Welcome, welcome!
Have a Muffin. Feel free to interpret the capital "M" as indication of mystical properties of your choice.

A mutual affection for LOtR would be common ground between us, anyway. And who doesn't like Harry Potter?

Okay... That's all I've got. (I'm not one for first impressions.)

Again, welcome to the PPC, realm of *entirely sane* agents and much laughter and bafflement.

-- Len, (totally official) Bodacious Baronetess of the Kumquats

Have some of this cake I baked for all the shiny newbies.
*hands plate*
Eat up now!

Here, have an Infinite Notebook, lined, complete with urple covers and wilver binding!

Ooh, you read comics? One of my friends is in the process of getting me into them. I'm absolutely in love with The Sandman, and I'm reading Runaways right now. Just read the second volume today, in fact.

-Aila

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Replenishes 50 HP... sometimes.

Hello there! You must be the first newbie I've run across to obviate the usual newbie questions! But I have one more for you: How did you run across the PPC?

But enough questions, on to the newbie gift! Have a replica Captain America shield. Of course, it's only steel, not vibranium like the real thing.

Have a cookie! What do you think of the Avengers movie? The characters?

Hi, have some fudge!

I'm assuming you mean Marvel Avengers, and not the British spy series? (I've been caught out a couple times when link-surfing over at TV Tropes.)

Have some lembas bread as a welcoming gift. Wrapped in a genuine mallorn leaf.

*hug* Welcome, welcome. Here's a bag of marbles, I don't know what you'd use it for, but it has really nice colors. :)

I'm also a shiny newbie, only here for two days. Let's stick together?

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Keep refrigerated!

Because I don't know, and would rather not chance an incorrect guess.

[/base covering]

Have some industrial strength BleepNerds, I have overstock on these things and need to get rid of them before the warehouse fills to breaking point.

(Why did my production team make so many in the first place? We don't even need that much! What, are we stocking for a Sue-pocalypse?!)

Greetings, new friend! Have a consulting detective's magnifying lens.

Welcome aboard! I see you've got my fandoms, huzzah! Have some lemming repellent.

Glad to have you aBoard, Josalynn! I can match you pretty well with DW, LotR, and Avengers, and as such, have gifts for you. I present Rinlojm, a hammer which can be lifted by anyone, A sonic Screwdriver that only works on wood, and a Ring of Power that instantly makes you the center of attention. Have fun!

And after a few weeks with practically no newbies at all!

(prepares to deal with newbie flood-tide)
I may need to get some galoshes. I don't know if they'd be useful for a flood of newbies, but it'd be fun to mention that I have galoshes now, because the word "galoshes" is fun to say.

Well, you seem to have run down all of the typical checkpoints, so all I have left to do is give you a gift!
Have a replica of Loki's staff! It's not got a real Tesseract in it, since it's a replica, but it can shoot lasers, which is always a plus.