• I will not open a worldgate inside a portal.
  -- Or mix RA-produced portals with Portal-verse portals.
  -- In fact, I will not mix ANY portaling technologies without permission from DoSAT.
  -- If I do, I will be responsible for fixing the consequences.

I will not ask Dean Winchester for a hug. I'll only get a smartass response.

-I am not allowed to persuade non-human agents to perform embarrassing actions by passing them off as "human rites of passage". This includes the Macarena, the Tuca Tuca, and the Electric Slide.
--It also includes drinking one's own body weight in anything alcoholic.
--Or reading The Eye of Argon, with or without helium.

-Since it's not confirmed in canon, I am not permitted to test whether nation-tans actually do have their fanon healing factors by hitting them. Particularly since they're likely to hit back, and even the ones who aren't America are probably much stronger than me.

-The Disturbing Acts of Violence Department is called such because they are meant to prevent disturbing acts of violence, not to perform them.

Number: I will not distract Daring Do when she's navigating a tomb.

Number: I will not claim the One Ring as my own.

- Last time an Agent tried that, Eru Himself had to intervene.

Number: If I come from Carida, I will not attempt revenge on Kyp Durron.

I will not attempt to domesticate a Baneling.
--- Not even with a Hive Mind Emulator.
------ Nor shall I hug a Baneling either.
--------- No matter how squishy they look.

I will not use the Dead Ringer to fake my death in HQ.
--- Not even if it is meant to be a joke.
------ Even if it does make a good party trick.

I will not use my partner's Glaceon as an ice pack.

I will not let debeaked headcrabs loose in the hallways.

I will not ÜberCharge anybody who does not have the Über implant and a baboon-sized heart.
--- Except for 'Sues.

I will not bring a newbie agent to the Discworld and try to feed them Dibbler's food.

I will not feed CMOT Dibbler's food to *anyone*, for that matter.

I will NOT give Alice a bouquet of Poison Joke.

• I will not start a sneaking match in HQ between Solid Snake, Sam Fisher and Gabe Logan.
  --If I do, I will be held responsible for every instance of Otacon screaming "Snake? Snake? SNAKEEEEEE!" on HQ's speaker network.
  -- Finding them to take them back to their own continua would be impossible.
  
  -I will not start a fight between Nanoha Takamachi and Marisa Kirisame either. The ensuing beamspam would prove fatal to HQ, and the ensuing Maintenance rage would prove fatal to me.
  -- Nanoha versus RX-78-02 Gundam is right out. Although it would be awesome.
  
  -I am not allowed to hide in a box and startle fellow Agents.
  -- Expecially if their home continua is Metal Gear.

-I will not engineer a meeting between either Discord, HIM (from the Powerpuff Girls), The Joker, or Eris (from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy).
--If I do, I am to be held responsible for the chaos that ensues.
---Haruhi Suzumiya is not to be involved either.

-Sir Samuel Vimes is never to meet the Joker.
--Or Chuck.

-I will not paint Alice like a My Little Pony.
--Cutie Marks are right out.

-I will stop playing strip poker with other agents.
--Especially when Agent Luxury is around.

(Sorry about the lack of numbers, I guess you can just add them later... Also, sorry if one or more of these has been used already. It's really hard to keep track of these things... I guess you can remove those, then.)

• Just because an agent or canon is a 'My Little Pony' does not mean that they are my little pony.
  
  - I will not smuggle cider to said pony agents for exorbitant profit.
  -- I will not smuggle cider to anyone for exorbitant profit.
  --- Not even for marginal profit
  ---- There is no such thing as free cider.
  
  -Species with three fingers are not flipping me off when the point at things.
  
  -I will not give an Alakazam a spork instead of a spoon.
  -- I will not give Mewtwo a giant spork in lieu of his giant spoon.
  
  -I am not allowed to jettison Templars from Thedas in the middle of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.
  
  - I will not attempt to put lipstick on a Turian.
  -- I will not attempt to put lipstick on an elf.
  --- I will not attempt to put lipstick on anyone who is not myself.
  ---- Unless they like that sort of thing.
  
  -I am not allowed to give anybody from Farenheit 451 an iPhone.
  --or show them Facebook.
  
  -I am not allowed to bring BEN into PPC HQ.

• Use of a Meme Jukebox to distract canons is not a good idea unless you're good at catching Lolcats.
  
  - I will not introduce any incarnation of any Sherlock Holmes characters to each other.
  
  - I am not allowed to punch Mini McGuinness in the face.
  -- No, 'just once' is not valid either.
  
  - The PPC will not be greatly improved by the addition of several hundred strippers.
  --No, not even if Luxury said so.
  
  - I am not allowed to take any Talking Horse to Ponyville.
  -- I will not introduce Bree to G1 Applejack.
  
  - Balrogs do not make good birthday presents.
  -- Minis might, but not actual Balrogs.
  
  - I am not allowed to summon Eris.
  -- *No.*
  

I will not ask Lux if she wants a date, and then hand her the fruit. She'll figure out something kinky to do with it.
I am not allowed to borrow the Wolfram, Huckebein Ship, or any other Nanoha ships that have world-destroying weaponry on them.
--Anything with Arc-en-Ciel capabilities is Right Out.
I will not allow the Vord and the Zerg to meet.
--Luxury is not allowed to spend any time alone with the Marat women of the Horse Tribe
--In fact, let's never let Lux meet any female Marat in any situation.
The Skinwalker from the Dresden Files will not be used as an execution method, for the same reason we don't use Reavers.
I will not disorganize anything belonging to Twilight Sparkle, hide while she finds and fixes it, then repeat until Lesson Zero happens again.
I will not even try to keep Pinkie Pie and Deadpool from meeting--it's not even worth trying anymore.

I will not challenge the Dragonborn to a shouting contest.

Jim Moriarty and Russia must never, ever, ever be allowed to meet.
-The Joker is right out.
I will not confuse the nations from Scandinavia and the World with those from Axis Powers Hetalia.
-If I do so, I will make sure that the two Americas never meet.
-If they do, I will take full responsibility for the resulting hamburger-related destruction.
I will not steal America's glasses while claiming to pick up the Texas Revolution where it left off.
-Seriously, he has super strength. That's just stupid.
Princess Celestia is not the nation-tan of Equestria.
I will refrain from singing "The Nations of the World" in the presence of the Hetalia characters.
-I will also refrain from teaching Italy the Pasta Song from Animaniacs.
-Because Germany will kill me.
I will not attempt to build a monorail in Ponyville, nor will I sing about it.

I will not let Susan Sto Helit take her writing class to a modern state bureau of investigation. (Except for the part where I already did).

I will not ask why everyone is suddenly obsessed with ponies, which are kid-sized, rather than horses, which have a much longer, more interesting history. I will pretend to understand why this is for my own safety.

I will not give new PPC members plastique any more. (I used to, but nobody ever used it.)

I will not let a plot bunny escape.

1388.5 I will not maroon Captain Jack Harkness with Captain Jack Sparrow.