Subject: Creepy.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-03-17 16:05:00 UTC
Your choice of LOs for Marikane creeped me out massively. The first character is supposed to be seventeen and I can't figure the age for the second one but as far as I can tell she's supposed to be pretty young, too.
Beyond that, echoing what others have already said.
Well, if at first you don't succeed, try again with more effort. Wish me luck:
PPC Permission Attempt 2
Marikane Cananvi:
Written by: Gone Rampant
Age: 32
Species: Human
Home Continuum: Star Wars
Department: Department of Floaters.
Division: N/A
Response Centre: 9777
Partner: Paul Clarke.
History: Marikane fell through a plot-hole created by a Sue in the Jedi Temple sometime before the Original Trilogy, and became determined to hunt said Sue down. Following this, he was caught in the act by several PPC agents, and was recruited soon after. Marikane is eccentric, believing that The Flowers all take part in underground cage-fighting, getting rid of the common housefly by firing at it with Paul’s Fat-Man and, in one case, getting rid of a door-to-door salesman by using a portal generator to summon a Daedric Warrior. Marikane often insults works he’s sporking in a dry tone, often skipping to scenes where there’s crime being done so he can get out of the badfic before his alcohol supply runs out. Marikane is strongly against any form of abuse, and counts it as a crime above being a Mary Sue.
Sexual Orientation: Asexual in the sense he doesn’t want a permanent relationship, but he still has no problem flirting with people.
Fandom(s): Works of BioWare and Joss Whedon, Assassin’s Creed, Halo, The Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare (Campaign only- despises the multiplayer), How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Family Guy, The Simpsons.
Lust-object(s): Rachel Berry (Glee), Barris Offee (Star Wars).
Favourite(s): Most of the above, alongside Muse, Queen, Requiem for a Dream (His favourite movie soundtrack of all time), Sherlock (TV Series) and Sherlock Holmes (2009/2011 Movies).
Appearance: Marikane has disorganised dark-brown hair sticking around his head- he often tries to tame it by threatening it with his lightsaber and/or covering it in a big fedora, which he claims he snatched off a Stu in the Dresden Files universe before meeting Paul.
Weapon(s): Liberated Gauss Cannon that resembles the Gravity Gun from Half-Life off a Sue (“She was dead when I got there!”), one lightsaber, The Force (Or his “Lightning hands”) for backup.
Paul Clarke:
Written by: Gone Rampant
Age: 27
Species: Human
Sexual Orientation: Straight.
Home Continuum: Fallout: New Vegas.
Department: Department of Floaters.
Division: N/A
Response Centre: 9777
Partner: Marikane Cananvi.
History: Paul was a version of the Courier in Fallout New Vegas, who, like Marikane, fell into a plot hole, landing on Marikane. He quietly became a member of the PPC in the resulting months, quickly settling into a Response Centre with Marikane. Paul is more quiet when off-mission, enjoying most, if not all, of the things Marikane enjoys, although while Marikane’s DVD rack is “Organised chaos” in his words, Paul arranged all of his gear he had on him falling through the plot hole into a single corner, and it hasn’t had to be moved since.
Fandom(s): See Marikane’s for the list- part of the reason they’re partners is because they have a lot in common.
Lust-object(s): Cortana (Halo), Black Cat (Spider-Man).
Favourite(s): See "Fandoms".
Weapon(s): FN-FAL, Hunting Revolver, Maria (Benny’s 9M pistol).
Appearance: Paul wears the Vault-Suit Doc Mitchell gave him after he was shot by Benny at the start of New Vegas when not on missions. Right before he fell through he fell through the plot-hole, he found an Elite NCR Ranger outfit (Mostly for the duster, which has become regular clothing for whenever a mission allows it).
Sample (From my Glee story, “Tattoos- Yes or No?”)
Hi there! Gone Rampant here, with yet another PSA from the minds at Rooster Teeth. In this one, my OC, Daniel Lawson, and, making his first appearance in a fanfic written by me, is ZeroBen's Mitchell Marcus Mason. If you want for info on Mitchell, then go to ZeroBen, or read "A Different Point of View", which covers Glee through Mitchell's eyes. So enjoy!
I own Daniel Lawson, ZeroBen owns Mitchell Mason, Soulless Warlock owns Jack Harmon, FOX owns Glee, and Rooster Teeth own the PSA. I also don't own Zero Punctuation and Penny Arcade.
Set before Bryan Ryan showed up in Dream On.
00000 (Choir Room)
Artie and Jack sit at a laptop set on the piano. The Glee kids are doing... Whatever it is they do when I'm not at the puppet strings.
"In five," Jack yells. "Four, three, two, one..."
Artie flips the lens, playing a sound bite of a bass guitar playing a few chords.
Daniel and Mitchell come up in the crowd, gaining a few strange looks from people as they walk down the steps.
"Hi there, how you doing," Daniel says to the camera in a calm voice, smiling. "I'm Daniel Lawson from the Glee Club, "New Directions.""
"And I'm Mitchell Marcus Mason, from that same club," Mitchell says brightly.
"Like you do anything other than lust after Quinn," Daniel mutters darkly. Mitchell and Jack glare at him, and he shrugs.
"Fine, I'll stick to the script," he says. "But you know what?" he says more loudly, oblivious to the people behind him. "We're not here to talk to you as gods living among mortals, who also happen to be very attractive and have large harems under false name. Don't deny it!" he yells at the people behind him, who mumble incoherent sentences, except for Puck, who nods brightly.
"You two scare me," Mitchell deadpans. "Moving on..." Jack says from behind the camera. Mitchell sighs heavily.
"That's right, we're here today, to tell you how to run your life," he says.
"You know, a lot of you out there are probably considering purchasing a tattoo, or as young idiots like Finn call it, a (Clears throat) "Tat,"" Daniel says in an informative manner.
"Or," Mitchell buts in, "Adding a tattoo to your already impressive, yet slightly pathetic, collection of random junk you'll never need."
"So today, in this desolate corner of the world, where most people watch Justin Bieber videos on repeat," (Everyone stops to shudder at Daniel’s statement), "Today we are presenting to you a very special, "Point-Counterpoint", PSA," Daniel tells the audience.
Above him and Mitchell, in large white writing, the words, "Point/Counterpoint: Should you get a tattoo?", and Mitchell repeats the second part of that sentence.
Daniel's name pops up in the corner, with a red line in between his name and his stance: Against.
"I think it's quite clear that you should NOT get a tattoo," he tells the camera.
"And I can summarise my points in this elegant, yet simple, bulleted list."
To Daniel's right, a list starts to unfold down the screen, containing his points, with him narrating as we go down the list.
"Number one", he reminds everyone, "Tattoos are permanent."
"Number two", he continues. "You are a God damn idiot."
"And I'd like to prove the second point mathematically," he tells the audience. "Take your current age. Now take ten years off it. Were you smart back then? Of course you weren't; you were a God damn idiot."
By complete coincidence, the following words show up: Finn should die in a hole that should be filled with machine gun fire. Maybe then Rachel would notice me.
"The fact of the matter is," he says, not even noticing the new point, "You're just as much of an idiot now as you were back then, it's just gonna take you ten more years to figure that out."
"Now think what would have happened if you'd drawn a picture on your body back then- Would you be happy with it today?" He asks.
"The chances are, you wouldn't be." He says sadly.
"Unless it was cool, which brings me to my main point," Mitchell interrupts happily.
""Tattoos. Rock." Mason says bluntly. “As long as you avoid the following idiotic designs, you'll be perfectly fine," He tells the audience as his own list unfolds, with "Designs to avoid", written at the top.
"Number 1: The barbed wire ring," Mason says. "Nothing says "1998", quite like a barbed wire ring around your biceps," he says. "You'll look like a defensive lineman, and if you get one, you're probably as smart as one."
"Number 2: The Band Logo," at his words, the logos for bands like Metallica, Scorpions and Milli Vanilli show up to his left.
"Any band logo", he says angrily. "Think about it- The only pop star who remained cool for over ten years was Madonna. And you're not fooling anyone by getting a tattoo of her."
"Damn straight," Daniel cuts in.
"Finally, and most importantly, is the tribal designs and the Asian Characters," Mitchell says.
At his word, your basic Asian character and tribal design show up.
"No one gets it!" Mitchell yells at the camera. "And be honest- You don't either. Someone had to explain it to you, and you have no idea if they're even telling the truth. So," he says in summation, "Avoid these simple pitfalls, and a tattoo can be a wonderful and rewarding experience. Minus the excruciating pain, and the needles, and did I mention the pain?"
"It is at this time," Daniel butts in, "That I'd like to point out that our good friend Mitchell "StoneMason", here, has a tattoo on his neck- In plain sight where we all have to look at it. It's from the movie Batman Begins, starring Christian Bale, which is a fantastic movie ("Pick it up now, it's dirt cheap!" scrolls across the bottom of the screen as Daniel talks), right Mitchell?" he asks him.
"Actually, it's um, from the comic book," he says, clearly embarrassed.
"Yeah, that's great- I'm sure your boyfriend loves it," Daniel deadpans, already bored.
"In closing," Mitchell says to the camera, "Be sure to choose wisely when getting a tattoo. Don't repeat my mistake."
"Right, listen," Daniel says, dragging the camera over so it's looking at him. "If, despite my points, you still want a tattoo, at least let me offer a good suggestion for a design. How about this: Why not get a tattoo of your favourite character, from your favourite online thing?"
At this, Ben, "Yatzhee" Croshaw from game review service Zero Punctuation from online magazine The Escapist pops up in the corner. Daniel, finally noticing the things beside him (Which include Darth Vader, Bender from Futurama, and Cleveland Brown from Family Guy and The Cleveland Show.
"I meant your other favourite online character," Daniel stresses, practically pointing at himself.
At this, Tyco and Gabe from Penny Arcade show up over Zero Punctuation. Daniel sighs heavily.
"Okay Artie, you know what? Screw you and your-"
Artie turns off the visuals, but we can still hear Daniel as though he is whispering, although it would look like he's insulting the people watching. He also flips the bird a few times. A brief struggle is heard, and Daniel's voice is heard.
"I mean seriously, what do I care," we hear from his microphone. "Get a tattoo of a goddamn M16 and plaster it all over your forehead, why don't you. That'd give Jack a boner," he deadpans before his microphone is turned off.
00000
"These PSA's should be fun- We can have infinite fun these things, all "For science!”" Daniel says happily to Jack and Mitchell.
"This could be the start of something wonderful..." Jack says, trailing off for no good reason. The three boys just stand there, looking up at the sky, but then they move before a slushie found its home in their faces.
Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Your choice of LOs for Marikane creeped me out massively. The first character is supposed to be seventeen and I can't figure the age for the second one but as far as I can tell she's supposed to be pretty young, too.
Beyond that, echoing what others have already said.
Yeah, he's like that.
*Rubs back of head*
I really should have thought that out with a bit more care, shouldn't I?
I know Neshomeh's already said her piece (not to mention that I'm not actually a Permission Giver,) but this needs to be said. I apologize in advance if this comes off as confrontational or accusatory.
This story isn't an adaptation of the original Red vs. Blue skit; it's almost a straight copy-paste. There are only a few points/modifications that I can see where it's actually original writing. This is not an example of your own work, which is what the community wants to see from these permission requests - how well you can write. Not the Rooster Teeth guys, but YOU. This just feels lazy.
Also, it's plagiarism. Which is bad.
One final note regarding something from your character bios. Asexuality does not mean "isn't looking for a relationship but still flirts with people." In broad terms, asexuals are individuals whom lack a sex drive and/or sexual attraction towards others. What you describe in Paul's bio under Sexual Orientation sounds closer to his being aromantic (that is, not interested in romantic relationships.)
The whole plagiarism thing made me curious, so I pulled up Youtube and watched the original skit.
The only thing you did was convert the sketch to narrative text, change names and add the occasional jab at, for example, Justin Bieber (yes, you don't like him, we get it). Even a dozen disclaimers doesn't stop this from being incredibly unimaginative and flatout copypasted.
There's no original and creative work in transcribing a skit. The difference between most fanfic and what you did is that while others at least own their plot, you don't even have that. You posted someone else's plot under your name.
Now on to the writing: The transcribing shows. Is that it reads like a modified screenplay for the original PSA. Screenplays are not prose. They weren't made for being read, but for being acted out. I'm not a PG either, but I think the PPC primarily looks for prose writers, not for people who transcribe videos and add their characters.
Plagarism would mean I'm making a profit out of my work. Can you frickin' SEE any part of this where I'm making money?
And yeah, aromatic suits them fine. I'll remember it.
In the generally accepted usage, plagiarism is taking someone else's work and passing it off as your own. It's possible to plagiarise by, eg, copying a Wikipedia article for a school assignment, which isn't profitable, but is very much plagiarism (and stupid besides).
((For the record, I have no knowledge of what's potentially being plagiarised here - I'm just providing definitions))
hS
Every time I adapt work from someone else, I always add who they belong too in a disclaimer. And if that system was used for fanfiction, couldn't we include anyone who doesn't add that the work they're based off of when writing? Check my stories on the Pit, I've disclaimers in every one of them.
We ask for a sample of your work in a permission request. You gave us this which, if PoorCynic is to be believed (and I see no reason to doubt them), is copy-pasted from a Rooster Teeth PSA with your characters added in. It isn't your work. It is their work. You've essentially taken a book, written in the margins, and given it to us when we asked for a sample of your work.
Also, disclaimers, despite popular belief, do not make copy-pasting something not plagiarism. What makes something not plagiarism is transforming the concepts, the characters, and the settings into something new, using your own ideas. It is the difference between buying a pizza and making a pizza from the same kinds of ingredients.
If you were caught doing this in any classroom I've ever been in, you would have failed the entire semester (that's right, the whole semester for one plagiarized paper) and possibly been suspended.
-Phobos
Erm, I'm not sure if it's my place to say this, but isn't demonstrating how good your writing is the whole point of a writing sample?
*emerges from the all-consuming awesomeness that is A Song of Ice and Fire to actually do stuff*
Erm. Like it says, concerns. Mainly, these:
1) This bit: "Marikane often insults works he’s sporking in a dry tone, often skipping to scenes where there’s crime being done so he can get out of the badfic before his alcohol supply runs out";
and
2) the bits in the writing sample where people are insulted for thinking/liking one thing or another.
There are also miscellaneous mechanical issues, but I'm far more worried that your missions will consist entirely of skipping ahead to the next scene and calling the characters—or worse, the authors—"idiots" if they happen to like barbed wire tattoos or Metallica or whatever else is arbitrarily not cool.
I am looking for evidence in your character bios and writing sample to indicate that my concerns are groundless, but I'm not seeing anything. Your two agents have a lot in common when it comes to fandoms and such, you say, so I have no hope of one restraining the other when going overboard on matters of personal taste (which is one reason partners tend to be rather different, not the same). The writing sample is a bunch of dudes insulting each other and other people—and what it has to do with Glee I have no idea. Granted, I haven't seen that much of the show, but since it's spelled out that these characters are all your friends' or your own OCs and there's no plot to speak of, I can only assume the tie-ins are references I missed, which don't really make it a fanfic. Oh, and this:
3) "The Glee kids are doing... Whatever it is they do when I'm not at the puppet strings."
Not only is that an in-text author's note in the second sentence of the story, which destroys any hope of a reader being drawn into it, that's a pretty off-handed dismissal of the canon this story is supposedly set in. Where from this writing sample am I to draw the conclusion that the PPC canon will fare any better in your missions?
So, those are pretty big concerns, and as such I'm afraid I can't grant you permission at this time. Going forward, please bear in mind that insults are not in themselves funny, and merely insulting bad writing is not what we're here to do. We're ideally lovers of canon and good writing first, mockers of ridiculous writing second, and never insulting just for the sake of being insulting.
~Neshomeh
Well, I'll take it all on board. Just to note, I prefer Game of Thrones to the books.
The sample was based off something else, I was just adapting it from a Red Vs Blue PSA. I insist- it wouldn't be mindless insulting.
The "Puppet strings" thing was just making fun of the fourth wall. And not to sound disrespectful, but the Glee charatcers in Red Vs Blue makes more sense when using the actual episodes. And about RVB- it's a recurring thing me and a few authors reference during our fanfics.
And I can be a serious writer- it's just easy for me during comedy stories to kind of, pardon my language, dick around and be sarcastic at the characters. Although I guess it would be better if it was (A) Not there, or (B) Funny.
Thanks anyway for judging. I'm just gonna think about this over Knights of the Nine.