Subject: Re: P.S.
Author:
Posted on: 2012-01-04 00:03:00 UTC
I have never played/watched Ace Combat, so I probably shouldn't adopt it. Also, I didn't know you could get minis from TVTropes, I thought you had to pick them up from their native badfic.
Name: Tera
Age: Unknown
Species: Insect/Humanoid Summon
Home Continuum: Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha
Department: Floaters
Partner: Ari
Fandoms: MGLN, Dresden Files, Codex Alera, Teen Titans cartoon
Lust-Object: Garyuu
Favorites: Cake, insects (excluding butterflies), Lutecia Alpine, pedantic adherence to the obscurer parts of Fandom.
Weapons: Magic, arm-blades, claws, and tentacles
Tera is a refugee from a badfic involving a Mary Sue insect summoner obsessed with butterflies, to the point of altering her summons' bodies to give them butterfly wings. Luckily, Tera was saved before she contracted with the Sue. Tera is normally cheerful, but can become aggravated at anything less than total adherence to the details of canon. She gets angry rather often, and feels somewhat guilty if she doesn't charge for every single infraction, even if it's messing up the name of a minor spell.
Name: Ari
Age: 15
Species: Mid-Childan, ex-Mary Sue
Home Continuum: Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha
Department: Floaters
Partner: Tera
Fandoms: MGLN, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, +Anima, Harry Potter, Fullmetal Alchemist, the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
Lust-Object: Yuuno Scrya
Favorites: Cake, Fate Testarossa, rainy days, dogs, cheesy movies, the color blue
Weapons: Magic
Ari was a replacement-Sue of Alicia Testarossa who gained the power of the 'Book of Dawn.' Her story had proper spelling and grammar, and since her death would cause the Book to reincarnate several years later, she was recruited by Lana and Narav into the Department of Floaters. She tries to be polite and nice to everyone, although she thinks that Tera's obsession with organization and charging for everything is unnecessary as long as the Sue is charged with the major crimes.
They'll be in RC 97.
Also Featuring: Lana Fisher, a human from World One, and Narav, a Canim bloodspeaker from Codex Alera, Agents in the Department of Mary Sues.
Writing Sample: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bg03NbPmjQGtCoXYvq1Ya6wrOHNVCvNy7v8SuVx-Fso/edit?hl=enUS
First Fic: <a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4828586/1/AnimistandtheAnarchist">http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4828586/1/Animistandthe_Anarchist
Is that from an actual badfic?
That's because my Agents too have a mini from MGLN (I wanted a mini Nanoha to blow up their RC regularly), and back then I said that Nanoha Takamichi was a mini-Unison Device.
However, since I actually didn't do any MGLN-based mission, it's sort of unofficial. If you have actually got a MGLN badfic in your hands, you get to decide what MGLN minis are. (And I'll edit a couple wiki articles and mission to match that. In most cases, it's a single word to change)
No, I made up the Alicia Testarossa replacement story (I really doubt that anyone who knew what an imaginary space is could write about someone escaping them.)
Can the mini-Unisons actually, y'know, Unison? Also, I think that minis are supposed to be an iconic monster or character, and while I love Rein and Agito, they're not exactly iconic or monsterish. On the other hand, the Berserk Defense Program is a great villain (if you can count it as one, since it's probably not even sentient) from the season that most people like.
I do, in fact, have a Nanoha badifc lined up (Animist and the Anarchist..ugh) which has the misspelling of "Hacken Form," so mini-Berserks were my plan for that.
I found Nanoha Takamichi in a TvTropes page, just like the other one (Sakura Kiminoto).
Oh, and I have a mini-Razgriz (Hierlark air base, Hierlark for short) from Ace Combat up for grabs, if you're interested.
I have never played/watched Ace Combat, so I probably shouldn't adopt it. Also, I didn't know you could get minis from TVTropes, I thought you had to pick them up from their native badfic.
Sakura and Nanoha are along my favourite characters, so I couldn't pass the occasion to have two chibi versions of them...
Looking forward to your first mission!
First: We do not leave characters from a canon- even Sues- to their fate in another canon. Especially not one that can be construed or is a torturous fate. If you remember in TOS, they got in trouble for shoving a Sue to be taken care of by Discworld elves, who are by no means nice or lovely and are incidentally avid carnivores.
Second note: Your request has a few paragraphs that don't have line break between them, such as that at the beginning.
'“Alicia-tan?” asked Yuuno, staring into her deep red orbs. “Huh? Oh, it’s nothing, Yuuno...” she replied, trying to ignore the snickering behind her--probably Vita or Nanoha, they were always spying on her and trying to steal Yuuno for themselves.' This should be two different paragraphs. New speaker, new paragraph.
Third note: The dialogue for Flowers is italicized. You did not do that in your sample.
That said, your writing is fairly crisp, and direct. There're no spelling errors, and only a few grammatical ones that your betas did not catch. 'Ah, thanks, Lana. She’s awake, so we may as well get this over with.” replied the familiar without turning around.' The second sentence in that line of dialogue should end with a comma. You do this when the tag for the line interacts with it "X," Y said roughly. Or: "Z," grumbled Y."
You definitely have room for improvement as your sample shows, but I think you also have the ability to do so, and in spades. I'm already a fan of the writing style you've gone with here.
Consider permission granted.