do not post in here just to say 'Ooh, me too!', especially this far out.

Our board is currently in bump mode, and when you post in here only to go 'ooh, me too! Write me!' you are bumping other threads down just to respond to something that no one is doing anything with anymore.

Another newbie here, but I'm up for grabs, I guess!

Pff! I'm new here and wasn't intending to post much... however, if this is still goin' and all, I'm a shipping maniac and I'd love to make a new friend or two, hehe!

A darkened stage. Suddenly, a spotlight illuminates a solitary figure - JULY, hands clasped in front of her. A soft, lilting melody begins from the orchestra, and JULY begins to sing.

JULY: Though you often seem quite strange and hyperactive
Deep down inside, I really must admit
That a part of me does find you - well, attractive
And I think that we'd be quite the perfect fit...

ANNABEE now enters, with a second spotlight on her. She sings:

ANNA: Though you often seem quite strict and overbearing
Deep down inside, I know it's for the best
Tough love is just another form of caring
And I know that if I try, I'll pass the test!

The two women turn to each other and burst into a duet.

BOTH: For now we both can see
That we're simply meant to be
ANNA: You're my burning JulyFlame
JULY: And you're my honey, AnnaBee!
BOTH: And though we couldn't be more different
It's you that I've adored!

They clasp hands. The music turns soft and gentle.

BOTH: For if this is what love is,
I'm glad we found it on the Board...

The music swells to a final climax.

BOTH: Yes, if this is what love is,
We're glad we found it on the Booooooard!

The audience cheers wildly and throws roses as the curtain descends.

"I don't understand," PitViper said, confused. "I think you're reading way too much into this."
"I'm not! Look, all I'm saying-"
"We collaborated a few times. That does not make sexual tension," PitViper rebutted.
"I never said it did! Can you let me finish?"
PitViper waited.
"All I'm saying," Laburnum said, "is that *some people*, not me, *some people* might, if they were ship-obsessed, think that there's sexual tension between us."
"So what? You've got a significant other!"
"Like that stopped the shippers," Laburnum snorted.
"What's your point?" PitViper asked.
"Wanna make out?"
There was a pause.
"Well... I don't have anything else better to do..."
"Good."
"You could have just asked me first, though..."
"Eh, it's more fun this way."

I'm in. Not feeling up to writing right now; dealing with sinus infections and a major headache. Feel free to use my persona, though. Could be fascinating.

[HimochiIsAwesome X JulyFlame. With apologies to both Boarders.]

The Nickname Department of the PPC Board is in a little-known, distant, dusty corner. Lady JulyFlame is its one and only agent. Its mission? To make sure the Laws of Nicknames are obeyed...
"You can't give yourself a nickname," JulyFlame said. "That's not how they *work*."
She looked askance at the girl sitting across the desk from her.
"Well, Himochi isn't me. I'm Himu." The Welshwoman stuck out her tongue.
"No, you're not. Nicknames you give yourself don't count."
"What are you going to do about it?" HimochiIsAwesome grinned.
"We could always give you a different nickname..." July leaned across the desk, eyes flashing.
"Oh?" Himu's lips quirked. "Like what?"
"How about..." July pretended to think. "'Sexy'?"
Himu laughed. "I think I like that name."
"Well... we have to make sure it fits..." July got up from behind her desk, and circled Himu's chair. She pulled the other girl close, pressing her into the desk, and kissed her passionately.
Himu, surprised, kissed back.
~~~
A few hours later, they lay beneath the desk, hot, disheveled, and happy.
"So..." Himu began.
"Mmm?" July ran her fingers through Himu's hair.
"Does it fit?" She kissed July on the cheek, and trailed her fingertips down her bare shoulders.
"Ohhhhh, yeah. In fact... I think that's what I'll call you from now on."
Himu grinned. "I'd like that."

A lone figure wearing a trench coat, desdendelle, walked slowly down a long corridor. He turned, then sniffed the air... once... twice...
Yes, he was sure of it. Someone was drinking Earl Grey.
He followed the smell, which eventually led him to a small, inconspicuous room. Opening the door, his eyes fell upon AnnaBee... drinking none other than his favourite drink. Earl Grey.
Ignoring the weird look he was getting at that moment, he sat down and helped himself to a cup.

#Not too long later...#

The two were talking endlessly, somehow managing to find a way to drink tea and talk at seemingly the same time.
"No way! You like The Bartimaeus Trilogy too?" AnnaBee said, quite hyperly.
"Yes, I do," des replied, smiling at her over a cup of Earl Grey.
"But you know what else I like?"
"What?"
"You."
And with that, he stood up and caught her lips with his own.


~~~
I have no clue! *laughs in a psychotic way* Either way, after noticing both Beebee and des liked The Bartimaeus Trilogy, I couldn't help myself!
*hides*

VixenMage was typing away at her computer, working on her latest fic, and was so absorbed in her work that she didn’t notice Phobos walk in until he spoke.

“Hi, Neshomeh said something about you wanting to give me a massage?”

“Huh? I said I had a message for you.” VM looked round, noticing that her guest seemed to have dressed up for her.

“Oh... well, that doesn't sound anywhere near as interesting,” Phobos said, looking disappointed. He was beginning to regret wearing his special break-away tuxedo.

“Wait, she got message and massage confused? That doesn’t sound like her at all.”

Phobos thought back to when he’d last seen Neshomeh. “Well, she was kind of ‘busy’ at the time, and her voice was sort of muffled... now that I think about it, it can’t be easy to talk and do that simultaneously.”

The two Boarders shared a mental image.

“Well, I really should finish my fic, but it’d be a shame to waste this opportunity,” VM reached out and grabbed some bottles of massage oil that were conveniently close by. “Would you prefer Orange and Lemongrass or Vanilla?”

“Your choice.” He said, casting off all of his clothing in one swift (and highly practised) motion.

-----------

Much later, and after a very thorough massage, the two of them lay on a bed, the scent of vanilla heavy in the air.

Phobos propped his head up, looking across at VM. In her enthusiasm, she had ended up with quite a lot of the oil on herself. “Wow, words cannot describe how good I feel right now.”

“Well, when it comes to thanking people, I hear that actions speak much louder than words...”

It had to be a dream

(it wasn’t a dream)

because the last thing she remembered, Neshomeh had been poring over the Wiki, trying once again to cut down the number of pointless pages. Then she was here, in darkness lit only by a faint blue glow.

“Hello?” Neshomeh called, on the principle that information gathering was a good thing (and right now she felt what almost amounted to a burning need for information, as if it was the entirety of her being). “Is anyone here?”

There was a long silence, and then a faint reply. “Um… not there exactly, I don’t think… where is here?”

“I have no idea,” Neshomeh called back, trying to walk towards the voice – but she couldn’t walk. Strangely, though, she was moving anyway; she felt as if she were being jerked from point to point, but at the same time as if she had been at her new position all along. Information gathered, information filed. There was a feeling of constriction in the air (was it air?), as if she’d entered a narrow tunnel, and then a widening, and a flickering blue light ahead, like some kind of sci-fi fairy.

(Hey, hey, come down here, you’ll want to see this.)

(I’m busy… but okay, just a minute.)

“… hello?” the voice said, and Neshomeh realized with a start that it was coming from the fairy-light. “Who’s there?”

“… er, my name’s Neshomeh,” Neshomeh replied. “Could you tell me-“

“Neshomeh!” the voice exclaimed. “No way! It’s JulyFlame – you know, from the Board.”

“July!” Neshomeh exclaimed in reply, watching the light ahead of her carefully. “Um, why are you a spark of electricity?”

“I was going to ask you the same question,” July replied wryly. “I only noticed a couple of minutes ago – it’s hard to look down, you know?”

“Er, yes, definitely,” Neshomeh agreed, although in truth she hadn’t noticed at all. “Where… are we?”

“Not a clue,” July said. “Last thing I know I was on the Wiki, looking for-“

“Me too,” Neshomeh cut in grimly. “That doesn’t bode well.”

“You can’t be thinking of a Wiki-related plot to kidnap us,” July said, “that’s just ridiculous… right?”

(Oh my Bohr! What are those?)

(I don’t know. Keep watching them.)

“Utterly ridiculous,” Neshomeh agreed – too quickly. “But… do you get the same feeling I do about this place? Like it’s… well, I don’t know. Disturbing.”

“I keep expecting to see blood when I look round,” July agreed. “It feels like a place where violence happens.”

(Don’t they know they’re on the DAVD page?)

(I get the feeling they don’t know much.)

“It’s disturbing,” Neshomeh said again, with a tone of finality. “I think we should try and, you know, disperse it.”

“Oh?” July said, in a tone of cautious agreement. “And how do you suggest we do that?”

“The same way one always gets rid of bad feelings,” Neshomeh said. “The power of Love!”

July’s spark flushed a vibrant pink. “Oh, Neshomeh,” she said, “I never knew you cared.”

“Neither did I,” Neshomeh admitted, “but let’s just go with it.”

(Okay, that’s kind of disgusting.)

(Yeah… hot, though.)

(Oh, well, obviously.)

---

Neshomeh/July/the Wiki, just as promised. This may explain a few things.

hS

I doubt I'd be used though. Would be fun to see though

Not entirely sure how involved I'll be, on either end of the event, but this looks like it could be fun.
Besides, I can't just hide out in the background forever, even if there are pastries there.

"Um... excuse me." said a quiet, squeaky voice over the auditorium PA system. "We've experienced a corset malfunction. Our trained professionals are working on the problem and the show will start shortly. Thank you."

In the auditorium, people went back to talking amongst themselves.

"Any idea what's going on?" asked Pieguy.

"No idea," replied Maslab. "But I think Fluttershy just said there was a corset malfunction. There's something not right about that."

Across the auditorium, in a shady corner, Data and Tray were killing time by taking turns making out with Caddy.

Doctorlit looked around the room. "This all seems very familiar, if entirely backward."

"No idea what you're talking about," said melancholicPoet.

Doctorlit was about to explain when the lights went out. A hush fell over the room, with an exception made for the sounds of making out coming from Data, Tray and Caddy. The darkness and silence dragged on to the point that everyone wondered if a fuse had blown.

A spotlight sprang to life, fixed center stage on a tall girl with short red hair. She wore a black mini-kilt, dark red tank-top, and thigh-high boots. "Thanks for your patience," she said in that same quiet squeak. "Now, without further ado..." Bryn's lips curled into a grin and her voice changed. Gone was the gentle shyness. It was replaced with throaty power. "We are the Department of Badass and we aren't here to sing sappy love songs! We're here to rock!"

Her last sentence was punctuated by the sound of drumsticks clicking together. After four clicks, every light on the stage flared to reveal the entire band.

The eye was drawn first to the drummer. Her hair was styled into liberty spikes; each spike dyed red, yellow, or orange. She wore a black leather vest with red and orange flames embossed on it. July's drumsticks flashed across the kit as the song began.

Near the drums was a pair of guitarists. They wore matching black jeans. Their black tee-shirts were tight; one displayed a bee holding up a lighter, while the other sported a sheep with a battleaxe. Annabee set up the melody, while Himochi played rhythm.

On the other side of the stage from them was the bassist. She was on the smallish side, but her red hair had been styled into a mohawk. She was decked out in, what appeared to be, a single black ribbon that had been wound strategically around her body. VM was laying down the bass line with a smile on her face.

Behind VM was a keyboard set-up. The Boarder behind the keys had all of her hair tucked under a pinstriped fedora, which matched her bikini top, suspenders, and pants. PitViperOfDoom's fingers glided across the keys.

When Bryn began to sing, she was joined by another woman. This one had her dark hair lightly spiked. Neshomeh was dressed in tight leather pants and a black corset with red trim. She added harmony and backup vocals to Bryn's lead.

The song was about killing Sues and the crowd was really getting into it. Nakkel was waving his shirt above his head. The Irish Samurai was holding up a sign (we're still not sure where he found it on such short notice) that proclaimed his desire to "have VM's babies!" TheScribe had stolen Data away from Tray and Caddy. The four of them were doing more than just making out in that back corner.

The song reached the bridge, which gave Annabee and Himochi a chance to play dueling guitars. They went back and forth, getting faster each time. It would have gone on, except that July broke in with a drum solo.

While all of that was going on, Nesh and Bryn engaged in a little fanservice by kissing and caressing center stage. They broke the kiss and grinned at the audience before launching back into the song.

As the song came to an end, the assembled Boarders went wild. Boxer shorts were thrown on stage, as was Araeph. She was immediately grabbed by VM and dragged offstage. A few minutes later, a long black ribbon floated down from the catwalk above the stage.

PitViper decided that being the keyboardist should be more exciting, so she went crowd surfing. When she made it back to the stage she was without her bikini top and pants, though she still had her hat and looked very happy. She put an arm around both Annabee and Himochi and walked them toward the dressing rooms while whispering in their ears.

Nakkel climbed on stage, still shirtless, and was hauled off by a grinning July for places unknown.

Neshomeh gave Bryn a wink and, as they disappeared together backstage, a corset and a tank top were tossed back onstage, to the delight of the crowd.

The audience, having no one else on stage to watch, turned on itself. Clothes were discarded as everyone followed the example of Data, Tray, Caddy, and TheScribe.

------

Meanwhile, in the sound and light booth.

"It was a good show," said Dann from the light board.

"Absolutely," agreed Phobos, who had worked the sound.

There was a sound behind them as Artell's phone rang. "Hello?" he said. "Oh, July. How'd the...you what? How much leather? Less and less all the time? I'll be right there." He hung up the phone. "Gotta go guys. July needs me for...well...you know." With that he ran for the door.

"Have fun, Princess!" called Phobos at the retreating Artell.

"Very good show," remarked Dann with a grin.

So, am I fashionably late, or just late?

Can't promise that I'll write anything, but I do intend on giving it a go.

I'm a 26 year old male, and am willing to be shipped with anyone/thing for the amusement of the Board. If I do end up getting genderbent, my only request is that my female counterpart be annoyed at having shorter hair than me (mine is just past shoulder length).

Enjoy, and hopefully I'll be contributing soon.

Should I write, I wonder?
Ah, maybe not... I don't know anyone well enough, aha~
On an unrelated note, the 'Himochi' in my username is not, in fact, myself, so it amuses me quite a bit to see 'Himochi' in these fics.

Because I have no shame.

"No." VM folded her arms.

"Pleeeeease?" Bryn begged. "You look so much like him, and I've always fantasised-"

"Not happening."

"All you'd have to do is-"

"I look nothing like the guy. Also, no."

Bryn looked downcast. "Oh... OK..."

"OH, no. No. You are not doing that kicked-puppy routine on me!" VM stood firm. "I know that trick!"

"I... I don't know what you mean..." Bryn stared at her feet.

"You act all sad to try and make me feel guilty. Not happening."

Bryn turned her large, sad eyes upwards to meet VM's, until they seemed to pierce the very depths of her soul. "I... just thought you might like to..."

VM ground her teeth. "Hey, Sarah Michelle Gellar," she finally said, in a passable imitation of Joss Whedon. "Your acting seems a bit off. Why don't you meet me in my trailer in five minutes for some... private lessons."

Bryn brightened immediately. "What should I wear, Joss?"

"Your cheerleader costume. No underwear."

As they headed off towards the bedroom, VM spoke. "Bryn, you have issues."

"Bryn? Who is this Bryn?"

A sigh. "SARAH... you have issues..."

The curtain parted willingly enough, as the flailing pair fell through it.

"Oof! Where are we?" Pieguy attempted to pull his head out of the tangle of Tray-Gnome's shirt.

"Aw, don't stop now!"

"I just want to... where did we fall into? These RCs all look the same from -- mmm, from this angle."

Tray reached up to grab Pieguy's shirt again. "Shhhh," he murmured. "It's July an' Artell's place, there's no mistaking the curtain, now hold still for a minute."

But Pieguy had gone all too still. "We're where?!"

"I jus' told you. 'S okay! They're out, somewhere. It's sexy, right? Dangerous. Hey, do that thing with your shoulders again."

They were once again thoroughly entangled when a pair of feet sashayed into Pieguy's field of vision.

"Well, hello there, boys."

Tray craned his neck around. "...Oh. Hi?"

July grinned like a wolf. "Oh, don't stop on my account. Artell's off with Phobos for the day, I have been looking for a way to... entertain myself."

Pieguy shivered. "How do you do that? With the ellipses?"

"Oh, a lady has to keep some of her mysterious allure," she told him, sliding free of her uniformed blouse. "Now... where did you boys leave off?"

"And I don't even see what's so great about Wales," Pieguy muttered as he treked across green, slightly wet, hills. "All it has is different accents and sheep. If I wanted that I would have taken a vacation to New Zealand."

Himochi quickly jogged up and joined Pieguy at the apex of the hill. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I think you know that there's a lot more here for you." She said teasingly. "There's a reason that you came, after all."

Pieguy leaned back into her warm arms and smiled. After a moment he turned around to kiss her, only to spot behind her at least a dozen sheep looking up at them expectantly.

"Goddammit."

"Wow," Caddy mumbled as he stared at the ceiling in a daze. "I think I lost all sensation in one of my legs there for a moment. Wait... no, it just got tangled up in the sheets. There we go, I got it."

There was no response from July, not even a winded "uh huh." Caddy turned his head towards the other Boarder and saw that she was scribbling something down on a piece of paper. The post-coital wooziness was still strong enough that Caddy couldn't quite make out what was on the paper from where he was laying.

"What are you doing?"

"Hang on a second," July replied. She paused, erased something, then rewrote something else. "And... done! Here you go."

July passed the paper over to Caddy, who gave it a cursory examination. His eyes grew wider the more he read. "Is this... are you giving me concrit?!"

"I felt there were some areas where you could have used a little improvement," July replied casually as she stretched out on the bed. "It's part of what the PPC is about."

Caddy was still staring, owl-eyed, at the paper. "For writing, not for what we just did!"

"What, you'd prefer I just stroke your ego?"

"...Amongst other things, yes." Caddy set down the paper, folded his arms across his bare chest, and pouted.

July rolled her eyes. "Tell you what," she purred as she shifted over next to Caddy. "How about you let me help you improve your skills? Give you some... hands-on instruction, as it were."

Caddy's pout almost immediately vanished. "Yes please."

"Excellent. I think we'll start with some basic exercises." A smile slowly spread across July's face. "First off: cunning linguistics."

Sounds fun! I am totally up for being shipped. I think pretty much anything's fair game, we're adaptable.

...can't be any worse than the last one I was written into!

“Maslab!” Tray yelled, running towards his fellow boarder.

“Aww, not again...” Maslab sighed, and braced for impact.

Tray tackled Maslab to the ground.

“Ow. Why do you always do that?” He asked, with a sigh.

“I’dunno. Maybe I just like touching you.” Tray wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh really?” Maslab reached up and ran his hand on Tray’s shoulder. “Well, now that you mention it, I don’t mind touching you either. So long as I’m not getting hurt.”

Tray smirked. “Believe me, hurting you is the last thing I have on my mind right now.” He leaned down and the two began to kiss.

Desdendelle looked nervously at the Board. "I'm... not going to go even deeper into insanity if I'll read the shipfest thread, right? Right?"

Arms wrapped around him from behind. "Well, Des, you can go as deep into me as you like."

Desdendelle blinked at ShatteredSanity's voice. "Um... I said insanity."

"Yes, and you will be in Sanity tonight."

There was a pregnant pause.

"Pick you up at seven?"

"I'll be waiting."

Go ahead, ship me. It's going to be funny for sure. Here's my Troper page; most of my weird quirks are listed there.

Five rooms. Five beds.

Five...

"Oh, my darling."

"Oh, my darlingest darling..."

Pause.

Neshomeh sat up. "No, I'm sorry, you've ruined the mood completely."

Blinking, Phobos joined her. "You don't like endearments? You always have before..."

Neshomeh twitched. "Stop with the ellipses!" she protested. "First you mindlessly copy me, then you create a pointless superlative, and now you cap it all by using two ellipses in three sentences!" She flung herself back against the cushions with a dramatic hand to her forehead. "Oh, Phobos, why do you not love me any more?"

"Now, Neshomeh, you know that's hardly fair. If I didn't love you, would I do... this?"

Beat.

"That was another ellipsis!"

Four...

JulyFlame sat, arms folded, glowering at Artell. "That was rude, annoying, and quite simply unwelcome," she said flatly. Artell shrugged.

"Let it lie, July," he suggested. "I've got something far more interesting in mind."

"No," JulyFlame said firmly (which Artell thought a very apt adverb). "No sex until you take it back."

"... all right," Artell said with a sigh. "I'm sorry for suggesting that we might want to consider playing a game of-"

"You think that's an apology?" JulyFlame protested. "You're not listening to a word I say!"

Three...

"I think it could totally work!"

"Kit, it's physically impossible," Laburnum explained patiently. "Legs simply don't move like that."

"... oh." kitsune106 thought for a moment. "Well, what about if we set up a kind of rope rigging? Support it like that, and-"

"No, Kit, it would break," Laburnum said - less patiently now. "Can we just do something, I don't know, realistic?"

kitsune106 frowned, looking around the room, taking in the various items of what might best be termed paraphenalia. Most of them were covered in fur. "I don't think I know that word," he said worriedly.

Two...

"Oh Da-ann..."

"Mm?"

"I'm waiting for you, Dann..."

"That's nice, dear." Techno-Dann leant in closer to the computer, frowning at the tangle of code. "Did I forget to close something?" he murmured. "Or maybe...?"

"I'm not wearing any clothes and I'm waiting for you," Vixenmage went on from behind him. Techno-Dann nodded slightly.

"Lovely, dear," he said. Maybe if he ran it in debug mode... no, the problem was somewhere else. Perhaps up here.

"I'm ready and waiting for wild sexing, Dann," Vixenmage went on, her voice tinged with hopelessness. Techno-Dann frowned.

"I'll be right with you, dear," he mumbled. Okay, start from the top...

Behind him came an exasperated sigh, and then the sound of Vixenmage pulling on a silky robe, stepping down from the bed and walking over to put her arms around him. "All right, all right," she said, looking over his shoulder. "What've we got?"

One...

"Yes, and then she puts her hand there, and he pressed a finger to that..."

Kaitlyn sat up from her nap and raised an eyebrow. Huinesoron was standing in front of a blank wall, gesturing strangely with both hands. He was also naked, which was nice, but didn't make any more sense out of things.

"And then he moans, and she kisses him... yes, there."

"hS, what in all the worlds are you doing?" Kaitlyn asked, standing up and walking to stand next to him. He glanced over his shoulder at her, taking in her nude form with a glance.

"Oh, hello, lover. Nice nap?"

"Mm, yes it was," Kaitlyn agreed. "But you're avoiding the question."

Huinesoron frowned, realised his hands were still in the air, and dropped them rapidly to his sides. "Well, I was just... would you believe a 'nothing'?"

"No," Kaitlyn said flatly. "It looked like you were using magical powers to control people in what might be called intimate ways."

"... well, maybe I was."

"hS," Kaitlyn said, "you don't have magical powers."

"... yeah, but I might."

"You don't."

"Shurrup. It's fun anyway."

Five rooms. Five beds. And not one of them being used.

---

I know I said I wouldn't. But then the idea struck (and Kaitlyn said I was allowed ;)).

hS, ze puppetmaster muahaha

You will not ship them on the Board?
You will not ship them with a gourd?
You will not ship them on a boat?
You will not ship them with a groat?
You will not ship them on a thread, you will not ship them 'till you're dead?
You will not ship them on a train, you will not ship them in the rain?
You will not ship them in a fic?
You will not ship them with your trick?
I will not ship them, it makes me sick!
I will not ship them in this fest, I will not ship them just to test!
I will not ship them on a board, or with a gourd, on a boat, or with a groat!
I will not ship them on a thread, on a train, nor in the rain!
I will not ship them here or there! I will not ship them ANYWHERE!

Though I'm not sure how much actual writing I can get done this time round, since I'm currently neck-deep in markers and ink.

"Wow," Data remarked, leaning back in his seat. "This train is downright empty, this late at night."

"I know," Maslab replied, glancing away from the window. He immediately blushed. "Oh... er, Data, your... your kilt..."

He looked up from his comic hoard, twinkling innocently. "Hmm?"

Maslab coughed, and looked in the opposite direction. "Your kilt is... er, well, your legs are..."

Data grinned, and glanced down. "Oh, is it? Now, how did that happen? It certainly wasn't windy today."

Still blushing, Maslab shook his head. "No. No, it was not. I... I didn't know you went Scotsman..."

The train screeched to a halt, and Data stood up. "Now you do! And, better yet, you know why. But I still have pressing questions!"

Maslab followed him off the train, towards the hotel. "Such as?"

"What is under that trenchcoat of yours, hmmm?"

"You know, July," VM purred as she toyed with her wine glass. "You've seemed a little... tense lately."

July gave VM a suspicious glance over her couscous. "Why do I get the feeling this delicious candlelit vegetarian dinner in your private dining room with a variety of fine wines was not just about discussing fanfic?"

VM gave a low, throaty chuckle. "Oh, July, you know me so well." She moved around behind July and began massaging her shoulders.

July gave a soft whimper. "But... but won't Dann and Artell mind?"

Another chuckle from VM. "Oh, July, honey... who do you think is in the other bedroom right now?"

She gently helped July to her feet, and their eyes met with a frisson of passionate tension.

"Come, now," VM murmured huskily. "And I'll show you why they call me Vixen Mage..."

I'm going to go pray I don't regret this.

On the other hand, I don't think I know anyone well enough to write shipping. Oh well, maybe I'll figue something out.

I'm gonna regret this, quiaff?

I shall join as well. Hey, I'm a blank slate far as the PPC is concerned so you can portray me however you like. The only problem is I have little to no experience writing shipfics so I might not join in the actual writing.

ohgodI'mgoingtoregretthisverysoon

Although, due to the fact that I have no experience writing pairings, I'm not going to be writing.

*Drags self out of bed, signs up for shipping in post-wake up daze.*

I'm going to regret this, aren't I?

Neshomeh was being followed down the hallway by Annabee, who was talking a mile a minute.

"Nesh, please? I swear, I don't take up much room. I'll live in a closet and help with the cooking and cleaning. Please can I live with you and learn from your awesomeness, please?"

Nesh stopped and looked at her fangirl. "You can't live with me, sorry. There really isn't any room, and our cat sleeps in that closet. However, we can have sex, if you want. To... you know... relieve some pressure?"

Annabee looked a little hurt. "I have two hands, I can relieve my own pressure. I don't need your pity sex."

"And I don't need your hyperness living in my closet. But we can have sex, if you want." Nesh pressed herself close to Annabee and kissed her.

--------

Later, Neshomeh staggered out of a room, looking slightly disheveled, but very happy. "Frell me dead. That girl's got a tongue that never quits."

"Baa."

Himochi grunted and wiped the pearls of sweat from her forehead. "It's not like I have to do this, you know? It's not a compulsion!"

"Baa."

She caressed the wooly creature. "And sometimes I just get so lonely, you know? We all need company, right?"

"Baa."

Finished, she flopped beside the sheep on the bed and sighed, content. "Did I ever tell you about the time when -"

"Good god, woman! At least the Kiwis are quiet! Baa."

Pieguy and Maslab were walking down one of the many winding corridors

"So, Pieguy, what's it like in Australia?" Maslab asked.

"Preeeeetty dangerous," Pieguy said. "Especially in the cities."

"I thought it was the other way around?"

Pieguy shook his head, vehemently. "No, definitely not. See, while you have the kangaroos that can kick you to death..."

"Ahuh."

"And the spiders that are so poisonous that a bite will kill you within hours..."

"Ahuh?"

"And the teeny little jellyfish that send you into the most excruciating pain you've ever known to the point that you want to die..."

"Ahuh...?"

"The real danger," Pieguy concluded, "Is in the porn actors."

Maslab blinked. "Okay, now I'm lost. How are porn actors the real danger?"

Pieguy groped the front of Maslab's trousers, firmly. "Let's go to my place, and I'll show you why porn actors are the danger, down under. We're a people who are already long and tall, if you get what I mean, and porn actors are even more so- if you catch my drift- and I've been considering porn if the radio thing doesn't work out..." He waggled his eyebrows at Maslab.

"I am totally down for that."

...
...please no sheep jokes.
*awaits the sheep jokes*

What joyful material shall be produced, I wonder.

Annabee was sitting at her computer, furiously typing away at a mission. Her hands moving at speeds only accessible by Newbie Ranger Excitement Pink.

Her hands moved so fast, in fact, that they blurred. Then they moved faster and the blur became a double image. The double image became more and more distinct and grew to cover her whole body. Her speed increased further. Smoke started to rise from her poor keyboard. The double image sharpened even more, until finally it separated from her body entirely.

When the smoke cleared, there were two Annabees in the room. They looked at each other for a moment.

"Wow," said one. "I must need a break. I'm beginning to see things."

"Maybe," said the other. "But just because you're hallucinating doesn't mean we can't have some fun."

"I make a good point," said the first with a grin.

They started working on getting out of their clothes.

Within five minutes, the level of energy in that room grew to levels that, if harnessed, could power several large countries. This author thinks the Annabees put that energy to better use.

Techno-Dann was very much minding his own business, inspecting something, when Neshomeh slinked in, looking around.

He was still minding his own business when he heard a low, throaty voice purr into his ear, and a soft slim arm wrapped around his waist. "Hi, Dann." His name quivered in his ear, tensing every part of his body. "What are you doing?"

"I was trying to retrofit this pudding hatch," Dann murmured, cautiously.

"Oh?" Neshomeh's voice came out soft, and sultry. Her hand was working the clasp of his workbelt.

"Yes," Dann said, trying to gather his thoughts.

"Do you need any help?" With that, the buckle came undone, the ends splaying downwards.

"I think I could appreciate a bit of help," he said. "After all, those of us who turn into cats need to stick together." He considered. "Even though in my case it's because of Bryn's extremely inhuman and unethical science experiments."

A gentle hand promptly invaded his pants. "I'm sure I could help."

Dann paused for a moment, before he responded. "That is not helping."

"Are you sure? I can turn into a very special cat."

"And what sort is that?"

"A sex kitten."

"Are you ready?" asked Tray-Gnome to the pile of clothing in the corner.

"Yes~" squeaked the girl who was buried in the depths of the laundry. "But... can I ask why you have a skillet?"

Tray grinned. "That should be obvious. I'm pansexual."

(I don't apologize for how terrible that joke was. I regret nothing. -Phobos)

I wonder what the Board will come up with ...

"It is time we settled this; once and for all," said Neshomeh. She looked into July's eyes and began to disrobe.

"I agree," replied July, who followed suit. "This has gone on far too long."

They both removed their shirts, and took a moment to readjust their glasses.

"Let's be clear on the rules, then." Neshomeh was hopping on one foot while she removed a shoe. "Whoever begs for mercy first loses and the other person gets to use the spelling they think best."

July was shedding her trousers. She kept stopping to brush her hair out of her face. "Very well. I hope you're ready. On three, then?"

The two were now fully naked and faced each other from opposite ends of a large bed.

"One," said Neshomeh, as she put aside her glasses.

"Two," continued July. A wicked gleam in her eye.

"Three," they both called. There was a mad scrambling as they moved toward each other over the bed.

-----------

Meanwhile, in a sauna on the other side of a mirror.

"Okay, this really was a good idea," commented Phobos. Moans were heard from the adjacent room.

"Agreed," said Artell as he wiped condensation from the two way mirror. He didn't want to miss any of the show.

"This is probably the healthiest way for them to resolve this."

"Absolu-- Oh my. Where did Nesh learn to do that?"

Phobos gave a knowing smile and changed the subject. "So, I understand we are supposed to be doing something involving... sticks?"

Totally in.

...and this is the first thing I see!?

Awesome! :D :D

Ship away, and I'll try to get round to writing something later today.

Of course I'm in.

Although, I think me/Data is cheating.

Or yeowomen. Or yeononbinaryindividuals.

I'll go ask Kit if he's okay with joining in too.

Feel free to include me in the shenanigans; just no slash, thanks. ^^

My favourite pairing is now Crimson Flight x Crimson Flight.

though probably not writing, unless I get a really good idea for a pairing/grouping/etc. The contriblutions so far have been hilarious though.

Not sure if I'll be writing anything though. But you can ship me. :3

"This is supposed to be healthy?" Phobos asked. He exhaled, sending a puff of cool breath into the hot, humid room. Rivulets of sweat and condensed water were winding down his face, tracing clean lines down his neck, and from there following down his strong shoulders, and muscled chest, lacing down his arms and belly.

"Yes, it is," Artell replied. He tossed some water onto the heater, sending up a great plume of steam. "There's a saying, you know."

"There is?" Phobos asked, looking disconcerted for a moment.

"'Jos ei viina, terva tai sauna auta, tauti on kuolemaksi.' If alcohol, tar or sauna won't cure the disease, it will kill you." Artell said.

"I think I would've liked the alcohol more." Phobos looked around the planked room. "Is the nudity really necessary?"

"It's traditional," Artell explained.

"It is?" Phobos looked vaguely alarmed.

"It is."

Phobos looked down at the heater, up at the ceiling, and then finally at Artell. "Shouldn't you be seducing me or something?"

"Oh, no." Artell looked distraught at the very idea.

"That's a relief." Phobos wiped his brow.

"That's for later. You shouldn't be having sex in the sauna. The desexualization of the sauna is what has made sauna culture as it is possible!"

"That's perfectly fine with me."

"So, an hour or two from now good with you?"

"Sure. But what do we now?"

"We beat each other with sticks, of course."

Bronwyn sauntered up to the pile of clothes, as it sat there suggestively, taunting her, daring her to make the first move.

"I'm done with the mind games." She exclaimed, resolute in the descision she had made.

"We both know how you truly feel." The laundry pile started to sit motionless before it was interuppted.

"Sssh. No words now, only love." And with that last comment, she slowly began to climb inside it.

20 years old straight male. Ship away.

Neshomeh groaned, her back stiff from hours at a computer, editing pages upon pages.

"What's wrong?" she heard someone ask behind her, in a voice that made her stomach flip flop.

"M-my back..." she replied in a quiet, hesitant voice.

"I think I can take care of that."

"I... I don't know..."

"Don't worry," doctorlit said as he places his hand upon her shoulders and massaged them slightly. "I'm a doctor after all."

Data walked in,wearing a nurses outfit and carrying a tray full of feathers, candles, and a pool noodle. "We're ready to operate, doctor."

(Again, all apologies to Doctorlit, who was forewarned.)


Doctorlit looked around, most furtively.

He headed down a south corridor, then a west one, then a north one, then a east one, and then a north one once more and took five flights of stairs.

Finally, he was there.

The Room of Asexuality.

He checked around.

No one down the corridor, up the corridor, down the sides, or on the ceiling. (One must always check the ceilings, after all.)

He went inside.

It was utterly quiet, until it was not.

Outside, the vaguest hint of moaning could be heard, and "Oh, Mr. Booooooowwwwwwwwwiiiieeeeee....

BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!

Seriously, I'm stuck. First week of summer term + needing to get to know other people better on here = brain fart.

A fic will be coming, don't you fret...

Alright, I'm in.

"Aren't you a pretty bird?" Data said, admiringly.

"I guess?" Makari replied, bewildered.

"You know what I heard pretty birds really like?" Data said. His hips jutted out slightly, the most subtle pelvic thrust on this side of the Atlantic Ocean. (The most subtle pelvic thrust on the other side of the Atlantic, it must be said, belonged to Huinesoron, who put it to most excellent use, if the survey response was anything to go by.)

"What?" Makari giggled slightly.

"Bird seed." He waggled his eyebrow at her. "And, y'know, my name really is Raven, so I have a lot of seed to go around..."

Makari giggled even more. "I do feel a bit hungry," she admitted.

"My room or yours?"

Makari's giggles became even more, a blush painting across her delicate features. "I'm sure we could find a nice bench, somewhere. After all, that's the best place to be throwing bird seed near."

With that, they departed.

(A continuation of last years "A Fistful of Platnium" found here: http://disc.yourwebapps.com/discussion.cgi?disc=199610;article=208649;title=PPC%20Posting%20Board )

Plat strode through the halls of the PPC, for what felt like an age. Peering through the empty corridors, he felt a rushing a dread- and not just in his loins.

Suddenly, he heard it. A collective disappointed sigh and rolling over. Running like mad, he finally found it: The Cafeteria. Pushing the door open with the care of a raging rhino, and Plat gasped with horror.

What Plat saw, made him feel a deep lingering burst of sympathy. The Cafeteria was packed to the brim with naked boarders strewn left and right, and yet, they all sort of looked... mildly downtrodden.

They were staring at each other (and Plat) with a look of enthusiasm, but ultimately confusion and utter awkwardness about the whole copulating business. Orgies tend to lose steam when no one knows exactly what goes where, but knows vaguely that the things between legs are important in this copulating business.

The room was silent. Dead Silent as Plat entered.

A moment of self-conciousness washed over Plat with everyone staring at him and his perfectly muscled body. And then the self-conciousness was taken out back with a bazooka by his raging man hormones.

“WHO DID THIS TO YOU?” Plat roared, echoing fiercely in the large open space. “WHO DID THIS TO YOU, THIS... THIS SEXLEXIA.”

He waited for a moment in silence, before the door he just entered through, creaked open.

“Oh you~ Ever the hero, aren’t you~?” A low feminine voice crooned, the sound of remarkably high heels tapping out an impatient pattern on the floor. The boarders cowered, as Plat turned to look at the woman in the doorway.

July grinned wickedly, dressed in naught but a rather impressive black corset, black leather heeled boots, and a fabulous tophat. She tugged on the leash in her hand, pulling a group of cowed boarders into the room- Plat instantly recognizing Caddy, HerrWozzeck, and Makari on the line.

“YOU FIEND!” Plat shouted, and everyone, save July and Plat, cowered and pulled away from the pair. “How could you do this, July? This is madness!”

“No dear, this is politics~” She cracks the whip to her side, making the entire room flinch.

Plat adjusted his sombrero and scowled at the black vixen (not to be confused with the mage one).

To be... finished in "The Good, The Bad, and the Plat."

But still not writing. 'ships of the year:

The Obvious Ones
hS/Kaitlyn (CANONthiswillalwaysbein)
Neshomeh/Phobos (I guess they're canon too)
Techno-Dann/Vixenmage (Kaitlyn is their #1 shipper)
Laburnum/kit (man, little kit all grown up...)

The Semi-Obvious Ones
AnnaBee/Himochi (how long were those conversations?)
Aeidhryn/Araeph (all that 'smiting'...)
firemagic/Sergio (Madoka-idolisers!)

The Random Ones
Permission Givers/Hats (hats 4eva)
Vixenmage/Irish Samurai ('Permission' granted, huh?)
Tawaki/the TIANATDATPPC list (eternal love!)
Everyone who wrote for Write The Genre/Each other (it was all a ploy to get in each others'... 'cowrites')
Data Junkie/Bronwyn (first two posts in this thread!)
Vixenmage/JulyFlame (first two stories in this thread! Also, ehehehe)
SeaTurtle/an empty space (well, you wanted to be left out...)
Neshomeh/July/the Wiki (you know why)
Neshomeh/doctorlit (that Wiki thread down-Board)

... I think I'll stop there. Probably no stories from me (again), but hopefully these 'ships will warp everyone's fragile little minds.

hS

VM moaned. "Oooooooooh..." The bed swayed.

VM groaned. "Aaaaaaah!" She sent the bed rocking.

VM arched her back. "Aaaaaaaah! AnnaBee! AnnaBee! Yeeeeeees! More!" The bed moved heavily beneath her.

AnnaBee looked up from down from near VM's hips, the perfect picture of subservience. She licked her lips, sending her most adroit tongue in a wide circle. "Yes?"

VM panted, "When we switch, you better not call out Neshomeh's name again!"

"But I'm her most lustful fangirl!"

"Then you can stay down there!"

I'll be hosting the non-shipfest safe zone in this corner of the Board if you don't mind.

Can I play too?! PLEASE!

"I hardly think this is the place! Or the time, someone is bound to come by sooner or-- oh. Oh. You meant that kind of fun."

"Shhh," Caddy grinned, pushing Maslab up against the thrumming washing machine. "I'm sure the laundry piles will work just fine, and no one will come in here, not with that glitter all over the door..."

Maslab leaned back against the laundry pile, stretching... and stopped, abruptly. "Soft? This feels like it's got cannonballs in!"

Caddy snickered, reaching around him for a lumpy-looking shirt. "I see what you did there."

"And - gah! - it's moving! What is that, a--"

"--coconut. Oh, and it's... it's... okay, I think we need to find another place."

Caddy leapt up from the Laundry Pile. "Anywhere, yes."

The agents left HQ's laundry room as quickly as they had come, leaving a trail of glitter,coconut milk, and mildew behind.

---

LaundryPile/Coconut and Caddy/Maslab. They know what they did.

I ship Phobos/Data, because I hear they both really, really wanted to start the Shipfic Fest this year. Clearly Data came out on top, though. *grin*

~Neshomeh

This will be LOLWORTHY. :D

*is totally going to ship all the bronies / pegasisters *

I will begin writing stories tomorrow.

-Phobos, PPC shipping enthusiast.

*Offers Soggy, mildewy, yet curiously petrified approval of participation.*