Thanks for the feedback!

New Floaters Mission! by HerrWozzeck on 2011-12-04 13:07:00 UTC Reply

In which Anneli, Cindy, and Xanthus find themselves undoing a recasting of Phantom of the Opera with Sonic the Hedgehog Characters.

https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=18IzHkDnvKYQciuAl5PJrYL0nLf-jkzT0Dxge0hkc26s

Seriously, the fic just wasn't that good, and it really got on my nerves with how many show business terms it got wrong.

Anyway, this mission produced no loot and no minis (thank God), but it did produce one recruit:

Myrin (He'll probably become an intern with either Florestan and Eusabius or these guys, depending on what goes down with my next Floaters mission. Either way, I'll be using him for a few missions as an intern.)

Be sure to comment, and thanks for reading!

The swap by jakraziel on 2011-12-06 17:41:00 UTC Reply

When you explained it suddenly everything made sense, or rather it made sense why nothing made sense. Do you think the author realised they had done it?

I think so. by HerrWozzeck on 2011-12-06 18:28:00 UTC Reply

And I think they had intended it that way: glorifying Shadow is a pretty common thing to do in the StH fandom according to my experiences with it. And, you know, the fact that the Phantom himself has fangirls even though he's supposed to be really ugly.

I knew about shadow by jakraziel on 2011-12-07 03:49:00 UTC Reply

but while I've seen the musical and film I not a Phantom fic reader. Sonic however is the entirety of my childhood and its sad to see it so badly treated.

Re: Mission by doctorlit on 2011-12-05 20:51:00 UTC Reply

This was fun to read. Very different from most missions. Very . . . bizarre badfic. You set up the realization by your agents of the personality swap between Raoul and the Phantom very well. (I was expecting you to keep the jerkiness of Myrin as his real attitude, and just kill him, so I was surprised to see him get recruited.)

I want to bring up something I see in your writing quite a bit. When you're narrating a character do something, and you've already used their name, you frequently start referring to them by some phrase. Xanthus becomes "the disguised Turian," Cindy is "the former Beaxbatons student" and Anneli is "the female agent" or some-such. This is really clunky and detracts from the actual action. These sentences would read a lot nicer if you used "she" or "he" instead. If you think the readers might get confused between who you're referring to, just use their names again.

Thanks for the feedback! by HerrWozzeck on 2011-12-05 21:00:00 UTC Reply

Thanks! Yeah, it was a very bizarre badfic to work with, but I ended up skipping over quite a bit of it. The actual badfic is a lot more song-ficcy than the mission makes it seem, but that's only a function of utilizing the songs where thye'd show up in the musical. Though, it does get a little jarring when you get closer to the end and the swapped characterizations of Raoul and the Phantom ensure that you're progressively unable to use the songs. But I think what was more criminal was that the author didn't even TRY to come up with new lyrics for stuff, and ESPECIALLY trying to come up with a replacement for the Final Lair.

Ah. I'm always worried that I'll overuse a name or a pronoun, so that's why I do that. I'll curb it in the future, so thanks for pointing it out. :D

Loved it! by SeaTurtle on 2011-12-05 02:06:00 UTC Reply

I really like that swipe at Justin Bieber. Keep it up!

Thanks! by HerrWozzeck on 2011-12-05 03:26:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, the Justin Bieber swipe was too good to resist, so... here we go.

Thanks for the feedback! :D

Been a while without a mission by exarion on 2011-12-05 00:09:00 UTC Reply

Then a rather good one comes along. Hopefully Sonic, etc. will recover.

Thanks! by HerrWozzeck on 2011-12-05 03:27:00 UTC Reply

I'm sure the crew will recover in time: I don't have any more StH fanfiction lined up for the sporking block in the near future, so hopefully that luck will hold.

Thanks for the feedback! :D