Subject: Nice mission!
Author:
Posted on: 2012-04-13 02:52:00 UTC

I really enjoyed it. I think I remembered in one of the Floater's troll-fic missions that I lost track of the location (or maybe it was just my poor attention span),
but it's definitely improved here.

There are some things I want to point out:

It looked like you overdid it when attempting to mock their chatspeak since some of the words in one of the badfics were actually not in chatspeak.

“Eusabius, would you be so kind as to escort Grunty back to L.O.G.’s video game factory?["]

I thought they already were in L.O.G's video game factory, unless the place they were in was a fake.

“Don’t you push me, you fat man; walk through it myself, I certainly can!”

I thought they would still be hedgehogs by the time this was said, since I couldn't find any indication that they're disguises changed back.

There were a few "soon after"s and I think someone mentioned not to use that phrase again.

Other than that, it was fun to read! The imagery of Sonic's head spiking things cracked me up.

Reply Return to messages