Subject: Wow
Author:
Posted on: 2011-12-23 21:24:00 UTC
That was pretty good. I enjoyed reading it. I especially liked Sir Liverworst and his... eccentric behavior.
I'm looking forward to seeing them on the field. They seem like they'd make an excellent "team".
First let me clarify that I am NOT asking for permission. I'm not sure how long I've been lurking around by this point but I know better than to ask for it when I'm fairly certain I'm not that well known. Instead, I'm posting a link to a story I wrote about the three characters I made trying to become agents.
I'm not going to bother with a long explanation since you can read the story but there is one bit of clarification that is needed. Emerl comes from my own original universe that I have not yet begun posting online yet. Rest assured that he's basically a human, just with a different culture and history behind him.
Now without further ado here's the story, let me know what you think of the three characters, such as what should be changed or is done wrong, etc, etc.
http://chrystallix.deviantart.com/art/The-Training-Begins-275308438
That was pretty good. I enjoyed reading it. I especially liked Sir Liverworst and his... eccentric behavior.
I'm looking forward to seeing them on the field. They seem like they'd make an excellent "team".
Lovely. Yes, I mean it.
I quite like your soon-to-be-agents. They're funny together, and they each bring something to the table; I think they'll make a very entertaining trio of partners (assuming you'll be partnering them all together).
Now, there is something you're neglecting in this story: the semicolons. Those poor, poor semicolons. They want to help you connect sentences together, if only if you'll let them. For example, one sentence you have:
"The acolyte stirred and opened her eyes, the metal roof of the gymnasium was back, blocking off the sky."
should have a semicolon after "eyes," and look like:
"The acolyte stirred and opened her eyes; the metal roof of the gymnasium was back, blocking off the sky."
to separate the ideas "The acolyte stirred and opened her eyes." and "The metal roof of the gymnasium was back, blocking off the sky." They could stand as sentences on their own, but when they combine into one sentence, they need a semicolon to separate them. There are quite a few sentences here that need semicolons, as well as a few other grammatical errors here and there. I would suggest reading through again and looking for them. This community also happens to be an excellent source of beta readers, so don't be afraid to ask folks for help!
Those semicolons really don't like me, neither do commas now that I think about it. Those are my biggest problems, my spelling is fine and I'd like to think I avoid run-on sentences, but commas and semi-colons get me every time.
I don't know what it is, but I have the darnedest time telling when and where I'm supposed to put them. I put a comma there because I thought that separated them, but as you clearly pointed out I was wrong.
I'll try to work on my semi-colons and commas, but please have some leniency when it comes to them as they are, as I've said repeatedly, my greatest weakness. I probably have those kinds of errors in this post and just can't see them.
On a more positive note;(I think I'm supposed to put a semi-colon here but I'm not sure) thank you for the praise. I'm very glad that you like my soon-to-be agents, took me forever to come up with them. I was worried that Justin would be a problem what with having no universe but I guess that wasn't a problem after all.
No, it's a colon there. It should be:
"On a more positive note, thank you for your praise."
I don't see a colon anywhere in Chrystallix's post, and you wrote the corrected line with a comma, so I'm confused. O.o
Incidentally, we've got an article about punctuation that may help with semi-colon confusion. If not, there's a link to a really good external source, too.
~Neshomeh
This is what I meant, I never would have even considered using a colon there. Thank you for correcting me, and maybe someday I'll figure this out.