Subject: Welp.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-03-07 22:04:00 UTC
I don't actually know Nanoha, but every Harry Potter character is pitifully OOC and my brain also broke during the first chapter by the way.
It's so broken that I temporarily forgot how to use commas.
So, I was looking around the Pit, when I found something horrible, stupid, and canon-breaking. Its author calls it 'Legendary Heroes' and it's a Nanoha/Harry Potter crossover.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7484814/1/Legendary_Heroes
It breaks logic every five sentences. Within the first chapter Nanoha is either massively possessed or just replaced. Please, please someone help me to PPC this thing. Fair warning: Whoever does this can expect long, long rants. I have references.
I couldn't read past the first paragraph, it was so disjointed.
First, "A special charm" is just about the worst way to describe magic while still using proper grammar, and I have vagueness in spell descriptions, the author could, at least, NAME the spell Dumbledore is casting!
Second, who wouldn't notice that their boss is holding a BROOM? Brooms are large, bulky, and very obvious, so missing that someone has one is inexcusable. The writer could at least mention that the broom was shrunken, and hidden in Dumbledore's pocket, if he didn't want anyone to know he was going somewhere.
Third, this is Albus Dumbledore we're talking about here! Can't he just apparate to where he wants to go?
"Ms. Figg revealed that she was a Squid later"
Aaaaaaaagggggghhhhhh! Strange mental images!
I read one chapter and all characters I recognized were OOC/possesed/replaced. Plus there was the bad spelling.
I saw that line too. It reminded me of First Encounter. AAAAAAAAAH!
(clutches head and convulses on the floor)
You're right, the lack of logic is just mind shattering.
Ehhh? Am I reading this right? Nanoha is the new DADA teacher, in Hogwarts? Ehhh?
-Grasps heads, mumbles incoherently-
Ohmygodkillitkillitdestroyitkillitannihilateit
That's what Sergio and I are gonna do. And yes, this is post robot-claw-through-the-chest. Also, she's eleven.
AND THIS IS WHEN UMBRIDGE IS THERE.
Is "character from foreign continuum replaces Umbridge as the DADA teacher" turning into a genre on its own?
Oh my god. They're messing with Nanoha. The bastards. Kill 'em all, I say; they are effing /messing/ with Nanoha.
Heavy, you're a sitting duck with it, but .50 caliber explosive armor piercing incendiary rounds (Yeah, they do exist) kill anything up to Replacement!Nanoha level.
For her, we have another plan.
I'm pretty sure OMG is not Japanese.
No. No it's not. Although I don't know whether Fangirl Japanese would be better.
I don't actually know Nanoha, but every Harry Potter character is pitifully OOC and my brain also broke during the first chapter by the way.
It's so broken that I temporarily forgot how to use commas.
Yeah. The main character works for an interdimensional organization that thinks mages are extremely rare--there've been, as far as they know, two good mages in the last 100 years or so. The main character, Nanoha, also recently suffered a massive injury that means if she uses a lot of magic, she could lose her ability to use it completely.
Suddenly, a guy on a broom flies up to her and wants her to teach at his magic school, in a subject she knows nothing about, when she is eleven years old, has school and training for the aforementioned agency, and CAN"T USE A TON OF MAGIC. AS IN, WHAT HOGWARTS TEACHES. AT A SCHOOL THAT SHOULD NOT EXIST. See any problems here? I don't think Dumbledore even explains what Hogwarts IS.
Oh, and Nanoha's family tree is a teeny-bit small. See, her dad is a retired ninja bodyguard, who quit the business, married, and changed his name after most of his family died. His only relative, other than his children, is his sister, whose husband died and who works at an antiterrorist organization in China, I think. This fic says that Snape is Nanoha's UNCLE. HE SHOULD BE A NINJA AND DEAD.
Wait, no. The Fuwas were Samurai, although they are more ninja-like, with their ability to dodge bullets and break physics. My point still stands.
And in paragraph one, that's mages from Earth.
...
...
...
What. Just. What. O.e
KILL IT WITH FIRE. KILL. IT. WITH. FIRE.