Subject: I don't care if this is late...
Author:
Posted on: 2012-04-12 15:38:00 UTC
...A TOWN CALLED WHALES IN ENGLAND.
Kill them! Kill them for me before I get the flamethrower out!
My poor country! *sobs uncontrollably*
May I claim The Adventures of Dark Yagami from the Unclaimed Badfic list?
You can claim it even before you get permission (right now, in fact). Just put "Pending Permission" after your name on the claimed page. No problem. Lots of people do it, so they don't miss out on one they really want to spork.
And I'm not just talking about getting Permission. I'm talking about the sporkability of your target. I haven't read it, but it seems to be of legendary badness. Or nigh-legendary, whatever.
Thing is, bad doesn't necessarily mean sporkable. Many badfics are just spiraling into the realm of What-is-this-I-don't-even. Or they're boring in a way you can't riff on.
So, take this as a general advice, in case you get Permission: Look at your fic. Now look at me. Can you make it funny? If yes, go on with it. If no, leave it be, as enraging as it is to you.
From what I can hear- and read- it's the My Immortal of Death Note. With NEARLY as much as unintentional hilarity.
In the first three chapters:
1. A town called "Whales" in England. The agents will need to go in there, rescue the whales, and burn it to the ground.
2. L randomly transforming into 'pies of sh@t' for no reason.
3. A Stu Death Note that can kill anyone you write their name in... even if you don't know their name or have their face. Thus simultaneously trampling on canon and perplexing my agents.
"How can you kill someone by writing their name down if you don't know their name?"
4. This charming little exchange...
""Ok. I won't tell L on one condition you have to sex with me."
Vernet, being literal-minded: "Sex *what* with me? Chickens? Cats? Shinigami?"
~
"I am vicarious" Misa replied...
Mundar: ...Dunno what that means, but I don't think it means what she thinks it means.
5. More on the serious end... inSANE amounts of OOC, including Light killing for fun. Meaning: Kill Dark Yagami. Kill Sayu-Sue. Possibly with their own Evil Death Note of Evil.
6. A LOT of in-text author's notes. Thanks to the Ironic Overpower, either Mundar or Vernet forgot their music of choice. And naturally, neither can stand the other's taste.
7. Blood bananas. Which are exactly what it says on the tin. Bananas... made of blood. That shinigami eat。
The deuce?
8. ""Stop saying colour! Your in America now! Its color!" Light replied exaspirated.
"Sorry lol" Dark said."
... ... ... ...
9. "Dark took his cellphone out of his special place (AN: figure it out for yourself lol!)"
Mundar: Easy, it's up his a-
Vernet: This is a T-rated fic, Mr. Fivehills.
Mundar: I can still say arse, can't I?
Vernet: ...Seeing as you just did...
10. High amounts of such total Whiskey Tango Foxtrot as to keep an entire ARMY of agents occupied for months.
*looks at you* Hey, you've got tickets to that thing I love!
And yes... I think I can make it funny. I don't know if I could make it funny to ANYONE else, but I'd have fun sporking it.
...A TOWN CALLED WHALES IN ENGLAND.
Kill them! Kill them for me before I get the flamethrower out!
My poor country! *sobs uncontrollably*
I need a beta reader. ^^ You up for it?
I don't see why not, although I'm not really the most experienced...
I don't think beta-ing your own work counts as experience, haha~ ^^
Anyway, yeah, sure, why not~
Have I given you my email?
If not... himochiisawesome@hotmail.co.uk
So original of me~ ^^
Mine's sciencefair200NOSPAM@gmail.com.
Delete the NOSPAM and you have my address. XD
'"I will have to use stealth instead" said L and jumped in the broken window screaming.'
There's LOADS of 'gems' in there that I just didn't see. Like Blud changing sides EVERY. FIVE. MINUTES. XD
And all the sexing. And Light being extremely gay for L. And Dark dating Hannah Montana and being his own father. And oh, gosh, the FRENCH. And the BRITISH. And the...
*sporks self*
I think it might even be funnier than My Immortal. (I also really like the point where the author finds his own TVtropes page and starts taking potshots at us for being "mean.")
My absolute favorite part is when L goes into Heaven and BLACKMAILS GOD into doing what he says.
And Near getting coshed. With a cosh. Repeatedly. All the cheap shots at Near, I swear- I hate the character, mostly because he's NOT L, but this fic converted me into a Near fangirl. XD
to read this. Two times, actually, the second time around playing the drinking game with a couple of friends and 7 gallons of bug juice.
. . . we ran out of bug juice.
I'm sorry for your suffering.
It's pretty bad. If you did the drinking game with alcohol, I think it would kill you within the first ten chapters. xD
... due to near toxic levels of WTF, and a lack of handy Bleeprin, so I'd missed out on some of those gems until now.
I was particularly infuriated by the 'town of Whales', and was actually quite amused by the fact that it is apparently possible to write down a name, without knowing what it is.
I wonder if the same technology/magic/hand-waving that allows that could be harnessed to allow you to write down the answers to questions that you don't know the answer to? It would mean the end to boring revision!
I wish you and your agents good luck with this.
In the following chapters. You are extremely lucky. I read the entire thing and-
~ Spoiler warning! Plot or ending details follow!~
Dark (the eponymous Stu) winds up becoming his own FATHER. ...Which would explain why, in the preceding chapters, Light's Mom (that's the only name she has in this bloody fic) is cheating on Light's dad WITH DARK. Who is her SON. O.e
There's lots of HIGHLY improbable slash, lots of multi-person 'sexing', a LOT of incest (squick!)- though it seems at least some of it is the author 'forgetting' that his horde of OCs are all related- making Near and Ryuuk into chew toys, TRULY annoying author's notes....
In short, it's like a really, really bad Death Note pr0no, without any actual pr0n. >_e
Thanks. Vernet and Mundar thank you.
OK, I have to know; did Dark manage to become his own father due to a typo or something, or does it actually appear to be an intentional plot point?
I'm probably going to end up reading this at some point, but I'm not sure I'll ever make it all the way through in one go.
There's NO such thing as an intentional plot point, because there's no semblance of a plot.
But it is something that the trollthor seems to have intended to have happen. For which I salute him.
I couldn't either. I had to take three goes to read it. And poor, poor, POOR 'Samanther', all I'm going to say.