Name: Pelina
Coloration: Banana Yellow Coat and Navy Blue Mane. My Cutie Mark is a Magic Wand.
Favorite pony race: Unicorn
Please specify one luxury item you require at RFAE: Jet earrings.
I have: Watched some of the episodes.
I have written slash: No
My favorite character is: That dream stallion from "The Ticket Master" (Rarity didn't name him).
I am in love with a canon character: Yes (see previous entry).
I have a fear of: Rarity (what a bitch).

Name: Senomar
Coloration: Cyan coat, green mane, gray eyes. Cutie Mark is a swing vine. A hands-on Puzzle Making class in Edanna at the Myst OFU sparked my interest in botany.
Favorite pony race: Pegasus
Please specify one luxury item that you require at RFAE: Nothing more luxurious than a homemade Xiangqi set. I have to stay on top of my game.
I have: Watched all the episodes many times
I am: Very Familiar with Canon
I have written slash: no
I have written a Mary Sue: yes. (Now that I look closer, I realize that Nova Kicker is one. I should know better, having been to the Redwall and Myst OFU's some years ago. I would hate to think that I'm forgetting the lessons I learned then)
My favorite character is: Fluttershy, followed by Big Macintosh
I am in love with a canon character: Not as a human. If I were a pony, I think I might fall for Rainbow Dash or Derpy.
I have a fear of: In this fandom? Parasprites and Discord.

Being that I have watched only a few episodes of the show, this should be interesting. I'm going to go in order of when things come up, since I will be making notes while reading.

Chapter 1:

"Slow going," Glyph replied. "We've worked out the tweaks we needed to fix as far the central design goes." I believe you are missing an 'as' at the end of that line.

Did I misunderstand something, or did Rarity walk off across campus at some point and then reappear in the conversation as if she hadn't left?

I'm wondering where Fluttershy is during all of this. Surely the Mane Six are all involved.

Chapter 2:

Hilarious. I know Bronies are often college aged, but it hadn't occurred to me that someone might be sitting around swearing, drinking and smoking while they talk about MLP. It's so discordant. I love it.

Also, the appearance of the letter was inspired.

He managed to catch about half of it,. The rest and his Zippo dropped onto the grass. Two problems. 1) The comma at the end of that first sentence. 2) How do you catch half a scroll? These sentences could be clarified to make it more apparent that the scroll unraveled and had multiple pages, which is what I decided after reading it a few times.

Chapter 3:

I was expecting Terry from chapter 2 to be back in this one. I guess we'll catch up with him later.

"That question's a miite phi-lo-soph-i-cal, miss. Everything'll be explained inside. You best get along." I think you have an extra 'i' in there.

The left and right walls both had doors which were currently closed, leaving the unlit corridor before her as only direction to go—deeper into the building. I think it should be "the only direction to go."

Bright colorful banners hung from the corridor's ceiling light wrapped wires, occasionally punctuating the darkness with 'WELCOME!' and 'THIS WAY!'. There is a problem in this sentence right around "light wrapped wires". I am not quite sure what you were going for, so I don't know how to fix it.

the path form the doors Should be 'from'.

After watching a few still-unsure-on-their-hooves ponies walk though, Heather warily followed, descending into the dimly lit auditorium. Something is off in this sentence. I think it should be 'through' instead of 'though'.

and a several scattered throughout the various rows Take out the 'a' and you should be fine.

Suddenly, the lights went off. Kinda disappointed that we don't find out if some of the Ponies DO glow in the dark.

and momentarily he appeared behind the stand 'after a moment' would be better. Right now it seems like he appears behind the stand and then disappears.

The spotlight gags are good. I assume the CMC are running tech? They would not have been my first choice, but I am not usually going for comedy when I am doing tech.

Oh no! Blank flanks! The worst possible thing! :P

You have done an excellent job keeping the cast in character, though I wonder why Luna was even there. She didn't really add anything to the story.

The PPC ponies seem a little harsh for this environment, though I suppose that could just be an act to put the fear of the PPC into the students. I will have to wait and see how that pans out.

Overall:

The first half of chapter 3 was rough, due to some of the issues I pointed out earlier, but the story, descriptions, and characterization were excellent.

I am wondering what the classes are going to be, and which Ponies will be teaching what. I suppose I will have to read further to find out.

Keep up the good work.

-Phobos, 20% more concrit in 10 seconds flat

I liked it, and I think you guys have a good handle on characterization of the Mane Six as well as the Princesses. I'm excited to see more from this OFU. ^^

Sounds cool. Let's see what I can whip up here. Oh, and I'll try to criticize constructively, but that'll take a little longer, I think.


Name: Dr. Hitech

Gender: Male

Coloration: Cherry red with black mane/tail, bright green goggles

Favorite pony race: Unicorn. Why fly or kick trees when you have telekinesis?

Please specify one luxury item that you require at RFAE: A wrench made of solid gold.

I have: (Watched some of the episodes) Good enough, right?

I am: (What is Canon?) No, really, I don't even know what the word means.

I have written slash: (no) Though there are some pairings I've been wanting to try. Vinyl Scratch and Octavia could use some more attention...

I have written a Mary Sue: (no) Of course not! Building a Gundam with standard pony technology is perfectly reasonable!

My favorite character is: (Twilight Sparkle) She's intelligent and has a keen scientific mind. That's why she's my lab assistant.

I am in love with a Canon character: (no) There's no time for love when you've got a robot apocalypse to initiate!

If so, whom?: Even if I did have time for love, it most certainly wouldn't be someone like Pinkie Pie. Far too hyperactive, and she might break something important while bouncing around like a lunatic. That's why she was the first one to die in the robot apocalypse.

I have a fear of: (Princess Celestia/Nightmare Moon/Princess Luna/Other (Rarity, Discord)) I've read those ask blogs. I know what they get up to in their spare time, and I want none of it. As for Discord, well...do I have to explain it? Reality warpers are just scary, not to mention that hideous mismatch of parts. He's like some kind of animal Frankenstein or something. It's a good thing he's not real.


After watching a few episodes scattered throughout Season One, the young man known on the internet as Dr. Hitech began writing a fanfiction series of his very own. Though he had a good grasp of spelling and grammar, his primary knowledge of canon came more from the various "ask blogs" than the show itself, twisting his view of the world of FiM.

In his stories, Celestia and Luna periodically molested their subjects, and the entire world was shrouded in darkness. But then, a pony called Dr. Hitech appeared to resist them! Rescuing Twilight Sparkle from the clutches of the eeeevil princesses, he made her his lab assistant and together they built an army of giant pony robots, with which they easily overthrew Celestia and banished Luna to the moon again.

Unfortunately, the author didn't want the story to end there, so he made it take a turn for the grimdark with a robot apocalypse and a time travel plot that blatantly ripped off Terminator. Naturally, his self-insert character was the hero of the pony resistance and would often angst melodramatically over his involvement in the situation.

This is probably where he got the "invitation" to the OFU.

Sounds like fun, I I think I'll come up with a character. Though do we just make them up on our own or can we base them off ourselves?)

Eh, maybe I'm missing the point here... I'll figure out something and put it up.

Name: Ellintyra Lloysinthayr but u can call me Ellie
Coloration: pale pink with big blu eys and wings and a prety long yellow mane and tail
Favorite pony race: Pegasus coz they can fly!!1
Please specify one luxury item that you require at RFAE: Choclate I must hav choclate!
I have: Watched some of the episodes
I am: What is Canon?
I have written slash: yes but not for the ponys
I have written a Mary Sue: no even though stupid FLAMERS said I hav!
My favorite character is: Rainbow Dash
I am in love with a Canon character: no that would be wierd
If so, whom?: I siad no already
I have a fear of: Spiders D:


((I don't know much about the fandom, but hey - no better place for my fanbrat to learn, right? Also I find the lure too much to resist. :P ))

Name: Penny Reed
Gender: female
Coloration: Pale yellow with a short black and red mane and a black tail, wears glasses
Favorite pony race: Earth
Please specify one luxury item that you require at RFAE: Notebook and pencil to write down story ideas
I have: Watched all the episodes many times
I am: Very Familiar with Canon
I have written slash: no
I have written a Mary Sue: No. Well, maybe. Okay, yes, but HELP. HOW DO I STOP.
My favorite character is: Fluttershy/Rainbow Dash
I am in love with a Canon character: no
If so, whom?:
I have a fear of: Snails

Should a cutie mark be specified, or will all the students be blank flanks?

We were also really, really, really hoping for some proper constructive criticism as well.



Also, Joe accidentally left off the 'gender' line since he was using an older form from one of our docs, so guys, mind adding that one in as well for your applications?

You really thought I wouldn't want this? Here goes, hahahaha!
*

Name: on Earth: Michael Portales; as a pony: Treble Clef

Coloration: black, with blue mane; if I can have a cutie mark, let it be a quarter note, as my special talent is music; either that or a pair of wings for flight, but that feels a little overdone, and I'm a bit more use to planes than my own wings, and I'd imagine the mechanics are quite different.

Favorite pony race: Earth/Pegasus/Unicorn: pegasus, easy. Dash and 'Shy are pegasi, and what could possibly beat out the joy of flying, besides the joy of music?

Please specify one luxury item that you require at RFAE: oh, dear sweet Celestia, this is a difficult decision. iPod. If there's no electricity I'll have a unicorn recharge it.

I have: Watched all the episodes once/Watched all the episodes many times/Watched some of the episodes/watched none of the episodes: All of them. And keeping up. I'm kind of a nut for it. Which, I suppose, is why I'm even filling out this form in the first place.

I am: Very Familiar with Canon/ Slightly Familiar with Canon/ Reasonable with Canon/ Minimally Knowledgeable about Canon/ What is Canon?: I'm super-familiar with FiM canon, but not G's 1-3

I have written slash: yes/no: Yes, yes I have. Femmeslash, if you want specifications. No smut though: clop is bad.

I have written a Mary Sue: yes/no: I've written a Gary-Stu. We all have. I seem to have trouble fixing mine, but that's what this OFU is for, isn't it?

My favorite character is: Twilight Sparkle/Rarity/Applejack/Fluttershy/Rainbow Dash/Pinkie Pie/Spike/Other (Please specify): Fluttershy, with ease.

I am in love with a Canon character: yes/no
If so, whom?: Fluttershy. For those who know me I may seem like more of an RD or Pinkie, but nope. Even the crazy guy needs someone quiet and calm in their life. Balance is important, isn't it? Well, that's my theory on why. No sense trying to figure it out, though. All I know is she's simply perfect. Sets my heart a-flutter, pardon the horrible, horrible pun.

I have a fear of: The Everfree Forest/Princess Celestia/Spiders/Nightmare Moon/Princess Luna/Being Banished to the Moon/Other (Please specify): pretty much all of the above except Everfree. After some of the fics I've read on a dare, you'd be scared of Their Majesties, too! Spiders are just kinda gross. Banished to the moon, I think it's obvious why I'm scared of that. Same goes for Nightmare Moon. Also, certain badfics. You know which ones. I'll be hoping they don't manage to circulate around to me.

*

A few side notes on this character: it's me, but I'm filling it out as if it was the person I was when I first started writing, but with a fascination for MLP, which is something real me only recently got into.

I'd also like to give some specifications about him/me: with regards to music, he plays trumpet, euphonium, and a little snare, doing a fantastic job of that much. He/I doesn't/don't sing much, and isn't/am not great at it. Barely passable. Regarding his/my reference to planes: he's/I'm part of the RCACS in his/my day-to-day life, so he's/I've been up in small, single-engine aircraft many times, and found no greater pleasure besides music. "Theoretically," he/I always say(s), "I could fly one. Not legally, but it's a theory."

He/I also mentioned being crazy. It's a PPC Agent type of insanity. If you have any questions about his/my personality, feel free to PM me on the Pit or ask here. Please.

I've got an upcoming mission with a grand total of 25 mini-Discords. *grimaces* Any ideas how I should handle these little nuisances?

Name: Aura Spice
Coloration: Unicorn, blue, pink and gold mane (striped like Rainbow Dash's, of course), black body, gleaming silver eyes.
Favorite pony race: Earth/Pegasus/Unicorn: Ooh, so hard! I mean, like, pegasuses (or should that be pegasi? I don't know, that's for like, brains) are totally awesome, and Rainbow Dash is like the best, but Rarity is sooooo pretty, and she's a unicorn, so I guess I'll, like, go with her! I mean, like, unicorns, of course! *high-pitched giggle*
Please specify one luxury item that you require at RFAE: Oh my *God*, I don't know what I'd do without my hairbrush! It's, like, black with beautiful sparkly bristles and if I don't have it I'd like, die!
I have: Watched all the episodes once/Watched all the episodes many times/Watched some of the episodes/watched none of the episodes: I've *totally* watched all the episodes, like, a dozen times each, 'cause they're soooo awesome!
I am: Very Familiar with Canon/ Slightly Familiar with Canon/ Reasonable with Canon/ Minimally Knowledgeable about Canon/ What is Canon?: Oh, I totally know like everything about Canon. Except, like, I heard some rumours that MLP: FiM isn't the first My LIttle Pony thing to come out, but that can't be right, can it? I mean, like, MLP: FiM is too awesome to not be first!
I have written slash: yes/no: Oh, totally! Slash is sooooo hot!
I have written a Mary Sue: yes/no: Oh, Celestia no! All my characters are, like, perfect!
My favorite character is: Twilight Sparkle/Rarity/Applejack/Fluttershy/Rainbow Dash/Pinkie Pie/Spike/Other (Please specify): Ooh, I have to think about that. Maybe... I guess it'd be, like, a cross between Rarity and Rainbow Dash. They're soooo beautiful.
I am in love with a Canon character: yes/no: Ooh, well, like, maybe, but it's not like I can actually *say*, right? But, like, just between you and me, Applejack is totally hot. And her hair's so *pretty*...
If so, whom?: It's my little secret! *high-pitched giggle*
I have a fear of: The Everfree Forest/Princess Celestia/Spiders/Nightmare Moon/Princess Luna/Being Banished to the Moon/Other (Please specify): Oh, that cockatrice was, like, terrifying!


Yeah, I did my best to come up with a decent character for you to use. Or abuse. Whatever works. Please excuse me while I take a shower to try wash off the airheaded vapidness.

Name: Dusty Parchment (aka Sasha Barnes)
Coloration: A picture for reference; a medium-sapphire blue with a sort of dusty-rose & blue mane/tail. Cutie mark is a stack of three books.
Favorite pony race: Unicorn
Please specify one luxury item that you require at RFAE: Notebook and pen
I have: Watched all the episodes many times
I am: Very Familiar with Canon
I have written slash: Yes, but not in MLP.
I have written a Mary Sue: No
My favorite character is: Derpy Hooves/Ditzy Doo or Doctor Whooves
I am in love with a Canon character: No
I have a fear of: The Everfree Forest, as any sensible pony would.

Yeah. Okay, so all my minis are going to the adoption center of the OFU.

Anyway, I have to come up with a profile, hm? Well, here we go with a completely made-up character:

Name: Richard Mahler
Coloration: brown fur, dark brown mane, green eyes
Favorite pony race: Unicorn
Luxury Item: Manuscript paper
Watched all the episodes once
Very Familiar with Canon
I have written slash: No
I have written a Mary Sue: Yes
My favorite character is: Rarity
I am in love with a Canon character: Yes
If so, whom?: Rarity
I have a fear of: Silence

Note that that's a reflection of the character, not myself.

Name: Xila
Coloration: White
Favorite Pony Race: Pegasus
Item: A stuffed dog doll.
I have: Watched some of the episodes
I am: Reasonable with Canon
I have written slash: No
I have written a Mary Sue: No
My favorite character is: Fluttershy
I am in love with a Canon Character: They're ponies. None.
I have a fear of: The dark.

Name: Carson Gray.
Coloration: Uh, white? More of a pale beige, really. Is this racist? This is racist. You are racist. Maybe you mean my eyes? Those are blue. Seriously, why do you need this information?
Favorite Pony Race: Unicorn! Magic is awesome.
Luxury Item: Sketchpad and pen
I have: Watched most of the episodes
I am: Very Familiar with Canon. Fanon is pretty close, right?
I have writen slash: Uh, no? Are there even two guy characters in this show? Anyway, ew.
I have written a Mary Sue: No! Uh, maybe. I'm pretty sure my self-insert had enough flaws.
My favorite character is: Twilight Sparkle is best pony.
I am in love with a Canon character: No! nononononono. no. haha. No.
I have a fear of: Princess Celestia. Seriously, I'm pretty sure there's something sinister going on there. Sinissterrrr.

((There are doodles all over both sides, almost obscuring the page.))

No Alicorn OCs? Aww....:)


Let's see...

Name: Annette Robinson
Coloration: Grey coat, blue mane, blue eyes
Race: Unicorn
Item: Computer (Which, of course, will probably not work in Equestria. Have fun, Annie!)
Watched all episodes many times
Reasonable with canon (Knows G4 really well. Everything else is "I think there was a bad guy named Ritek at some point, right?"
No slash
She has written a Sue
Favorite Character: Luna
Is not in love
Fears being banished to the Sun.

P.S.
Can I still have the mini spitrire?