I'm afraid I found this mission a bit hard to follow. It was structured well, but I am unfamiliar with Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha. I didn't understand what gems and cores are/do, or how the magic system in this universe works, or even the plot, really. There seems to be some kind of war going on, with cadets being trained, and occupied vs. unoccupied planets, but I don't know the causes of that war, or how this story fits into that context. It's good to explain less well-known canons to your audience (us) so we understand why the badfic is a danger to it. Details about canon characters are important, too; you said that Fate was a "White Devil", which had me picturing an egg-colored version of the Red Guy from Cow and Chicken. I didn't realize Fate was female until one of the badfic quotes referred to her with a female pronoun.

That said, you did well to include passages that anyone could recognize as bad writing, like the cute animal summons and Fury's inappropriate behavior in a military setting. These are things PPCers will be familiar with, and really showed off the general Suishness of the OCs. I also liked the setup for the assassination scene. You gave enough details to get across the feeling of impending disaster without bogging down the flow with extra info that wouldn't be needed that late in the story.

One weird thing I wanted to mention. It seems that "Nature" isn't a legitimate element in MGLN, so I assume Might of Oaks isn't a canon spell. In that case, it's probably a ripoff/homage of this Magic: the Gathering card:
http://gatherer.wizards.com/pages/card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=191316
So if you feel like it, you could add "using a spell from another canon" to Hana's charge list. :)

Okay, so I have a few items I need to get to first before I say anything else:

1) When you post a mission, it's usually customary to post that mission to the front page of the wiki, in addition to everywhere else you'd post it there. Just for future reference.
2) Also for future reference, it's generally a good idea to take out all the comments your betas left for you before posting the mission. If we see the development, it can get kinda distracting.
3) In the posting of the mission, it's also standard practice to post a list of the minis and the loot that you got from the mission.

Okay. Now that I have those small issues out of the way, let's get to your mission.

Your first mission isn't that bad. That said, though, there are a few issues. For one, I felt there was an exorbitant amount of ficbit thoughout this whole thing, such that it actually really slowed down the pacing after a certain point. I'd suggest using much less ficbit than you have here.

Also, I felt a little out of the loop. This is probably because I don't know Magical Girl Nanoha and thus don't know what's overpowered and what's not overpowered, and who all those factions are. I'm not asking for As You Know, but it would help to establish that kind of thing for those of us that don't know that continuum all that well.

That said, though, there were still plenty of good moments. I think Ari and Tera both have a good rapport going for them, and when you do describe the crazy thing the fic does to the World, it's actually quite witty.

But to be completely fair, I felt the mission read a bit too much like an MST to really work effectively.

Fanfic: Animist and the Anarchist by itanshi
Canon: Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha
Rating: T